A/N: Yo guys! This story came to me because wizards and illusionists are all physically weak, right? Well, mostly, but Mukuro is an exception since he went through the six paths of hell and stuff like that… Anyways, I just want to write about the Vongola teaching Hogwarts physical combat! Technically, Reborn's teaching and the others are Teacher Aids, but yeah, same thing since they're all bad ass!

Summary: Since Defense against the Dark Arts classes were canceled due to absence of teachers to teach that subject, Dumbledore has decided to let the students learn how to defend themselves with physical combat! And what better teachers are there than the Vongola Familigia? Teen 10th generation. Pairings: Tsuna x Yuni, Chrome x Hibari, a little frenemy relationship between Bel and Fran, etc. No Triwizard Tournament. Instead, they'll be Quidditch!

THIS IS 3 YEARS AFTER THE CANNON STORY PLOT! FRAN IS ALREADY RECRUITED INTO THE VARIA~ AND BEL'S THE HOT DUDE HE IS TEN YEARS LATER~

AGES:

Varia

Lussuria: 28

Xanxus: 19 (Physical) 27 (Mental)

Squalo: 25

Levi: 26

Belphegor: 19

Fran: 13

10th Generation Guardians

Hibari: 19

Ryohei: 18

Tsuna: 17

Gokudera: 17

Yamamoto: 17

Mukuro: 17

Chrome: 16

Lambo: 8

Others

Basil: 18

Kyoko: 17

Fuuta: 12

Haru: 17

Yuni: 16 (She's probably older than she should be in this, but oh well.)

I-Pin: 8

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{Do You Not Feel Fear?}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No Defense against the Dark Arts class this year? I don't even know how I'm going to survive at this rate," Harry exclaimed. "It was my favorite class, excluding our second year."

Then three, being Harry, Ron, and Hermione, were all sitting in a compartment at the back of the train that was headed towards their magical school, Hogwarts. Harry was just a little depressed about his favorite class being canceled for this year. Just a little, mind you.

"No surprise there, mate, considering Lockhart has no teaching abilities whatsoever," Ron groaned, feeling like bashing his head into the nearest window at the thought of the flamboyant man that was their former teacher.

"But it is odd that all the teachers that taught that subject ended up… not doing very well," Hermione added, pondering. In their first year, their DDA teacher had been sharing the back of his head with Lord Voldemort (Or Moldesnort) and then reduced to ash at the end. Gilderoy Lockhart, their second DDA teacher, ended up losing his memories when his own spell backfired. As for the third one, Lupin (Who they actually liked as their teacher) was discovered to be a werewolf, although he was a very kind old man. All in all, none of them had a good end-of-the-year result, so nobody dares to take the spot as it was now believed to be cursed.

"Wonder what they'll put in place of DDA? Extra free time?" Harry suggested, biting off the head of a chocolate frog he'd bought earlier.

Hermione leaned forward excitedly at that. "Oh, I wished that they'll give us that! FIST, or otherwise known as Flexible Independent Study Time, will give me all the time I'll need for extra studies or researching! And not to mention that I now have-"

Ron hurriedly cut her off at that, not wanting another earful of what Hard-working Hermione could do with some extra time. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I've already heard this speech about twenty times already, and that's twenty times too many, Hermione."

Said girl looked offended, "I say it so many times in order to encourage others like you lazy lumps to work-hard for a better future! And plus, it is for you own good, and-"
Again, Hermione was cut off, but this time by a Not-in-such-a-good-mood Shark.

"VOI! WHY THE FUCK ARE ALL THE BRATS HERE TAKING ALL THE SEATS WHEN THEY CAN ALL JUST SQUEEZE INTO A SINGLE COMPARTMENT, AND EVEN BETTER, ROT IN THERE?!" The trio cringed and attempted to muffle their ears by smacking their hands over their dying ears.

"Now, now, Squalo, there are kids around here, so why don't you try tone down the swearing?" Harry realized that the footsteps of the extremely loud man and the gay-sounding voice were coming closer. Without realizing it, Harry's hand had slipped into his pocket to grip his wand unconsciously. Hermione and Ron did likewise.

