I'M SORRY. REALLY TRULY I AM. I HONSTLY MEANT TO PUT THIS UP BEFORE I LEFT BUT THINGS GOT CHAOTIC AND STRESSFUL AND WAH. A lot of stuff happened and just wow I'm really sorry here's the next part PLEASE DON'T HATE ME.

"GOT YOU" Tony yelled, splashing his boyfriend in the face and turning to swim away. Steve then grabbed his arm and pulled Tony back, bringing him in a for quick kiss. Tony leaned into his embrace, smiling when he pulled away. Tony raked his hand through Steve's wet, blonde hair, spiking it up. "You look too cute, you know that?" He kissed his boyfriend on the cheek, before splashing him from behind and turning to run swiftly away. "Come and get meeee" He taunted, laughing and smiling.

Steve laughed at Tony's playfulness, loving the feel of the water around him. He let his boyfriend get a head start knowing that he could easily out swim him...but what was the fun in that? He laughed and started to slowly swim towards Tony, he increased his speed and dove under the water and appeared again right behind him. "Got you!" Steve laughed, putting his hands on Tony's shoulders and dunking him under the water playfully. He smiled, petting his hair back into shape and waiting for his boyfriend to re-appear.

Tony gasped as he felt strong arms pushing him down and he suddenly forgot where he was and who was holding his shoulders, all he could think about were the terrorists who had tortured him. Every time he had refused their demands, he was pushed under the oily water, held there until he had no air left and then he was pulled up, sputtering and choking. When he was pushed under, his mind went into survival mode and he started fighting back-hard. He felt the grip on him loosen, then fall away as he fought to the surface, jumping away from the searching hands on his face. He distantly heard someone asking if he was okay, what was happening, how they could help. He didn't answer, he just needed to keep himself safe. He backed up until he felt a wall, the whole world was spinning so he shut his eyes tight, covering his face with his arms to try and stop anything from advancing on him. He stayed like that just breathing and shaking, trying to keep himself as enclosed as he could. He could feel warm tears slipping down his face but it didn't matter, he just had to make it stop. "MAKE IT STOP." He realized he had been muttering and talking when he heard the echo of his scream, his senses coming back to him. He listened more intently, hearing the lap of water against the edges of the pool, and quick breathing a few feet away from him. He lifted his head slowly, opening his eyes a bit to see his pool around him, his boyfriend standing just in front of him, arms outstretched and a look of horror covering his face. Tony locked eyes with him and broke when he saw the fear in Steve's eyes. He covered his face with his hands, letting out a sob. At this, Steve ran forward, catching Tony in a tight hug and tucking the shorter man under his chin, rocking him back and forth, telling him he is safe, that he is sorry, that he is okay. Tony held on tight- and cried, he hadn't had a flashback like that ever since him and Steve had been dating-it had taken him by surprise. He was starting to get light headed from his shallow breathing and he tried to deepen his breathes, attempting to control his shaking body and the flow of tears.

Steve watched as his boyfriend started to cry. Steve put a slow hand to his own mouth and bit his lip hard blaming himself, cursing himself, hating himself. He swam towards Tony and gently wrapped his arms around the crying man. "Tony...you are okay...I have you." He rocked Tony back and forth gently, never has Steve seen this man cry before. "Shhh babe, I am so sorry." Steve said, getting choked up on his own words. He couldn't believe he was the reason Tony went into this frenzy. Steve wrapped his left arm around Tony's waist and his right arm went under Tony's legs,holding him like a bride. Steve slowly and carefully stepped out of the water with Tony and sat on a chair with him in his lap. The soldier grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his boyfriend and placed his lips against Tony's forehead kissing it gently. "Tony it's going to be alright...I promise" Steve said in a hushed tone. Steve sat there holding and comforting his boyfriend by kissing his head and rocking him gently. He softly started to hum the tune the show-girls used to sing about him, seeing as it was the only song that popped in his head, his lips parted as he lightly started to say the words "Who's strong and brave here to save the American way? Who vows to fight like a man for what's right, night and day?" Steve closed his eyes hoping it would help as he continued "Who will campaign door to door for America? Carry the flag shore to shore for America? From Hoboken to Spokane? The Star Spangled Man with a plan!" he said gently hoping that helped even a little. He hated singing in front of people but for Tony he would do anything.

