A/N: Still painful but stick with me. Things will turn around for Edward. Love him too much to leave him lonely!

I reached out and tentatively touched the knob. Turning it soundlessly I exited what had been my world for a weeks time. I moved carefully down the hall, trying to make as little noise as possible. I had kept Alice at bay and I worried she would pounce on me the second I emerged.

"And you're sure it's no problem if we stay here while you're gone?"

"Actually it's kind of perfect," Rosalie answered. "I don't really like to leave our house empty for long periods of time."

I paused in the hallway. Rose and Emmett must be going on one of their trips. They loved to travel and did so whenever they had a free minute.

"I know! Emmett can move Edward's car into our garage in the middle of the night; then when the paparazzi come back the next day it will seem as if he has left. They won't know where he is, and that will give you both some more freedom."

I peeked around the corner to see Rosalie smiling hopefully. Alice looked just as pleased. I didn't know that I needed more freedom. I had closed out the world and was really enjoying pretending it didn't exist. In fact just seeing other parts of the house was starting to bring back the sinking feeling that the world was continuing on without me. It did exist- whether I wanted to acknowledge that are not.

Sleep wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I don't think I could sleep any longer. My body was actually sore from lying down for as long as I had. I needed something else to preoccupy my mind, and alcohol was sounding like the best choice. I crossed the living room and sunk down on the couch.

Suddenly the room was filled with just the sound of a ticking clock as Alice and Rose fell silent, noticing my company.

"Hey," Alice soothed. "Hungry? Can I get you something?"

"Sure, whatever." I gestured with my hands. Alice had some sort or maternal instinct thing going on. I think the more she thought she fed me, the better I would feel. She immediately got to work in the kitchen.

Rose strolled over to the couch and sat opposite from me. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't want to think about it. Right now I'm not feeling. I'm empty, and I prefer to keep it that way." I tipped my head back and rested it on the high back of the soft leather couch.

"Okay, I can understand that. I won't talk about anything you don't want me to talk about right now; but I do want to mention Emmett and I are going on a trip. We leave tomorrow. I told Alice that you both are welcome to continue staying here while we are gone."

She paused waiting to see if I had anything to say about that. I remained motionless.

"I'm assuming there aren't any official statements that you'd like me to make, and if you are staying here I won't need to do any damage control of your image?" I tipped my head up long enough to see her questioning face, nodded and tipped my head back again.

"Alright then. Sounds good. I'm going to go finish packing." And with that she slipped from the room, upstairs.

Moments later Alice was carrying over a small TV tray with a placemat, silverware and a bowl of what looked like Mexican cobb salad.

"It's time to get some healthy goodness in you!" she insisted.

For a minute I just pushed the lettuce around, mixing the vegetables and dressing. Then I set the fork down.

"You need to eat it Edward, you're going to get sick if I keep letting you eat junk."

I shrugged my shoulders noncommittally.

"Please?"

I shuddered at the word. "Don't beg me Alice. I don't think I have the strength to hear someone beg me again…" I faded off.

She stared at me, frozen, with sorrowful eyes.

"Don't…ask. Not yet. Please." It was my turn to beg. I wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone, and especially not Alice. She made me feel safe, and if I let myself feel that safe I was afraid the wall of numbness I had so carefully constructed would come crashing down.

"Okay, just eat it. It's leftovers from last night. It's really good, you'll like it." She smoothed an easy looking expression over her face again.

I started shoveling small bites in, tasting nothing.

"Good right?"

"Great."

I sat on the porch in the backyard with a beer in my hand and several empty cans at my feet. Large hedges and a tall wooden fence encompassed the yard. I felt protected and Rosalie had reassured Alice that the backyard should be safe from prying eyes. I heard the whoosh of the sliding door, and Alice stepped out into the yard.

"When was the last time you showered?"

I squinted my eyes into the sun. "The last time you reminded me."

"So a week and a half ago. Hmm. I think it's time for another Edward." Alice tried to keep it light, but I could see on her face she was a little worried about me.

"Whatever you say sis!"

She rolled her eyes. She could tell I was getting a little cheeky with her. I knew she meant well but I was starting to resent that I needed to be taken care of, or watched. I crushed my empty can in my hand and dropped it on the porch. Alice immediately bent to pick them up.

