Author's Note: Don't know where this came from, just popped into my head. Was going to be a stand alone, but will continue if interested.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything.
Unspoken Declarations
"So is everyone clear on what needs to be done?" Callen asked the team as they all stood around the table in the OSP.
"Basic get in, extract, get out," Sam replied nodding. "You ready for it Kens?"
"Piece of cake," she responded turning to look at the mark's picture up on the screen once more.
"Good, and Deeks, first sign of trouble -"
"- Yeah. I know," he stated with a hollow voice.
Pausing momentarily, Callen glanced sideways at Sam who only responded with a slight shrug of the shoulders.
"All right," he continued choosing to ignore Deeks' pouting, "let's gear up," he said patting his partner on the back as they exited the room.
"Kens..." Deeks started forward as she began to follow the pair.
"Yeah?" she turned taking in Deeks' appearance. Reserved yet anxious.
Stance tensed, pained expression, averted eyes; she had a feeling what was coming next.
"You don't..." he paused swallowing hard. "You don't have to do this," he all but whispered, eyes now searching hers.
Her eyes fluttered slightly as she opened and closed her mouth trying to think of how to reassure him.
Seducing a mark.
She had done it before, and more than likely would have to do it again. She was good at it, never had any problems. Sure it wasn't the most pleasant of experiences but it worked. It was efficient, quick, effective. Just a job. It never exactly bothered her.
Until now.
She fought as hard as she could to keep her face emotionless when Callen went through the plan with them, all the while feeling Deeks' eyes penetrating her.
She felt her shoulders fall as she now stood in front of him, her partner – more than a partner? - figuring out what to say.
Was there anything she could say?
"It's just...it's work Deeks. Just a job," she offered with a small shrug of her shoulders.
Just a job?
"There are...other ways. We can -" he faltered, his face tightening with annoyance from all of this.
She gave him a brief pained smile. A joke about how sensitive he was being would not remedy this situation.
He wasn't being sensitive. They both knew it. Roles reversed, after everything that had happened between the pair, the closeness they had gained, she would feel the exact same way.
The tension lingered as Deeks briefly closed his eyes. How could he phrase this without jeopardizing everything?
"I just think...this isn't what NCIS is about. You're not some – I mean...selling yourself to get this intel. It's not right," he said now looking at the ground.
She took a small step closer to him. Less than a foot away now. Far too close to be considered professional.
Close enough to touch.
She couldn't. Not like this. Not when they were talking about how in a few hours she would be with another man.
"Sam and Callen have done it before," she softly reminded him, "so have you. And so have I. This isn't selling myself. This is getting information to protect citizens Deeks,"
He paused as his fists balled up at his sides.
"I know," he stated quietly still averting her eyes. "I just...it's different this time," he said now looking up with hesitation.
"Deeks..."
"You heard Callen," he said quietly.
She closed her eyes at this. She couldn't stand to see the pain in his. He kept talking however. He needed to just say it. Out loud.
"You heard what he said; by any means necessary Kensi," he took a unsteady breath before continuing. "That means -"
"- I know what it means," she cut him off quietly sounding defeated.
He nodded with a pained expression, letting his gaze drop, shoulders fall, fisted hands release.
What more was there to say?
She was more than likely going to have to sleep with the mark, and all Deeks could do was watch.
As if he would. As if he even could.
There was nothing the two could do about this.
Silent words lingered between them.
Unspoken apologies, last minute pleading, final chances of begging.
Life changing declarations.
"It's just...different...this time," he repeated quietly.
She paused before admitting, "I know,"
He finally looked at her. His eyes imploring hers.
Saying everything he couldn't.
She took his hand forgetting the unspoken agreement to keep their distance. They needed this. Fingers laced together, she needed to show him she understood. She could hear him.
Hear everything he wasn't saying.
She briefly leaned forward, their breath mingled in the inches of space between them.
Noses brushing, her other hand now placed delicately on his chest.
There was no Special Agent Kensi Blye right now.
Now, she was just Kensi. Being honest, open, vulnerable.
Everything she wasn't.
She couldn't reassure him that everything would be okay. How could she know that? Words were useless right now.
He felt her hand hesitantly touch his chest. He closed his eyes painfully tight, only wanting to focus on the feel of her.
She was going to be doing this with some other man. Soon.
But this was different.
She wasn't playing Deeks. She was talking to him. Telling him everything neither of them could say. She was a contradiction of terms, and right now, Deeks wasn't sure if he loved it or hated it.
She leaned in closely. He felt her unsteady breath over his mouth as her nose softly brushed his.
He rested his forehead on hers as she too closed her eyes, his free hand gently cupping her cheek.
"I won't let it get that far," she whispered, her lips ghosting over his.
If that was the best she could give him, he would take it and never let it go.
Never let her go.
But he had to.
"Trust me," she whispered once more before he closed the distance between them.
His lips brushed hers softly, wanting to tell her everything.
That she was his everything.
Her hand slowly fisted his plaid shirt as she returned her own words.
She felt the same and he needed to know.
He could feel it. He knew.
Slowly they retreated, but not going far. Never going far.
"I trust you," he whispered as he opened his eyes, resting his forehead on hers once more.
She nodded slowly as their foreheads touched, as he felt her eyelashes ghost over his cheek, as she felt his beard against her lips
She let go of both his hand and his shirt, carefully framing his face.
"Don't worry," she said softly with their noses brushing, "you'll get me back," she repeated to him again.
Different situation, but possibly ten times more painful for them.
His hands found her waist has she leaned in once more, pressing a lingering kiss the side of his mouth, before breaking the connection between them completely.
Deeks' eyes opened slowly to see her a foot away from him again immediately missing the warmth of her hold.
Taking an unsteady breath, he too took a step back feeling that distance was what the needed right now considering in a matter of hours she was going to be -
"We will...figure it out," he said quietly, flashbacks to the day she thought he was gone from her life, as she began making her way to the exit.
She paused, smiling briefly as she placed a hand momentarily on the door frame.
"We always do," she replied softly, repeating his own words back to him, before she turned and left, leaving Deeks alone in the room, and the picture of the mark on the screen.