Tony leaned into Steve's grip, blindly grasping at his boyfriend's wet skin as he was held. He tried to calm his frantic breathing and ended up settling for short gasps, shaking not just from the cold. He shook his head to rid it of water droplets, then leaned straight into Steve's shoulder and cried-it had been the first time he had really let go after Afghanistan, never allowing himself enough time to think about it and get this far. He held on tight and sniffed loudly, attempting to tell Steve he was okay but not able to get anything out of his shaking mouth. He settled for pressing his lips against Steve's collarbone and kissing him lightly, leaning back to take in another shaking breath before laying against Steve unmoving, tears slowing, and focusing on his breath.

Steve sighed and held his boyfriend tightly against himself, "Shh...it is okay Tony...you're okay." he said rubbing Tony's back. He didn't know how to comfort his boyfriend anymore than he was already doing. He rubbed his cheek over Tony's hair and kissed the side of Tony's mouth. "It will be alright Tony, I have you. I promise nothing will ever take you away from me again." He stated, and it was true, he would die before anything took Tony away from him. Steve wrapped Tony up more in his arms, attempting to keep the man warm under the towel. "I love you," he whispered, kissing Tony's head once more.

Tony nodded, looking up into Steve's eyes and seeing the hurt there. He took his arm out from under the towel, reaching up to touch Steve's frown. He was no longer shaking and the tears came slower, his breath coming more regularly. He still didn't trust himself to talk so he caressed Steve's face, hating the way it was contorted in pain. "I love you too" he whispered, then fell back into his embrace, feeling his nerves calming. After another minute of sitting in silence, he whispered, "I'm okay." And promptly went to get up, ready to just brush this whole thing off and pretend it never happened. "Yeah I'm good." He tried to stand, but was pulled back down onto Steve's lap.

"Tony" Steve said gripping onto his wrist tightly he pulled the man back into his lap, a little forcefully "Tell me the truth, are you really...okay?" he asked not knowing how to deal with this. He wanted to help more than anything, he placed his head above Tony's head and held him close to him, so Tony's head was against where Steve's heart was and Tony could hear his heartbeat in hopes that would help.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Happens sometimes. No big deal." He brushed it off as if these kinds of things happened every day, and went to try and get up AGAIN, and was yet again pulled back down.

"No big deal!?" Steve asked, his face still with a hurt/serious expression. "Tony...you were just-" Steve cut himself off, Tony knew exactly how he just was. "No." He said simply "You are staying here" Steve was thinking about just not letting him go...ever. "That was not okay" Steve said, clearly upset.

"STEVE. I'M FINE. LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT ALRIGHT?" Tony hunched off the arms around him and finally made it to his feet, tripping a bit as he tried to stalk away. He made it as far as the ladder before feeling a soft hand on his shoulder. He stopped, but didn't turn.

"Tony please" Steve said softly "I want to help you" he said practically begging him. He brought his chest to Tony's back and placed his forehead on the back of Tony's head desperately. He needed to help Tony, he craved to help Tony.

"No." Tony said harshly. He barely ever let anyone in, and never talked about what happened in Afghanistan except what he was forced to by SHIELD. "I'm fine, okay?" He says, somewhat unconvincing. He turns to Steve and tries for a smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "See? Totally okay. Stop worrying."

Steve kept a straight face and he pulled away, dodging Tony's kiss on his cheek. He shook his head at him, not believing him for a second. "You say you love me, but how can that be when you don't let me in?" Steve asks, his face a mixture of hurt and concern. "I know whatever is hurting you may be hard to say but if you allow me to I can help you...I just need to know what I am helping you with" Steve said, dodging another attempt from Tony to touch him. Steve took a step away from Tony and crossed his arms. "Please" he said looking down at the water in the pool. "Let me in Tony, you are all I have" Steve said not making eye contact with his boyfriend.

Tony stared at his boyfriend for a minute, measuring his chances of lying effectively before giving up-pitching forward a bit before sitting down on the grass a few feet from the pool.

