Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with the Harry Potter franchise. Wish I did, but I don't.

AN: Written completely on the spot with no planning but I think it's worth a read. I'm pretty happy with it anyway. Reviews would be very much appreciated. Good, bad, funny, terrible? Let me know please!

A Lack of Privacy

Lucius pecked a quick kiss on his wife's rosy cheek, his strong arms wrapped around her waist as she fastened a diamond necklace around her pale neck. The creamy floor length dress she wore made her look like some kind of Grecian goddess, her loose waves of blonde hair caressing her open back as they tumbled gracefully down her.

"Must we go to your parents'?" Lucius asked her, a slight whiny tone lacing his words as he pulled Narcissa's body closer still to his own. Cissa smiled warmly and met his icy blue eyes in the reflection of the vanity mirror that she faced.

"I know you'd much rather be doing other things with your wife, Lucius darling but surely you'd rather stay on my parents' good side and go to the party. No?" she quirked an eyebrow, a slight smirk playing on her glossy lips, bending in her constricted position to reach a sparkling pair of expensive earrings and screw them on.

Lucius kissed the nape of his wife's neck and released her from his hold, returning the warm smile to her reflection, "Of course, my love. Perhaps you should wear a cardigan?"

Narcissa picked up a powder brush from her dressing table and began to dab it delicately over her nose, her eyebrows furrowing a little at his suggestion, "I thought you said I looked perfect I was."

"Yes, I certainly did," he said with a boyish smirk, "but we wouldn't want Rodolphus and Rabastan ogling."

Narcissa laughed daintily and placed the brush back on the table, turning to face her husband, "And there I was thinking you'd want to show me off."

Lucius fastened the silver clips of his travelling cloak around his neck and kissed his wife lovingly, "Is it too much of an ask to want you all to myself," he murmured. Cissa displayed her pearly teeth once more before reaching for her own winter travelling cloak and wrapping it around her mostly bare shoulders, "I'm not wearing a cardigan," she said with a chuckle, taking her husband's arm.

"We'll be home by midnight," Lucius said more as an order or a statement than a question. Narcissa squirmed a little uneasily as if scared to disagree with her dearly beloved, "Actually, Lucius... I told my mother we'd stay the night and spend Christmas morning with them. You see, Bella and Rod said they'd stay too. A big family Christmas, you know?" she tried to keep her voice clear and stern but her explanation came more like an apology.

Lucius grunted a little in response. He'd been looking forward to spending Christmas Eve and morning alone with his wife.

"Please Lucius, I've packed us an overnight bag..." she opened up her larger than normal handbag revealing two pairs of pyjamas and their toothbrushes along with Narcissa's makeup and hair products. Apparently she'd been planning to tell him when they arrived so it was too late for him to decline.

"Narcissa... I," Lucius started but Cissa's puppy eyes and infamous 'Black' pout switched his mind almost instantly, "It's a wonderful idea."

Narcissa beamed and kissed his cheek cheerfully, "I knew you'd be fine with it." Cissa linked her husband's arm once again and nodded to him, telling him she was ready to Apparate to the countryside Black Manor.

On arriving on the porch of the large family home, Lucius rapped on the double doors which a rosy cheeked Druella opened almost immediately. Apparently she'd already had one too many sherries, "Narcissa darling!" she exclaimed with breathy laughter as if somebody had told her an hilarious joke before opening the door, "And Lucius," she beamed, "come in, come in," she ushered them.

It didn't take long for drinks to be passed round. The Lestrange brothers were practically out of it on Firewhisky, the Yaxleys and Dolohovs all stood at the fireplace with Narcissa's father, Cygnus, with large glasses of some red tinted alcohol Narcissa had never even heard of before. Bellatrix, to the Malfoys' utter embarrassment, was in the middle of the floor where people were having fun to the far-too-loud music, dancing in her own way either drunken or hyper - it was hard to tell which - full out as if she had no idea she was in the middle of her parents' house. She resembled some sort of bizarre gothic stripper. Lucius was sure that if Druella wasn't present they'd all be battling to keep the clothes on her.

Lucius and Narcissa exchanged looks and made their way smartly away from the eldest Black sister. A glass of wine was shoved into both husband and wife's hands as they approached Druella.

"How are you, mother?" Narcissa asked her, practically yelling over the noise of the music as she kissed her mother's cheek.

"I'm very well, dear," she smiled warmly, unusually so for Druella. The smile widened as Lucius took his mother-in-law's hand and kissed the back of it lightly, "Lovely to see you, as always, Madam Black."

After an hour or so of socialising and being bombarded with alcohol and a hundred people questioning them about plans for children, Lucius entwined his fingers with Narcissa's and tugged her away from the crowds. Leaning in to whisper in her ear, he said in a husky voice, "Let's go and get better acquainted with our room for the night, shall we?"

