Worth Living For,

Act I

by Elianda (a.k.a. Cygnonymous & TheLostGirl21)

SPOILERS: Everything up to and including Mass Effect 3's ending.

SUMMARY: After the tragic events of Mindoir and Akuze, Marco Shepard has grown so accustomed to the abyss that the idea of falling into it doesn't scare him anymore. And when someone no longer fears death, being 'willing to die for someone' becomes hollow words… But this time, he may just have found someone to live for...

DISCLAIMERS: All the characters in the story belong to Bioware, and whoever else has the rights on Mass Effect. Some quotes will directly be borrowed from the games.

Anything about Marco Shepard that isn't already part of the default character, including his personality and elements of his back story, was created by Cygnonymous.

WARNING: Certain chapters may contain more mature situations such as thoughts related to depression and suicidal intent, descriptions of violence, and sex between two loving and consenting adults.

Chapter 9

Their conversation with Liara and Tali went surprisingly smoother than expected. Of course, there were still a few slip-ups and subsequent flustered attempts at recovery by Liara, only made worse by Tali's elbow-nudging and teasing. It was almost adorable in a strange sort of way, and it was difficult for Shepard not to laugh – he bit his tongue for Liara's sake, knowing that interacting with humans was still something of a new experience for the normally secluded scientist. He had noticed in previous conversations that she was growing more accustomed to speaking with members of the crew aside from Shepard, but she was still prone to become easily embarrassed and had difficulty recovering from faux pas – she was getting better, though, if the shy smile that graced her lips every time Tali teased her was anything to judge by.

When the subject of discretion was brought up once again – as they should have expected – both women graciously agreed to uphold the growing mantra of "what happens on the Normandy stays on the Normandy." Of course that didn't stop them from having a personal say in the matter – Tali explained to them that she was used to fraternization being treated very loosely amongst the flotilla, and Liara was non-military and therefore didn't understand the need for the rule in the first place – but they readily agreed that the mission and the preservation of the crew were their topmost concerns.

Tali was the first to leave the room once the conversation had died out, though as Liara followed she chose to pause in the doorway. She turned back, giving them both a soft smile.

"I know that the crew has teased you more than anything else, but… I just want you two to know that I'm very happy for you."

And then she was gone, the door sliding shut behind her.

By the time they had left it was already late in the afternoon - Dr. Chakwas was the next to come in, taking time to adjust their medication and remove the bandages from their hands and feet. Most of their previously frostbitten skin had healed properly, but she made it clear that she wanted them to avoid walking for the rest of the evening in order to ensure that there would be no further damage caused to the deep tissues.

She ended up having someone set up a shower chair in the crew's bathroom in order to allow them to take a good shower before supper – they ended up taking turns, although with everything that had already been said, they'd almost expected her to tease them and ask if they wanted to take it together. They were eventually allowed to take a quiet meal together following that, however. The only one from the main ground team that had yet to come see them was Ashley, and Kaidan had the distinct impression that she'd let everyone else go first in order not to be rushed and be allowed a bit more time with them.

Sure enough, shortly after they were done eating, she called them over the ship's intercom and asked if they were still feeling well enough for another visit – her voice sounded a bit strained and tired, however, causing them both to pause in concern before Shepard told her to come in whenever she was ready.

Minutes passed before they heard the sound of the med bay's door swishing open, allowing Ash to walk in wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants and a gray t-shirt, with her hair loose against her shoulders. She offered them a soft smile and walked right up to Kaidan's side of the two gurneys that were solidly locked together, and arranged in a semi-sitting position.

"Move over," she instructed quietly, and the LT signaled for Shepard to raise the bed railing on his side to make sure that he wouldn't end up accidentally falling over, before he scooted over to Shepard's side a little bit until he was sitting somewhere in the middle.

Ashley silently climbed in with them and raised the railing on her side with a click, before she proceeded to give Kaidan an intent look. Only then did he notice the dark circles beneath her eyes, and the slight puffiness of her lids. Wait… Has she been crying?

"Ash, are you okay?" he asked quietly, voice filled with concern. Instead of answering him right away, however, she raised a fist and gave him a light punch in the shoulder. She didn't stop, however, continuing to hit him with slowly increasing strength and urgency.

"Don't… you… ever… do… that... to… me… again," she said with barely restrained emotion, hitting him in the pause between each word. Despite his initial shock at the physicality of her reaction, Kaidan managed to turn to face her until her fists were banging on his chest and he could gather her in his arms, effectively locking both of her arms in the space between them, holding her tight and forcing her to stop.

"Hey hey hey hey…" he shushed her softly. "Ash, I'm fine." He could feel her trembling against him, fighting back tears.

"And that goes for you too, Commander," she added, looking in Shepard's direction. Sensing that she had calmed down a little, Kaidan released his grip enough for her to slide her arms out from between them. She brought them around him and took hold of his shoulders instead, hugging him tight against her for a moment and closing her eyes.

"You guys scared me so bad… and after what happened on Eden Prime, I…"

"Shhh... It's okay… Shepard and I are both okay. We're not going anywhere," Kaidan interrupted, finding himself fighting back tears of his own as the emotions from the previous day came rushing back to him.

Shepard swallowed back the lump that threatened to crawl up his throat, leaning forward and placing a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. He reached over and put his other hand on Ashley's shoulder, feeling the tremor that ran through them both as tears threatened to overcome them.

"Come on guys, if you start crying then I'm going to cry and that's never a pretty sight," he managed to say teasingly, though his tone was half-hearted at best. It broke his heart to see the both of them so vulnerable, and it was all he could do not to crawl over and drag them both into a hug. "We're okay. We're going to be okay."

"Are we…?" Ash whispered quietly, voice trailing off. Kaidan gently laid back against the half-raised heads of their beds, slowly guiding Ashley down with him so that her head was now resting on his chest, just beneath his chin, her arms still circling his waist and holding tight.

He planted a soft kiss on her forehead, and soothingly ran his right hand through her hair, making sure that she was comfortable, before mustering a calm enough voice to state in what the Gunnery Chief would have described as typical Kaidan fashion, "We're here now."

If someone were ever to ask the LT whether the glass was half empty or half full, she would fully expect him to plainly stare back at them and answer that it had half water and half air in it. Only he could manage to make such simple ingenuous statements sound so oddly comforting.

Looking up, she noticed that Kaidan had wrapped his other arm around Shepard, and had successfully managed to pull him down into a shared embrace also. His left arm had wrapped protectively around the Commander's shoulders, while Shepard had gently curled up against his lover's side, nose burrowed in the crook of his neck.

"I guess I'm just tired of watching people close to me die…" she said in a small voice, sharing a meaningful look with the Commander. "I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," she quoted quietly. While what she had told him the other day was true, and she never regretted letting herself care so strongly for those she loved, it never made the prospect of potentially losing them any easier.

A slight smile managed to turn the corners of Shepard's lips as he shared the look with Ashley from over Kaidan's torso. "You're right, Ash. I know it hurts, but you're right. I think what we have right here, right now… it makes it all worth it," he said, idly tracing his fingertips over Kaidan's hand as it rested against his shoulder. "I don't plan on repeating what happened out there anytime soon. Hopefully that's something of a consolation."

"Yeah, it's just that the moment you finally decide to let Kaidan go out and play, you both wind up right back in the med bay!" she teased, yet the smile never quite reached her eyes. She sighed. "I'm sorry… I couldn't stand the feeling of knowing that you two were out there, probably fighting for your lives, and that there was nothing that I could do to help."

"You did help," Kaidan responded softly. "You found us."

"But what if I hadn't?" she pointed out while raising her head a little from his chest to look straight at him. "What if we'd gotten there ten minutes later and you'd both been gone already?"

"Ash…" he murmured, not knowing exactly what to tell her, but sensing that she was starting to get agitated again, her body trembling lightly against his.

"You're the closest thing I've got to a brother, LT," Ashley admitted hoarsely. "And lately, all I seem to do is watch you get hurt and I just…" She took a deep breath to try to steady herself, without much success. "…I hate it, okay? I mean, I understand the risks that we're taking and I can accept that. And I'm not afraid to die for the Alliance either."

She could see that he was going to say something, so she held out a hand to ask him to let her finish. "What's killing me is waiting for things to happen while feeling so utterly powerless about it! It's like facing an enemy that I can't even see, much less fight! And the last two missions you were on ended up with you almost bleeding or freezing to death. I know it's going to sound crazy, but I can't shake the feeling that someday, something like that will happen again, and that if I'm not there when it does, then you won't be able to make it back."