"Oi, Mama Shark, your freaking loud voice is annoying so just shut the hell up!" Another voice joined into the noise of slamming compartment doors and loud shouts. The footsteps were a lot closer now.

"Like anyone gives a damn about your goddamn eardrums, you self-centered bastard! And for the last time, I'M NOT A WOMAN!" Ow, ow, ow… Harry was pretty sure that his ears were bleeding by now.

"Never knew you were religious, Self-appointed Strategy Captain. It's a wonder how you even got that rank with your ridiculously huge lungs that ruin every single one of your ambush plans. Oh yeah, you're self-appointed. Sorry, forgot about that." This never guy was speaking in a tone so flat that it was practically monotone. Scratch that, it was.

"VOI! AND FOR THE FREAKING LAST TIME, I DIDN'T APPOINT MYSELF AS STRATEGY CAPTAIN, AND I DEFENETILY DON'T BELIEVE IN ANY FUCKING GAYLORD WEARING A DRESS CALLING HIMSELF GOD!" At that, the compartment door of the Golden Trio slammed open. Actually, the door just fell off its hinge and very narrowly missed Ron, but that didn't really make a difference to the intruding offenders.

"Oh my, looks like this compartment's also taken! I guess that we've got no other choice other than to sit on top of the train then." The person who had just spoken was a man that outshone Lockhart at being flamboyant. His green and red Mohawk stood out impossibly against his shaved yellow hair. He wore a black coat with yellow stripes and fur on the hood just like the three other intruders. His coat was open to show a white dress shirt with a neck tie and dress pants that matched with the coat. And most importantly, he had sunglasses on. In a freaking train.

"LIKE FUCK I'M GOING TO SIT UP THERE! KILLING THESE IDIOTS HERE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER!" Ah, the source of the impossibly loud voice. He was a white-haired dude that wore the same coat and pants as the previous dude with made to be suitable for fighting. The weirdest thing other than his abnormal voice was that his hair was waist-long. It was quite possible to mistaken him as a female if you look at him from the back when he was not shouting.

"Ushishi, why not? Lussuria's suggestion sounds like fun though, and Boss is already up there," Interrupted a blonde dude. He too wore the same matching coat and pants as the others although he wore his uniform casually. His coat was open to reveal a loose purple and black striped shirt. The unusual thing about this guy? He had a tiara in his messy blonde hair that covered his eyes and a disturbing laugh.

"But, Bel-sempai, aren't you worried about your cheap girly tiara being blown away by the wind up there?" Okay, the next boy that came in was the most normal person in the group but also very weird. His clothing was the same as the white-haired dude, the coat properly buttoned up, but the strangest thing was what sat upon his head, which was also a very unique shade of green that matched his eyes. Perched on his teal-haired head, was a giant frog hat. It was black with huge eyes that stared at you endearingly, which made it stand out amongst the group of scowling faces. He also looked like he was around thirteen, which baffled Hermione. What was such a young boy doing with a violent group like these people?

"So are we going up to join Boss or not?" The guy who Harry guessed was Lussuria asked while placing his hands on his hips. The action caused Harry and Ron to gag even though they did a good job trying to hide it. Hermione then decided to intervene and brave stepped forward.

"Um, excuse me, but could you be lost? I'm pretty sure that Muggles are not supposed to be on this train…" She trailed off at the end when the group of weirdos all glared at her. Actually, the Frog Hat Dude just stared at her with those creepy blank eyes, but he might as well have been glaring at her.

"Did you just call us mud balls, bitch?" The long-haired dude suddenly grabbed a sword out of nowhere and attached it to his left hand. What the hell?

"She didn't, dumbass commander, so chill," The Frog Dude spoke again, ducking with superb timing to avoid being sliced in half by the 'commander's' sword.

"She called us Muggles, which is the wizard term for non-magical people," He continued as though nothing happened. The only three wizard students in the compartment openly gaped at them. Did he just attack his own ally? And they all act like it's a daily occurrence!

"Oh, I see! So we really are muggles then! Alright then, with that cleared up, let's hurry, Squalo. No need to kill them since they haven't done anything wrong. Besides, Boss said that he'd burn all your hair-caring products if you don't get up there right now." When 'Squalo' heard 'Lussuria's' last sentence, he noticeably paled before dashing out of the compartment.