Narcissa giggled, a result of multiple glasses of wine, and nodded. "There're free rooms on the second floor," she grinned. She followed Lucius out of the room as he led the way upstairs. Lucius and Narcissa stopped halfway up the first flight as Walburga and Orion Black proceeded to talk with them; the Malfoys trying to look completely innocent - naturally they were very good at this from years of practice. They continued upwards and on reaching the second floor, Lucius opened the door to the first guest room and, checking the coast was clear, yanked her in and closed the door.

Narcissa pulled Lucius to her the minute the door was closed, pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss, his hands finding her waist in the dark and guiding her backwards to the bed where she lay down obediently. He clambered on top of her unbuttoning his shirt as she slipped the dress from her shoulders and wriggled out of it. Lucius claimed her neck, kissing and nipping at the porcelain skin as he simultaneously removed his belt. A breathy moan escaped Cissa as he played with the sensitive skin.

"Lucius..." she found herself sighing, tilting her head so he had greater access to her neck and chest. He began to remove her lacy white underwear as he found her chest, tossing them across the room and pausing at her breasts to tease each with pleasure. Her breathing became faster, her chest rising and falling with anticipation.

Lucius kissed down the flawless skin of her stomach and stroked the insides of her thighs as she played with and tugged at his hair. Groaning softly against her perfect skin, he began to spread her legs... just as the door flew wide open and the sound of a dirty cackle pierced the atmosphere. Narcissa squealed and grabbed for the bed sheets to cover herself as Lucius jumped back off her wearing only his half unzipped trousers.

Bellatrix Lestrange's eyes widened in alarm and amusement as she looked upon the scene she had interrupted, Rodolphus, who was close behind her, laughed out loud and quickly turned his back, facing the corridor to give the pair at least a small amount of privacy.

"Bellatrix!" Narcissa exclaimed the look of a rabbit caught in headlights etched upon her face.

Bella cackled and fell against the doorframe as if it was the most hilarious thing she'd ever witnessed, "Has nobody ever warned you to lock the bloody door?!" she cried in laughter.

Cissa's flushed cheeks had turned an angry shade of crimson, Lucius' not far behind. "Have some decency and get out, Bellatrix," he snarled at her, as embarrassed as he'd ever been but not prepared to show it.

"Come on, Lucius. You and your pet wife there should have some decency not to copulate in someone else's room," she stated, slightly slurred, while crossing her arms over, Rodolphus making a drunken noise of agreement behind her.

"What do you mean 'someone else's room'?" asked Lucius.

"What do you mean 'pet wife'?!" perked Narcissa.

Bellatrix signalled to the bags and cloaks already claiming the room at the foot of the bed, "If you want the best, most soundproof room, you have to get in fast," she said smugly.

"Pet wife?!" exclaimed Narcissa, she sheet slipping from her body only slightly as she stared in disbelief and fury at her sister. Lucius assumed she was missing the point of the situation.

Bella rolled her eyes and grabbed Rodolphus by the collar of his mostly unbuttoned shirt, tugging him into the room.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Lucius scathed his face near beetroot now.

"I'm doing as I planned with my husband in my bedroom," she said plainly as if it were a normal thing to do, pressing against Rodolphus and attacking his lips with her own.

Narcissa squeaked in outrage and disgust and turned her head away as soon as they began, Lucius clenching and unclenching his jaw as he always did in awkward situations.

"Come on, Cissa," he barked, shooting the other couple a glare whilst grabbing his wife's wrist and jerking her out of the bed.

"Lucius!" she exclaimed, glancing between him and her sister who had shoved Rod onto the bed and savagely pounced on him, grinding against him revoltingly. Narcissa felt as if she would barf as and escaped into the corridor wearing only her adopted bed sheet.

The Malfoys found themselves in the guest bedroom adjacent to Bellatrix and Rod's room. They sat upon the double bed, only a white sheet and a pair of trousers between them, muted. If ever there was a mood spoiler, they'd found it. Words couldn't describe the loathing they felt towards the Lestranges at that moment.

Lucius opened his mouth to speak but found the breath wasted as the pair's eyes widened at the otherworldly moan that blasted the silence apart; no doubt from Bellatrix. The loud moan was followed by grunting and creaking then another moan, and again... a crash of glass and laughing.

"Dear sweet Merlin, what are they doing?!" Lucius sounded horrified.

"I don't want to know," Narcissa said quickly, her lips pursing slightly, "I've never made noises like that..."

"Lucky guy..."

Lucius wheezed as Narcissa's fist collided with his chest and knocked the breath out of him.

"Goodnight, Lucius," she snapped, turning and wrapping the sheet around herself, facing away from her husband. Lucius felt his cheeks getting hot again with embarrassment as Bella's cries of pleasure - or pain? - filled the air again and Narcissa cringed.

"And that's a 'soundproof' room..."

Narcissa pulled a fluffy white pillow over her head, "Shut up, Lucius!"