For a moment, Kaidan stared at her, trying to process everything that she'd just said. In many ways, the feeling of frustration and powerlessness that she was describing was easy for him to relate to. Especially when he recalled Shepard's previous disregard for his own safety on the battlefield, and the anxiety that it had caused for him.

However, he couldn't remember having ever openly taken any unnecessary risks, or done anything to make Ashley fear for his safety above anyone else's.

"What happened on these last two missions was just bad luck, Ash," he stated quietly, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible and affectionately running his hand up and down her back in an effort to soothe her. "You know that I'm always very careful, and that I would never take any risk that I could possibly avoid without compromising the mission."

"I know!" she answered, and Kaidan could hear the slight exasperation in her voice. "Listen, I know I'm not making any sense. It's just a bad gut feeling that I can't shake, and I guess… I needed to air it."

He nodded with a slight chuckle. "Fair enough. Feeling better?"

She rested her head back on his chest, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat, and trying her best not to think of what could have happened. "Yeah, I'll be okay. As long as the Commander and you promise to keep watching over each other whenever I'm not around to pull your sorry asses out of the cold or the fire," she pointed out, this time looking back at Shepard. "I mean it, you know," she added, specifically addressing him this time. "You guys, this crew… You're like my family now. Kaidan may apparently be a danger magnet, but I need to know that you'll keep each other safe."

Shepard couldn't keep from chuckling under his breath. "Danger magnet, huh? I always figured him for having a magnetizing personality, just… not to that extent. Sounds about right though," he said, grin faltering when Kaidan gave him a sidelong glare. "Sorry," he said, giving Kaidan's hand a sympathetic squeeze.

"I don't like making promises I can't keep, but…" he began, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing, this time looking directly at Ashley as he spoke. "I'll always have my crewmembers' backs. You and Kaidan are no exception. I look out for… for my family."

He felt a sudden tightening in his chest once the words had left his mouth. He'd never stopped to consider it before, but once it had been said… it was true. The crew of the Normandy had become the closest thing to a family he'd had in a very, very long time. Crews came and went over the years and he'd been on more ships than he could count on both hands, but this was the first one he'd truly felt at home on – and that was thanks in no small part to the two soldiers currently laying with him in a dim med bay with nothing to accompany them aside from the hum of the drive core. The Normandy was his family – dysfunctional, but still perfect.

Kaidan tightened his hold on Shepard and kissed the top of his head, inhaling deeply and closing his eyes, the short hair tickling his lips. He lingered there before replacing his lips with his cheek, gently resting his head on top of his. "I just fought a thresher maw to keep him safe, Ash… and nearly got head-butted by a krogan for it," he added as he felt Ashley chuckle against him. "You can be sure that when it comes to protecting those I care about, there's very little that would stop me."

"Yeah, about that, I overheard something about Shepard having died for a few minutes down there before you managed to bring him back. What was it like? I mean, do you remember anything?" she asked, her curiosity having gotten the better of her. She immediately felt Kaidan tense a little, and suddenly wanted to kick herself for having been so blunt. "Oh god LT, I'm so sorry – I didn't think, I just…"

"No, that's okay," Kaidan reassured her, trying his best to offer her a small smile. "I mean, things turned out okay, right?" He was fine. They both were. He just needed to keep his breathing steady and concentrate on the warm body pressed against his, knowing they were both safe and that, in the end, everything had turned out to be okay. It was okay. They were okay. "If you want to ask questions about what happened, and you're comfortable discussing it, Shepard, I'll be fine. Really."

Shepard's grip tightened ever so slightly around Kaidan's hand, unable to decide if it was to stop the trembling that had overtaken his fingers or to assure the other man that he was okay. He inhaled quietly to steady himself, before exhaling. "It… it's hard to explain. I don't remember much. After I – after the thresher hit us and knocked me out," he began, faltering for a moment when he remembered that they had an "official" story to perpetuate. Thankfully Ash didn't seem to notice the hesitation. "I don't know if it was all a hallucination or if I really had some kind of near death experience, but… I saw my old squad mate from Akuze – the one we met on Ontarom, Toombs. He… he spoke to me."

He looked down, not quite able to keep eye contact while he relived the memory – it wasn't as vivid as before, like a dream that had long passed. He could only remember bits and pieces, and those were becoming harder and harder to grasp. "I-I'm sorry. I can't remember much else. I just remember Toombs, and seeing Kaidan giving me CPR, and then waking up in that cave."

"What you remembered me saying while you were still under was oddly accurate, though," Kaidan added in a quiet voice, having since then let go of Shepard's hand to go trace gentle patterns with his fingers on his lower back, underneath his shirt. He chose not to elaborate on the subject. After all, he didn't need Ashley to know that he'd threatened Shepard to follow him into death if he didn't come back. "Of course, it could have been because part of your brain was still active on a subconscious level…"

She listened to them attentively, trying to understand what Shepard could have experienced, wanting it to make sense. "Were you scared, or… in pain?" she hesitantly asked, not wanting to trigger anything unpleasant for her friend, but still needing to know. While she knew that Shepard most likely would not have all the answers to her questions and doubts, after having lost so many people close to her lately, she just needed something to help her believe that they were safe – that they had gone to a good place. That her father was okay…

She'd always had faith in God, believed that he was watching out for them, but… With everything that had happened lately – with all the horrors that she'd seen on Eden Prime, among others – it was so easy to let herself doubt that God really had a plan for them all, and that things were happening for a reason.

Shepard sighed, eyes closing as Kaidan's palm ghosted over the small of his back. "I wasn't in pain, no. I didn't feel much of anything. I was… calm, I guess. At peace." He leaned his head against Kaidan's shoulder, sagging into his embrace. "If Kaidan hadn't… if he hadn't been trying so hard to bring me back, I don't think I would have made it. A part of me thinks it would have been so easy to just let go at that point. I'm just glad I didn't."

"Me too," Kaidan whispered, cheek resting against the top of Shepard's head, eyes closed.

Ashley couldn't resist smiling as she looked at them. Despite everything that they'd just been through, she couldn't remember having ever seen them look so happy, or at ease under any other circumstances. She was going to tease Kaidan by asking him if he realized that Shepard had just given up Heaven to be with him, but she decided not to ruin the moment. She also felt very humbled and touched by the fact that they were allowing her to share it with them.

"Thanks Skipper. I really appreciate you telling me."

She let out a yawn and snuggled a little closer against Kaidan, getting herself comfortable – she was feeling tired and a little emotionally drained from the last two days' events, and being able to relax, away from the usual crew quarters, was rather nice…

"God Alenko, are you always this hot?" she asked lazily, before her eyes suddenly snapped opened and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks as she realized what she'd just said. Looking up, she saw that Kaidan was staring back at her, eyebrow lifted and a little smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"I meant literally, you dork." She chuckled, hiding her embarrassment. "The heating system back in the crew quarters is horrible, and I always get cold feet. If I'd known that your body gave off so much heat, I might have tried to find a way to cuddle up with you sooner," she teased him.

"The perks of having a biotic metabolism, we tend to run a few degrees hotter than the rest of you guys," Kaidan answered, though he found himself taking a mental note of trying to find a way to tweak the crew quarter's heating system when he was up and about again.

"I'll say," Ash agreed, throwing an amused look in Shepard's direction.

"Ugh, I wouldn't call it a perk," Shepard groaned, cracking an eye open to give Ashley a look. "When I was at the Villa in Rio, I was lucky I didn't boil during downtime. It was weeks before my fatigues stopped smelling like sweat. You think Kaidan's hot? Try snuggling a Vanguard after an eight-hour training exercise. It's like sitting next to a furnace."

"Still, I doubt any of us felt like complaining about it yesterday," the other biotic pointed out, memories of the biting cold they'd experienced still a bit hard to shake. "I've always enjoyed going skiing in the mountains, but I think I'll pass this year." He smiled, closing his eyes and letting himself sink deeper into the mattress. "Furnace or not, I'd still snuggle you, though."

"Mm," Shepard murmured, moving in a little closer so he was flush against Kaidan's side, feeling the heat of his skin even through his clothing. He could feel the weariness creeping around the edges of his mind, threatening to take hold and drag him under. It didn't help that Kaidan was so warm and he was so comfortable, content to stay that way as long as he possibly could.

They stayed together for a while longer, lazily exchanging words in the darkness of the med bay. The small talk continued for a while, and Shepard was only mildly surprised when Kaidan was the first to go under, words tapering off into soft, even breathing as his head sagged against Shepard's forehead. Ashley exchanged a knowing look with Shepard from across the Lieutenant's chest, and they continued the conversation in whispers until finally, after everything that had happened that day, Shepard's eyes drifted closed and he fell asleep curled firmly in the crook of Kaidan's arm.