"VOI! You damn Boss! I'll kill you if you dare touch my stuff!" He was gone before Harry and his friends could even blink. A snort brought their attention back to the weird group that had burst in.

"Ushishishi, he really is a woman, getting all worked up over some beauty supplies," Said the blonde with the tiara thingy. "We better go too though. I'm not risking my life if Boss' in a bad mood."

"Oh, is Bel-sempai finally using his brain? I thought that I'll have to wait a few more decades before that ever happens." Either that Green-haired dude was fearless, or he just wanted to die. Hermione yelped when 'Bel' chucked knives at him. The victim didn't react, however, even when the knives sank hilt-deep into his back.

"If Froggy wants to die so much, why don't you help test to see if Boss' in a good enough mood?" With that said, 'Bel' gripped something invisible before pulling on it as he walked out of the compartment. Something seemed to tug on the 'Froggy' because he jerked and was dragged out as well by the back of his coat.

"Uh…" Ron, being the intelligent boy, still had his mouth wide open. Harry was also doing the same. Lussuria beamed at them.

"I'm so sorry for the trouble we caused, but I really have to get going, so see you guys around~" He walked off after waving giddily at them. Hermione smacked the two wizards sitting next to her to snap them out of their shock.

"Well? What are you guys just gaping at? We have to follow them or they might wreck this place!" Brought back to earth by another whack from Hermione, the Golden Trio's boys scrambled to their feet and followed Hermione out of their compartment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{If You Don't}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"VOI! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TOUCHED MY LUGGAGE, YOU FUCKING BOSS!" Squalo burst onto the top of the train from the hatch on the roof of the storage room. Xanxus was sitting in his chair (tied down by Levi, of course, that obsessed mutt), sipping his wine, basically just ignoring Squalo's ear-splitting shout.

"Oh, Squalo! Haha, I was wondering where you went!" Yamamoto laughed, popping out of nowhere, and if Squalo hadn't been a highly trained assassin, he would've fallen off due to losing his balance.

"You're far too laidback, Katana Brat! Instead of just relaxing, you could've been practicing with your sword! Practicing on a train gives you experience for fighting on unstable footings. Do you have to make me pound stuff into your head every single time?!" Squalo yelled, kneeing Yamamoto in the guts. As always, Squalo's mind sidetracks once again.

"You're still so noisy even when the wind's so strong. Just what does it take to shut you up?" Bel leapt up from the hatch as well, dragging Fran up with him.

"Oof!" Bel had carelessly cut the wire that was connected to the knives in Fran's back. That sent Froggy sailing through the air, all the way onto the other end of the train, which was the front of it.

"Ow, that hurt, Bel-sempai. Are you sure that you understand the concept of safety?" Fran complained flatly, dusting his clothes off, the epic skills that all the Varia officers (Excluding Levi) possess keeping him on his feet.

"Tch, you're still just a snotty brat," Bel snorted, even though he, at the age of nineteen, still acted like he was Fran's age.

"Oi, knife-bastard, you didn't even greet Tenth yet!" Gokudera called over the wind, leaping to his feet. He had been sitting on the picnic blanket that was fixed in place by Levi's parabolas, which they undoubtedly took from Levi against his will. Speaking of which, where was Levi? Oh well, nobody knows, and nobody cares. Food was spread all over the blanket, which Tsuna, Yamamoto, Gokudera, Chrome, and Ryohei were eating before the Varia members interrupted. Hibari stood alone at the very back of the train.

"Aw, Bel! You guys all ditched me!" And here comes the Gaylord, his entrance style the same as the others.

"VOI! You're the one who told me that Boss took my hair products!" Squalo screamed, waving his sword/hand in the air violently.

"I did tell you, but I wasn't lying! Boss really did say that he would burn it. Actually, he said that he'd blow the entire train up, your hair stuff along with it. Oh, and by the way, I never knew that you used Rose Scented Shampoo!" Lussuria let slip.

Squalo's eyebrow twitched. "YOU BASTARD! YOU WENT THROUGH MY LUGGAGE!"

