AN: This chapter has been reposted after being beta'd by Project Team Beta's Klooqy/Poppycock Zuipperpips and JulieToo. Thank you ladies for all your help! Thanks to Mod Batgirl too for helping me out with some much needed comma lessons!

This little story has been bouncing around my head for a while now, so I thought I'd better write it down so I can get some sleep!

Disclaimer : SM owns Twilight

Chapter 1

PLANK

"Holy Jesus Christ on a bicycle!"

Ro's screech nearly made me jump out of my skin.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I looked over and she was precariously perched on her desk, peering out of the window. Her assignment was forgotten and half crumpled under her knees; the rest was scattered over the floor.

"Get me the pirate telescope, quick!" she shouted, holding her hand out behind her, without breaking her gaze.

"Ro," I grumbled, "I'm comfy here; get it yourself."

I'd been lying on my bed in our dorm room for the past hour, reading trashy magazines and stuffing my face with cookies. Instead, I should have been finishing my riveting assignment on the 'Correlation between prison conditions and inmates' behaviour'. It wasn't my personal choice of topic; Ryan Gosling's abs and the 'Top ten red carpet fashion disasters' were all I wanted to analyse right now.

"B, get your ass over here and pass me the telescope. NOW!" she screamed. It just made me laugh before I returned to my magazine.

"If you don't get me the damn telescope in the next ten seconds I will call your Mom and tell her you gave Professor Banner a blow job to get your latest grade, AND I will add he only gave you a C minus."

"You wouldn't dare."

Without moving her eyes from the window, she picked up her phone and speed dialled my Mom.

I jumped up off the bed, diving towards her to grab the phone.

"Okay, Okay, I'll get it."

Unfortunately, my foot landed on the last magazine I'd unceremoniously dumped on the floor, causing me to slide into the splits. The splits are not recommended for someone like me - someone who is as flexible as a plank of wood.

"Fuckity fuck … aahh … I literally just broke my lady bits, you idiot." I crumpled in a heap on the carpet, a worryingly sharp burning pain shooting through my groin.

She was laughing at me now. In fact, I'd probably class it as hysterics. She was holding her stomach, tears running down her stupid cheeks.

"What the hell are you doing?" She tried to catch her breath, continuing to giggle as she wiped tears from her eyes. "I didn't need you to perform a gymnastic routine to deliver it to me."

"Ha ha, smart ass." I dragged myself off the floor and rooted around for the telescope in my drawer.

I know having a telescope is a bit weird by anyone's standards, unless you're an astronomer or you own a really big ship, but ours was the result of a fancy dress party for our friend Peter.

Everyone had to dress as something beginning with "P".

Yep, there were at least five penises there that night.

Ro went as a plant.

Yes, a plant.

She had worn nude coloured underwear and stuck loads of leaves, twigs and vines to herself. She somehow still managed to look sexy with palm tree fronds sticking out of her head.

As per usual, I'd left it till the last second, and the only outfit left was a pirate. I wore the obligatory eye patch, striped leggings, skull and crossbones hat and of course the telescope. Unfortunately there were no parrots left.

I perched a penguin on my shoulder instead.

.

.

Retrieving the telescope, I walked over to Ro's side of the room to see what was going on outside the window.

It had better be good.

"What'cha looking at?" I pinched her to get her attention. She slapped my hand away and grabbed the scope.

"Mmm-mm-mmm … there is one hell 'ova good-looking man outside," she purred, focusing in on him, "and not only that, but he's a man in a uniform, and you know I can't resist a man in a uniform."

I shoved her over and climbed onto her desk to get a better view. "Let me see this."

"Hey!" She pouted, giving me a dirty look. "I saw him first."

Our dorm room was on the fourth floor of the student accommodation near the University, called The Downs. It was one of around ten buildings surrounded by playing fields. On sunny days, everyone would sunbathe and hang out on the fields. Now the sun was setting and ice-cold wind whipped across the grass so hardly anyone was around.

We'd both come to England for the third year of college, on an International Student exchange studying Criminology & Psychology. We had been inseparable from the day we first met at pre-school when Ro pulled my hair, and I pulled hers right back. We both made sure we roomed at college back home and had demanded we share a room here too.

"Where have you been hiding?" Ro muttered under her breath.

The prey that Ro had in her sights was an enormous man who was leaning into the back of a blue van. I couldn't see his face, but his body looked pretty rocking. She was right; he seemed to be wearing a uniform that consisted of camouflage trousers and a navy blue t-shirt.

"What's he doing?" I had asked Ro seeing as she still had the scope.

"Hmm?"

"Earth to Ro. What - is – he – doing?" I asked again.

"He seems to be unloading boxes of bibs, you know, like for PE. It says British Army something on the side of the van. I can't see the last bit; the door is in the way." She leaned in to get a closer look, at which point she whacked the end of the scope against the window.

"Ouch!" We both laughed as she rubbed her eye.

"I didn't think my day could be any more boring and then what do you know, hotty soldier boy appears right outside my window. I must have done something good to deserve this," she mused.

I laughed at her in disbelief. "You have definitely not been good, how many boys did you make out with last night? Three, four … I lost count after five."

She shoved me playfully, and I nearly fell off the desk. "Shut it, Swan. It was two, and it wasn't at the same time or the same place."

