It was warm and cold all at once. I felt cold on the inside and yet warmth surrounded me. The warmth wrapped itself around my skin and began to permeate the cold that resided inside of me. It filled every part of me, that is, every part except my heart. There was a hole there, a hole filled with the cold pain of truth. My friend was dead, and so was the rest of my crew. They were all dead,

"Amaya…" It was a whisper but I knew the voice. How could I not?

"Leon."

"Amaya…"

"Amaya…" I knew those voices as well.

"Maria, Triskro!" The whispers grew into a loud roar, one that I could not escape,

"Amaya!"

"Amaya!"

"Amaya!" I clamped my hands over my ears,

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Amid the shouting there was one voice that was calm. The calm in all the chaos,

"Amaya…" I opened my eyes to see Spock standing there holding his hand out to me,

"Spock, I could've saved them. I should have saved them." He shook his head,

"Leon and the others made their choice, as did Triskro. You cannot change a person's will. This was not your fault." I looked down at the ground, "Amaya," I looked up at him, "It is time to wake up." Tentatively I reached my hand out and grasped his.

My eyes fluttered open and slowly I began to focus on my surroundings. I was in Sick Bay, that much I was sure of. I looked to my right and found Spock sitting next to me, holding my hand and staring deep into my eyes. I licked my lips,

"Spock…" My voice sounded harsh and I figured I had probably injured it again.

"Welcome back." I looked to my left to see Leo smiling at me, "How do you feel?" I swallowed hard,

"Okay, my throat hurts a bit… and my side is sore."

"Well that's to be expected when one gets stabbed. Your side should feel better in a few days. There'll be nothin' but a small scar. Your throat should be healed up completely in a few weeks I'd say."

"Thanks Leo." He frowned a bit,

"I have a bone to pick with you though about sedating me." I chuckled,

"Sorry about that." He shook his head,

"Yeah, I'll deal with you later. For now I want you to just stay here and relax. Your body's been through a lot and needs to time to recuperate."

"Is that an order?" He smirked at me,

"It is darlin'. Now I'm going to go up and let the captain know how you're doing. Can I trust you to stay put?" I smiled a little,

"Yeah Doc, I'll behave." He shook his head and walked away. I looked back at Spock and saw the tired look in his eyes, "How long was I out?"

"Twenty eight hours and thirty seven minutes." I could feel the heartache coming off of him in waves,

"I am so sorry Spock… I know what I did caused you a great deal of pain. I… I didn't want to hurt you but… they could have blown the ship to pieces and… I couldn't let him die for me. I couldn't let them kill him because of me." I let out a bitter chuckle, "And yet he still died for me in the end. I couldn't save him… or any of them. And now they're all dead." I was staring at my lap, unable to look at him. His cool fingers tilted my chin so I was looking back at him,

"You did what you thought you had to do. If I were in your position I would have done the same. Their deaths are not your responsibility. Nothing you could have done would have prevented the outcome. Do not blame yourself for that which you cannot control nor change." He sounded… human and that comforted me some. He ran his thumb over my chin before taking hold of my hand again and kissing my knuckles, "However, I would ask that you never do something like this again."

"If not for his sake then for the sake of the rest of us." We both looked at the end of the bed where Jim was standing with a slight grin on his face, "He was a grouch and a deadly one at that." I smiled,

"Hello Jim." He came over and squeezed my shoulder,

"How do you feel?"

"Okay, I'm just relieved to be back." He nodded and I could see the tension on his face, "What's wrong?" He sighed,

"I had our computers scan Leon's ship. We recovered tons of data but… we're not having very much luck on finding out who put the hit on you. We're still searching through it but maybe when you feel up to it you can give us a hand and see if you recognize anything."

"Of course. I could-"

"No."

"But Leo-"

"No. You can go trough all that later. Right now you need to rest. Doctor's orders." I sighed,

"Fine, you win." He smirked at me,

"Good, now just lie there and rest. I'll be back in a couple of hours to check up on you." He pointed at Spock, "And don't stress her." Spock merely raised an eyebrow at him which made Leo scowl before walking away. I smiled slightly to myself. It was good to be back. I hadn't realized how much I missed these people until I was gone from them. I looked back at Spock, and though his face showed no emotion I could feel the turmoil roll off of him. Gently I took hold of his hand and laced my fingers through his,

'Spock… please, talk to me.'

'When you vanished from the ship and we lost their signal… I felt pain… anguish. I had lost you and the probability of finding you again…'

'Spock, I am truly sorry. I never intended to cause you so much pain… I did not know it would cause you so much heartache. Please, can you forgive me?' Spock leaned closer to me and gently pressed his lips against mine,

'I forgive you. As I said before, I only ask that you never do such a thing again… Amaya, I love you.' I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as he pressed his forehead against mine, 'I have come to the conclusion that I am not able to function properly without you.'

"Commander Spock, please report to the bridge. Commander Spock, to the bridge." I sighed,

"I guess you have to go." He nodded slightly though didn't move,

"I shall return as soon as possible." I kissed his hand as he continued to run his thumb over my knuckles. The com on the wall whistled once letting us know that there was a call coming in to the Med Bay,

"Spock," I smiled a little at the sound of Jim's voice, "I know you're there. I need you up on the bridge. We found something you should take a look at. I promise as soon as you're done you can go back to kissing your girlfriend." I could hear the amusement in his voice and chuckled despite the slightly annoyed feeling I was getting from Spock,

"Affirmative Captain. I am on my way."

