Chapter Fifteen

I put it down to temporary insanity. I brushed it aside as an asinine thought of a drunk fool who was looking for a little attention on New Year's Eve, but as I watched Sirius chat animatedly with my brother about the rules of some Muggle sport he was now interested in, I knew I was wrong. And it was utterly inconvenient. The days between Christmas and New Year's Eve seemed like another era. Another 'Before and After,' except this time it was something petty and idiotic and I had no business feeling this way. As Sirius helped pack up the majority of the house with magic for Chris, I stayed in my bedroom and wrote to Ollie. It was only two days until I saw him but I felt horribly guilty for not missing him like I was supposed to. He was happy to receive the several letters a day and replied as such, expressing his excitement about seeing me again. Sadly he was not taking the morning train with Sirius and I, but instead was taking the later train at the same time as Nicola and Arron and therefore I'd spend a journey alone with Sirius as we went back for our next term at Hogwarts. I didn't dare ask Sirius when Emmeline would be back, partly because I was hoping against all hope that she would not be around during my last few uninterrupted hours with him. And partly because I desperately needed her to be there so that I could stop looking at his hair, his face, and his chest as something I wanted to touch so badly.

"All right? I feel as though I've seen more of your brother in the past two days than you," Sirius' voice said from my doorway and I jumped, dropping the already broken photograph of my family on the floor and shattering the remaining glass. He threw me a curious look and strode over, fixing the glass with a wave of his wand.

"Thanks," I muttered, taking it from him and putting it on top of the clothes in my trunk. He sat on the edge of my bed and picked it up again, studying it carefully.

"You were a pudgy little baby," he said with a wicked smile. "And wow, your mum was gorgeous," he added, looking up at me. "You've got her hair."

I nodded. "Yeah, when I don't straighten it," I said, holding up a straight strand.

He chuckled. "You shouldn't. It's much nicer natural."

I turned away to hide my blush and busied myself with putting some stuff in the boxes around the room.

"Are you sad to leave this house?" he asked.

"Yeah. But I understand why Chris wants to. As long as I still have my family's stuff I can always make a new home out of them," I said, shrugging.

"It's funny. You want to keep all your heirlooms and I was thrilled the day I found out Regulus would inherit the hideous old house before me," he replied, lightly.

"Well, we're quite different," I said briskly. "Are you packed?"

He nodded. "I didn't bring much, remember? Your brother gave me a football for a belated Christmas gift though – I can't wait to show Ja..." He sighed.

"I'm sure James will think it's hilarious," I said, putting aside my discomfort to sit beside him and pat his back. He smiled back weakly.

"I hope so. If not, will you save me a spot at your table?"

I shrugged. "You can sit with Emmeline."

He made a face at me. "Her friends drive me crazy – all they talk about are NEWTs. I'll have to divide the time between the two of you to keep my sanity."

I shook my head. "Or, you can just go work it out with your best mates."

He nodded. "I know...I'm only joking. I hope they'll forgive me." He looked innocent for a moment, his perfectly shaped mouth settling in to a pout and a lock of hair falling in to his eyes. My hand was itching to push it away but instead I cleared my throat.

"They will. Now you better get some sleep – we've got to get up early."

He smiled playfully. "You're the one who always sleeps in!"

"Well I don't understand how you and Chris can go on those ridiculous runs in the morning. It's bloody freezing!" I snapped.

"Get some exercise you big lump! Then you can join your Quidditch team and I can hit a bludger at you when you annoy me," he teased.

I rolled my eyes. "I have seen you play Quidditch Sirius...your aim is terrible."

He looked appalled at me. "Are you having a laugh? Fenwick was furious that you bought a Gryffindor Beater with bad aim a pair of better gloves?"

I laughed. "Fine, but you still wouldn't hit me – I'm too nice to hurt."

He raised his eyebrows. "Yeah?" and then he started jabbing me in the sides, tickling me in the most atrociously painful manner possible. He was grinning as I laughed and rolled around, squealing in pain.

"OI! Get off my sister, Black!" I heard Chris' voice, come to the rescue. "If she pisses her pants, I'll have to change the sheets!"

Sirius and Chris burst in to laughter as I was released and turned a bright red. Thankfully Chris' stupid joke drew attention away from the fact that Sirius had been practically straddling me on my own bed.

"Mate, could you double check that your Protective Charms won't affect Lucy? I've got Mr Prewett from next door downstairs to help," Chris said and Sirius jumped up.

"Sure mate – I'll let him know what I'm casting so that he can help if you need it," he said, leaving the room and calling over his shoulder. "Night Bridge."

Chris was still watching me however. "Didn't you say your boyfriend's name was Ollie?" he asked, ducking when my teddy bear went flying at him. I heard him laughing all the way down the stairs and grabbed Ollie's locket to put around my neck as I lay on my bed trying to think of soft brown hair and bright blue eyes instead of silky black hair and those mysterious grey eyes that I could drown in.

