The Morning After

It was the first morning after Sam had died. Dean was sitting up in bed with his head buried in his hands. Lisa wasn't in the room. It was late. Ben was at school. The world kept spinning as if the biggest battle the world would have ever seen was narrowly avoided less than twenty four hours ago.

But not for Sam because he pulled back his hand and jumped straight into Hell and saved the world.

And not for Dean. For all the fighting and arguing and lying they had done in the past two years, hell, in their entire lives, Sam was still Dean's little brother and he still didn't know how to live without him. As soon as Dean could stand without feeling like the ground was going to open up and swallow him too, Dean was going to get Sam out of Hell. Out of the cage with the Devil, and back home, where he'd be miserable, and tall, and irritating, but at least he'd be safe.

Dean rubbed his hand over his face and the sun that wasn't put out by archangels yesterday was peeking through the curtains and glinted off his ring. The ring Dean had worn for no reason for so long he couldn't even remember why he wore it. The sun that shined because it was early May and Sam had just turned twenty seven when he died, but now he wasn't coming back. The sun glinted off his ring and Dean remembered how he'd been so desperate to get the Devil back in the box he let Sam jump into Hell. And the only way to open the cage was to gather up the rings of the four horsemen and throw them on the ground and let your little brother convince you the only way to beat the Devil is for him to let the Devil take him over, and together they could jump into Hell, Sammy and Lucifer.

And Sammy would be stuck in Hell with Ultimate Evil for all eternity because of a couple of rings, just like the stupid one Dean wore on his finger, that stuck together and created a stupid portal to Hell. Dean sat and stared at the ring for a long time and finally he ripped it off his finger and threw it across the room.

It didn't make a sound when it bounced against Lisa's dresser and onto the thick, soft carpeting that was so unlike anything Dean had ever known, and unlike anything Sam would ever get a chance to see ever again, but Lisa was there, standing in the doorway. She didn't ask. She picked up the ring off the floor and put it in her pocket without a word. And then, still without saying anything at all, she sat next to Dean and put her hand between his shoulder blades. "Do you think you could eat something?" she asked. Dean shook his head. "Okay," she said. She didn't move or get up or breathe too loudly, and Dean didn't move or pull away when Lisa started to rub his back, just between his shoulders, his hunched, tense shoulders. Finally Lisa got up and kissed him on the top of his head.

When she was gone, but not out of earshot, Dean started to cry. He didn't stop because Lisa didn't come back in. Eventually, by the time Ben got home from school, Dean collected himself enough to leave the room and to put on fresh clothes, and Ben greeted him with all the excitement he remembered and Lisa pretended everything was normal and okay.

But Dean never saw his ring again.