"Sounds good, Kirk out." Spock shook his head a little before staring into my eyes again,

"I do not wish to leave you." I smiled at him,

"Neither do I, but you cannot keep the good Captain waiting." He nodded and kissed my forehead softly,

"I shall return. Should you require my assistance-"

"You're merely a thought away." I tapped the side of my head and a small smile made it's way across his face before he turned and left. After he was gone I realized just how quiet it was. I was consumed with the utter silence and waited for Leo or Spock to come back. I looked around the room and took note of all of the machines and did a mental list of all of their functions. I was trying to keep my mind occupied, trying to keep the silence from seeping into my mind. Things become dangerous when one is left alone with their thoughts and nothing but silence to keep them company. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long as a two figures popped their heads around the corner, "Scotty! Keenser!"

"Ello lassy." The two made their way over to the biobed before Scotty leaned down and hugged me, "How ya feelin'?"

"Alrigh' I suppose. Considerin'." He nodded as Keenser crawled up onto the bed,

"Get down!" I laughed,

"Nah, it's alrigh'." I patted him on the head as Scotty sat down next to me,

"Now las, you sure you feelin' alrigh'?" I chuckled,

"Yeah… my throat's a wee bit sore and my side is stiff but I'm great." He nodded thoughtfully,

"Good, good. Then do ya mind if I ask ya wee question?"

"Sure."

"What the bloody hell is wrong with ya?! Takin' off like that and crackin' me on the head? Ya could've been killed!" I swallowed hard,

"I'm sorry Scotty… truly I am. I didn't mean to fright'n ya. I just-" He sighed as he took hold of my hand,

"I know lass. He was your friend, and to be perfectly honest I woulda' done th' same." I gave him a weak smile,

"Thanks Scotty."

"Just don't do it again. I don't think me poor heart can handle it. I'm far too old to be handlin' this sorta stress." I laughed and soon enough we fell into an easy and lighthearted conversation. It did well to soothe my aching heart and pass the time. I knew it would take a while to recover both mentally and physically but with the family I found in the crew of the Enterprise I was fairly certain that I would be alright.

The next morning Leo had me up and stretching my muscles. I was far stiffer and sore then I originally thought but overall I felt pretty good. I felt better than I had in days. Spock had brought me breakfast and we ate quietly, sure he asked me questions about how I felt and if I required anything but nothing more. There were still a lot of emotions we needed to work through, our relationship was complicated but our feelings were strong. Honestly I wasn't sure where we were going with this. I knew some of what bonding entailed but there was so much about Vulcans and what goes on behind closed doors that I didn't know. I was truly at a loss as to what to do next. Spock would know what to do and when but it would still be nice to have at least an idea of what to be expecting.

He kissed me softly and promised to be back at lunch before spending the evening with me before heading up to the bridge. For the first few hours I spent my time chatting with Chapel before Leo gave her reports to fill out. He sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh,

"How do you feel?"

"Fine." He chuckled as he continued to stare at the floor,

"Liar." I smirked and put on the best Southern Bell accent I could,

"Why, Dr. McCoy how can you call a lady a liar?" He chuckled before looking at me with a serious look. I took his hand and squeezed it softly, "Really, I feel fine."

"That's not what I'm talkin' about. Physically you feel may fine, but I was talkin' about your mental health. You've been having nightmares. Your face scrunches up in your sleep and you toss and turn." I lowered my eyes,

"Yes, I'm having nightmares. Spock's helping me through them. It'll take a while but it'll get better." He nodded a bit,

"Still, I'd like to be kept in the loop. I am your doctor after all." I snorted,

"You're more than my doctor you knucklehead. You're the big brother I never had." He gave a half smile and some of the gruffness disappeared,

"You sure get into enough trouble to be a little sister." I grinned at him,

"You just can't keep up, old man." He shot me a look and I giggled,

"Very funny Amaya." There was a call for a doctor causing Leo to sigh, "Well, looks like it's back to work for me. If ya need anything give me a call alright?" I nodded,

"Go save lives and cure people, I'll be here." He chuckled before kissing my head and heading off. I picked up the holobook that Nyota had leant me. The story itself was old, dating back to 1864 Earth years, but it was good. I had gotten half way through Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth when a grinning Jim came bounding in with Spock walking in behind him at a leisurely pace,

"Bones! Get over here, gotta talk to you about something." Leo grumbled to himself as he sat down his PADD and walked towards us. He scowled as he crossed his arms,

"What is it Jim?"

"What would you say if I told you that I think I've found the perfect place for us to take shore leave?" I perked up at the thought of going on shore leave. A million different thoughts began to race through my brain of all the relaxing things I could do, like lay out in the sun or swim. I looked over at Spock to ask him if we could go when I noticed the slight upturn of his lips. I gaped a little at him, he heard my thoughts. He gave me an amused look, well as amused as a Vulcan would show in public, as Leo narrowed his eyes at the younger man,

"I'd say I don't believe you."

"Well you should. It looks completely uninhabited and stable for humans. I'm sending a landing party down in an hour after Spock's scans of the planet are done. Think about it it'd be good for everyone. Amaya could rest and still get out of the ship and your hair for a bit."

"Hey!" He shot me a grin and a wink. Leo sighed,

"What do you want from me?"

"I was hoping you would go down on the landing party with Sulu." The tired Doctor stared at him for a long time, weighing the pros and cons before he let out a sigh and ran his hand down his face,

"Oh what the hell, we could all use a break after the last three months. I'll get my tricorder." Jim threw his hands up,

"Yes! Thanks Bones, you won't regret it." Leo shook his head,

"Oh I'm sure I will. With you in command this can only end one way. Badly."

"Come on Bones, what's the worst that could happen?"