Warning:

This chapter touches on the brink of insanity, and what it feels like to be on that brink. Many things may be confusing, and you might find it hard to understand the characters and their thoughts and actions. If you have a problem with any of the mentioned, please stop reading now.

But if you managed to read the previous chapter without being too confused, I think you'll be able to understand this chapter.

"I hate you."

000

Leaf comes to visit, once.

Red's surprised (it's a huge understatement, but it'll have to do for now), and quickly ushers her away from the howling wind that threatens to take them both. Leaf huffs, saying she can take 'whatever, whenever', but her smile reveals the real truth. Red ignores this, and soon has a hot bowl of soup bubbling in the worn-out pot.

Leaf looks around the cave, trying to find what has changed over the years she missed. "Green still coming out here to get you stuff, then?" she asks, even though she already knows the answer.

Red shrugs. He can play this game too. Leaf rolls her eyes and pats the little yellow ball of fluff beside her leg. It shifts, before 'chuu'-ing softly and snuggling into her even more. "Ah, whatever. If you don't feel like talking, you don't talk, you know?"

The champion hesitates, before nodding slightly. Leaf knows him well enough to understand that he is agreeing with her. There's a soft silence that Red shatters by tipping his head. It's his way of saying, "Why are you here?"

Again, Leaf knows him well enough to understand. "What, I'm not allowed to visit an old friend?" Red huffs disbelievingly, causing the flakes of snow around his nose to rise and settle. "Well," she pauses. "Well, I guess... you could say I was sent here by the Pokemon League."

His gaze jerks up from the soft glow of the fire. Leaf flinches. Pikachu, sensing its trainer's shock, dashes away from Leaf and climbs up Red shoulder like a frantic mankey. It turns with a growl to Leaf.

"I-it's nothing serious!" Leaf whispers keeping one eye on Pikachu. Red is on guard. He knows the League has sent Leaf to get him, keep him inside the Elite Four building and make him stay there. He doesn't want that.

"I knew you would take it like this," Leaf mutters. "Red, listen to reason. You've been up here for years now and the League, well, they're getting worried! Worried that the Kanto champion (the words sting him like needles) is going insane! They have a point, anyone would go mad if they were stuck here for ages without any human company. It's not just the League either. You left your mom without even leaving her a note! Now she's worried sick, and Green's on the verge of telling her where you are because you can hear her sobbing every night! She's desperate, and you won't even bother to come down there for a moment and say 'sorry'!"

Apparently, these words have been bottled inside of Leaf since each sentence comes out like a raging storm without hesitation. Blue eyes reflect the flames, making it look like they contain hellfire within them. All the friendliness has disappeared.

"And more than anything, I'm worried sick! You're not acting like you used to, back when we were kids- you're more secretive and acting like you've but up some kind of barrier but you haven't!"

Leaf stops to take a breath and continue, but Red gets there first before she can say whatever she had to say next.

"I never told you were I was, you know."

That manages to shut Leaf up for a moment, but a moment is all he needs to run past her and out to the snow. Ignoring the fact he's completely vulnerable to the elements of nature, he holes up in one of the many caverns he knows(Mount Silver is like the back of his hand to him, after all) and stays there until little light that was visible through the hills of snow vanishes. Quietly, he hulls himself and Pikachu back to their camp.

As expected, Leaf's gone.

000

The only possibility can be Green.

It's like one of those spy movies- everyone the main character used to trust has betrayed him, and now, the main character doesn't know who he can trust anymore. Except the main character is Red, and he isn't completely lost on who he can trust. He knows he can trust his pokemon. That's for sure.

But everyone else...

Ever since Leaf's visit, Red sometimes stares at the falling snow and wonders, why am I hiding? It's been so long since he came up here one day. He himself doesn't even remember the reason, or why he doesn't want to go back. But his instinct tell him that he shouldn't, and his instincts are right most of the time.

Maybe the white is affecting his mind somehow- he wouldn't know, even if it was eating his being away from the inside. Maybe he's going crazy.

All these 'maybes' make his head hurt. Red stops thinking about the 'maybes'.

000

He didn't ask Green about it. Ask if it's true or not. Why should he?

The champion's surprised that the reporters haven't flooded the place yet, bombarding him with questions, dragging back down or anything.

Green smiles at him (how can you act like you've done nothing?) and caresses him with soothing words and soft touches. Thoughts fill Red's mind, not about love, or Green, but about betrayal and hate and (am I going paranoid?) lies and hate hate hate that...that...