"Let me." I sighed. I scooped up all the cans to bring inside to Rose and Em's recycling bin. It was beyond full.

"Alice we need to set this out at the road, for pick up. I hate to ask but do you-"

"Of course. I'll put it out tonight before I go to bed. There aren't as many photogs as before. I think they are truly starting to wonder if you're still here, or if your car is just parked here." She grinned. "I also noticed you pretty much finished off the McCarty's beer stock. I'll run some errands tomorrow and pick up some more."

"Thank you Alice, truly you are the best sister I've ever had." I teased. I was still uncomfortable with everything she had done for me.

She looked up with a small smile on her face. "Your welcome." She hugged me tightly around my waist. "I love you…but you stink! Go get in that shower!"

I tousled her black spiky hair trying to convey I really was grateful and headed off to my bathroom.

I sat in Rose and Emmett's large media room I guess you'd call it. They had a huge white screen on the wall, with a projector mounted on the ceiling. On the left wall was an enormous dark wood built-in filled with DVDs. I dragged my finger tips across their spines. Alice suggested coming in here to busy my mind. I was having a hard time falling asleep. After I had an entire week of sleeping I didn't really feel like doing it anymore. I'd spent the past week watching an ungodly amount of TV in their den. I had never seen so many crime dramas in my life. I was becoming a bit of an insomniac, mixing my days and nights up as well. Now that I'd made it safely out of my room it almost felt like I was going backwards if I went in there again. I unexpectedly found myself staring at a row of old Disney cartoons. I felt a small smile tug at my lips. If my innate reaction was to smile I must be on to something good. I pulled out a few old favorites, none that were overtly sad. Robin Hood, Jungle Book, and Peter Pan.

The movies passed the time beautifully. Once again I had found a place where the real world didn't exist. I was brought back to childhood when things didn't really matter. Your parents took care of everything. If something was bothering you, or your feelings were hurt they would help solve the problem. I liked the feeling. When I was starting to tap my finger on my knee during King Louie's jazzy serenade to Mowgli, Alice appeared at the door.

"Can I get your keys? It's 3:00am and I'm going to pull your car into the garage. It seems the coast is clear." She tapped out a funny rhythm on the door frame.

"Sure, they are somewhere in my room. Probably next to my duffel bag. Can you find them? I don't want to go back in there right now."

"No problem!" Alice bounded out of the room.

Sometime during the fight with Shere Khan and Baloo I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up hearing the refrains of "You can Fly" on repeat. Opening one eye I saw the menu screen for Peter Pan on the wall. I glanced down the L shaped couch. There laid Alice curled up in a ball. She must have joined me sometime last night and put in the last movie. I poked her calf with my toe. She unfurled her body and stretched like a cat. She offered me a lazy smile.

She gazed at the screen, "Hey. Hope you don't mind I started the last movie without you last night. Although I don't remember much past Tiger Lilly being kidnapped by Hook." She looked at me and grinned. "We can start it over while we eat breakfast?"

"Sounds perfect." I offered her a real smile.

We ate and watched a piece from our childhood in companionable silence. After awhile we got into a discussion about how many sexist things were in Peter Pan that we hadn't noticed when we were kids. Wendy wasn't allowed to do anything boyish. Her only roll was to be a Mother. She couldn't dance with the Indians, the mermaids tried to drown her, Tinkerbell tries to kill her. It was kinda weird. For awhile I forgot why I was here watching these movies.

When the credits rolled I decided I was ready for a new distraction. "I think I would like something to drink."

"Would you like some water?" Alice proposed.

"I'm thinking something stronger. Like a Jack and Coke."

"Oh." Alice didn't look thrilled, but she didn't look like she was going to say no either.

"Thanks, maybe I can talk to you a bit after that." It was a small offering that may or may not have been a lie.

Alice's eyebrows raised. "Don't play me like that. One Jack and Coke it is." She disappeared out of the room.

An hour or so later and many drinks later I was feeling calm and a little loose. Which was a step up from not feeling anything at all. Alice was doing her best to keep her shit together after I had just rehashed everything Bella had told me before I left. So I wasn't lying after all.

"Do you think she never intended to tell you Edward? Do you think the only reason she is telling you now is because she got caught?"

"I don't think she would have told me." I muttered. I raked my hand through my hair. I was in a haze. "Alice I loved her so much I think I would never have noticed, and she would have played me for a fool."

