When Mikan watched those terrible movies where the protagonist wakes up in a hospital room, she detested the inevitable question: Where am I?

If they looked around clearly, she would sure they could tell. But now that she was lying there, staring at a blank ceiling, she knew why they asked. They wanted answers. They needed somebody to talk to them. Anybody. About anything. They needed confirmation of something.

She felt like she had lost something and now it was irretrievable.

"You're at the hospital," Hotaru answered quickly, "They needed to... operate on you."

"Operate..."

The words were foam in her mouth.

"You were awake after the surgery but you fell asleep afterwards. Plenty of drugs in your system so just rest for a while longer."

"Hotaru..."

It was a challenge to move her mouth, especially with her body so relaxed. It didn't seem like it belonged to her. Her state of consciousness was drifting, like a cloud.

"I can't... sit up."

She heard her rustling around before the bed became moving. Mikan kept her eyes glancing side to side so she could see who was here.

It was only Hotaru, with her eyes gleaming with concern but face blank as usual.

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

She swallowed. It hurt when she did that.

"Tell me what happened."

"Wait until you're better."

"Hotaru..."

"Can you not wait a while longer? At least until you can... you can..."

"What?" she croaked, wanting to reach out to her friend. And it was then that she got a glimpse of her hands. Each finger pinned in position; the entire hand looked like a...

She didn't know what thoughts whirled into her head first and as pathetic as it was, she was terrified. She was terrified of her own hands, her own body. And she let out a heart-wrenching cry.

"W-what... what?"

Nothing else that came blubbering from her mouth made sense. Everything was on fire.

"Mikan, you need to calm down," Hotaru gritted out, moving so that she could touch her face. It was a feather-light touch, but enough for Mikan to know she was here. And she was here to stay. But she was frightened by the prospect of hurting Mikan more than she had. Every precaution she had taken seemed to slapped her in the face. The worst case scenarios in her head that she fought against had accumulated into something she could never imagine. Here she was, Mikan's fingers, her dreams, their happiness, all shattered. As if anybody could calm down.

After another pitiful cries, she quietened down to soft whimpers and then silent tears. It was then that Mikan could see Hotaru's face.

The usual stoic expression had been replaced by watery eyes and tightly drawn lips. It screamed of shame.

"I'm so sorry Mikan," she whispered.

"It's not your fault," she managed to say back.

But she didn't mean it.

She didn't know whose fault it was. And she couldn't help but think that it was partially her own.

"You're not going to see her."

"That's not a question, Ruka."

"Why can't you stay? Persona's gone now."

"There's no reason to stay. I need to go back to Dad."

The blond let out a held breath. Natsume couldn't tell if that was him trying to calm down or if it was a sigh of disappointment. Either way, Ruka had to accept that he wasn't remaining in Gakuen Alice. Why would he? There was no point anymore.

"She deserves to hear from you at least."

"She will," Natsume answered in a clipped tone as he zipped up the suitcase and lowered it to the floor.

There was nothing he really needed to pack. The room was bare to begin with and he didn't want to strip it down further. There were only memories. He didn't want to keep anything. He didn't deserve to.

"So you'll write back?"

"No."

"Then for fuck's sake, what do you mean?" Ruka finally yelled, glowering at his best friend. It seemed the title of best friend only seemed to be a formality nowadays. All their sacrifices seemed to be expected, their amiable way of expression a curt language and their knowledge of one another common. Ruka was lost. He didn't understand any of what was happening.

"Ruka."

"No. I need to know this."

"Please."

It was as close as Natsume had come to begging. His pleading tone was mirrored by the hopeless expression on his face.

"Please just take care of her."

"Do it yourself if you can go this far. Say it to her face."

"You know I can't."

"I don't understand you, Natsume. I really don't. And it's not because Mikan changed you," he muttered to himself, looking at him with hurt eyes. The boy he had met was unrecognisable. This was a man standing in front of him - a man of wishes.

"Maybe it's because Imai changed you to be fierce."

Natsume gave a small smile, which he didn't return. He let it slide off his face and looked out of the window, where a gentle patter of rain had began. Raindrops and Chopin. He could almost hear the music calling to him from outside.

"I need to go back. Dad needs me. After everything... After Aoi..."

The name stole away Ruka's breath. He looked down at the floor in shame.

"And what about Mikan? What will you do about her? It's unfair, Natsume. You won't even say goodbye. You won't even give an explanation."

"You think this is easy on me?" Natsume scoffed, "If I could, I would stay by her side to look after her. But that's not what she needs and it's not what I can do."

"Why must you complicate things? It's like there's a happy ending waiting for you and all you want to do is toss it away. If you really wanted, you could look after Mikan. She would forgive you and she would apologize and you would both be happy. Mr Hyuuga could surely wait a few more months for you and Narumi-sensei would settle everything else. All the charges against Persona - "

"Ruka. No."

"Why?" he exclaimed, "Then what did we all work so hard for?"