"Have you guys seen Ash?" Garrus asked as he entered the ship's cockpit, where Dr. Chakwas was apparently sharing a drink with Joker, both of them laughing and playing a game of cards.

"Wait - are you two even allowed to drink on the job?" he added, the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Nah… The ship's on autopilot, and the good doctor here is on call. That's considered off duty," the pilot answered a bit smugly. "Besides, I won the pool, so she owed me that drink."

Dr. Chakwas chuckled lightly "Yeah, that you did." She then turned her attention towards the turian. "She was headed for the medbay to visit Shepard and the Lieutenant around four hours ago. Maybe she's still there," she offered helpfully.

Garrus eyebrow ridges shot up in surprise. "Four hours? Isn't that a bit much?"

"Well, you never know! There are many ways for the three of them to pass the time – ow!"

"Stop being such a baby, you aren't actually made of glass, you know," Dr. Chakwas stated teasingly, sitting back in the co-pilot's chair while Jeff glared at her, rubbing his shoulder where she'd playfully punched him.

"Well, according to my readings, my two patients appear to be fast asleep," she said, consulting the medical interface of her omnitool. "So it's probably safe to take a look."

The pilot didn't have to be told twice before activating the cameras. "Aww… Look at them. This is so sweet," he cooed mockingly, as the image of the three slumbering human soldiers comfortably snuggled together appeared on the monitor.

Garrus felt the heat rise up to his cheeks, and wondered why there was this unsettling feeling in his gut all of a sudden. After all, he knew that Kaidan was totally head over heels for Shepard and didn't feel any romantic inclination towards Ashley. But there was something about the way that she had her arms tightly wrapped around his torso, with her head lazily resting against his naked chest, looking so utterly peaceful and content, that made something stir deep within his own chest.

That's when he noticed that Joker was looking back at him with a self-satisfied smirk. "These three should totally start dating," he pushed, and the turian had to resist the urge to throw him right across the cockpit's window.

"Well, it's close to bedtime, and I still need to prep them for the night," Dr. Chakwas cut in, in an effort to break the tension before the pilot ended up with broken bones. "Why don't you come along, Garrus? Didn't you say that you wanted to talk to Ashley?"

"Thanks doctor, I'll do that," he answered, moving politely to the side and gesturing for her to lead the way.

"Garrus and Ashley sitting in a Mako… First comes loves… Then comes chafing…" Joker began to sing quietly – but not quietly enough – after they'd begun to walk away.

Garrus was about to make a sharp U-turn, but Karin proved to be faster as she grabbed him by the arm, keeping him on course.

"Just for the record, Joker, you owe me one. Next drink's on you!" she called. "Don't listen to him, Garrus, he's just being an ass," she added with a wink and a smile.

"YEAH! I HEARD THAT!"

Kaidan felt something tug at his arm, and tried to swat it away, only to realize that his other arm was half numb as there was a warm body lying on top of it. He grumbled something unintelligible and tried to shift his weight a little, getting ready to fall back asleep.

"Lieutenant… Wake up…" he heard a familiar feminine voice whisper in his ear, her tone insisting, before feeling a little tug on his arm again. He sighed and slowly opened his eyes, mind still a bit groggy, as he took in his surroundings. "Hey guys. What's up?" he asked with a yawn, finally acknowledging Dr. Chakwas and Garrus' presence.

"I'm sorry, but I need to check up on you both before I call it a night," the doctor explained, tone apologetic. Normally she wouldn't have wanted to rouse them, as they all looked to be pretty comfortable – not to mention she knew that Ashley had had a bad night the day before – but her duty as their doctor said otherwise. "Also, I think that Garrus here would appreciate having a word with the Chief."

"Well, it's nothing that important, really," the turian began, looking a bit flustered all of a sudden, fidgeting with his hands. "I just wanted to make sure that she was doing okay. She seemed to be pretty upset after we found you yesterday, so…"

Kaidan smiled, taking pity on him. "Sure. Hey, Ash…" he said softly, giving her shoulder a little shake.

"Hmmm…" she groaned sleepily, only to snuggle a bit deeper and burrow her face in his chest.

"Ash, wake up," Kaidan said with a small laugh. "You're drooling all over me."

"I don't drool," she protested, voice slightly muffled by his skin. However, she still kept her eyes stubbornly closed and refused to make any effort to move.

"Ash," he said again. Apparently, she planned on making it difficult.

"Humph… It's warm... 'm tired… Later…"

"Ashley, I need you to get to your own bed so I can check up on them, okay?" Dr. Chakwas explained patiently, expression nonetheless amused.

"But… Warm…" she murmured, and the doctor had to wonder if she was even aware of what she was saying. She smiled, looking back at Garrus.

"A little help here?" she asked, trying to resist laughing as she noticed that the turian had obviously perked up at the suggestion.

"Sure, no problem," he answered, before he moved to the side of the bed, delicately slipping his arms around Ashley's shoulders and underneath her knees and picking her up from the bed effortlessly.

"Hey…!" she initially objected, but she soon sank deeper into Garrus' embrace, her head lazily settling in the crook of his neck. She sighed contently as a satisfied smile graced her lips. "Hmmm… Turians are pretty hot, too…"

Kaidan guffawed as poor Garrus seemed to turn three deeper shades of blue. He felt Shepard stir next to him, and gently removed his arm from under the other man's body, giving him a light kiss on the forehead while wrapping it around his shoulders instead.

"Ugh. What's with all the noise," Shepard mumbled under his breath, refusing to open his eyes at first as he turned his face into Kaidan's shoulder.

"Apparently, Ashley thinks that turians are pretty hot," Kaidan whispered in his ear in amusement, bringing the Commander up to speed on the current situation as he finally cracked an eye open to see Ashley contently curled up in Garrus' arms.

He couldn't keep from snorting, before lifting his head from Kaidan's shoulder. "Hey, Chief," he called, voice slipping back into his Commander role easily despite the dryness scratching his throat.

"Yes sir," Ashley murmured – she hadn't even opened her eyes, though the subtle change in the stiffness of her back was enough to guess what she thought was happening.

"Left cheek."

What he didn't expect was for Ashley to silently lean up just enough to plant a quick kiss on Garrus' cheek the moment the words left his mouth. The look on the turian's face was comical at best, and Shepard had to bury his face in Kaidan's shoulder again just to stifle his laughter – which, of course, didn't help much considering just how hard said shoulder was shaking.

Even Dr. Chakwas was having a hard time keeping it together and remaining professional, though she couldn't help but recall Joker's earlier singing, which made it all the harder not to burst into laughter. Though she couldn't help but wonder - if this evolved into something more serious, she might have to tell Ashley about a few preventive measures in order to avoid chafing, or other potential complications related to levo / dextro coupling… She wondered for a moment if she still had those brochures with the diagrams…

Okay, now it was sounding way dirtier in her mind than it should, she realized. Maybe it was really time for all of them to get some much-needed sleep.

She looked back at Garrus, who was still rooted on the spot, looking completely dumbstruck, while the young woman in his arms was back to rubbing her nose on the smoother skin just below his jaw.

"Garrus, why don't you get our sleeping beauty back to bed?" she began to ask, only to be interrupted by Kaidan.

"Actually, I think it's our turn to get the sleeping pods tonight," he pointed out, having finally managed to recover from his laughing fit long enough to catch his breath.

Garrus frowned, unconsciously tightening his hold on Ashley a little. As a result she let out a soft moan and shifted a little. "Pod's too cold."

What was it with humans and this obsession with warmth? Nevertheless, if Ashley felt that warmth was what she needed right now…

"It's okay, I'll uh… I'll figure something out," he finally managed to say, giving them a little nod and bidding them all good night before making his way out of the med bay with his precious cargo nestled comfortably in his arms.

Ignoring the few curious looks sent his way, Garrus walked past the mess hall and into the elevator, directing himself towards the ship's laundry room while doing his best to keep his movements smooth and fluid in order to avoid jolting Ashley and waking her up entirely.

As he walked, he found himself marveling at how light and delicate the young human female felt in his arms…

Sure, he'd needed to lift or support her before, whenever she had sustained injuries in combat. But this time, there were no heavy armors between them. Garrus was only wearing casual turian clothing, and Ashley was dressed in a loose sweatpants and t-shirt. Even through the rigid nerve sensitive metallic exoskeleton covering his torso, he could still feel how soft and smooth her skin and tissues were.

