The Mentalist, the Artist, and the Archaeologist

Chapter 1

Two Bums and an Elf

Author's Note: So... I honestly don't know how well this will take for anyone, but the idea just sort of popped into my head. I've been meaning to do a story sort of like this one for a while now, but never really had a good idea to go on. Now that I do happen to have one, I think I'll stick with it for a while. Fear not! I am working on my other stories. They will get updated!

Like it? Hate it? Review! I like feedback.

Edit 8/31/2012: This story is loosely based on myself and two of my other friends that I am very close to (in which all characters will end up in my original fiction sometime down the line) and the one who represents Amy asked if she could change the name. So Amy McMillion is now Adalida "Ada" Bell. She also wants to draw the cover for this story in which I gave her my full approval.

Enjoy!

No matter what major one embarks on within the confines of a university or community college one must always endure the grueling torturous atmosphere of at least one or more mathematics classes. For a young woman who goes by the name, Brianna Davis, that certain math class happened to be College Algebra.

While she constantly thanked her lucky stars that such a class was all that was required for both her major and her minor, she still lamented the need for such a monstrosity as College Algebra. The subject of mathematics in general was not her strong point, but Algebra seemed to be a confusing world of its own. She never understood a single concept that came out of it and the bronze haired young woman had no inclination as to why that was so. She figured that she was simply that bad at abstract logical thinking in the form of numbers and words being mixed together to form complicated numerical sentences that somehow must form the basis of ultimate reality.

In want of a finer way to express her feelings for the class, it is probably best to say that she hated it with a burning passion.

The twenty-year-old sighed in defeat and glanced at her neon blue haired friend next to her. Adalida "Ada" Bell was an eccentric character at best and was also an aspiring artist in almost every way there was possible. So, of course, part of her search for testing of her artistic talents, she decided at a young age that she wanted to do hair as a hobby. The hobby of that hobby of hers was to style her hair in odd styles and colors like neon blue which, Brianna reasoned, was far better than the neon pink and green she decided to go with during the previous summer.

Anyway, said neon colored friend was currently asleep on the desk next to her math hating friend making the bronze haired woman narrow her teal eyes in slight irritation. The woman could sleep through chemistry and still manage a low B plus in the overall grade average and Brianna found that slightly annoying.

Next to said teal eyed woman was another woman, younger, who nudged her and whispered, "I'm almost jealous of her."

Brianna rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the curious subject of Algebra before her. There really wasn't much she could do but wait for the professor to notice Ada and wake her up.

Beside her, the brown haired younger woman shrugged and continued to take notes that she completely and totally understood with the realization that she was going to be forced to help her two friends study for the up-coming exam that they had. Her name was Kira Nolan.

The Professor turned around from what she was writing on the chalkboard and glanced in their direction and suddenly focused on the sleeping Ada. She stopped her lecture and tapped the top of her desk.

"Adalida Bell, what was Einstein's conclusion to his relative theory?" she barked so all could hear.

Really, Brianna thought, the entire building could have heard.

Ada grunted and muttered out, still asleep, "No Orlando, we should wait till our wedding night."

Collectively, Brianna, Kira, and the Math Professor slapped the palms of their hands to their faces. That, of course, was what woke Ada up.

It was quite amusing, actually. She fell out of her seat after letting out a loud squeal of fright and everything. The entire class, including the professor, burst out into fits of hysterical laughter.

"Why do we have a Math Professor with an actual sense of humor?" whined Ada while she, Brianna, and Kira walked out of the math building towards Brianna's Toyota Camry.

Brianna turned her chuckle into a cough before she answered, "Because, believe it or not, not all professors are stiffs."

Ada rolled her eyes, "Well, I know that, I mean, Professor Carter is AMAZING! He's the best in the world!"

Brianna glanced over at her friend from the corner of her eye, "He's an art teacher with a master's degree."

"So?" whined Ada.