When we reached King's Cross – Sirius thanked my brother for his hospitality and the two shared a friendly and sincere handshake. Chris left me with a warm hug promising that I'd love the place in Cornwall and that he'd see me over the summer. Thankfully Sirius had stayed up helping Chris pack for most of the night, so he fell asleep as soon as we got on to the Hogwarts Express. I watched him from behind a book, seeing his toned chest rise and fall and a stray lock of hair fall attractively over his eyes and I promised something to myself. This would the last time I'd allow myself to note how good-looking he was. I would focus on studying and Ollie while I let Sirius make up with his friends and spend time with Emmeline. Soon enough, my little hiccup of a crush would be gone and I could return to seeing him as just a friend.

I woke him up when a Prefect stopped in to tell us we'd be arriving soon and left the compartment to change in to my robes. When I came back, I saw Sirius in his own robes and felt slightly better – we were going back to the 'Before' and soon we'd be back at Hogwarts where we were nothing more than just mates. Sirius for his part looked nervous, and I could tell he was worried about seeing his friends again. He was muttering things to himself the whole carriage ride up to the castle and he took a visibly deep breath as we walked through the Entrance Hall and into the Great Hall for Lunch. It was still fairly empty and I didn't see many of the students that had stayed over Christmas. I felt Sirius sigh with relief as we noted the Gryffindor Sixth Year boys missing from their table.

"You're just delaying your fate, Sirius. Just go and find them," I said as we sat at my usual table and helped ourselves to sandwiches.

"I know...but it's just easier to pretend I don't need to deal with it yet," he muttered, taking a bite.

"Well, Benjy and Matt will be here soon, so at least you'll have someone new to chat to."

He looked at me in surprise. "What's wrong with you? I love spending time with you."

"Yeah but we're sick of each other aren't we? You said so at Nicola's New Year's party."

He shook his head and stared at me. "You said that, Bridge. And I thought it was a joke. You know you're my favorite," he said with a wink.

I looked away quickly, fighting to keep my earlier promise when I heard Sirius take a large intake of breath.

"Shit."

I looked up to see James, Remus and Peter walk into the Hall and straight to their usual places at the Gryffindor Table. Sirius' eyes were watching them with a mixture of fear and excitement and I patted his knee reassuringly. The three boys were talking quietly amongst themselves and though James and Peter threw a glance at Sirius, Remus was determinedly looking at his plate with an angry expression. I could feel Sirius stiffen beside me when James stood up and started to walk over to us.

"Hey Bridget. Did you have a nice Christmas?" James asked when he'd arrived in front of us. He was running a hand over his hair, flattening it rather than ruffling it up as usual and his voice sounded lower and more mature than normal.

"Yeah, it was nice to have a break. Yours?" I asked in a light tone, trying not to give away the fact that I knew about their fight.

"Fair," James answered before looking at Sirius. "Mate, can I have a word?" he asked Sirius stiffly.

"Yeah, okay," Sirius replied, standing up and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Do you mind, Bridget?" James asked me in that same unfamiliar mature tone.

"Of course, go ahead," I said, quickly looking up at Sirius. His eyes were focused on James and he looked nervous and wary.

"Come on then," James said quietly, inclining his head to the exit and starting to walk away. Sirius sighed deeply, gave me short nod and followed his friend without another glance at anyone else. He looked so forlorn and dejected – I hoped that James wouldn't be too harsh on him. Peter and Remus watched their two friends go but made no move to follow them. Just as Benjy and Matt entered the hall chatting with Ollie, Remus locked eyes with me. His expression was strange - a mysterious mixture of anger and worry and it was foreign on his face. Remus always looked so kind, but in that moment I was a little frightened of him. I looked away as Ollie pulled me up from my seat and threw his arms tightly around me.

"I missed you so much," he whispered into my hair as he placed light kisses on my face. I wanted to respond but at that moment, all I could do was worry about Sirius.

The next day, I didn't see Sirius or Peter at breakfast but James and Remus were there talking in low whispers. The rumors had spread of course, and I was surprised to hear that the stories were a fairly accurate version of the one Sirius had told me. How Sirius had put Severus Snape in a huge amount of danger; how James Potter had risked his life to save Snape. The only thing that seemed to be left out was Remus' involvement. According to the rumor mill, Sirius had been barred from Hogsmeade for the rest of the year. He was also serving a detention every Saturday for the next month and though people begged Severus Snape to tell them his version of the story, Dumbledore had apparently sworn him to silence. It was frustrating for everyone, especially Emmeline. She caught me on my way to Transfiguration and asked me what I knew about it.

"Not much to be honest, about the same as everyone else," I admitted as she walked along the corridor with Nicola and I.

