Author's Note: Nagato is pretty OOC in this fic, but only for humorous purposes. Read, and if it's not too much trouble, tell me what you think. ;)

I do not own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya nor any of the anime's/light novel's Affiliates.

The question entered one ear and left through the opposite, the only evidence Nagato heard it at all being the slight, upward tilt of her chin . Her eyes met Kyon's, and for a second he seemed a bit bewildered; exasperated maybe. It was a familiar expression.

"I said, Nagato... Have you ever tried writing something? Besides code, I mean."

"I have not." Nagato's answer was straight to the (painfully dull) point. Every cell in her body screamed 'monotone' in its quietest voice. Kyon sighed.

"Did you ever give it any thought? With all the books you read, trying wouldn't hurt." Nagato could tell he was just trying to be supportive, if only to bridge the silence that seemed to wall them off at every lapse in stilted conversation. He continued with more enthusiasm, "Hey! Maybe you'll really enjoy it!"

She glanced down at the book in her cupped hands, then back at Kyon. Her sole duty was to observe data, not create it. The idea felt strange. No, not strange... Titillating. Unused receptors sparked to life.

"I would like to try writing."

Kyon was taken aback, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He would've thought of it as a small victory if not for Nagato's utter indifference. She stood up and he guided her to Haruhi's empty chair. She was thankfully out at the moment, for whatever unimportant reason.

The SOS Brigade's sole computer powered on, illuminating Nagato in its glow. She seated herself more comfortably as the screen freckled with a multitude of programs. Among others, there was a generic internet explorer, an out-of-date office program, and a writing application. With a little urging from Kyon, Nagato clicked the last.

Click.

With another little urging, she double clicked.

C-Click.

It summoned up a blank page, intimidating in its emptiness. Both Kyon and Nagato stared at it for a minute before the former cleared his throat impatiently.

"Uh, Nagato. Do you want me to leave?"

She shook her head 'no.' There it is a again, plain as day on Kyon's face: bewilderment and exasperation, a mix that so clearly defined him.

"Then what?" His tone came harsher than intended, but swiftly mellowed. "Do you need help with something?"

She shook her head 'no' again, this time choosing to elaborate. "I do not know what to write."

"Oh," Kyon was at a loss, "I can see how that could be a problem." He leaned on one hand, perched at Nagato's side, before finally suggesting, "Try to write me opening a door." She processed the request before beginning to type, her impressively fast fingers dancing out a short sentence.

'Kyon opened a door.'

Unimpressed as Kyon was, he thought it best not to criticize; from what he could garner from the obvious, Nagato was competent, but lacked style. "Try to add some detail." She nodded.

'Kyon opened a blue door.'

This was going to be harder than he thought. "That's fine, but..." Kyon struggled with the phrasing, "It needs to have more flair. Grab the reader's attention." Nagato turned in her chair to level herself eye-to-eye with her teacher, then clutched him softly in the face. "No, I mean, on the computer." He spoke through her thin fingers, frustrated. She returned to the page, amending her previous sentence.

'The human titled Kyon grasped the brass knob of a cerulean blue door, then turned it, effectively opening said door (that of which granted him passage).'

"No. Too purple."

'Kyon opened a door!'

"What's with the exclamation mark?"

'The door opened to reveal Kyon.'

"A definite improvement. Now try to add us talking - an exchange."

'The door opened to reveal Kyon. Nagato said hello to Kyon.

'Hello Kyon,' said Nagato.

Kyon responded, 'Salutations.'

"Salutations?"

'Kyon responded, 'Salutations Nagato.'

"Problem solved."

'Asahina-san entered the room following Kyon, then set about preparing the tea leaves she would later place in water heated to a high temperature, producing tea. The tea would then be consumed by Kyon, and perhaps Itsuki Koizumi.'

"You're doing substantially better, but there's no need to be so long winded."

Nagato dipped her head slightly with a muted look that might've been distraught. "Am I not writing properly?"

"You're doing great Nagato, keep going. Write what you see."

"I will."

'A computer screen.'

Kyon couldn't help but snicker, "No, I mean, day-to-day."

"Certainly."

'The door opened to reveal Kyon. Nagato said hello to Kyon.

'Hello Kyon,' said Nagato.

Kyon responded, 'Salutations Nagato.'

Asahina-san entered the room following Kyon, then set about preparing the tea leaves she would later place in water heated to a high temperature, producing tea. The tea would then be consumed by Kyon, and perhaps Itsuki Koizumi.

'How was your day?' Asahina-san asked Kyon. He sighed.

'It was such a pain, everybody I know is either stupid or a jerk.'

"Err, Nagato..." She continued her story.

'Oh, that's too bad. Is there anything I can do to make it better?' Asahina-san questioned suggestively, placing a finger to her puckering lips. Kyon slapped the table in front of him, effectively ruining his and Koizumi's chess game.

'You can make me some damn tea before I complain even harder!' he yelled, then sighed.

Always one to avoid conflict, Asahina-san put her metaphorical tail between her chubby legs and did what he said.

"Chubby? Maybe we should..."

All the while Itsuki Koizumi smiled, lacking the character needed to stand up for his friends. Much to everyone's dismay, Haruhi Suzumiya arrived, opening the SOS Brigade's club room door with an unnecessary amount of force.

'Hey Man-Slaves, Woman-Slave and Nagato! It is I, Haruhi Suzumiya'

'Hello,' said Koizumi, practically drooling for orders.

'Hello,' said Asahina-san, frightened of the coming molestations.

'Hello,' said Nagato, measured and polite.

'Salutations,' said Kyon. He sighed.

'We have a new case!' Haruhi yelled at an unprecedented volume, 'It's the biggest yet!' Seeing as the Brigade had underwent a period of inactivity, most everyone was very excited. Especially Koizumi. Only Koizumi.

'I'm so excited!' he said, confirming the previous paragraph.

'I'm not,' whined Kyon, 'This is so terrible.' Tears welled in his beady eyes, cloudy with anguish. He sighed.

"Beady? Alright, that's enough. Stop." Despite Kyon's command, Nagato refused.

Asahina-san was wracked in sobs, unable to speak for herself. She was otherwise occupied with falsetto cries and sniveling. Haruhi, less sensitive than a rock, paid no heed. Nagato placed the book she had been harmlessly reading face down in her lap.

'There is no need to move another muscle, Haruhi Suzumiya. I shall solve the mystery, and do all of the work.'

Nagato then solved the mystery, and did all of the work.

The End.

The chair beneath her squeaked as Nagato pushed back from the computer, having reached completion. Kyon was speechless, re-reading everything that had been written in flabbergasted silence. Nagato passed him on the way back to her previous chair.

"I enjoy writing. Thank you Kyon."

"Yeah," he sighed.

Hope you liked it!