"Two bars inside the same club, within the same hour does not make two different times or places, Ro-the-Ho."

She stuck her tongue out. "You're just jealous because your only option was Sweaty Boy."

"He was NOT my only option. I'm just very picky, and hell would have to freeze over before I sucked face with Mike Newton and his over-active sweat glands." I shuddered at the thought.

"Look." She gestured back outside. "There are loads of girls turning up! What is this? How did we not know that Sergeant Sexy Pants was coming to town, yet all these bitches did?"

I looked over at the crowd that was beginning to form around the van. The soldier was easier to make out now; he was built like a brick shit house, and had shaved dark hair. He had a clipboard and seemed to be taking a roll call. The group was made up of both sexes, but definitely a higher percentage of girls who were flitting around the soldier like moths to a flame.

"Have they all got work out gear on? It must be a sports thing?"

"Yeah," she growled, "and that red-head might as well have just worn a bra. She's bursting out of that ridiculous top."

"Let me see." I grabbed the scope from her. "Jesus, she'll get a black eye if she runs around with those hanging out!"

The group all grabbed a coloured bib from the boxes: red, green or blue. Then they got into groups that matched their colours and moved to the playing fields. It looked like two other men in uniforms had joined them, but in the fading light it was hard to see much.

The groups began running around in circles and jumping up and down.

"It's definitely a fitness class or something."

I spotted a flash of yellow out of the corner of my eye and saw the tiny form of a girl sprinting across to them. She was dressed head to toe in yellow spandex.

I'd recognise her anywhere.

"Look! I think that's Ali."

Ali was one of the first English girls we met when we arrived at the University. She had taken it upon herself to show us the ropes, and we had been firm friends since. She was a law major and was going to make a killer attorney, or lawyer as she called it. Looking at her you'd think she'd be a pushover, but NOBODY messes with Ali. We'd learnt that she was a good person to have on your side. Especially when you were in a spot of trouble, which for the three of us was often.

She could talk her way out of anything.

"Right, we are going to intercept her after she finishes and interrogate the little minx." Ro grabbed her phone and sent off a text, presumably to Ali. "First, let's go and check out the van."

Jumping off the desk, she grabbed my arm and pulled me along, the pain in my groin causing me to limp slightly.

"No way, Ro, it's freezing out there. You go, and I'll wait here and keep erm … urm ... "

Ro glared at me for a second before she smirked.

"I do feel a bit sorry for your epic gymnastic fall earlier, so you stay here. I'll be two minutes."

She flew out of the door and down the stairs. I went back to the window and squinted into the darkness, trying to make out the group. I could vaguely see shapes running around and every so often throwing themselves on the ground. I shuddered at the thought of rolling around in the freezing mud in the dark. Why would anyone choose to do that to themselves?

It wasn't that I was bad at sports; I had been on the track team at high school and still ran regularly, but I absolutely hated to be cold or wet or dirty.

I heard her pounding up the stairs before the door was flung open, the handle smacking into the wall. "British Army Fitness," she gasped, out of breath.

Ten minutes later we'd learnt everything there was to know about British Army Fitness, or BAF as they liked to be known. It was a boot camp and sounded like actual hell on earth. The only saving grace was that it was run by soldiers either on leave or who were in the reserves.

Also, judging by the photos on the website, they must have had to enter a Mr Universe contest to become a trainer.

We drooled over them until Ro stood up and announced she was joining the class the next week.

"Good luck with that," I laughed as I flopped back onto my bed, worn out after all the excitement.

I was greeted with silence.

Warily, I looked over to Ro who was standing with her hand on her hip, tapping her foot and raising her eyebrow. Just as I thought she couldn't possibly use any more clichés, she started tapping her finger on her lips before they spread into a smug smile.

"What?" I asked dubiously.

"Bella Swan," she smiled sweetly, "remember how you made me go to see that band. The one where you were crushing on the drummer?"

"Oh no." I groaned, knowing where this was going.

"Remember how you said you would do anything for me if I got us backstage?"

I mumbled in response.

"And how I got you backstage, but you got so drunk that you puked in the lead singer's guitar case? Is this ringing any bells, Bells?"

"Yes." I cringed.

"Can you remember who had to take responsibility for you and clean up your vomit?"

I nodded.

"Good!" She smirked and pointed at me. "You are coming with me. End of story!"

I huffed and threw my pillow at her.

She ducked under it, laughing. "I'm going to grab a shower, and when I'm back we can plan our method of attack."

She nodded, happy with herself, before heading to the bathroom.

.

A little while later I heard voices outside.

Wondering if it was the end of the class I peeked out, but it was just one of the soldiers helping a man who looked like he'd sprained his ankle. He was half hopping, half limping along, before they came to rest by the van that was lit up under a street lamp.

It wasn't the same soldier as before; he was taller and looked leaner with slightly longer hair. Short at the sides and longer on top. Kind of crazy messy.

He helped the man sit inside the van, before he turned away and moved further into the light.

Holy crap. There before me was the most gorgeous specimen of a man I had ever laid my eyes on.

Maybe this boot camp malarkey wouldn't be so bad after all.

AN: Thanks for reading.

I joined one of these boot camps in the lead up to my wedding and it is AWFUL!

Sparrow xx