Author's Note: First Avengers fanfiction. I own nothing and, if I did, Bruce would be in Iron Man 3.

In theory, it should take nothing less than a gargantuan explosion, a crack in the Earth, or an alien invasion to make a master assassin lose his or her composure.

Theory has never met the Avengers.

Therefore, it is believable that the scene which greeted Natasha when first she left her room would make her blow her top. The disaster which threatened to break all boundaries and mess with the very laws that bind the Earth together. A mess which defied duct tape, Tylenol and band-aids. A problem so hugely vast, so enormously gigantic-

Sorry, you've no idea what's going on, do you? Let's go back to when the mother of all messes made it's home in Stark Towers. It all began the night before...

Natasha had gone to bed hours before. The I.Q., of even the most intelligent had slowly dropped off the deep end as it got closer and closer to morning. Dr. Bruce Banner had been contemplating going to sleep for hours, but had since given it up in favour of keeping an eye on Tony and Clint, making sure they didn't do something they'd regret. Something like blowing up the tower, or making Natasha mad. The latter frightened him significantly more than the former.

Unfortunately for the good doctor, several sleepless nights of research had taken their toll, and he passed out on the couch. His last thought was, 'I hope Steve keeps them in check...ah, pillow, how have I missed thee.'

...clearly Banner needed to get sleep more often.

To bad Steve had a bedtime of eight o'clock and had already passed out. So, all that left was the Norse God of Thunder, the world's greatest archer, and a genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist with an inflated ego. What could possibly go wrong?

Thor (the aforementioned god), decided that he was hungry. He then wandered over to the barely used, state-of-the-art kitchen, and began making food. Asgardian style. He found that there was no meat, went out on the patio and hit some pigeons with his hammer. Then he broke the oven, which started a fire and caused JARVIS to spray foam everywhere.

By this point, poor Thor was very confused and started smashing through walls. With Mjolnir.

While Thor was rampaging through the kitchen, Tony and Clint were scheming brilliant schemes. Okay, admittedly, they were planning to change peoples ring-tones to annoying songs. It was three in the morning, okay? Don't judge.

Somehow, they managed to not hear Thor's rampage and instead got to debating about who had the best significant other. Tony went on and on about how great Bruce was, but Clint made some fair points about Natasha.

For example, he said pointed out how she would always have his back. How resourceful she was. How she was a great dancer, and how she had absolutely killer good looks. He talked on and on about Natasha. Tony got really, really sick of the sappiness, and decided to spice things up a bit.

Thinking back on it, perhaps settling things with the Iron Man suit and explosive arrows was not the best idea. In their defence, however; it was probably the best idea that occurred to them at that point in time, and really, it was probably very amusing.

Thor had, by now, fallen asleep holding a pigeon like a teddy bear.

To sum up the situation, there were two passed out superheroes on couches (one on the ground) a kitchen splattered in blood and foam, a living room torn to pieces with char marks and holes in every place imaginable, and, of course, a very battered-looking Iron Man and Hawkeye.

That's about where Natasha walked in.

Were we to assume that she had gotten a full nights sleep, we could also assume that she would keep her cool. We cannot do that however, as we know that Natasha is a light sleeper and had been listening to the antics of the team for the past FOUR HOURS AND SHE'S BE DARNED IF SHE WASN'T ABOUT TO PUT THEM TO WORK FOR THE REST OF THEIR PATHETIC, MULING LITTLE LIVES-

Then Clint kissed Natasha.

When he perceived that his partner had calmed down enough that she wouldn't kill the both of them and serve them in a pie, he let her go and looked her in the eye. Natasha breathed in slowly, calming herself down. Then something creepy happened. Something disturbingly, overwhelmingly, horrifyingly, petrifying happened.

Natasha smiled sweetly.

Duh duh DUH.

Clint and Tony felt their hearts sink through the floor as a grin spread across Natasha's unfairly attractive face. Clint wondered if he should kiss her again, while Tony considered the viable exits. Natasha began, still smiling, to wake up the rest of the Avengers.

Bruce let out a groan as he took in his surroundings. Steve's mouth broke the laws of physics, and quite literally hit the ground. Thor looked around blearily and asked, "WHAT WITCHCRAFT FORMED SUCH COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF WHITENESS FROM THE AIR?"

Natasha chose to ignore that last, and lined them up for inspection. Having judged Bruce and Steve to be guilty of no crimes, she told them (still smiling), that they could go off to bed. Having decided that Thor could not be held responsible for his actions, she told him to go visit Jane and ask her to explain fire extinguishers to him. Finally, her eyes rested on Tony and Clint. The smile became wider.

"You two," she said calmly, "Will be cleaning this up, under my supervision," she then sat down on what was left of the couch, and motioned for them to get going. Tony looked as though he was about to complain, but a look from the Black Widow shut him up. Clint quietly called dibs on the kitchen and set to work.

After several hours, (and innumerable oaths from Tony which are not fitting to be set down) Natasha deemed the rooms clean enough, and let them off the hook. Tony pranced off to Candyland to, "blow things up in peace," as he put it.

Clint sat down next to Natasha.

"So, do you calm down everyone by kissing them, or is it just me?" Natasha asked irritably, giving Clint the evil-eye. WHILE STILL SMILING, HOW THE HECK DOES SHE DO THAT?

Ahem, sorry.

"No, it's just you. Why?" Clint enquired.

"I was considering making a habit of it. However, if you pull a stunt like this again, I swear I WILL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY-"

And then Clint kissed her. Again.

Author's Note: Clintasha, Science Bros; what's not to love about this fandom? I hope you liked it, and I may perhaps write a second chapter. Maybe. Depends on how many like it. Thanks muchly for reading it!