"They tortured me" He said quietly, though he knew Steve would hear him with the serum to enhance his hearing. "They put me under water, drowning me, trying to force to to make weapons for them." Tony looked up then. He didn't want Steve to feel guilty, but he couldn't not tell the truth now. "When you pushed me under, it just brought back a lot of memories. And I freaked. I lost myself for a minute, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Tony looks back down at his hands. "Sometimes my thoughts get the best of me" He sounds so vulnerable, afraid to show Steve this side of him.

Steve walked over frowning as he explained his feelings, first people tortured Bucky...now his Tony? He clenched his fists angrily and sat down next to Tony "I am sorry" He said once more, quietly. He leaned closer so his arm touched Tony's arm, Steve then reached over and interlocked fingers with Tony's, bringing Tony's hand up to his own lips, kissing it tenderly. He was quiet and just held Tony's hand trying to comfort him the best he could, "I have you now Anthony and I promise no one will ever harm you again." Steve said squeezing his hand tightly.

Tony nodded, looking up into Steve's eyes. "I love you-you know that right?"

Steve looked over at Tony and swallowed a hard lump in his throat, he did this...he brought this monster of a memory back when he was supposed to be the one fighting the monsters away. "Y-yeah, I love you too" Steve said not looking at Tony's eyes, he couldn't stand seeing the redness from crying. Steve had caused his boyfriend pain. He was thinking of ways to punish himself and there was no proper way. He let go of Tony's hand and he stood up, wanting to punch something out of frustration. He looked back down at Tony not knowing if he should sit and stay with him or go off so he couldn't hurt him anymore...Steve stood there for a few minutes just staring down at Tony's shoulder not wanting to make eye contact because his own eyes became watery.

"Steve...?" Tony looked up, then stood, seeing that Steve wouldn't meet his eyes. He took his face into his hands and forced his face to look at his. "Look at me Steven. This isn't your fault. We were just playing. You had no idea. I should have told you. Please. Don't cry baby. I love you so much. This doesn't change that. You are amazing, and I know you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. You are here. You helped me through it, and that's really-that's what counts." Tony thumbed away Steve's tears and kissed his lips lightly, "You will always be my Steve, it's not like I'm going to leave you. Ever. So don't get upset okay? Shit happens right? C'mon hun. Let's go inside. I'm starving"

"Fuck Tony" Steve said pushing his lover's arms away, it was rare for Steve to use such vulgar language but he was really upset, he hurt his Tony, his boyfriend, his love. "Its not okay, I made you hurt" he said taking a step away from him. Steve used the inside of his own wrist to wipe his own tears away. Steve pulled his own hair back frustratedly "I've hurt so many people, I've made so many people cry...but you? You were the last person I wanted to hurt" Steve's voice cracked and he took another step away. "I hate myself." he mumbled.

"No baby don't say that. It wasn't your fault. It was those terrorist, those fucking murderers. It's their faults. Not yours. Never yours. I love you. Nothing in this world will ever change that. Please don't blame yourself. Please. It kills me, to see you like this. Come here" Tony stepped forward and pulled Steve into an awkward embrace since Steve is taller than him. "Don't ever say that Steven. Not ever. I don't ever want to hear that come out of your mouth ever again. Promise me." Tony looked up into Steve's glistening eyes, begging the man to stop blaming himself.

Steve stared down at the man, his arms dangling at his sides for a moment before he wrapped his arms around Tony, pulling the man closer. "It killed me to see you like that" he said softly. Steve finally made eye contact with his lover and took a deep breath "Knowing, that I triggered something...I-I didn't know how to comfort you...I couldn't just swing my shield and fix this..." Steve sighed and quickly pulled Tony into a deep kiss.

"I forgive you. Okay? I love you" Tony smiled and leaned in for another kiss, before pulling away and darting away with the towel. "C'mon! Let's go eat!"

"I love you too" Steve said turning to watch him dart away. He smiled gently and followed him. Steve wasn't that hungry but he forced a smile on. "Right, food." he said, walking besides the man that he was in love with.

I am seriously dissappointed with this. It needs a lot of work but I felt guilty not giving you anything so here. I might fix it later idk this story is driving me CRAZY. Wahhh I'm sorry this sucked and I'm sorry it took so long for this piece of shit to come to your doorstep. I've just been doing a lot on my other writing so ya know, I haven't really wanted to deal with this. But here you are, hope it didn't kill your soul :P