Ever since the latest chapter, I have been quite sad and wanting to cry about not only Squalo's possible death but also the death of a friend that had happened to me in the beginning of the year...I'm not good with dealing with sadness as I usually run away from it so this is my feelings about my friend's death through Xanxus and Squalo...please enjoy.

It was the worst day of the year; it was sunny with a small shower. To the average person this may be considered an okay day; most people were shopping; working; hanging with friends and enjoying the remaining days of summer but to some it was the worst weather for the day at hand.

A group of people in black suits, dresses and gowns all walked together with saddened expressions on their faces, some cried; some holding those who were crying and those who were too stoned and shocked to know how to react walked together following the one thing in front a black and gold coffin that belonged to a shared ally of them all…Superbi Squalo.

Those who showed were his work allies, friends he had made on missions which were only a small bunch of assassins and all the members of the Vongola and his family. His mother was the first person behind the black coffin that contained her baby boy; she like any mother at her own child's funeral was crying her eyes out…she sobbed saying the same things over and over again of how it had to be fake, it was all a lie and how lastly she wished that it was herself in the box and not her only son and her only baby.

She was only in her mid-forties she had Squalo when she was twenty to a man who had not bothered to stay around to raise him but her boyfriend at the time took the place of being Squalo's father…that man was holding her close as she cried and begged God to give back her son at any price possible. The scene was heart breaking to all that witnessed it; Yamamoto was crying and being comforted by Gokudera and Tsuna who knew that Yamamoto did not only see Squalo as a friend/mentor but also as an older brother. It was cruel what had happened Squalo's death by the Vindice…he died a hero and to some a fool.

The coffin was brought to the top of the hill, to those who could see the gravestone was that of a male angelic warrior holding his sword up high in the air. It was pure white in colour in contrast to the coffin lying beside the hole that it was about to be placed in. An elderly priest began to say the usual words about the Lord protecting and guiding Squalo into heaven as the sun and the rain casted a strong rainbow over the funeral, those who understood the rainbow concept felt it was a mockery to Squalo and his bravery…his loss of life for a rainbow to shine on that day.

His mother looked at the rainbow, making her fall on her knees close to the coffin as she felt that the rainbow was a sign that her son was looking over her wishing to protect her from a height. Squalo had always protected his mum from any danger that ever came to her; from abusive husband, thugs and even from common colds. He had loved his mum with all his heart and she had loved him more than anything else in her life, he was in fact her life from the day he was born and she always reminded him whenever she saw him twice a year and now she would never see her silver haired boy come home and make sure she was alright.

She hugged the coffin, crying more and cursing at the heavens even more for her beloved son to come back to life for her. She begged and pleaded, screaming that the man inside the coffin could not be her son.

"It's not my baby, he's not my baby! My baby is alive…he's not dead I know it! I know it! He…he can't be dead!"

She banged her fists off the coffin sobbing and screaming loudly, which caused those who felt her pain cry at the sight of a mother about to bury her child, on a day that the weather did not sympathise with her pain. It was the cruelty that came with the sharp knife of a short life.

Her increasing anger at the world and the cruelty it had dealt her and her now dying son led her to come more aggressive with her banging; screaming for Squalo to wake up and show everyone he was just sleeping…it was a coma or anything.

"Wake up, Squalo…it's not funny anymore!"

She raised her fist once more, about to bang the coffin with such a force that would break her son's coffin, but the action was stopped by a tanned skinned hand that grabbed her arm. The hand belonged to the very man who Squalo had protected in his last seconds of life. Xanxus' arm had been re-attached by Fon and Ryohei but they could not save Squalo due to such excessive damage that had been dealt to his organs and chest cavity. Xanxus' scars had not faded in the days that awaited the very day of the Funeral…he had been angry since the moment Squalo's corpse hit the concrete. Everyone who had been there that day saw that Xanxus had ran from being told that his leading man's life had been taken in such a manner. This was the first time anyone had seen him since that fight and many of the people were surprised to see him, especially Squalo's mother.

"HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND HERE, WHEN MY SON LIES THERE DEAD WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU!"

Those words hit Xanxus like a tonne of bricks, his grip on the woman had loosened which allowed her to slip her hand away which would impact with the scarred man's face hitting him hard and knocking back. She hissed and spat on Xanxus, swearing in Italian that she could never forgive him for allowing her son to die.

"Your nothing but a heartless bastard Xanxus, I hope that every time you see the rain you think of my baby, every time you hear a loud noise you think of my son, every time you walk, think, breathe you think of my son and how much he has done for you! You're a bastard! I hate you; I hate you with all of my heart; even though I know that my son would not want me to since he loved you with all his heart! He now walks into God's kingdom alone, covered in blood with a whole in his heart caused by YOU!"

Xanxus stood up, not knowing what to say to the grieving mother who screamed at him as her husband tried to pull her away from lunging at another attack on the man. Xanxus looked at the coffin that his silver haired loudmouthed ally laid dead because of him…his mother's words were true and he knew they were true. Xanxus didn't know what to do, so he acted like himself; pushed his way through the crowd not saying a word…he had no words to say.

Xanxus heard his name be called he didn't know who it was calling his name nor did he care, he felt for the first time his heart drop and he started to run feeling warm liquid pour from his eyes…he was in fact crying. Xanxus ran behind a large oak tree near a river which was five miles away from the funeral. He sat down and started to cry…the tears stung as they came down like rain on his cheeks; he tried to wipe them but to no avail, choking sobs left his mouth and he lost control of his emotions. He was mess crying, covering his red eyes he sobbed and sobbed feeling with every tear his cold heart break more and more as he thought of those spilt seconds when Squalo jumped in front and was stabbed, he then thought to the day Squalo had said he would join him; the day he had awaken and Squalo had smiled and he cried seeing his boss…Xanxus had laughed at him calling him pitiful and weak but now he wishes with every fibre in his being that Squalo would find him and put the pain in his heart at ease so he could live on with his right-hand man, eat, sleep like normal instead of feeling so empty and so alone.

"It's not fair scum, why didn't you kill me off you so called God? I deserve to die, not him! He was a decent bastard who may have been loud but he could tolerate me and I could…tolerate him, so why not fucking me?"

Xanxus roared out in his sob repeating the "why not me?" over and over, as more tears fell from his eyes ruining the sleeves of his shirt. Xanxus didn't know this feeling of loneliness and sadness; he had lost not only an ally but a lover too. Xanxus felt so empty and for the first time scared, he had no one now, no one who understood him…no one who would put up with him. The very being who would deal with his tempers now was in a box that he didn't belong in by all means. Xanxus swore over and over, hitting his head as he remembered every little second he had with Squalo…all the times he had not said anything to him that was of gratitude or kindness to the man.

Xanxus sat there till it had become dark; crying to himself not knowing what he was to do with himself; he had lost every bit of willpower that was in him to move from the spot, his body dehydrated by the amount of crying that had taken place over the hours, the thoughts of not having the loud voice in the castle corridors haunted his very soul, the thoughts that he would never see the shark come in from missions anymore, never have the man by his side anymore….he was never going to talk, or throw things at him anymore…..

"I want this feeling to go away trash, make it go away…why you doing this to me?!"

Xanxus asked out loud hoping that he would hear a response, but he knew too well he would never hear a response a single note from Superbi Squalo anymore. Xanxus remained in the same spot till dawn when it started to rain; Xanxus decided it was time to get up and move….he had no energy left to cry, to think anymore. As he walked away he felt a warm breeze sweep past him, turning around in a sudden second as he walked he thought he saw ghostly figure of a silver haired swordsman, who looked like he too was crying but with a smile on his face that looked oh so familiar to Xanxus, but he passed if off as nothing and started to walk back home to where he had to move on and leave the shark in his past and move on….

The End.