He starts to push Green away.

000

Green comes back.

Why?

Green should've ran away, should've hated him, should've been heartbroken. But he comes back.

The gym leader is hauling the usual load of supplies. There's nothing like hate, or anger, or sadness it those emerald orbs. Just the feeling of warmth. The feelings overtake him, and his actions are not his.

"Get. Out."

But that would be putting the blame on his self conscious and...

"We're already out."

it doesn't seem fair to, well, anyone, because it's all his fault...

"Just go away."

no, no, this is all the league's fault. For making his mind go out of control...

Crunch.

but why is he obsessing over this, anyways? Wouldn't it be a better idea if he escaped this...

A rush of wind carrying words away Crunch Crunch Crunch

icy prison? He didn't need to run. But he did, because he would always be watched and...

"Get out of my life."

trapped and...

"I don't get what I did wrong."

Green.

Suddenly, Red is aware of his movements. He takes a step forward. Rage bubbles inside him.

"You made me care. I can't believe I even trusted you." The wind battles above the words, building up the drama that surrounds them in a thick veil.

Red takes a step forward, while Green takes a step back. They're almost on the edge.

"Why did you do it?" he asks. "Why did you betray me? I thought..." his voice breaks, and he looks up to meet Green's eyes. They only contain confusion. "Why do you act like nothing's wrong?"

When Green takes a half step back and stops, Red knows the boy has reached the edge. Green's mouth moves, and Red can only barely make out the words...

"Are you blaming yourself, or me?"

The champion's mind is thrown into a turmoil, his thought completely off-balance from the question he can't answer. They last about, forming sentences that never end. He's in his own private hurricane, and he hates it.

The feelings come out into three words. Three simple words.

"I hate you."

He sees the emerald shell crack, revealing the terrified form of a boy underneath the hard mask. Red almost cracks too, when a soft hand touches his shoulder. It's filled with love, and warmth, and those memories of curling up by the fire, when everything made sense. When nothing was betraying him.

That moment, he pushes Green away. Again.

And, suddenly, the paralyzing jade eyes aren't there anymore. He panics for a second, before realizing something that jolts him into a state of shock.

He's pushed Green off the edge.

In no time flat, he has Charizard out and he's rushing toward the limp body. As far as he can tell, Green's gone unconscious, probably because of the sudden decrease in altitude. He makes Charizard dive, getting under Green, just in case.

There are traces of frost appearing on the edges of his skin, but that's not important, for now. To be honest, he's terrified (and that itself is an understatement), but when he realizes that, at the current speed, they might reach the ground faster than he had thought they would. However, there's no way to catch Green like this, not like...

He gets a crazy, insane, utterly brilliant idea.

Cold fingers grip the fingers of Charizard's neck and jerk up, making the fire dragon jerk up as well. Now they're flying up while Green is falling down.

One shot.

His fingers stretch, stretch, until, yes! He grabs the collar of Green's coat and yanks it toward him. But it goes terribly wrong.

The speed forces his legs to loosen its grip on Charizard's sturdy frame, and they're both falling, and he has Green locked in his grip and the ground is getting closer and closer, he braces himself for the end (he hopes his rival makes it instead of him)-

A flash of orange flashes into existence underneath them and slow their fall with its tail. The sickening crack of broken bones (he's crying, his brave Charizard) rushes by their ears and all of them make a crash landing on the ground. Dirt finds his way into his eyes, sharp rocks cut his skin, but he never lets go of Green. Then everything comes to a halt. Red's so tired now, so tired. His eyes are barely slits, but he sees the cloud of dust made from their crash settle and Pokemon League loom above them like a guardian of sorts. His fingers find chocolate brown hair, and big wet drops drip from his eyes.

I'm so, so, so, so, so, so..

000

Sorry.

His eyes, shoot open, expecting black and emptiness, but instead, there's white. A series of beeps calm him as a ticking clock would, but doesn't completely settle his nerves. His ears pick up on soft breaths. He's surprised to find he can move, though needles of pain dig into his whenever he does. It's better than nothing, especially after..

"You're awake, huh?"

He snaps his head around toward the voice, ignoring the agonizing pain that follows it. Instead of the unforgiving green eyes he was anticipating, he gets a soft, worried shade of brown staring back at him.

