The Quite Peckish Games

My name is Kamuss Evermean. I live in Sector 12. Damn, this is a good opening.

It's pretty crappy here. Though, as far as post-apocalyptic civilizations go, it's... Still pretty crappy, actually. Where was I going with that joke? I don't even know.

Today is the Choosing. I'll tell you what I know about it. Get a notepad, cause this is complicated. So, it's where a bunch of children, a boy and a girl, preferabley either life-long enemies or starcrossed lovers, are chosen to fight to the death for the Capitol, because apparently that punishes long dead people! Because that makes sense, right?

Apparently, The-Guy-Who-Names-Things was on vacation when they named that. Yeah, the Capitol is so rich that they literally hired a man to name things. And we're poor here in Sector 12. Am I sympathetic yet?

Right now, I'm out hunting with my only-friend, (cause I'm a badass loner like that.) Storm. We both hunt because when our Dads both conveniently died together in an accident, our families went dirt poor. So, we hunted to get food, that's all we need. Convenient how the tyrannical government doesn't charge rent!

"I hate the Choosing..." Storm commented, "Nothing good ever happens."

"Of course not! It's where they choose people to fight to the de-"

"Hold on a second," Storm interrupted, "You don't have to explain it. It's televised every year. What are you doing, being a narrator and telling the basic concepts of the story through out of place dialogue?"

I paused for a second. I was rather angered by his leaning on the fourth wall. I must think of a witty one-liner to put him in his place.

"Go screw yourself." I replied. Perfect. He didn't even reply, because he knew he couldn't beat that genius comment. In fact, he didn't talk to me for fifteen minutes. He just did this weird hitting-himself-with-his-hand thingie.

This is the first chapter of The Quite Peckish Games, re-done, making it funnier. It's pretty sad that this can be considered funnier than anything...