Maybe I'll Join You

Dan sat tiredly on the cold bathroom floor resting his head against the chipped white door, shaking slightly. His green eyes staring into space as he smiled sadly. Sammy was right he really wasn't handling his father's dead very well, but he had never handled anything very well at least when it came to emotions. He only had one coping mechanism, Sammy thought it was braking things or building walls against feelings but he was wrong that was just an image he put on for his brothers sake. Sam had gone out shopping about half an hour ago, so he finally had some peace, some time to himself and some time for him to 'handle it' in his own little way.

Tears slowly trailed down his face as he rolled up his shirt sleeves and removed his battered leaver jacket his normally steady hands trembling. He stared down at the network of thin white scars he had just revealed. This was his way of 'handling things' and had been for as long as he could remember, from when he had nearly gotten Sammy killed and had seen the news, a teenage boy had bled to death from self inflicted cuts on his arms. They found his diary he didn't mean to kill himself it was just a way of dealing with the pain; you see his whole family was dead. Ever since he watched that cutting had become something of a 'bad habit' for him, a way out.

Dean fingered his father's old hunting knife and slowly began to cut more crisscrossed scars into his arms and wrists and legs. He deserved this, the pain the feeling of blood rushing over his body staining it red, he deserved this he had killed so many people and ruined their family's lives he deserved this. He could feel the warm blood pooling around him covering the white floor giving it colour. He wasn't suicidal he was just looking for a way out. "Sorry I killed you" Dean whispered adding more cuts along his arms feeling the blood seep from his body, draining the colour from him and using it to paint the room. "It's my entire fault, I killed my own father" Tears poured down Deans face dripping from his chin "Maybe I'll join you now" he mumbled as his vision started to grow fuzzy "Maybe."