Besides the solid bones and various cartilages underneath, human physiology was surprisingly… flexible. It bent, twisted, and slouched easily to take the strangest positions sometimes – as the young woman was all but curled on herself, and seemed to have absolutely no problem with that. Everything appeared to be falling into place naturally, tender skin and muscles flattening against his body to allow maximum surface contact, taking away nearly all of the space between them.

Smooth, rounded edges… Soft padding surrounding a fragile skeleton… Five delicate fingers with brittle nails on each end… Blunt teeth that could barely tear through flesh… Silky hair offering no significant protection…

And yet, he knew that Ashley would perfectly be able to summon just the right amount of grace, strength, speed, skill, and agility in order to allow her to hold her own against him in a hand to hand combat drills, and even make it look easy. Actually, he wouldn't be surprised if she ended up winning.

Not to mention her proficiency when it came to handling weapons. Virtually any weapon. Pistols, rifles, grenade, knives… She was an incredibly skilled and precise sharpshooter that very seldom missed a target.

On and off the battlefield, Chief Williams was a force to be reckoned with. A single glare would send a krogan scurrying. She didn't submit, and she never yielded.

But Ash… She was all soft padding around the hard edges. She had a kindness and compassion that she carried through all of her actions. And if you were lucky enough to have made your way into her beautiful heart, Garrus knew that there was virtually nothing that she wouldn't be ready to give or sacrifice in order to ensure your well-being and protection.

The safety and happiness of her family and friends were her number one priority; and she would be willing to devote countless hours and resources in order to achieve that goal. Her deep loyalty to the Alliance stemmed from her ability to care deeply for each and every single member of her team.

Having finally reached his destination, Garrus sat down for a moment, laying Ashley across his lap while still supporting her upper back. He delicately brushed a loose strand of hair away from her closed lids with one if his talons, careful not to accidentally scratch the soft and rosy skin.

He'd never thought that humans looked particularly attractive but… Spirits! This woman was simply beautiful. From the strange hair covering her body, to the delicate fingers, to her small and funny flexible ears and nose… And even to the added padding on her chest that humans called "breasts" (and for some reason they appeared to obsess about – males especially.) There was nothing about who Ashley was or her physical appearance that wasn't simply gorgeous to him.

He even surprised himself wondering how those "breasts" would feel under his palms if she ever came to trust him and be comfortable enough to let him touch and squeeze them.

He shook his head a little, inwardly laughing at himself. Who knew that gaining an appreciation of human anatomy could become an acquired taste?

Beyond being appreciative of Ashley's personality and looks, the fact remained that he liked her… A lot. In fact, he could hardly recall the last time that he'd liked anyone this much, if ever. And he knew that Ashley enjoyed spending time with him too, at least. Not to mention that she obviously felt comfortable enough around him to entirely relax, and allow herself to slumber peacefully in his embrace... and to even give him a kiss when prompted to (though he had the distinct impression that there was a story behind this that he should probably ask Shepard or Alenko about!)

Then again, he'd often witnessed her acting with just as much ease and affection towards the LT on various occasions… Unless she had a hidden crush on Kaidan?

Spirits! Since when did he become so ridiculously nervous and insecure? And why was he suddenly so afraid of misreading her, and messing things up for them?

Perhaps because he knew that there had been so much going wrong for Ashley, lately, that he wanted something to go right, for once.

They had spoken about her family's past with the Alliance, and how it had affected both her father's military career and hers. And here he was, a turian – the very alien race that had forced General Williams to surrender on Shanxi – with some crazy hope that he may prove worthy enough for her to ever consider surrendering her heart to him.

While it may take a special kind of thickheaded to willingly march into a job where your family is blacklisted… Garrus was starting to wonder if it didn't take a special kind of thickheaded, too, to try to initiate a courtship with the granddaughter of General Williams despite their respective histories. Then again, he'd never really made a good turian. And humans were known to have a penchant for star-crossed romances, didn't they? So perhaps he had a chance after all…

Then again, good turian or not, he still had to hope that he could prove to be good enough a man to be worthy of her, and to treat her right. Or gain enough favor with her to be seen as a good and trusted friend, at the very least. When it really came down to it, he just wanted Ash to be happy.

Standing up and supporting her back with his upper arm, her head still resting in the crook of his neck, he successfully managed to grab as many clean covers and blankets as he possibly could from the shelves, and an extra pillow. He then stepped out of the laundry room and walked towards the cargo bay.

The Mako had a large and surprisingly comfortable bench seat in the back. As a matter of fact, this was the place that Garrus had elected to use to get some good shuteye most of the time. It was calm and quiet, away from all of the ship's action. And since people rarely entered the vehicle when not in operation, he was very rarely disturbed. Strong soundproofing, adequate ventilation and heating system… Beyond its fire capacity, there were plenty of reasons to enjoy the Mako.

After a few attempts and managing to painfully bash his head against the inner frame of the main door, he successfully made his way inside without awakening Ashley, or dropping any of the bedding.

He wrapped her up tightly in the warm blankets, placing the pillow underneath her head – careful not to get a talon stuck in her hair and inadvertently pull at them. Then, he pressed a few more covers all around her body, taking extra care of providing adequate support to her back and knees – basically trying to create for her a comfortable and warm little nest so that she could sleep as peacefully as possible.

As he was about to stand up and leave in order to allow her some privacy to rest quietly, he felt something tug at the corner of his shirt.

"Stay…" Ash whispered sleepily. "Please… 'm tired of… care for… leaving…"

While her words were mumbled so low that he hardly could catch all of them, what Garrus did hear made his heart get stuck in his throat.

He now understood why she had gotten such a terrible night of sleep on the evening before, and why she had spend most of the day avoiding everyone.

She'd lost her whole squad on Eden Prime… And yesterday, they had come ridiculously close to losing both Shepard and Kaidan, too. And if they had, not only would she have been left to mourn the death of two of her closest and dearest friends, but there would have been some good chances that the Normandy's crew would quickly have been disbanded.

The ship and her pilot would have been reclaimed by the Alliance… Liara, Tali, Wrex and himself would have returned to pursuing their own interests… She might even have been forced to get another crappy assignment, away from the people she'd grown to care for over the last few months. There was so much that she had come close to losing…

"Shhh… It's okay Ash…" he soothed her, gently running his hand through her hair. "I'll stay here with you until morning comes… I won't leave you alone, I promise," he vowed, voice steady and reassuring, yet thick with emotion.

He watched her immediately relax and smile, turning her face towards the palm of his hand and nuzzling it a little bit for a few seconds. "Thanks," she breathed, and Garrus found himself smiling in return.

He got himself comfortable, settling down for the night, using the last remaining blankets to create his own makeshift bed on the floor. A few joints would probably be a little sore in the morning, but it'd still be worth it.

Since he wasn't feeling particularly sleepy, he opened the extranet browser of his omnitool. What was the name that Kaidan had said again? Ah, yes.

Tennyson.

He typed it in, struggling to get the right spelling a few times (until he had the bright idea of adding "human poetry" next to it,) and hit "search."

Meanwhile, back in the medbay, Dr. Chakwas had had the time to complete the physical examination of her two patients. Since Shepard and the Lieutenant's frostbite appeared to be fully healed, their PCA pumps indicated that neither of them had asked for any analgesic since coming back from their showers, and they both confirmed that they weren't in any significant pain beyond the light occasional itching and discomfort, she removed their I.V.s.

She still made Kaidan promise to contact her if his headache got worse, though. With his implant having been overheated, the stress, and the intense temperature variations they'd been subjected to, she was worried that it may lead to further complications over the next few days. He assured her that, besides a light throbbing sensation in his temples, and a slightly greater sensitivity to light, he was fine. For now, there were no other neurological disturbances to speak of – as far as he could tell anyway.

Besides, he was under the distinct impression that if his current condition ever deteriorated, and he tried to "tough it out," Shepard would probably become concerned and call for the doctor himself. So there really was nothing to worry about.

She then saw to it that Joker had closed both the video and audio feed of the med bay, and specified that she would make sure that the door would remain locked from the outside until eight hundred the next morning. In case of an emergency, they would have no problem with getting out, but otherwise she would be the only one with the codes to get in, in case they needed assistance.

She also adjusted the settings of her omnitool so that it would set off the alarm and awaken her the minute that the monitor's readings noticed something abnormal – teasing them that a sudden increase in heart rate, blood pressure, or ventilation was not considered a medical emergency as long as it remained within safe, normal range. She pretend to ignore the fact that both men turned bright red and looked away from each other while she explained this to them.

Then, she bid them both good night, affectionately ruffling Kaidan's hair on her way out, much to his annoyance and Shepard's apparent amusement.