"So… he couldn't get a better paying job anywhere else," deadpanned Brianna.

The neon blue haired bundle of energy stamped her foot on the ground and stuck out her tongue.

"He's taught me lots!" she whined.

"Hn," Brianna grunted in light of her friend's naivety and total lack of proper grammar (though she probably shouldn't talk).

Ada gaped at her, "Did you just grunt at me?" she nearly screamed.

Beside the two "arguing" friends Kira winced at the sheer volume emanating from Ada and then proceeded to shake her head at the pair. Here we go…

"Hn," replied Brianna.

Ada groaned, "You are not Itachi Uchiha!"

"Hn," came the grunted response.

"You know, you'd probably kill the real Itachi if he came into our world and grunted at you all day!" Ada pointed out.

The bronze haired woman shrugged while she fished her keys out from the depths of her purse.

"Too bad he's not real then," she said pointedly.

Kira glanced up at the partly cloudy sky in dismay. Weren't those two ever going to stop arguing?

Thankfully, Ada and Brianna finally decided to change the subject and moved on to what they were going to do for the rest of the afternoon.

"Because, I was thinking that after Kira explains math class and math homework and when you let me copy your World History notes, we could watch some of our favorite movies," suggested the older woman while adjusting her neon blue bangs.

Brianna and Kira glanced at each other while thinking about the idea. It didn't seem like a bad one and, after all, it was a Friday. They weren't going anywhere for the next few days.

"We could… Jason's not coming back until Sunday, so we have plenty of time to enjoy ourselves," plotted Kira out loud while referring to her older brother.

Jason Nolan was a year older than Ada and was getting his masters in engineering; having graduated the year before when Kira was a junior. Art school was taking Amy longer than she originally anticipated and she only recently finished her sophomore year as a college student. It was how she and Brianna met in the first place. Kira and Brianna knew each other since middle school and were both a year apart. They decided that, if it were at all possible, they would follow each other into college.

That was made a reality when Brianna was accepted to a private Christian School and paid for her tuition half on loans and the other half on scholarships. That is, until the grades for her first semester came out and the school decided that they would pay for a good chunk of it. Following that, Brianna didn't have to pay for housing because Kira's brother let them move in with him while he completed his four year master's degree. Ada still lived in the dorms, but that didn't stop her from constantly coming over once she found a kindred spirit in the three of them concerning the types of movies, books, and TV shows that they all liked. Jason put up with them mostly because he wasn't always around half of the time because of his internship required by his major.

With that being said, there was clearly no love lost between Jason and Ada, who weren't exactly thrilled with the other.

"Well, at least the stiff is gone for now," sniffed Ada with slight indignation at the thought of the last argument she and Jason had.

Brianna rolled her eyes, "He's not that bad."

Ada and Kira snorted the moment she finished the sentence.

"That's because you have a thing for men like that," Ada pointed out.

Brianna flushed at the implication Ada made about her infatuation with the fictional character Itachi. But, before she could give a reply, Kira interrupted them, "BEFORE you two get into another argument, how about we figure out what we're watching tonight?"

"Sherlock Holmes," suggested Brianna on the spot.

That was met with immediate approval from both girls. They quite enjoyed Sherlock Holmes.

"The Lord of the Rings," sighed Ada while she thought of her Orlando Bloom as a blond elf.

Brianna rolled her eyes and muttered, "Fan girl."

They got into Brianna's car and the bronze haired woman started the car and drove off towards the neighborhood where they lived.

"So, after that do you think we can indulge in some Pirates of the Caribbean?" inquired Kira shyly.

Ada chuckled, "So long as my Orlando's in it, I could care less. What about you, Bri?"

Brianna shrugged and adjusted her seatbelt that strapped over her V-neck black shirt.

"So long as I get a few Supernatural episodes in tomorrow, we're good," she said off-handishly.

Kira sniggered, "What? No Itachi episodes in Naruto?"