"You gave us quite a shock, champion. We heard you said no to that young lady- Leaf, was it?- when she asked if you could come down. She was in quite a mess when she told us, crying and all that. Said you were quite mad at her," Lance shook his head. "She told me to... well, never mind that now. I should be welcoming you back into the conscious world. How are you feeling, champion?"

When he received no reply, the former champion shook his head, and ran his fingers through his hair, smiling gently. "You were always the quiet type, I suppose. But you should be ready to explain what happened. As I said before, you gave us quite a shock. There was a giant crash- knocked over a lot of candles and five stacks of haunter pokeballs, Agatha's not mad though- and we saw you and Green laying in a big crevice with your Charizard!"

Lance's smile drops the second he sees the look on Red's face when Green is mentioned. "Your Charizard is fine. A few broken bones, but it's recovering quickly," Lance says, attempting to tip-toe around the sensitive subject of the Viridian leader. Red gives him a look, knowing that that's not what the dragon master really wants to ask.

"I'll tell you how he is, but not before you answer this; what happened?"

When Red replies with a stubborn shake of his head, Lance's glowing brown eyes go cold, and the gentle fire grows into a fiery inferno. "You've been out for four days, Red. You can try saying nothing happened, but no one's buying it. The league's been trying to keep out the press for days now, since they don't want you hammered down by questions as soon as you wake up. But we need answers. The Elite Four are worried about you, and I'm worried about you."

Red vaguely notices how much Lance sounds like Leaf. Actually, their brownish eyes are strikingly similar, right down to the feeling of being looked at by a affectionate parent when you gaze into them.

A muffled knock interrupts their rather one-sided conversation. A frail looking doctor comes in and beckons towards Lance who sighs and leaves the door open as he goes out. Red learns to enjoy the company of Lance's smooth voice, as its absence creates a dark chill in the room, though he may just be imagining it. The silence is deafening.

000

Leaf comes to visit. Not just once this time, but multiple times.

She doesn't say a word as she comes in. Doesn't cry, doesn't react to his shaken state, doesn't beg for forgiveness, but sits by the beside with a mask of stone. She likes to talk about the weather, about tea, about coffee, about all the difficulties of traveling, but never about him. Never about her. But there's a hint of a silent plea whenever she manages to meet gazes with him.

Red doesn't say anything, but remains unmoving like a statue. He doesn't say 'I'm sorry', or 'I forgive you'. The storm between them has reached the eye, and all is calm.

But they can't remain in the eye forever, though they will try.

Inwardly, he's grateful. His female rival is the one to chase off any reporters or elite four members when they lurk outside in the white-tiled hallways. The world is waiting for an answer, but Red refuses to give it to them.

A ray of sunlight shines on his darkened life when Leaf comes in, accompanied by his team of pokemon who proceed to shower him with hugs and nuzzles. Red welcomes them with open arms and some tears drip down on each of their pelts. While he soaks in the familiarity of having fur next to his bare skin, Leaf explains that Pikachu (that foolish, reckless, noble mouse of a thing) had carried his belt of pokeballs all the way down the harsh rocks and to the steps of the Elite Four.

And Red wonders the fate of Eevee, who is yet to be seen.

From then on, his pokemon do not leave his side. Lance (who visits occasionally), claims they're the only he has a full stomach. Red doesn't disagree. He feels like an innocent child once again in their comforting gaze, one that never has and never will know the wicked of the world.

But on some days, he forces himself to break away from the calm and stare at the scars that run across Charizard's back and entwine in sudden breaks and turns, because his morals tell him that he can't run away anymore. His legs will get tired someday, and it's better to crash and burn now than later.

The realization hits him hard and fast after looming over him like a dark cloud before a storm for who-knows-how long and forces his being back into the flow of time, the one he escaped the moment he set foot on the unforgiving earth of Mount Silver.

The clock reads four.

000

He calls Lance over.

Red's throat feels like it's on fire, and before he speaks, he gulps down the glass of water on the bedside table that soothes the burn as it slips down his throat. It does considerable justice to the quality of his voice as well, he realizes when he says 'hi' to Lance and he doesn't sound like a dead meowth anymore.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Champion." Lance settles in the stool next to the bed and stares at the injured boy with calculating eyes that run up and down. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Waited long enough."

Lance shifts, resting his head on his hand that is propped up on the bedside table. "I'm listening."