After she was gone, they stayed there, sitting side by side in silence for a few moments, Kaidan trying to wrap his mind around everything that had happened during the day.

First, they were alive.

Second, he was in love.

And apparently, now he had found himself in a romantic relationship – his first romantic relationship – with the full approval and support of the crew and Wrex, no less. And though the mission was still dangerous and the future remained uncertain… As long as they lived, he knew that they wouldn't have to face it alone.

"This is surreal," he finally breathed; at first not even certain that he'd spoken the words out loud.

Shepard looked over at him after a moment, confirming that he had indeed spoken with the way one of his dark eyebrows had arched upwards questioningly. "Is that the painkillers talking, Alenko?" he asked, tone falsely serious despite the smirk turning the corner of his mouth.

He turned his gaze back towards the ceiling, exhaling evenly as he focused on one of the seams in the metal plating and the way it caught the minimal lighting in the room. "…Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean."

"But… This – this is good, right?" Kaidan inquired, old insecurities resurfacing, looking in Shepard's direction with a mix of hope and trepidation. Everything had happened so quickly that he couldn't help but feel that the last day's events had totally escaped their control… his control. That a number of essential things in his life had suddenly already been decided for him, and that it would have been completely useless to fight against it.

Not that he would have wished to, if given the chance. He knew this was what he wanted… And he knew that Shepard did care for him perhaps just as much as he did… But it was one thing to slowly learn to come to terms with the way that they both felt about each other; and another thing entirely to suddenly very publicly become… what? A couple? Is that what they were?

Could he start referring to Marco as his partner now? His boyfriend?

But what if things were moving too fast for him? What if Shepard felt that he was being pushed into something that he wasn't fully ready to embrace?

Shepard managed a slow half-smile in his direction. "It's good for me… so long as it's good for you?" he asked, before an awkward look suddenly crossed his face and he looked away. "Sorry, that sounded weird, didn't it?"

He rubbed a hand over his face, unable to keep from laughing at himself. "Have I mentioned that I'm really bad at this?"

Kaidan chuckled lightly. "Well, it's endearing…" he said with a small half smile.

He brought his headrest down again, and turned on his side to face him. "I'm good. Better than good, even, but I uh…" he sighed, trying to quell the still lingering fear in his heart. "…I just want to make sure that this is what you really want." He looked away a little nervously.

"I don't want you to feel like you're being pushed into a relationship too fast… Especially when you've had so many things more or less dumped right into your lap lately. I wouldn't want you to regret…" he trailed off quietly, eyes taking a faraway look.

"Hey," Shepard interrupted him, turning over to better face him and reaching over to trail a hand over the side of the other man's face. "This is what I want. Yeah, we've got a lot to deal with right now, and the universe isn't going to stop for us… but that doesn't mean we can't handle it. We'll take it slow. Sound good?"

Kaidan nodded slowly, finally meeting Shepard's gaze, a slightly vulnerable and melancholic look in his eyes. "Yeah. I'm- I'm sorry, I just… I guess I'm not used to people showing interest in me for… Well, me. You know?" He sighed, hating the fact that he was acting so insecure when Shepard had never done anything to suggest that he was having second thoughts, or that he was not worth his time.

Being appreciated for something more than his biotics, intelligence, or his skills was something a little new to him. And it scared him to realize just how much he needed that - that feeling of being loved and accepted for who he was; the quiet understanding and companionship…

And he knew that, for him, there would be no coming back. If he let himself surrender entirely to his feelings, he felt that he would become his, always. So he had to be sure. He needed Shepard to be sure.

Shepard leaned in a little closer, smoothing his hand back through Kaidan's hair, feeling the strands slipping through his fingers as he did so. "Well… we can get used to it together," he murmured, smiling slightly. "I like you for you, Kaidan, and there's no questioning that. Got it?"

"Yes sir," he answered a bit teasingly with a fond smile, finally allowing himself to relax while scooting closer and closing the distance between them. He delicately slipped a hand underneath Shepard's shirt, caressing the small of his back, and rested his forehead against his, noses touching. He closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath.

"You are the best boyfriend, you know that?" he whispered with an amused smile, fully aware of how corny what he'd just said sounded, but not quite caring. After all, Marco wasn't the only one who was really bad at this. Might as well make it clear to him that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing either, and was perfectly okay with that.

"Well, I dunno about that," Shepard replied with a cheeky grin, before leaning in a bit to plant a soft kiss on Kaidan's lips before drawing back again. "I can't promise you roses and dinner, but if I save the galaxy for you can we call it even?"

This time Kaidan laughed. Just, really laughed – an easy, warm, joyful, carefree kind of laugh. "Yeah, definitely the best," he stated, practically beaming at him. "On one condition, though - I get to help," he added, looking back at him suggestively. "Wouldn't want you to be forced to have all the fun on your own… That would be bad."

"Oh, I can think of a lot of ways you can help me, Lieutenant," Shepard responded mischievously. "First things first, I think I could use a little morale booster," he added, before leaning in again and pressing his lips to Kaidan's in a firm kiss.

Said Lieutenant gladly returned the kiss, all too eager to comply. Coming up for air for barely a second, he managed to whisper a breathless "aye aye" before deciding that it was probably best to stop talking altogether, as he seriously doubted his ability to come up with anything coherent anyway. The warm body pushed against his was demanding his undivided attention, and slowly overpowering all of his senses. Deft fingers tangled in his hair, massaging the sensitive scalp underneath; sometimes grabbing and pulling a little as the kiss grew more passionate, but never daring to cross the threshold where pleasure became pain…

Soft, moist lips burned against his, and he felt almost desperate to taste them; he alternated between gently biting and playfully sucking at them… once in a while locking them with his own while their tongues played a curious game of hide and seek. They teased each other, only to give in moments later, Marco letting Kaidan set the pace as he gently massaged his tongue with his.

Strong hand pressed against his back, running up and down his spine and sending delightful shivers through his body as they kept their chests firmly pressed together. Even through the fabric of Shepard's shirt, Kaidan could still feel his boyfriend's – someone he'd only called Commander a lifetime ago – heart beating wildly against his own, as if trying to follow the same rhythm.

And while his own hands were happily occupied with exploring the surface of his lover's back, neck, and occasionally stomach – just above his waistband – he soon found that the shirt was quickly becoming a nuisance. He remembered the sensation of Shepard's warm skin against his own – back when the close contact had meant the difference between life and death – and he now wanted to be able to experience it without the feeling of impending doom lurking just around the corner.

Wrapping his left arm around Shepard's waist and using his right one to get a good hold of his back, hand resting flat against his opposite shoulder blade, he managed to roll them both over so that he was now on top of him, his weight partially supported by his arms in order to avoid crushing him.

Kaidan's breath hitched and he let out a small involuntary moan in the other man's mouth as their growing erections accidently rubbed together, making him become painfully aware of just how amazing Marco's body felt against his own. It took every ounce of willpower and self-control he still had in order to stop himself from applying more pressure and grinding his hips in a back and forth motion.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he nevertheless managed to withdraw from the kiss and sit up a little, straddling Shepard's thighs and hoping that the temporary interruption would soon pay off. Starting with his lover's lower belly, he slowly began caressing the full length of his well-defined stomach and muscular chest, idly running his thumbs against the edges of the scars as he did so, while lifting the offending piece of clothing out of the way until if finally got caught under his arms.

Pouting lightly, he threw Marco a pleading, hungry look, silently asking for his permission to remove the shirt, waiting for him to sit up a little and lift his arms above his head in order to allow him to do so. Shepard seemed to hesitate for a moment, an indiscernible emotion flashing in his eyes before it was suddenly gone and he was leaning up, helping Kaidan peel the shirt off of him until he could toss it somewhere. He was vaguely aware of it landing on Kaidan's vacated cot before their lips clashed again, hands none too eager to explore as they kissed.

Shepard couldn't stop the breathless moan that crawled past his lips as Kaidan's hands brushed over his stomach and chest, fingertips lightly playing across the map of scar tissue branding his torso. He hadn't realized just how sensitive his scars were until he could actually feel and enjoy the hands that touched them without his senses clouded by freezing cold and impending death.

The fact that he felt quite the opposite of how he had during their time in that cave was almost liberating – there was a heat growing beneath his skin like embers struggling to ignite, and that was enough to make him feel very much alive. He couldn't stop the breath that hitched in his throat at the thought, and he pulled Kaidan into another kiss he hoped was full of the passion, thankfulness, and love he wished he could properly express but didn't know how.