Ada and Brianna pulled a face.

"As much as I love Itachi," replied Kira's bronze haired friend, "the episodes that he's in are so depressing."

That notion was seconded and thirded by the other two women. After a few minutes when they neared Kira and Brianna's house, Ada piped up with a casual knowing smirk on her face.

"Well then, how about we run the whole third season of Merlin after three episodes of Supernatural?" she asked.

Both Kira and Brianna lapsed into fangirl silence at the thought and loudly vocalized their enthusiasm at the idea.

They did exactly what they planned for that evening and crashed on the couches in what was considered the game room while they watched Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Brianna was the last to fall asleep near the end of the movie due to the amount of chocolate she pigged out on.

Of course, as fate would have it, she was the first to wake up due to the only dog that Kira, Jason and Brianna owned. Ultimately, it was Brianna's dog and because of this, she always was its first choice in asking to go outside in the bright new day. After a few weeks of attempting to wake up Kira and Jason, the border collie named, Adlanniel, realized that the only one not impervious to the living alarm clock was Brianna.

Brianna groaned when Adlanniel started to itch right in front of her, waking her up. She blinked and glared at the offending black and white bundle of hyperactiveness. Once the female realized she was being watched, the dog ceased her itching and stared at her bronze haired owner with big, brown, sad eyes.

Brianna sighed, "Why do you do this to me every morning? Can't you hold it?"

Lannie, as she was nicknamed by all, wagged her tail and cocked her head to the side. Brianna slid from her laying position on the couch and dropped to the floor on both knees before standing up and walking down the stairs towards the back door. Lannie slipped outside into a run the moment the door slid open enough for her to slink out. Brianna shook her head and was about to close the door when she heard Lannie barking at something. Realizing that she wasn't going to go back to bed that morning (it was around six thirty), she slid the door open all the way and stepped out into the budding daylight.

That was when she saw the pirate-dressed bum in the flowerbed. Brianna stopped dead on the deck and stared at the offending figure open-mouthed. There was no way on God's green earth that was possible. The bum even had the same hairstyle as Jack Sparrow and held, tucked away in his arms, an empty bottle of rum.

She turned around to go back inside when she froze at what seemed to be another, Asian looking, bum sleeping in a pile of sticks that she and Jason worked on piling up two weekends before. She sighed in frustration and slipped back inside of her home and ran up to her room to fetch her training sword out from under her bed.

It was a good sword fashioned in like of what knights would use before sabers became all the range. It was sturdy. It was blunt. It had a point. It was heavy to all those who were not used to wielding it. Brianna liked its middle sized basket hilt, plain steel end and steel blade that was fashioned custom to her size and weight. It was a sword meant for a woman to use and Brianna loved it. She even took the time to learn how to use it.

Brianna bought the sword with the money that she saved up for the renaissance fair in Waxahachie, Texas three years prior to her sophomore year of college. Kira and Brianna made it a habit to visit those fairs once a year and the two thoroughly enjoyed going to them. But, in all of her years of frequenting the fair, Brianna's pride and joy memory was the sword she acquired and painstakingly learned to use. It was hard to get down with just a dead tree in her back yard to practice on and the internet, but she learned it all the same. Kira, for her part, bought herself a Japanese katana; something she had been certain Brianna would purchase upon gaining the money to do so and was surprised when it didn't happen. Brianna attributed this to her German, Irish, and Scottish ancestry and that swords of that fashion were more befitting for her fighting style and weight. After the first year learning to fight with their blunt weapons, Kira agreed.

Of course, that was originally done as simply a hobby, like Kira's Kendo lessons, and Brianna never intended to actually use the sword, but upon having to deal with two bums in her back yard most likely on something (or drunk) she figured it was as good a time as any to put what she learned to the test. So, she grabbed her sword, drew it out of its sheath, and rushed back downstairs. By then, Ada woke up from Lannie nudging her furiously and running to the open back door and back looking worried.

