Warnings: Slash, language, sex (uh huh! ^_~ but not graphic)

Disclaimer: Neither the plot nor the boys are mine. Sadly.

A/N: I recently *finally* saw Dogma and now I'm hooked. So of course I had to write some slashy Loki/Bart fun, tee hee. The only reason it's chaptered is cuz... it works better that way. There's more of a break between the story, which I wanted. Enjoy!

Mortal Advantages

1

Loki was waiting for him in heaven.

Normally, that phrase would have been enough to send into conniptions of joy. But something needed to be added to that. A crucial, missing part.

Loki was waiting for him in heaven because he, Bartleby, had betrayed and killed him. That changed everything. *Everything*. And God, was Bartleby afraid that he had fucked it up with the one person in the entire *fucking* world who understood him, put up with him. Loved him.

And so he found himself in the place he had lost everything to get to. He had betrayed Loki. The Garden seemed empty without Loki by his side. The Divine Presence was below, on Earth, cleaning up the mess he had made, and now he was here, and there- his ghostly mortal heart jumped- there was Loki.

The angel- no, human, Bartleby corrected himself- was lying on his stomach, idly picking at some grass at the foot of the throne. Waiting...

"Lo-" his voice caught in his throat as he was drawn over there. "Loki." He saw his friend tense up, but he didn't respond. Bartleby walked around until he was in front of the former angel of death. His blonde head was bowed, blue eyes staring intently at the grass. Bartleby collapsed onto his knees in front of him, praying to see his Loki, to see those beautiful, wholesome blue eyes that had always looked on him with tolerance, humor and love. "Please. I am *so* sorry, you have no idea-"

And then Loki looked up. And his face, his babyish, innocent face which he had so often been teased about ("sending the child to destroy mankind again?") was unrecognizable behind the mask of hurt and betrayal. Those deep pools of blue were filled with pain and hate.

"Fuck. You." Loki said slowly, then looked away.

"Oh God," Bartleby moaned, stretching out on the grass and bringing his head close to Loki's in a desperate attempt for forgiveness.

And suddenly, God was there, sitting on Her throne and looking down at them sadly.

*What am I going to do with the two of you?* She said.

"Please," he heard Loki beg. "Not Hell. Not Hell."

Bartleby's brown eyes went wide. Sure, maybe he deserved Hell, but not his beloved Loki. "Not Loki, you can't, it was me, *I* told him to quit, this was all my idea-" He was babbling now.

*You do realize you nearly unmade everything I created?* Was that a note of... humor that he detected in Her voice?

"Sorry." he whispered, his mouth dry. "I'm sorry. I just... missed You." and to Bartleby's distress, a few warm tears rolled down his face.

She hummed a sorrowful tune, considering Her fallen angels' fate. *There is a lesson to be learnt, Bartleby. I love all my children equally, only, the humans are as distinct in their needs as angels.* She nodded to Herself firmly. *You will be sent back to Wisconsin, but this time as humans. If you live your lives well and without sin, when you die, you may enter back into Heaven.*

The two former angels nodded, dumbfounded at their sentence. Bartleby couldn't believe how lucky he was to be getting off this lightly, with a chance to get back into Heaven--! And yet. Wisconsin. Again. At least it would only be for a short human lifespan. No more than eighty years. He could do this... If Loki ever forgave him. He glanced at his friend. Loki's face was hard and he was staring straight ahead.

She winked at them. *This time, be good boys.* And there was a tugging as She left, panic //NO!// then white light behind his eyelids~