Kaidan closed his eyes and tried to take deep, calming breaths though his nose… While he lacked experience in terms of sharing something so deeply intimate with a partner, he wasn't exactly innocent, either. He was actually rather well acquainted with his own body, and loved to explore and experiment. But this… This was something else entirely. The sensations were vaguely familiar, and yet unlike anything he'd ever experienced before – like there was this great continuous flow of energy moving back and forth between their minds and bodies, keeping them solidly in tune with each other.

Every little sigh, every small smile against his mouth, every quiver, the slightest reaction that he got from Shepard as a result of his own actions managed to send strong signals that travelled right down to his very core, and threatened to overpower him. It was stronger than dark energy, and more addictive and intoxicating than red sand. How he'd ever managed to remotely function without it in the past was beyond him!

He wanted – he needed this... this pure connection between them… like he'd never wanted or needed anything else before. And if that kiss kept going on for much longer, he'd just…

Panting quietly, lips still slightly parted, Kaidan leaned back a little to take a look at his lover, hoping that the pause would give him just enough strength to regain control. Or enough control, at least, to avoid starting to…

Except he hadn't anticipated what staring down at Marco, lying there almost naked beneath his body, would do to him.

Marco's skin was flushed and covered with a light sheen of sweat, his own breathing just as erratic as his, chest quickly dropping and rising against his own as he tried to catch his breath. Kaidan watched with utter fascination as he slowly licked his lips, which now appeared a little redder than usual from all the kissing and playful biting, blissfully unaware of exactly what the simple gesture was doing to him… But it was his eyes – Marco's gorgeous grey eyes – that were now nearly black with desire, that proved to be his undoing.

"Beautiful…" Kaidan whispered to himself, tenderly running the back of his hand down the side of his lover's face, as a deep tremor ran through his whole body – his own eyes suddenly took on a vibrant shade of blue and began emitting a soft glow in the dimly lit med bay. Wisps of dark energy began to shift and swirl all around them, tickling the surface of their skin.

"Kaidan?" Marco began, voice laced with gentle concern. Not fear, though, as he showed absolutely no intention of moving away from him. If anything, Kaidan noticed that Shepard was now leaning a bit forward, as if trying to reach out to him and understand what was causing him to start glowing in such a way.

Here he was, losing control, his profound state of excitation causing the eezo nodules all along his nervous system to fire up, and it didn't appear to scare him… Marco wasn't scared of him.

Kaidan let out a shaky sigh as he saw nothing but love, acceptance, and just a hint of worry reflected in those beautiful eyes.

"Kaidan, what are you…?" Marco started to ask again, but Kaidan simply leaned into him, burying his face in the crook of his neck, and held his lover's body delicately yet firmly against his.

"It's – it's okay… I'm fine… I uh… I just… I think I need to…"

Softly tightening his grip on Shepard's body and keeping his eyes closed, he began to instinctively move his hips against his lover's, slowly adding some pressure – not enough for it to become painful or uncomfortable. He could feel Marco growing hard through the fabric of his underwear, and his own erection responded in kind as they moved against one another.

He could feel and hear both their respiration and heartbeats quicken, the heat between their bodies becoming almost scorching - yet it seemed that his action had the desired effect, as the dark energy surrounding them slowly vanished, and he could feel his biotics powering down.

By maintaining his focus on the way that Shepard's body felt against his, and on the other sensations assaulting his own body, instead of trying to fight or contain them, he found that he was able to avoid triggering another biotic response from his nervous system - the growing tension slowly accumulating within his body having seemingly found another… outlet.

Gently kissing, biting, and sucking at the tender flesh of Shepard's neck and ear – while being still careful not to leave any mark – Kaidan kept moving his pelvis against the other man's at a steady pace, doing his best not to go too fast or push too hard for fear of making Marco feel like he was ravishing him. Now that he was back in control – or as much control as he could possibly be expected to muster under the circumstances, at least – he was determined to let Marco set up the pace in order to give him the chance to express what he wanted, or needed.

Shepard's fingernails dug a little deeper into the skin of Kaidan's shoulder blades – he was at least mindful not to scrape or cut, but he found his control slipping as Kaidan's hips slowly, steadily ground into his own. The fabric of their underwear slid against each other, creating a heavy friction that had him gasping as he buried his face in Kaidan's hair. His spine curved as he began to rock his hips against the other man's, pushing up to meet his downwards movements, silently encouraging him to move faster and bring the friction up a notch.

A soft moan that might have been Kaidan's name slipped past his lips, and he leaned in to kiss along whatever part of Kaidan's neck he could reach from his current position – his skin was beginning to bead with sweat and he could taste the salt on his lips, feel his breath hot and quick against his ear, feel his heart thrumming against his chest in time with his own. He clutched him tighter to stop his hands from trembling.

Encouraged by Shepard's response, Kaidan allowed his instincts to take over as his pace quickened. For a moment, he was brought back to the time when he'd first watched Shepard fight on the battlefield. The way he'd seen him move gracefully and without restraint… Raw, pure, powerful energy – untamed and so free…

And now – now he couldn't help but feel like he was right there with him, riding waves after waves of dark energy – entirely unbound, totally surrendering to them, and it was the most liberating feeling in the world. All of the walls that had ever been held between them came crashing down as if Marco had charged right into them.

Actually, he might have thrown a strong push in there to help him bring them down, too, as he had no doubts that he was just as equally to blame for what was happening. I love you… I need you... I want you… I...

Kaidan could feel the pressure in his groin building as they moved together, having reached an almost frantic rhythm, and he knew that it wouldn't be long before he would no longer be able to contain it. "Marco…" he half whispered, half moaned, lost in ecstasy… his breathing shallow and impossibly quick… his whole body tensing and shaking as he tried to make the moment – this perfect, heavenly moment – last as long as he possibly could.

Bringing his lips back to Shepard's in a fervent kiss, he managed to bring forth the very last bit of self-control he'd so willingly given up only minutes ago. He wanted to make sure that Marco would meet him there, desperate to wait for his lover's own release before allowing himself to finally climax, and let go.

Shepard's fingers tangled in Kaidan's hair as he kissed him back, matching him with a ferocity he normally reserved only for the battlefield. Tongues and teeth scraping and biting and fighting, breaking only for seconds of air before lips were pressed together again with unbearable need and desire. He could feel Kaidan trembling against him as they moved together, and he was glad he wasn't the only one unable to keep from shaking. His breath shuddered in his lungs and the pleasure crawled through his system like the aftershocks of a biotic charge, arcing between nerve endings like a wildfire.

He felt his stomach muscles tighten and his back involuntarily arched up off the mattress, and he was glad Kaidan was kissing him because he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from crying out if he hadn't – he had hit his peak after the quick charge upwards, and like falling out of a biotic charge he could feel the flare of energy roll through him and he couldn't stop it even if he had wanted to. He was dimly aware of the familiar buzz skittering through his nervous system as he came, biotics crackling across his skin for a bare moment before they were gone and he was left gasping for breath.

The moment that Kaidan felt Marco lift himself off the mattress, he enfolded him in his arms and held him tight, as if trying to contain all the pure and striking energy burning at the very core of his lover's being. Wrapping himself around him like a protective blanket, oblivious to anything else but Shepard and the way that his body quivered and pulsed against his, Kaidan felt rather than saw his biotics coming to life, calling forth his own, sending something akin to a sharp electric charge throughout his whole body. One more thrust and he reached his own peak, locking his mouth with Shepard's in an effort to quiet them both, and then collapsed – still shaking – half on top of the other's man body, his right shoulder absorbing most of his weight.

Breathing heavily, mind still in a haze, limbs feeling pleasantly numb, he wrapped one leg around Shepard's and managed to roll over enough to snuggle up to his side. He gently rubbed his nose against his cheek, breathing in his scent and enjoying the softness of his skin… Marco's cheeks were so soft that – had his brain still been able to function properly – he'd most likely have been wondering if it was even possible for him to grow a beard.

He lazily caressed Shepard's stomach, fingers eventually coming into contact with the rapidly cooling moisture as they reached his lower belly. "You're all sticky." he whispered absentmindedly… Seconds before the senselessness of what he'd just said hit him, having the effect of instantly sobering him up.

Really?! You just had the most mind blowing orgasm of your life, and that's the first thing you find to say?!

He groaned and hid his face in the other man's neck, suddenly wishing that the mattress could just swallow him whole. "Please tell me I didn't just say that…" he moaned pitifully, mentally picturing a smirking Ashley asking him "That your 'professional' opinion, sir?"