Ada blinked blearily at Brianna and then backed up against the arm of the couch the moment she noticed the sword. Brianna gave her a look and placed her hand against the blunt edge to indicated that it was harmless… somewhat.

"Bri, what's with the sword-club?" asked Ada in a whisper.

"There's two bums outside in the back yard asleep. Lannie didn't wake them up with her barking, so I'm going to make sure that they don't wake up for a while, tie them up, and call the cops," she whispered back.

Ada reached for a lamp and wrenched it off of the table. She squinted at it.

"This isn't plugged in!" she hissed.

"Decoration," promptly explained Brianna as she hastened down the stairs and out into the backyard.

Ada followed behind her with the makeshift club. Brianna squinted at the pirate bum and motioned for Ada.

"Take care of that one. I'll get the one near the house," she whispered.

The two parted and Brianna cautiously walked towards the edge of the deck with her sword raised shoulder high. When she peered over; however, the Asian bum wasn't there.

"Ada one of them's awake!" she screamed and then whirled around when she heard the creak of a board behind her.

Her sword clanged upon the steel of a short knife that resembled a kunai and she stared into the red eyes of the Asian bum who slept in her pile of sticks. More pissed off then scared, she growled and pushed him away from her- tried to push him away from her, but he suddenly seemed to realize that her sword was blunt and grabbed the edge with his free hand. He yanked the blunt weapon over her head, grabbed her neck, and slammed her against the wooden side of her house. It wasn't a strangling hold, but the breath did get knocked out of her and the grip that he had held the promise of a choking hold if she so much as moved the wrong way. Of course, the kunai placed at the base of her stomach didn't help matters either.

Ada, though, was having trouble with the pirate she was attempting (and failing) to fight. She struggled against his taller and heavier figure while attempting to lay him out with the unused lamp she that was her weapon. That was when she looked up at the tree and noticed a blond man notching an arrow to a bow and pointing it down where Brianna was cornered by the Asian bum.

She didn't think twice about kneeing the pirate bum in the groin, pushing him off of her, taking aim, and throwing the lamp at the blond Robin Hood bum with dead accuracy. Of course, the blond bum noticed, dodged the flying lamp, lost his footing, and fell to the ground with a resounding thump. That was when Kira stepped out of her house and took stock of what was going on with a tired, shocked, expression on her face.

Lannie, the Border collie, ran out behind her and stood on top of the fallen blond man whilst growling in his face. The sun was completely over the tree line at this time (seeing as it turned seven o'clock) and the girls got a good look at the men before them (though Brianna was more focused on the kunai hovering over her stomach than much of anything else). Kira and Ada, though, stared at the blond man and the pirate bum with open mouths when they realized exactly who it was they attacked.

"It's- it's really…" began Kira before trailing off.

"Them," breathed a completely enchanted Ada as she stared at the blond man with a dazed smile on her face.

Confused, the pirate and the pointy-eared blond angel in the yard just looked at each other in confusion even though they didn't even know each other. On the deck where Brianna and Kira were, the bronze haired woman had certain problems she had to deal with before she even noticed her attacker before her. One of those problems happened to be his glowing red eyes staring practically into her soul. They were very disconcerting and that was not counting the fact that he had a deadly weapon poised at her abdomen and his other hand gently, but firmly, around her neck. It was all she could do to stop herself from shaking in fear at the person who was quite obviously not some random Asian bum. She just didn't know what he was yet (though had she actually been thinking, she probably could have hazarded a guess).

Thinking that doing so would be a good idea, Brianna dropped her blunt weapon and held up her hands hoping that the man understood the signal of surrender. He watched her for a little while longer before he stepped cautiously away from her. His eyes remained red.

Brianna's knees gave way as her nerve deserted her and she slid down to the wooden floor of the deck trying to not hyperventilate. From where the door was, Kira let out a sigh.