"For peace," he replied quietly. "And you'll get it. Once I leave."

"You're talking in riddles."

"I'll try and contact you once everything has settled."

Ruka felt the strength leaving his body.

"You're really leaving us all behind."

"Ruka, it's hardly been a year since I met that baka. Everybody loves her. She won't be alone. And you won't be either. You and Imai make a good pair. I'm sure."

"Natsume..."

"I really need to go," he heaved, "My dad is waiting for me. Will you promise me? To look after her?"

"You know I will," he whispered back, "And Natsume, about Aoi -"

"Don't."

He hesitated at the door.

His room was clear, looking nothing like it did during term. The stinky sofa had been removed completely, the music all tucked neatly away and the piano, although still polished, had only a dull gleam. None of it seemed real anymore.

He turned to Ruka, so different from when they came.

Natsume thought about reaching for a hug. Who knew when they would see each other again? Or at least give him a pat on the back. But he found Ruka's face hard to look at, so he drew his hand away to the suitcase he had with him.

He said nothing as he made his way out of the dormitory one last time.

The entire school seemed to have disappeared after the Persona incident and it would surely take a long time before the reputation of Gakuen Alice would be restored. What would take even longer to restore was Mikan's trust. But that was precisely why he couldn't stay.

Mikan was reckless. Recklessly in love with him.

Time apart would mature them - he was sure of that. Then Mikan would not have to endanger her life for him. They would both be stronger, more adept in life. Was that so wrong to hope for? But would their love, if it could even be called that, still exist? He wasn't sure.

He gazed back at the gigantic campus that was his asylum for so long. And now, he found it hard to leave. He didn't want to go without saying a word.

Ruka was right.

His happy ending was there and he was walking away.

The operation was a success and her Jii-chan even came to look after her. He had been furious about such an accident but no matter how hard he pressed, nobody would speak a word of it. If Mikan wasn't willing to talk, nobody else had the right.

Within a matter of weeks, Mikan was back in the academy.

"Mikan-chan!" Anna squealed, embracing her, "I'm so glad you're alright. When we heard you got hurt, we were all worried. We couldn't get permission to visit you though. How are you?"

"Fine."

Nonoko quickly joined the group, beaming at her friend. "We don't know if you're in the mood for it but we got you some Howalon from central. We should hold a welcome back party for you!"

"Thanks."

"Are you... alright?"

"Yes."

The classroom that had been filled with excitement at the return of Mikan grew deadly silent.

"I'm going to the practice rooms."

"I'll go with you," Hotaru offered, standing up.

"No. I'll go alone."

And she sauntered down the corridor, the excitement from behind dying down rapidly.

"Hotaru-chan," Anna whispered, afraid to break the somber silence, "Should we - ?"

She instantly shook her head. "Leave her be."

Every piano taunted her. It was a curse, to be reminded of what you love and what caused you so much pain at the same time.

It was stupid to be so attached to anything - anyone - in such a short space of time. But it felt like they had climbed mountains together, understood one another, created the perfect melodies. And now she was an abandoned half, as if she were never good enough. When did time become a requirement to feel deeply anyway? She had the right to be resentful.

Mikan turned away from the practice rooms and cradled her wrecked arm closer to her, as if it were a child to be protected. Who knew how broken she was?

And the worst thing was she had run out of tears. She had run out of everything. Everything was exhausting and she just wanted to breathe. She wanted to know what it was like to be her again.

"Mikan-chan!"

It was a soft, gentle voice and Mikan begrudgingly turned to face it.

"Oh, Nobara-chan."

The small girl smiled charmingly at her, running to her side. "It's nice to see you up and about. Did you want to use one of the practice rooms?"

"No, not really."

"Oh... Well, feel free to come join me in tuning. I know it's a little boring but it might be nice to just chat."

"Yeah."

Wouldn't it be nice, she thought, to be able to do that whenever she wanted. Do whatever you wanted because there were no limitations. Because somebody would listen to you.

"Mikan-chan, I wanted to apologise," she started quietly, and already Mikan couldn't bear to listen.

She had enough of it all.

"There's nothing to apologise for," she dismissed it quickly, "I'm going to go back to my room. I'm a bit tired."

"Mikan-chan, please wait."

"Nobara-chan, I really -"

"Please talk to me."

And now they were looking into one another's eyes as if they were lovers, as if they were people who didn't need words to communicate. But Mikan had so much stored up within her, she didn't know if words would suffice anymore. She needed more than understanding. She just needed something to unleash onto.

"I don't think I can," she said, hushed but honest.

"That's alright," Nobara answered, reaching for her. Her touch was feather-light but to Mikan, it felt like the key to breaking her facade. It was slowly shattering around her - her entire world.

"I don't think I can do this anymore. This Persona thing. This school thing. This music thing. This Natsume thing. Everything is tangled in one another and I - I..."

"It's alright."

"It's not," Mikan finally cried. Finally.