To his credit Shepard managed to keep himself from laughing, stifling the urge by turning his head and burying his face against Kaidan's hair for a moment as he tried to keep the grin off of his lips – the euphoria was still coursing through his veins, which made it all the more difficult to keep his emotions in check. He instead took a moment to stabilize, breathing in the scent of Kaidan's hair – a strong mix of fresh shampoo and sweat – before he finally spoke. "Would it make you feel any better if I told you that I don't have a point of reference to judge post-sex lines against?"

Kaidan chuckled a bit, but didn't raise his head from his hiding spot, as he didn't trust himself to be able to look back at him without blushing. "Much," he breathed, glad that Shepard seemed to be taking it so well, at least. "I'm not sure I would have been able to come up with a better alternative even if I'd tried anyway…" he admitted quietly. "Other than just, 'wow,' you know?"

Shepard couldn't keep from laughing at that. "Yeah… yeah, me too." He exhaled softly, fingertips grazing down Kaidan's arm as he shifted into a slightly more comfortable position with the other man pillowed against his side. "So… um. Do your biotics always flare up like that when you… you know…?"

Kaidan sighed softly. "Well, yeah… I mean, beyond the type of implant, there are other reasons why some biotics end up being more powerful than others… Or some abilities are easier to learn than others," he began explaining, then smiled a bit to himself as he remembered who he was talking to, "But I suppose I don't really have to tell you that."

At least, he supposed it was somewhat common knowledge amongst biotics – it came with the territory of learning just what their powers were, where they came from, and how to control them. The number of eezo nodules attached to a biotic's nervous system, as well as their placement, tended to have a certain role in determining which types of skills that biotic would end up naturally developing, and/or the amount of power or control one could expect to have over them.

Those whose biotic abilities were triggered following secondary exposure, like Shepard, typically tended to have a greater quantity of nodules in their bodies, though some of them could end up being a little more atrophied from lack of earlier use – but not always.

Kaidan remembered that his parents had told him that he had been a good "subject" for the Alliance to study as a child, because his whole nervous system was pretty much filled with them, and some even formed a few dense clusters.

"It turns out that there are certain more sensitive neural pathways in the autonomous nervous system that are a bit trickier to avoid triggering than others… Especially if you are 'lucky' enough to have a few eezo nodules 'conveniently' placed all along the pathways involved in the more advanced stages of physical arousal…" He trailed off, waiting for Shepard to process that.

Shepard's expression remained mostly neutral as he listened to Kaidan's explanation, seemingly turning the information over in his mind – he was unresponsive for a moment, before his eyes went wide as the realization suddenly hit him. "Oh. OH. I… I see," he managed to say, tone turning awkward. "I get the feeling this is something you've dealt with for a while, huh?"

A small laugh escaped Kaidan's lips. "You could say that…" He snuggled a little closer, resting his head on top of Shepard's chest.

"Puberty turned out to be a very interesting period for me…" he began, suddenly wondering if it hadn't been one of the reasons why he'd never been in such a rush to find a partner. "Thankfully, being a bit 'turned on' or 'seeing something I like' isn't enough to activate the biotics, but when things get a little more serious, I…" He sighed – well, considering how much he'd already told Shepard, he might as well give him the full story.

"It's much better than it used to be. If I can keep my focus and relax, I can usually manage to control it or even suppress it. Having an implant actually helps some." At least, it had made it easier for him to channel how and where the dark energy would manifest itself.

"Before that, I usually had to wait until my parents left the house, because I'd make objects fly and crash all over the place in my room… I accidentally threw my computer monitor against the wall once and shattered it. Also broke a window or two," he added with a little giggle. "Don't know if my parents ever suspected anything, or if they really bought all the excuses that I had to try and come up with."

"Oh, wow," Shepard managed to say, shoulders shaking with the effort it took to keep from laughing out loud. "And, uh, what excuses did you come up for those? 'Sorry mom, I sneezed and my monitor hit the wall'?"

"Well, if you want to call this 'sneezing'…" Kaidan said with a laugh, trying to keep himself from commenting on their current state of "stickiness" again. "But no, usually I tried to pretend that I had wanted to take nap, and ended up having some pretty intense dreams," he explained. "I mean, even if I'd told them what was really going on, it's not like they could have found anyone who would have known how to help. Urologists are more familiars with problems like 'erectile dysfunction,' 'urinary tract infections,' or 'bladder stones'… I can only imagine the expression on the doctor's face if my parents had come in saying 'our son here is making objects fly across the bedroom when he's pleasuring himself… So, besides removing the furniture, or gluing everything to the tables, what do you suggest?'"

Shepard made a choking sound that might have been a suppressed laugh. "Okay, yeah, I see what you mean. Still… must've been hard learning how to control that kind of thing by yourself, especially at that age."

Kaidan shrugged. "I actually had to figure out a lot of things by myself…" he said, tightening his hold on Shepard a little, "…comes with the territory of being a 'freak,' I guess. Everything about you is always an unknown, so you sort of learn to stop worrying, and find ways to deal with whatever comes up next. No pun intended."

"Freak, huh?" Shepard repeated with a soft chuckle, palm brushing soothingly down the other man's back. "I don't think that's a good term for you. Talented… unique… powerful… amazing… great kisser," he murmured, a slight smile turning the corners of his lips, "…but not a freak."

A slightly self-conscious laugh managed to make its way pass Kaidan's lips. "You make it sound like I'm pretty spectacular," he teased, nevertheless grateful for the appreciation. He lifted his head off Shepard's chest long enough to plant a gentle kiss on the side of his jaw. "Besides, I don't really mind being a freak as long as I am your freak."

"Well, at least you're with like company," Shepard replied with a slight smile, tilting his head down enough that he could press his lips to Kaidan's temple in a quick kiss. "We can be freaky together." He paused for a moment, before he closed his eyes with a wince. "Okay, that sounded a lot less dirty in my head."

"It's okay, I like dirty… And sticky." Kaidan giggled, not caring how immature he might have sounded. Okay, yeah, he was totally hopeless. "Sorry, I think I'm still a bit giddy about the whole thing. Didn't get to have a lot of sleepovers when I was a boy, and probably have a lot of catching up to do," he explained, then frowned as he gave it some more thought. "Then again, I don't expect most sleepovers to exactly turn out that way… Unless there's something people forgot to tell me, and I've really been missing out."

Shepard snorted, biting back the urge to start laughing again. "God, imagine how awkward that would be. My sleepovers back home always ended up with us getting chewed out by my mom because we stayed up until six in the morning playing videogames and raiding the fridge. I mean, yeah, someone usually lost their pants but it was because they fell asleep first."

"Wait. What?" Kaidan asked, raising his head from his resting place to look back at Marco quizzically.

Shepard snickered. "Well, we used to draw dicks on the loser's forehead in permanent marker but we had one too many scandalized moms after that. So we decided that whoever fell asleep first got their pants stolen. The best part was hiding them somewhere really weird and then making the loser try to find them."

That totally cracked Kaidan up, and threw him into a fit of laughter. "Wow. Well now that's… interesting," he finally said, having managed to catch his breath. "Hopefully you were all wearing underwear. You know, maybe it's a good thing that I never had sleepovers at my house, after all… I tend to fall asleep so easily that I'd probably have some kind of permanent red mark on my forehead from all the washing."

"You didn't have any at your house, huh?" Shepard repeated, unable to keep the curiosity out of his voice. "How come?"

"Biotic, remember?" Kaidan clarified with a small half-smile. "Would you really be comfortable sending your kids to someone's house if you thought that the other child could read their minds, or end up throwing them out the window?"

Shepard's expression dropped for a moment, and he felt a flare of guilt burn in the pit of his stomach. "Sorry, I… Being latent, it… uh… doesn't really give me a lot of perspective on the whole 'growing up with biotics' thing." He sighed, nuzzling into Kaidan's hair in a vague attempt at comfort. "For what it's worth, if I'd known you as a kid, I totally would have stolen your pants."

Kaidan chuckled lightly. "Thanks, Marco." He sighed contentedly, snuggling a bit closer to Shepard. "But I'm okay, really. On the bright side, it just means that you'll get to be my 'first' on a lot of things… And also my 'only' on others…" At least, he was hoping so.

"So, no pressure then," Shepard replied, laughing slightly. "I gotta admit, though – being an awkward virgin isn't as bad if you're not the only one."

His lover easily joined in the laugh. "Especially since technically, we still are, I think… Sort of…" He trailed off. "…Did I just manage to make it sound even more awkward?"

Shepard managed to stifle himself by biting his lip, though it proved difficult. "A little bit, yeah," he conceded with a barely restrained grin, giving Kaidan a comforting squeeze around the shoulders. "It's alright. I think it's cute."