"Brianna, do you know who's in front of you right now?" breathed out the brunette.

Brianna wasn't looking anywhere but at her knees as she attempted to regain some of her nerve.

"Bat-shit insane Asian assassin?" she asked shakily.

Kira chuckled in what could be heard as a nervous reaction.

"Close…"

Brianna looked up and got a better look at the man in front of her. Her mouth formed an "oh" when her brain caught up with what her eyes were seeing. It was Itachi Uchiha. THE Itachi Uchiha from Naruto. Someone who was certainly not supposed to exist was standing in front of her and staring blankly at her. Then it dawned on her.

"Oh shit! Guys I don't think this one knows what we're saying!" exclaimed Brianna.

Kira and Ada exchanged looks and then glanced at the blond elf they pinpointed as Legolas. The elf looked uncertain for a moment before saying, "I understood her."

The two girls nodded and then glanced and the pirate they knew to be Jack Sparrow and collectively raised their eyebrows. The dark haired pirate was looking into the empty bottle of rum as if searching for something.

"What are you doing?" asked Ada after a few seconds of confused staring.

Jack looked over at her and shrugged, "I was checking to see if there was any rum left. I feels the beginnin's of an awful 'angover comin on lass."

The dog perked in Jack's direction after hearing an "a" sound.

"Not you Lannie," she said sharply.

The dog looked in Kira's direction and wagged her tale thinking that this was suddenly some intricate little game played with some new people.

Suddenly, Itachi began to make odd hand signs causing Brianna to give him an odd look.

"What are you-" she was cut off by him kneeling down to her level and poking her head with his forefingers (the only fingers he had that were not folded together).

Suddenly she felt drained and her body lost control of itself for a second before she blinked and came back to some form of consciousness. Kira ran up to the two of them and then proceeded to attempt to punch Itachi. Attempt being the key word since he was able to block her attack and push her away.

He looked down at Brianna after that and asked, "Are… you… alright?"

The audience gaped.

The three women exchanged glances at each other trying to figure out how Itachi was able to suddenly learn English. Brianna looked back over at the object of her affections and opened her mouth to inquire of him about his methods, but Jack Sparrow beat her to the punch.

"Now, 'ow di' you go an' learn English so fast matey?" asked the pirate.

Itachi narrowed his eyes at the heavily masqaraed man. It took a second for him to answer.

"I am... not familiar with dialects as of yet," he stated.

Everything seemed to be a statement with that man, thought Brianna. Ada answered for them all.

"I wouldn't actually call Jack's version of our language a dialect. It's more like a drunken slur," she assured the black haired man.

Itachi somehow kept his face emotionless while he raised an eyebrow at the neon blue haired woman. Ada smiled at him.

"What?" she asked.

Itachi didn't say another word and he turned his attention back to Brianna who still remained in her sitting position against the wall. Finally, she repeated Jack's question.

"How did you suddenly learn our language?"

Itachi stared at her blankly for a minute before answering.

"I used a jutsu that copies information that another... Person knows. In your... case I needed to learn your language," he explained with pauses in between some words.

Brianna cocked her head to one side and was about to inqire further into the matter when Jack piped up.

"So wha' I want to know is whether or not one of you lovely lassies would mind doing some explaining as to the current location I am standing and if any knoweth the way back to my ship?" he asked.

Kira turned to Ada and Brianna, "Either of you want to explain this or will I?"

Ada pointed at Brianna, "Refer to the archaeologist! I know nothing!"

Kira smiled at a suddenly grumpy looking Brianna and pointed out, "You are the one who reads Narnia and watches Doctor Who religiously."

Brianna rolled her eyes and sighed. Of course! It had to be her!

End Note: Ah, poor Bri! She has a near death experience and then has to explain to three men (one of them still attempting to sort through a newly acquired English dictionary) who suddenly appeared in her backyard! Well? Should I continue?