"I know. But it will be."

"Can't it be alright now?" she asked pathetically, her body weight now relying on Nobara's thin arms. But the smaller girl was stronger than she seemed, even managing to pat Mikan's head in a maternal gesture.

"I know it's hard," Nobara said, her own voice crackling like a log in a warm fire, "I know. But it will pass. And we have each other. You have so many people around you, who care for you and love you."

"But if love... is wishing for the other's happiness, when do I become happy? Do I ever get to be?"

"Love and happiness, they're very vague terms," she explained with a vacant look in her eye, "So abstract. Kind of like music. But we get to make our own lives."

"I can't..."

"Of course you can," Nobara smiled with the most sympathy Mikan had seen in her life. "You're a musician."

And Mikan had to think. She had to know where to direct her music, her love, her life. The melodies that came together, unraveled, clashed. It made sense in the chaos.

"Mikan-chan... Everyone around you loves you too," Nobara whispered, placing her hand atop hers. Her hands were cold but it seemed to be what they needed, to cool down the fever that was burning up. "We all wish for your happiness. Being like this would hurt everybody too. You are always loved."

"Nobara-chan..."

And Mikan's tears dripped faster.

"So don't give up," Nobara smiled softly at her, "We're all here for you."

And she crouched down to the ground, letting her tears fall, her hands unable to wipe them away.

After such a massive shock, Mikan went into remission and time really did seem to heal. In a few weeks' time, it would be summer and Mikan would be free to visit her Jii-chan. They were all working towards the graduation festivals that would showcase their music, and that was all Mikan could focus on. Her music, which was not a product of her mother but herself.

"Will you be alright playing?" Anna asked cautiously.

Mikan smiled.

She wondered what they would do if she said no. She was now the sole pianist of Class B now - it was her responsibility in a way.

"She's been practicing non-stop," Hotaru scoffed aside.

"Practicing?"

Anna looked horrified, as if she was told a dark secret that could destroy humanity. Her heart was always on her sleeve, but Mikan found it endearing.

"Don't worry! It's just air-practice."

"Air-practice?"

"Uh, that's what I call it," she laughed nervously, "It's pretty much what it means. I practice on air and use the pressure."

"Oh. That sounds interesting. How's it going?"

"Well. I think. I don't know. I won't touch the piano until rehearsal."

"That's... good?"

Mikan smiled, "I think so. I guess we'll find out at the performance."

"What are you playing?"

"It's, uh, my own composition," she laughed nervously, "It's kind of... weird. I don't know. But I wrote it a while ago and I'm making some changes."

Anna nodded with a look of such confidence that Mikan felt bad. "It'll be great. I'm looking forward to it."

"It's a piece," she started slowly, "About Natsume."

"Oh."

There was silence for a while, and Mikan wondered if that name was now a stigma - even Hotaru was staring at her with surprise. Maybe she ought to 'move on' completely and forget about him. Maybe the whole class should. Everything was changing now and -

"Then I'm sure it'll be fantastic," Anna reassured her, "I'll see you later. I've got my rehearsal space booked in for the next two hours."

"Good luck!"

"Thank you. You too, Mikan-chan," Anna grinned, "It's nice to have you back."

And as always, it was back to being Mikan and Hotaru in the classroom alone. It seemed so much less lively now that it was the end of the year - people were already beginning to move out of campus. It felt vaguely sad, but Mikan couldn't help but look forward to a fresh start.

"I'm glad you told her," Hotaru remarked.

"I think they'd figure it out after hearing it."

"You're doing well."

"Yeah, I think I just need to tweak so chords and obviously practice it - "

"I mean with the emotional side of things."

"That too," Mikan smiled, almost forlornly, "I need to practice it."

"Take all the time you need."

"I will."

She looked at the empty classroom again, thinking of the short time she spent here. If all it took was this long to feel this way, who knows what the future holds?

Then she stared at her bandaged hands, almost ready for the performance. But she could do it.

"Hotaru."

"Bunny boy," she greeted him as he ran towards her down the corridor like a deranged man.

"I got a letter."

"Surprise, surprise."

"From Natsume," he huffed, handing her the thin envelope, "It's for Mikan-chan."

Her raven eyes darted from Ruka's disheveled appearance to the letter, then she snatched it quickly, tearing it open like it was hunger. It took no more than five seconds for her to skim over.

"You've read this?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"What a load of crap."

Ruka bit his lip. "I think Natsume... just wants to know if she's okay."

"Okay?" She cocked a brow. "You think he wants to know if she's okay. After all this."

"He's just worried - "

"If he was worried, he would be here."

"I thought Mikan-chan should at least know - "

"This was addressed to you," Hotaru corrected.

"Well..."

"Mikan doesn't need this right now."

"Are you sure you should be making that decision for her?" Ruka frowned, split between as he always was.

"Life is more important than brief romances and pathetic boys," Hotaru muttered. Then she scattered the ribbons of the letter into the bin.