"Cute?" Kaidan asked in mock indignation. "Isn't that what every man is supposed to dread hearing from the one he wants to seduce?"

Shepard arched an eyebrow at him, grinning a bit. "What, you don't like it?"

Kaidan chuckled a little in response, softly nuzzling his neck. "I guess I have no sense of pride, because I do actually kind of like being called cute." He frowned, however, seemingly giving it some more thought. "Though… please keep it to yourself, 'cause that's exactly the kind of comment that could get out of hand with this crew pretty quickly. Joker, especially."

On instinct, he gave a quick glance towards the camera and exhaled a relieved breath when he saw the red light was still off. "Yeah, I really don't want to start hearing about how 'cute' my co-piloting skills are, or how 'cute' I look when I glow blue…"

Shepard couldn't keep from snickering. "On my honor, I will make sure Joker never hears me call you cute. Sound fair enough?"

"Much," Kaidan answered with a gentle smile. "Thanks Marco."

He began tracing slow patterns with his fingers on Shepard's chest, doing his best to keep alert despite the growing weariness that had begun settling in his body; the emotions and events of the day – and, well, recent "physical exertion" – having finally taken their toll. It wasn't long before he found himself yawning loudly, and could feel his limbs seemingly becoming heavier.

"I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm not really looking forward to leaving the med bay," he whispered a bit sleepily. Tomorrow morning, Dr. Chakwas would come back to proceed with one last physical examination, and would most likely clear them up for active duty. And this meant that he would go back to being Staff Lieutenant, Shepard to being Commander, both of them having to keep a professional attitude in order to adequately serve the needs of their crew.

While it was easy for him to accept that, it didn't mean that he couldn't wish for this moment to last longer. Especially since he didn't know how comfortable Shepard would be with the prospect of having a subordinate sharing his own quarters with him, and it was obviously not something that he felt comfortable asking from him, either.

Sure, he'd probably find the time to visit him in his cabin during off-duty hours, and they could always lock the door. But he didn't know when they would have another opportunity to spend a full night just like this, side by side, enjoying the comfort of each other's embrace. Now that he'd gotten a taste for the warmth and softness of Shepard's body, and how good such close, physical contact felt, he knew that he was going to really miss it.

Shepard sighed against Kaidan's hair, before leaning down enough to grab the edge of the sheets from where they'd been kicked to the foot of the gurney and pull them to cover their bodies. He settled back into position, arms wrapped around Kaidan, feeling the warmth of his skin against his own and listening to the sound of his breathing and the way his heartbeat thumped against his chest.

"Yeah… me either," Shepard murmured, eyes closing. "For what it's worth… If it helps, you're free to come to my cabin at any time, even if I'm not there. I want you to have a safe place." He couldn't stop the slight smile that turned his lips. "And I won't say no to the company when I am there."

He didn't say it out loud, but he knew Kaidan would understand – his migraines didn't discriminate and were free to hit him at any time, no matter what responsibilities he had on his shoulders. And sometimes taking a hit of painkillers from Chakwas and trying to tough it out wasn't enough. Shepard had the great fortune of having a quiet cabin with dim lighting and a comfortable bed, and he was more than willing to share that with Kaidan. It was about the least he could do.

"You're my safe place," Kaidan whispered quietly, while closing his eyes, too, his breathing slowing down a little though he was still doing his best to try to keep awake for a while longer.

"And thanks, I really appreciate it... Though I'm afraid it's going to be a little hard for me to return the favor while we're still on the ship. The largest place that would be considered mine would be my locker… Or my pants." A silly thought crossed his mind, and he figured that with everything that had already been said, he might as well go for it. "You're totally welcome to share my pants whenever you like, you know. Even while I'm still in them."

"I'll keep that in mind, Kaidan," Shepard replied, shoulders shaking with laughter. "Nice to know I have permission to get into your pants any time I want."

"Hmm-hmm…" Kaidan murmured, giving his assent. "And the offer to share my Vancouver apartment still stands, too."

Shepard sighed, trying to fight the exhaustion dragging at the corners of his mind and his body and ultimately failing. "I look forward to it," he managed to say, voice dropping off as he yawned softly.

"Good… 'cause… want y'… with me… home… 'arco…"

If he wasn't making much sense any longer, Kaidan didn't even have the presence of mind to notice. Said mind was now pleasantly drifting - surrounded by feelings of peace, warmth, safeness, and bliss… He gave a small satisfied noise and let the steady rhythm of Marco's heartbeat lull him into sleep, his breathing becoming deep, slow, and regular… his muscles completely relaxing, body almost melting against Shepard's, and a soft smile still lingering upon slightly parted lips.

Shepard managed an amused hum at Kaidan's expense, planting a soft kiss against his temple before leaning his head back against the pillow. He stared up at the dark ceiling of the med bay until his focus drifted and the sound of Kaidan breathing blurred into the thrum of the drive core and his eyes slipped closed. The last thing he remembered before sleep came to claim him was how warm Kaidan's skin felt against his own.

When Ashley awoke the next morning, the first thing she noticed was that, unlike most mornings, her feet weren't cold, her joints weren't a bit sore from sleeping on a hard bunk bed or sleeping pod, and her surroundings were surprisingly quiet.

"What the…" she began, sitting up a bit among an impressive number of covers all stacked up around her body – providing extra and surprisingly comfortable cushioning – as if someone had taken extra care to fill all the spaces between her natural curves and the mattress in order to offer maximum support.

But it was when her head almost made contact with the "roof," and she noticed that her "mattress" seemed to have a backrest, that Ashley finally understood where she was.

"Oh God…" she whispered, as the half-hazy events of the previous night began to replay in her mind – going to visit Marco and Kaidan in the medbay, falling asleep comfortably snuggled against a very warm LT after a bit of an emotional exchange...

Then, voices asking her to wake up, before being lifted from her comfy and warm spot, only to find herself nested against another very strong and heated – turian – body. Commander Shepard ordering her to…

"OH. GOD," she repeated, letting herself fall face-forward into the covers.

'Please tell me that I didn't kiss Garrus, begged him for a warm and cozy place to sleep, and then forced him to spend the whole night inside the Mako,' she thought, totally mortified. However, considering where she was, and the restful turian-made "nest" that she had been sleeping in, that seemed like the only logical conclusion.

She felt a slight jolt of panic, as she suddenly became afraid that Garrus would start acting uncomfortable in her presence, or worse, avoiding her. After all, the total lack of hesitation on her part when Shepard had ordered her to kiss him on the cheek, and the fact that she'd been so at ease with being held in his arms, might have tipped him off on the fact that she'd enjoyed the close contact perhaps just a little too much.

As she straightened up a bit, her mind desperately trying to come up with a way to explain things to him that wouldn't end up with her only further embarrassing herself, Ashley noticed that there was something that appeared to be glowing right underneath the edge of her pillow…

Reaching for it, she delicately pulled out a small datapad, her heart hammering in her chest as she tried to anticipate what the message would read. Would Garrus be mad at her for the way that she had behaved? Had she compromised their friendship by acting so inappropriately?

As she began to read the familiar words, however, her eyes immediately lit up and all of her fears subsided, replaced by a mix of giddy delight and overwhelming relief. 'Maybe being sleep-drunk and acting a little "inappropriately" every now and then isn't such a bad thing after all,' she thought with a small chuckle, beaming at the little object that she held in her hands.

"But now when all was lost or seemed as lost-
Her stature more than mortal in the burst
Of sunrise, her arm lifted, eyes on fire-
Brake with a blast of trumpets from the gate,
And, falling on them like a thunderbolt,
She trampled some beneath her horses' heels,
And some were whelmed with missiles of the wall,
And some were pushed with lances from the rock,
And part were drowned within the whirling brook:
O miracle of noble womanhood!"

Good morning, Ash,

This is probably not as warm as a biotic, or as comfortable as your bed, but I still hope that you had a good night sleep.

I would have stayed longer and made sure that you had someone there with you when you woke up but… Well, I was starting to get really hungry. And since a hungry turian is a cranky turian, I thought that it might be better that I made sure to keep my usual sunny and charming disposition.

When you wake up, take your time and leave the pillows and covers in the Mako. I'll take care of removing them when I come back to maintain the vehicle's weapons system later today.

Meanwhile, I'll be in the mess if you need anything.

Hoping to see you soon,

Garrus

P.S. I'll make sure to save you some levo-coffee. Alenko might just end up finishing it otherwise.

A/N: "I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all," is from "In Memoriam A.H.H.", and Garrus' poem is from "The Princess", both by Tennyson.