"Did you hear what you just said?"

"Um. Yes." I looked at her questioningly.

"Never mind," she shook her head.

Alice wandered over to the shelves and plucked an old Batman DVD off the shelf. I could see big yellow words across the back that said "POW!" and "BANG!"

"How about this next?"

I was surprised at how many silly movies Rosalie and Emmett had. In all actuality Emmett was a big kid at heart and I could see him treasuring these memories. I nodded my head.

Alice slipped the DVD into the player. "You said loved," she whispered.

"I know Alice. What we had is broken. It's over, I can't even stomach…" I took a deep breath and felt my chest tighten and my throat start to close up. I shut my eyes and I felt hot tears burn down my cheeks.

"I want to do something terrible to her," my sister murmured. "I can't stand that she was so disrespectful to you, that she could hurt you like this. I trusted her."

"Me too, Alice! I'm starting to doubt everything now. Did she ever really love me? Was I just a game to her? Was this just for publicity?" I fumed. My wall was starting to get taken down. It brought back the sick feeling to my stomach.

She didn't love you, you are unlovable, my subconscious prompted.

My forehead broke out in a sweat. I needed to find a bathroom. I bolted out of the room and wretched in the nearest toilet. I heard the sink turn on and a cool wet towel was placed at the back of my neck. I wretched again, this time nothing rose out of me. I was panting and sweating and I felt like the blood vessels in my eyes were going to explode. Another sob escaped out of me. I was trying my best to hold them in, my head was pounding. After what felt like an eternity I started to breathe normally again. Alice rubbed my back. She handed me a glass with water. I swished and spit.

"Do you want to walk back to the movie room, or your bedroom?"

"Movie room's closer," I breathed.

That night Alice kept me away from alcohol. I knew that wasn't why I threw up, but Alice was unsure. She didn't know the musings that went on inside my head. She made me eat plain toast, and I was once again allowed to eat roast chicken Ramen.

After Alice hid my car in the garage the paparazzi hung around only a few more days before guessing that I had moved on. The next week Alice had a rental car delivered to the house for my use. She also rented a storage unit and had all my things removed from my home. She contacted my lawyer to figure out what to do with my share of the house. Honestly at this point I didn't care about that at all. I just wanted to continue pretending Bella didn't exist. I'd gone back to sleeping, but at odd times. I was trying to avoid the nightmares that whispered to me in the night. I talked to my parents on the phone, but tried to avoid talking about Bella as much as possible.

I rarely went out. There wasn't anywhere I wanted to be. I still hadn't shaved since that first time here at the McCarty house. I was hoping my beard would throw off anyone who thought maybe they recognized me.

Rosalie and Emmett were back from their 2 week vacation in Rome. Emmett had the idea of letting me wear some of his ill fitting shirts or hats. So far it had worked. As I drove around alone my thoughts traveled to my failed relationship and all the press that loomed ahead of me. Alice was starting to guess that I was warring with myself when she found me curled on the floor behind my bed today. I found that when I dwelled on how I would handle press junkets it was utterly crippling. When I arrived back at Rose's house Alice met me in the kitchen.

"I got you a new phone today, with a new number." She handed me the new iphone. "I took your old one with me to the store and had all of your data transferred." She hesitated, "Before I give it to you I wondered if you wanted me to delete any texts you may have received?"

I nodded my head.

"Okay," she walked out of the room. "I'll be right back."

I sat at the kitchen table. I started to feel that small tug that was scared to erase the texts. This was a permanent move. But I had been working towards this. I knew it was for the best. If I didn't start removing reminders from my life it would be like constantly picking off a scab. A few minutes later Alice handed me my new phone.

"Your old number still works, I'll have it disconnected tomorrow." She paused and furrowed her brow. "Do you think you need to send Bella a message so she knows you are moving on with your life, and your phone number is disconnected?"

I felt a pit in my stomach. This is the end.

"I guess that would be the right thing to do."

She handed me my old phone. I scrolled through until I saw Bella's number. I typed in the message

"You've humiliated me; my trust in you is gone. What we had is over. Please don't try to reach me again. Let me heal. –E" and handed Alice the phone back.

She quickly headed out of the room. I strained my ears to listen for a response, but was met with nothing.

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