Chapter 21

"I accept."

These words exploded out of Gabriel's mouth like a bullet that pierced Castiel's angelic heart. These words were like the fall of a gavel that announced a fate that was impossible to be retrieved. They were the final verdict of a death penalty to a man on trial. These words signified the end of everything that they had strived for, fought for, killed for.

"Gabriel!" The hissed name escaped like a cry from his lips, a plea for help, a useless entreaty to take back the words that could not be unsaid.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. But it's for the best." Came the cold, unfeeling reply.

For a moment, he was stunned, the word disappearing from his mouth before appearing again with a vengeance.

"Best for whom? You? Because you're the only one who would benefit from this!" His words softened then, pleading, begging… "Do not do this, Gabriel. Do not side with the devil. He's not our brother anymore. He's not our family. And he will lay waste to everything that we, that our Father, held dear."

The words echoed faintly in the cave before dying, swept away by the silence.

"Everything you hold dear, Castiel, not me. All I care about is heaven, my home. The world can go to hell, literally, for all I care." Gabriel said, a smirk stretching over his lips. A smirk reminiscent of a certain Norse trickster.

"You don't mean that, Gabriel. You told me…"

"I know what I said. I'm sorry kiddo. But I've been away from home for a long time now. I hope you understand."

"NO Gabriel…"

But the words were cut off. "Well, this is all very heart-warming and everything but we've got business to attend to. We'll take your leave then, Castiel." Lucifer said with a jubilant smile.

And with these words, Lucifer and Gabriel flew away, too fast to be tracked by human eyes, and left Castiel alone in the claustrophobic cave.

"Gabriel!"

...

As Gabriel appeared in another part of the hideout with Lucifer at his side, he couldn't help but glance at the innumerable demons that surrounded them and lurked in every nook and cranny of the place. He could sense instinctively that there were many more crawling around in the vast underground expanse.

His grace shuddered at the slimy feel of so many demon souls in such close vicinity and for a minute the feeling of wrongness threatened to overwhelm him. One look at Lucifer made it clear that he had no such misgivings. He appeared to be as comfortably, as at home as possible. 'Who is he?' he wondered. 'This demon that calls himself my long lost brother? Could it really be him? Is he truly lost to the realm of demons? Is there even a shred of my brother left in this demonic vessel?' The answer did not look favourable.

"You'll forgive me if I discourage you to step outside of my humble abode, little brother? At least until you have regained my trust?"Lucifer said with a sickly sweet smile. The request was more a demand, Gabriel knew.

"So I'm still a prisoner then? That's a fan-fucking-tastic way to treat your estranged brother."

"Now, now. Don't be like that!" His voice was soft, reassuring, lile a mother consoling her crying child. "Just for a little while. Soon, very soon we will be free to roam the planes of heaven and go anywhere we please."

"Home." Gabriel sighed wistfully. His heart cried for it, for his home, for his family, though his mind knew that both were irrevocably lost to him.

"Yes, home. Until then, I have made provisions for you to stay here. If you need anything at all, just let me know.

'All I need if for you to let me and Castiel leave. Just let us go. Please.'

But out loud he exclaimed "Aw, you shouldn't have! But since you asked, how about some ice-cream? I've a real hankering for ice-cream!"

"Oh Gabriel." Lucifer shook his head in amusement as if indulging his childish antics.

"I have some business to attend to. In the mean time, make yourself comfortable. But within these walls, ofcourse." With these words, the devil vanished.

"Hmm…so no ice-cream, then? Alright. I would summon some mint-choco-chip myself but ofcouse there are wards all over the place to dampen my grace and prevent me from escaping."

Gabriel mulled to himself. The archangel turned trickster let his eyes sweep across the demons standing like silent sentinels in a ring along the walls. There were too many of them, too many to fight off and escape. Too many to subdue with his weak grace.

"So…what does Lucifer do for fun around here?"

...

Castiel slouched with his back to the wall, his head lowered with defeat. His arms wrapped loosely around himself, trying to ward off the sudden coldness in the lonely cave.

His eyes burned uncomfortably and he felt moisture escape and trail down his cheeks. He was crying. Again. He found that crying was an involuntary response that was decidedly unpleasant. He resolved that it was a singular human experience that he did not enjoy.

All was lost; their aptly named Team Free Will, the fate of the world…their only hope had forsaken them.

He had been certain that Gabriel's arrival had been preordained, that it was the will of their Father. It had to be fate that had delivered Gabriel to them when they had desperately desired assistance. Indeed, neither he nor the Winchester brothers would be alive at present if not for Gabriel's opportune appearance. He did not believe in coincidences. Everything happened because of the will of God. What could it be but God's will that he would be reunited with his brother in his time of need.

For once, Castiel found himself doubting. Not the will of God, because his faith in his father was insurmountable. But he was beginning to doubt if Gabriel was the intended savior that his Father had bequeathed upon him.

