Trade Mistakes
Summary: She never finished the name.
Betaed by rDiana13.
Disclaimer: Take a guess… you'll probably get this one.
If I could trade mistakes for sheep
Count me away before you sleep
I'll stay awake 'til I trade my mistakes
So they fade away
~ Trade Mistakes, Panic! At The Disco
L's Point Of View
The bells resounded in my dreams, leaving me with only the faint whispers as I awakened. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days. The chimes were becoming more substantial with each breath I took. Each breath brought me closer to my last.
I dreamed of Mother. She possessed a beautiful voice. Her hushed lullabies made me smile to myself.
I dreamed of the orphanage. The stained glass of the Winchester cathedral had shone during Sunday Mass. The desperate cries of children whose worlds had been destroyed haunted me. The rings of the bell tower was the symphony of my funeral.
The visions faded and left me to reality. I silenced my mind and steadied myself. I was sitting in front of a computer, accompanied only by my coffee, doughnut, and inner demons.
I hadn't realized I'd instinctively gone to the surveillance room. I felt much like a child going to a parent after a nightmare frivolously seeking reassurance.
"Ryuuzaki? Did anything happen? What is it?"
I stood in the doorway with downcast eyes.
"What's wrong?" His voice was soothing.
I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself as tightly as I could. My eyes were scrunched closed with my forehead resting on my knees. I began to shake.
I felt arms wrap around me like an anchor.
"It's over." My voice was steady even if my mind wasn't.
He quietly held me as I gradually regained my control. My breaths came deep and heavy.
"It's been a pleasure." Wammy replied softly. The air of finality was suffocating.
"… Thank you for everything." I sounded like a child again.
"Not at all." He waved it off.
I looked up and studied him. He was warm eyes and laugh lines.
I cleared my throat and resisted the urge to pull my thumb up to my lip.
"I know… I know you're my true father, Mr. Wammy." I confined in a whisper.
"And you, my son, Lawliet." He replied with a small smile.
I hadn't heard that name in years.
"It's not the end. Not really. We'll meet again." He told me.
My last hope.
It was raining that day.
I stood alone on the roof, hypersensitive to every drop peppering my face. It seemed as though only in the face of death one truly enjoyed life.
The bells didn't stop. Each chime brought back another memory. Each chime brought back another experience.
I heard him call out to me. I lured him outside with a sly smirk.
Light Yagami.
I distantly remember telling him of the bells. He brushed it off as nonsense, as expected.
I was no longer completely aware of my actions.
I asked him of truth. I just needed one moment with him where he was genuine.
I was given the politically correct answer. Complete and utter bull, in other words.
Disappointment flared up, but I smothered it swiftly. We were both liars and I shouldn't have hoped for anything different.
We went inside with dripping hair and thoughtful expressions.
I was another step closer to Hell.
As I bent down, I thought back to my Sundays spent at the Winchester Cathedral. I knew my atonement would hardly make a difference in my final placement whether it is Heaven, Hell, or merely Nothingness.
I felt a towel wipe my hair almost affectionately. I looked up and saw Light, yes, Light look down at me. His eyes were chocolate brown and warm. I fleetingly thought what could have happened between us without Kira and without L. What could have happened if it were just Light Yagami, brilliant college student and Lawliet-?
It was then that realized I hardly knew anything about myself. I knew not my own full name, nor who I'd be or what I'd be if I hadn't been trained to be a detective.
I gave him a bittersweet smile that barely touched my eyes.
"…we'll be parting ways soon…" My statement hung in the air like a cloud. I watched sadly as barely concealed rage flashed across his face.
Goodbye, Light Yagami.
My phone rang and I knew it was drawing to an end.
I motioned for Light to follow me.
"It seems as though things have finally worked out."
I watched in horror as Watari clutched at his chest.
"No. No. No."
I called to him desperately. My panic was beginning to set in.
The screen flashed red with the three words damning me to my fate.
Everything suddenly clicked.
"Everyone, the Shinigami! The Shinigami killed Watari!"
I readied myself for the heart attack that never came.
Author's Note:
I'd like to thank rDiana13 for her critique. :)Thank you for reading!