"He won't tell me anything, Bridget. I've only seen him for a few minutes since we've been back. He's had to deal with McGonagall, Dumbledore and his friends on top of all of that! I'm really worried –what if he did something really bad?" she said, looking harassed.

"It was just a stupid prank - he's learned his lesson, I'm sure," I said, careful not to let her know that he'd stayed with me over the break. Even though the two of us were on good terms, I was sure it would make her very jealous and I didn't think Sirius needed another problem to deal with.

"He talks to you though! He's so private with me," she sighed as Nicola and I stopped outside the Transfiguration classroom.

"I'm sure he'll tell you. You're his girlfriend - just give him some time to deal with his mates," Nicola said wisely and I nodded, glad that I didn't need to comfort the Head Girl myself.

Emmeline sighed. "I suppose so. Thanks Nicola. See you at the Prefect's meeting tonight, yeah? Bye Bridget."

We waved goodbye and she hurried off to her own lesson while we entered the Transfiguration classroom. Sirius was, shockingly, already there. He was sitting at our desk talking to Peter who was leaning against the table behind him, patting him on the back.

"Hi Bridget! Good holiday?" Peter said with a smile as I approached our desk.

"Yes thanks. Yours?" I replied, looking at Sirius distractedly.

"Fair," Peter said with a sigh. "There's James and Remus. I'll see you two later," he said patting Sirius' back again and walking over to the front where their friends were standing. When I sat down, I watched Sirius' expression. It was glum as he looked at James and Remus taking their seats. They were purposely avoiding his eyes as they chatted to Peter and my heart broke for my friend. He sighed and closed his eyes before turning to me.

"All right?" he asked weakly.

"I should be asking you," I said in a low voice as the room started to fill up. The chatter was loud enough that our voices would not be overheard but Sirius kept his to a whisper anyway.

"Peter's forgiven me. Remus won't speak to me at all and James is torn between the two of us. It's been a pretty miserable first two days back," he said, fidgeting.

"It'll take time," I reassured him. "Just give them some time."

"Yeah, well I'm in detention for the rest of my life, so maybe some time after that?" he replied bitterly. I didn't like this version of him - although I'd seen bits of it over Christmas, Sirius had been more himself over the holidays. I suppose he had tried to forget about the fight and now that he had to face it head on, it was obviously troubling him more than he'd let on during the break.

"Emmeline's worried about you," I said and he let out a hiss of annoyance.

"I can't bloody deal with her right now."

"Careful Sirius, she cares about you."

He shrugged. "I just want my friends back right now."

"At least tell her what's going on," I pushed.

"Maybe," he replied indifferently before falling silent at McGonagall's entrance.

For the next two weeks, I only saw Sirius in lessons. He still looked very quiet and rather defeated and wasn't keen on talking about it much. All he said to me when I asked how things were going was "I'm working on it." From an outsider's perspective, Peter seemed to be the only one who'd truly forgiven Sirius. Although James spent time with Sirius, their conversations always looked a bit dull and serious - something Hogwarts wasn't used to seeing from their two Golden Boys. The relationship between Sirius and Remus was much worse - they were rarely seen together. The only time they were seated within reasonable proximity to each other was at mealtimes where Remus quietly ate his dinner and Sirius watched him with a glum expression on his face. I felt awful that I couldn't do anything to help, I hated to see Sirius so miserable. But to my disgust, there was also the tiniest part of me that was jealous. I'd gotten used to having him around me all of the time at Christmas, but now that we were back to school, if he wasn't trying to mend things with his friends, he was strolling the grounds with Emmeline. At least he seemed to have taken my advice, because she looked much more at ease and was clearly supporting him with every fiber of her being. And I hated it. I hated that I wanted to be the one to comfort him - I'd gotten used to being his confidant but there just didn't seem to be enough time for me anymore.

Ollie on the other hand, was being the epitome of sweetness. He'd asked me for every detail about my holiday and although I had to leave out massive chunks, it felt nice to complain to him about Chris selling our house. I had to hand it to him: he always tried to say the right thing - saying it wasn't fair that my brother sold our house without consulting me. However, oftentimes, it was the wrong thing to say. I just wanted to complain about Chris but I didn't want anyone to agree blindly with me - I wanted Ollie to try and make me see Chris' reasons for selling the place. But I couldn't expect him to just know that was what I wanted. Also, as much as I hated to admit it myself - I didn't feel a spark there anymore. Maybe there wasn't even one to begin with. Ollie couldn't make me blush just when he grinned at me. He couldn't make me tremble just because he'd put a hand on the small of my back. And even though I enjoyed kissing him, I didn't feel the electricity I'd felt when a certain someone had kissed my cheek at New Year's. I was in trouble - I was mad for someone who wasn't my boyfriend and I wasn't sure how much longer I could string him along.

A/N: Sorry guys, I really want to get in to a better posting routine but I'm trying to work out a couple of plot points and have gotten a bit stuck. Thank you for your reviews! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.