Summary: Written for comment-fic at LJ. Prompt: Eliot/ team, learning that Eliot is immortal, and truly is the man of legends. Sort-of crossover with Greek mythology.

The Labors of Eliot

"Hey Nate? Why is there a naked picture of Eliot in your book?"

Shit.

He thought he'd be safe - it has been millennia since anyone's believed in the man behind the legends - but, he supposes, that's what he gets when he spends too much time with a bunch of thieves, especially those who specialize in art and are a bit on the loony end at the same time.

"Whoa, what?" exclaims Hardison. "That like a porno book or somethin'? Nate, why do you have gay porn? And what is Eliot doin' in a book of gay porn?"

"It is not porn!" Nate says, and grabs the book out of Parker's hands. The thief lets out a little moue of protest. "And it's certainly not gay porn. It's a book on..." he glances down at the volume in his hands, "Ancient Greek statues?"

"Oh," Sophie says, sounding awfully disappointed. "Oh, I thought...Well, maybe it just looks like Eliot, then."

"No!" Parker says, and steals the book back from Nate. She flips to the right page. "Look! See? It's Eliot!"

"Oh, it is."

"Hmmm..."

"It looks like him."

"See? It's Eliot."

"No," the hitter says, shaking his head and hiding his face, "No, it is not Eliot. It does not look like Eliot. Eliot was born in 1974 in the United States, not ancient Greece. Eliot has normal parents. Eliot would never, in a million years, model for a statue, especially not naked except for a stupid lion's pelt."

He gets three stares for that one.

Parker tilts her head. "How did you know it's that statue? You didn't look."

"Uhhhh..."

"Something you want to tell us, Eliot?" Sophie's doing her thing. Sometimes, he'd swear, she has a real magical power of persuasion, but he knows she's human, completely human...mostly. Probably.

"Nooooo..."

"You sure 'bout that?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm sure."

His girlfriend at the time had insisted, and he had stupidly agreed to model for the stupid artist so he could carve that stupid statue.

But what else is a guy supposed to do besides smile and nod when his girlfriend is an Amazon? Like a literal mythical warrior woman Amazon who could tear his balls off with her...um...assets?

So, he'd grudgingly modeled, and the statue had been such a masterpiece (of course - he is a demigod after all) that all the artists and aspiring artists from miles around had copied the damn thing, and then the Romans had come along and copied it, and...Well, now, there's a damn picture of the only surviving copy of the original in Nate's art book.

But he'd thought, Well, it's been millennia, and everyone who knows or who would believe it is dead or won't tell out of self-preservation, so why not just leave it? Why not? Ha. Stupid vanity.

His half-brother Minos (otherwise known as Moreau - and what a fitting punishment it was for him to be shut up for the rest of his immortal life in a dungeon miles below the city) would have teased him about it, if he didn't think Eliot (formerly known as Hercules in one past life - he has had many) would bring up the hundreds of other statues of him in the same state of disarray. And with donkey ears.

"Eliot?"

"Fine," he snarls, "I'm immortal. That's how I've lasted so long in this gig." He gives them a glare for good measure to tell them he's not joking.

It's Parker who breaks the dumbfounded silence. "Uh, what about the statue? That's you, right?"

Eliot crosses his arms. "My girlfriend insisted. That's what we did in those days instead of taking pictures."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, Sophie, seriously."

"So that's why you hate technology," marvels the hacker.

Eliot fights the urge to roll his eyes. "It's not that I hate it," he explains, "It changes too quickly to waste the energy to keep up with it."

Nate shakes his head. "This is..." he says over the sputtering hacker, "This is a statue of Hercules," he says, "I can't imagine you posing as anyone other than yourself, unless you're conning someone."

He narrows his eyes as if expecting Eliot to jump up and say, "Surprise! Tricked all of you!"

"Yeah," Eliot replies, and says nothing else. He patiently waits for Nate's eyes to bug out, which they do.

"So is this how you really, really look? All over?" asks Parker.

As she speaks, he catches a very distinctive glint in her eyes. A very familiar, very distinctive glint.

He narrows his own eyes at her. "Parker? Something you wanna tell me?"

"What do you mean?" she asks, and flutters off, as if she has wings on her heels.

Oh yeah, he has definitely seen that look...in the eyes of the trickster Hermes (yet another half-brother - hey, his dad got around, okay?).

"Parker!" he roars as he gives chase, "You did that on purpose! I'm telling your dad!"

"He's not my dad," Parker sing-songs, "He's my grandpa! And you're old!"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

AN: Totally fits, if you think about it. Doing good after doing bad things - it's a repeating cycle. And if Moreau is Minos (Minos of Minotaur fame - hence the comment about a fitting punishment - and the Golden Touch - which ended with Minos being "rewarded" with a pair of donkey ears) and is also immortal, the "Dig the hair" line can have a double meaning because Eliot had long hair before, too, a loooong time ago. I can't have a Greek mythology AU without having Parker be related to Hermes (trickster, god of thieves, winged sandals). Simply can't. I think that explains all the Greek myth references...Oh yes, the lion's pelt is because Hercules defeated the Nemean Lion and wore his skin as armor.

Okay, I'm insane. Insane!