It had made sense before, when they were reconciled. By popular lore, if God was supposed to send angels to his human children in their dire times, then it stood to reason that he would send an archangel to help his angel child.

Castiel had been so sure, so certain…

Gabriel was supposed to help them. Gabriel was supposed to save them; from the devil, from the apocalypse. Gabriel was supposed to be their savior, sent by God to do his bidding. Gabriel was supposed to be on their side.

But more importantly, Gabriel was supposed to be his brother. And he had promised…Gabriel had promised!

'I was so naïve.' He scolded himself. Gabriel had abandoned him once. He had run away to save his own skin and left Castiel to fend for himself. It was foolish to think that Gabriel would not run again when things got tough.

The thought of the Winchester brothers came to his mind. Initially, when he first became acquainted with the human brothers, he had been befuddled by the intensity of their brotherly relationship. He had found himself to be shocked by the expanse of unconditional love and devotion that the two, supposedly lowly humans, held for each other. Love…

Castiel had believed himself to be a vessel of love, like God had intended for all his angelic children to be. Angels were created for love. Father had decreed that the angels love one another and their human cousins and all of God's creatures on earth.

Castiel had thought he understood love. He had loved his brethren with all his grace. He had watched over earth adoringly for so many years and loved all of God's creation. And he had been content in the comfort provided by the grace of his siblings, basking in the warmth of familial affection.

But coming to earth, interacting with humans, had forced him to question his knowledge and understanding. For humans, for all their flaws and imperfections, had taught him a lesson that had altered him to his very core. Love.

He had never known the depth, the profoundness that love could assimilate. He had never imagined that one could love another more than one's own self, more than God even! He had never envisioned that love could compel someone to willingly, happily…lay down their own lives to save a loved one. He had never conceived that to love someone, truly love someone, could bring such joy and happiness in life.

He had realized that angels, for all that they preached about love, were incapable of such deep and passionate love. Or perhaps, they were capable, but had forgotten how. Perhaps, after the war against Lucifer, after the war where brothers and sisters slaughtered each other, angels had buried and subdued their capacity for unconditional love. Perhaps their consolidation into a militia and their separation from humankind had desensitized them to the finer aspects of emotion and sentiments. Perhaps, in the wake of war and destruction, they had forgotten the most beautiful gift that their Father had bestowed upon them; their capacity to love.

And perhaps, it would be through humans.. weak, powerless, humans that they would relearn the joy, the elation, the pure ecstasy that is love.

He himself learned upon deep reflection that being around the Winchesters had awakened emotions and feelings inside of him that he had believed himself to be incapable of. They had unearthed a part of him that was capable of surprising intensity of emotion. They had reminded him of the power of love. He liked to think that being in their company for so long, they had rubbed off him, had made him more human; he was no longer just Castiel, the angel of the Lord, the obedient little soldier of heaven's garrison. He was also Castiel the friend, the brother, the teammate, the angel that defied heaven to stand for what was right.

But such emotions had also left him vulnerable to hurt and betrayal. They had blinded him and convinced him to place his trust in Gabriel. They had forced him to trust with his heart and not his mind.

He had chosen to place his faith in his brother but had it been misplaced? Had his emotions mislead him? Had his love blinded him to the truth?

He had loved, truly loved Gabriel once, when he was just a fledgling only to be abandoned by his brother. After the war and the garrison he had rejected such feelings of hurt and loneliness and buried them deep inside. Now he had released them from their cage, hesitantly chosen to trust again, to love again…was it all for naught?

Had Gabriel felt any form of love or affection for him too? Or was his brother incapable of accessing his obscured emotions?

"I'll never leave you behind." Gabriel had said. But the promise had already been broken before and Castiel could not be sure if the words still held his trust. Had Gabriel lied to him a second time? And worse, had he believed him for a second time? Could he? Was his life worth nothing to his brother?

These thoughts had scarcely entered his mind when the barred doorway clanged open. He jumped at the shattering noise and looked up in surprise only to find Gabriel standing in the doorway.

"Gabriel?" he whispered in amazement.

"Miss me?" Gabriel answered with a cheeky grin as if the past few hours had never occurred, as if he had not betrayed him for a second time. Or hadn't he?

A cursory glance at his elder brother hinted at a violent fight. He clothes were bloody and torn. Wide gashes were weeping red blood and should have already been healed easily with grace. He looked fatigued despite the wide smirk on his lips. Castiel felt concern well up in his heart.

"Quick now, kiddo. Before Lucifer comes back."

"How…how did you escape?"

"Oh I've a few tricks up my sleeves yet! I'm the trickster God, afterall!"

Castiel couldn't help but smile despite himself. His misgivings and hurt seemed to evaporate and he felt himself become lightheaded with relief. He was not abandoned. His faith was not misplaced.

"Let's get out of here, Cassie."

"Lets."