The Sword Emperor began chasing the Varia's Sun Guardian around, the gay man dancing away from his blade's slashes and cuts.

"Ahaha! The Varia's are as funny as always!" Yamamoto commented, sipping on his lemonade, a ham-and-cheese sandwich in the other other.

"THAT'S VERY TRUE! LUSSURIA IS FINALLY HERE SO NOW I CAN PRACTICE BOXING WITH HIM!" Ryohei cheered.

Tsuna, who had been silent up until then, (Because Reborn had kicked him hard on the temples before disappearing, which made him pass out) finally woke up.

"E-eh? Where am I?!" Tsuna shrieked, jumping up as he looked from left to right. A strong gust of wind, however, forced him to start flapping his arms crazily as he staggered dangerously.

"We're on top of the Magical Train heading towards Hogwarts, Boss," Chrome said, who also spoke up for the first time. Tsuna relaxed after that, and Ryohei grabbed his shoulders to plop him back down on the blanket.

"THIS TRAIN IS VERY AWESOME! I TRIED TO STOP THE TRAIN BY JUMPING ONTO THE TRACKS, BUT IT JUST CRASHED INTO ME!" He bellowed and pointed at the bandages wrapped around his head and arms.

Tsuna cried out in panic, "Wait, what? You tried to stop the train? That's impossible!"

It was only after a few minutes of freaking out that he finally calmed down a little.

"So how long until we reach Hogwarts?" Tsuna also had a glass of lemonade by now, and was debating mentally about whether he should eat the egg sandwich or the cucumber sandwich.

"About twenty minutes left, since you were out cold for about an hour. By the way, can I have the egg sandwich?" Tsuna jumped when Fran suddenly appeared out of nowhere, already grabbing for the egg sandwich.

"Uh, sure…?"

"Thanks then," Fran thanked him before stuffing the whole thing into his mouth and swallowing without choking. Mist surrounded Chrome as Tsuna's jaw dropped open.

"Kufufufu, still eating like a wolf are we, Little One?" Mukuro emerged from the mist, chewing on the cucumber sandwich. Poor Tsuna, he didn't get to eat either sandwich.

"Oh, it's you, Pineapple-Master," Fran mockingly exclaimed before getting stabbed by Mukuro's trident, which left three holes on his Frog Hat.

"Ushishi, Rokudo Mukuro? What's a pineapple like you doing here? Shouldn't tropical fruits stay in warm places?" Bel popped out of nowhere just like Fran did, even though he didn't use illusions. He made himself comfortable on the blanket next to 'Froggy', picking a tomato sandwich because the juice looks like blood.

"Ah, Varia's genius, Belphegor. How's my Little One doing in the Varia?" Bel snatched Fran's lemonade away and drained the cup before answering Mukuro's question.

"He's just annoying as usual, though I would still choose him over a pineapple like you," Bel laughed as Fran stared sadly at his empty lemonade cup.

"I wouldn't keep that attitude up if I were you," Mukuro smirked before leaning in to whisper in Bel's ear. "I happened to stumble across a certain Belphegor Reyes~"

"How'd you find out about my family name?" Bel scowled, head leaning on the arm that was supported by its elbow on his knee.

"I have my sources," Mukuro said mysteriously, taking another bite out of his cucumber sandwich.

"Sources, huh? Well then, did you 'source' tell you that that sandwich has pineapples in them?" Bel grinned widely when Mukuro promptly choked.

"How cruel, Master, eating one of your own kind," Fran commented, poking fun at his hairstyle.

"Silence, Little One," Mukuro growled, now quite annoyed. Bel was irritated as well, because Fran's hat now had six holes in them, not including the other ones made by Bel's knives. At least his knives were thin and made less noticeable rips. Their 'conversation' continued for the whole ride in a similar manner.

The others were chatting (Arguing, fighting, sparring, yelling, shouting, damaging the train, mentally scarring students, etc.) as well, and Hibari just did the same thing right from the start: sleep.

But of course, all this was just a part of the chaos they'd spread in Hogwarts. So, see you there!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~{Then You're an Idiot}~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mini Message: Do you not feel fear? If you don't, then you're an idiot.