Just because Red decides to talk doesn't mean he's suddenly changed into an open, dependent man. He gives the main points and leaves out the miniscule details anyone that is not Red could overlook. The small things, like the terror of falling. How he began to lose his mind. The way Green's face melted into shock when he pushed him. The fact that he pushed him at all.

The older man listens to the whole story with rapt attention, not interrupting him to ask a single question. When it's over, there's a whole new layer of sympathy added to those brown depths. Lance departs with a slow nod and a curt 'thank you'.

A moment later, the door is thrown open and a nurse shouts something. His feet are moving as fast as they can with some support from his pokemon companions. And he doesn't even know why, because apparently his feet are smarter than his brain.

The smooth ink on the sign of door 366 form arches and curves that spell the letters Green Oak.

The doctor hurriedly explains the situation while at the same time blocking his view to the rising form on the bed. Red attempts to shove his way through. He doesn't want the explanations and conditions. He wants Green.

With a final shove Red barges his way through the doctor and halts across from Green's slowly moving head. Gently, the mop of brown hair rises, and two brilliant, beautiful orbs of jade blink slowly and meet gazes with him. Red's breath hitches. A nurse helps Green into a sitting position, but their line of sight never break.

That's when he notices the first thing.

Green's eyes have a sheen of genuine confusion where Red expected flames of anger to be. This shouldn't be surprising, but it's a different kind of confusion than 'where the heck am I?'. Something on a greater scale, as if he really does not know who...

"Green, are you okay?"

The other boy's eyes narrow, expressing clear annoyance. (Finally, something familiar.) "Stop whispering."

The uncharacteristic silent response unsettles him even more, and he asks who he assumes to be the head doctor, "Is he going to be alright?"

The doctor nods, making notes with rapid-fire precision on the sheet of paper he's holding. Red glances at Green, who is now staring at the ceiling with a far-away look. Then closes his eyes slowly. A wave of panic (he has no clue why he's acting so-) take hold and he asks the doctor again, "Are you sure he's going to be alright?"

"Passing out is perfectly normal. He has been unconscious for some time, after all. You can't just expect him to jump up and be fine. Just give it time, Mr...?"

Red is already out the hallway, with the rest of his team members trailing behind him with worried looks on their faces.

000

When he's discharged from the hospital, the first place he goes to is Pallet town.

He didn't really want to leave Green's bedside. But Leaf's kicked him out and he knows there's no arguing with her. She did, however, swear a hundred times over that she wouldn't leave Green alone for a second and would call him if he woke up again.

A nostalgic feeling sweeps over him when pools of tears brim in his mother's eyes. Her embrace momentarily melts away his troubles. He hugs her back. As she always did, she smells like flowers and home-made cookies.

After a ten-minute lecture about telling your parents before going off to who-knows-where, she starts crying again and Red tells her over and over again that he's absolutely fine. She stops crying, but a disbelieving glint enters her puffy, red-rimmed eyes.

Nonetheless, she feeds him cookies which are eternally better than the disgusting excuse for 'food' they served him in the hospital. Then he goes out into the backyard and smiles at the flowers that wave at him as he passes by. They're healthy as always.

He sends his pokemon out to enjoy the fresh air as well. They roam around happily, glad at the sight of green grass and blue sky they've always been longing for up on that mountain. He's glad too. Picking up a handful of grass, he rubs it against his nose to breathe in the smell of something growing again. He's missed for so long. He's never enjoyed the frosty air of Mount Silver, nor the rancid smell of what smelled like chlorine in the hospital.

Red stays for a week which was longer than he planned. He might've even stayed for more, if Leaf hadn't called.

000

Leaf's eyes are large and teary. So are her tears.

She shivers under the menacing gaze of red. She whispers 'sorry' repeatedly at random intervals. Red has never shouted like this.

"Blood?! Blood?!"

"I'm-"

"Youlefthimalonewhenyoupromised!..."

Red takes one look into Leaf's eyes. The sheer amount of fright in them scares him and cuts through his heart like a knife. He blinks, struggling to regain tranquility. It's not as if the world is ending. Just a speck of blood. Nothing to get upset about.

That's what he tells himself, anyway.

"Promised..." A slight pause. His breath is shaky but quiet when he continues. "Promised to look after him."

The girl opens her mouth again, but Red shakes his head before she can speak. "It's...not your fault."

He sits down by Green, looking at the veil of peace on his rival's face. There's even a hint of a smile there. After Leaf leaves him to be, Red extends his hand toward Green's, maybe try to offer the boy a bit of comfort. Maybe the other way around.

But he flinches back, scared that Green might wake up at the touch and look at him with first unfocused, then accusing eyes.

He's scared that Green might hate him, though he has every reason to.

He wants Green to love him, though he hasn't loved Green back. Not yet.

000

As soon as Red hears Green shift in the covers, he covers the top half of his face with his cap although he was specifically instructed to call the nurse if Green shows any signs of consciousness. He can feel Green's gaze aimed directly at him. He flinches when Green shifts again.

"Hey."

Admittedly, he hadn't been expecting him to talk to him so casually. Red had imagined more shouting involved, or maybe accusing whispers. Out from under the brim of his cap, he can see Green's eyebrows arch into a frown.

"Nice hat."

Red hears a bit of uncertainty in those words.

Red should be glad that Green doesn't seem mad at him, but it's not like Green to not be mad. There's something...strange. Something that he can't put into words. Of course, Green could be trying to ease him into a conversation about it, which would relive Red's mind greatly. But that doesn't seem in sync with Green's character. If Green wasn't mad at him, he would say something like, 'So, why did you push me off a cliff?' in a joking manner. He wouldn't dodge around the question, he would say it outright.

He doesn't want to meet Green's gaze, afraid that he'll see a stranger where Green's supposed to be. He pulls his hat down lower.

"...sorry?"

Red shakes his head. This...this isn't Green.

The truth comes crashing down, sending his mind into a frenzy.

Where's Green?

000

Strangely, Green seems to be only waking up when he's in the room, since Leaf hasn't mentioned anything about Green being awake. He still hasn't told anyone. He doesn't want anyone to find out he's killed Green, after all.

Yes. Yes, he's killed Green. Killed him. Killed that laughing, loving, smiling, joking Green and replaced him with a stranger. The last parts the worst part. Green's been replace by a stranger. If he wasn't such a fool, he would've tried to get along with the boy. The boy. The stranger. Maybe tell him about his past. About who he replaced. Maybe try to get along with him, like he did with Green. But he doesn't even try, because he's selfish. Because even if he tells the stranger all of those things, the stranger will never be Green to him. He'll be Green to everyone else, but not him.

If he was a true hero, he might've done for someone. (The 'someone' being Leaf.) But he's damn sure he's no hero. Heroes don't murder people.

So he sits. He forgets why he doesn't just get up and leave when there's practically no point in trying. (you're so selfish, Red) He could just get up and leave for someone else to find the broken shell that's been invaded by a stranger.

But he keeps coming back. He never looks at the stranger. No, it's just seems as if a trace of Green still lingers beside the stranger like a cloud. Probably wanting his body back, Red supposes. One day, Green gets it back, even if it's just for a minute.

"I'm right, right?" the stranger asks curiously. Red wonders what the guy is talking about.

"Yeah, I'm right. You're not real."

He doesn't want himself to be right. If fate had mercy, he wouldn't be right. He would be wrong, and when he looked into the sea of jade he would see Green's laughter.

Fate isn't as merciful as that, of course.

The stranger starts laughing. It's almost insane. It's the kind of laughter you would hear from a person who is about to die, and has no regrets. But the weirdest part is...the stranger seems happy about the 'fact' that he has just stated.

"It's not real!"

000

He tells Pikachu about it, because he trusts Pikachu.

"I killed someone, Pikachu."

But his yellow friend doesn't seem to understand. It shakes his head, then looks at him quizzically, wondering what to do before deciding to go with a nuzzle beneath his chin. The fur tickles.

"Chuu."

000

Red tries to get hope. It's the first and last time he ever talks with the stranger.

"I'm sorry," Red chokes out. He doesn't really understand why his brain is so determined to say the words meant for Green to this stranger. But he doesn't try to stop the phrase from coming out of his mouth, because he knows that Green is watching from the windowsill there. Over there.

"I'm just...just so,so, so sorry."

"For what?" the stranger asks. He sounds bored, as if he's not really paying attention. This world isn't 'real' to him, after all.

But it's real to Green, and Red can't afford letting this chance slide out of his hands.

"For everything. Just, I'm just...sorry..."

Green looks straight at him, eyes twinkling. It looks devious, almost, the way his eyes shine. But he loves it just the same.

"I hate you." Green smiles.

Red leaves behind the broken fragments on the chair next to the bed, where they'll stay forever. There's no point taking them with him any longer.

Green will take care of them.

000