Hmmm… my first fanfic and I have to start with a warning. This is yaoi.

But there will be NO hard core sex scenes (sorry, go elsewhere for that).

I'll have some mild sexy parts though. And there may be rape. Or scratch that, I know there's rape because it's in this chapter (more than once too) but nothing hard core so I hope it's still OK for all you guys out there who prefer soft yaoi. There will be some Ishida/Ichigo fluffiness too so I'm sure it all balances out.

Erm… anything else? No, I think that's it for now. Well, hope at least someone out there likes it.

Emotions were not something Ishida Uryu was very familiar with anymore. Yes, he still vaguely felt the chemical pulses but they were shades of what other humans felt and he could easily ignore them. At times he didn't even notice they existed at all.

"Oi, Ishida, why don't you ever look happy?"

That orange idiot asked that a lot. Happiness? Uryu wasn't even sure if such an emotion was really possible. Content and unthreatened? Yes. But happiness? The same kind that always made Ichigo's face light up in that ridiculous smile? Just thinking about it was baffling.

Anger... probably the only emotion he still felt with certainty. Mainly because the world and the people in it were just too noisy and irritating to ignore when all you wanted was a bit of peace and quiet to finish some stitching or read a book. Especially when some orange twat was peering over your shoulder all the damn time. "Does that make you happy? Looks boring."

Fear. Fear had filled his childhood. Hollows and their screaming victims, and the blood of ghosts covering the pavements. Ryuken's shadow falling across him every day. Don't put a step wrong. Don't drop a single mark at school. He had become so familiar with fear that eventually it had ceased to exist at all.

Now, that icy, horribly familiar feeling was back to twist his insides. He wanted to curl up into a ball in the corner of the room, like he'd always done as a child. Lock himself up in his tiny bedroom where nothing in the world could reach him. Such childish, immature 'solutions' that he'd never thought he'd be foolish enough to think of again.

Not that it mattered what he thought of now. He couldn't do anything since he was pinned half-naked to the futon by someone who was both much heavier and much stronger than he was.

"Don't…" His voice was trembling. So unlike him. And so like that stupid child again. "Please don't."

The room was dark. Darkness had always been a friend since it hid the world outside. The shadows of the approaching dawn played across the tatami floor; impossibly intricate patterns that had somehow strung from the tiny window and the wooden wind chime hanging from it; the one he'd hated and only pinned up because Inoue-san had said they were soothing. The wooden whistles were low on the tense breeze, barely even audible over the heavy breaths coming from the one pinning him down.

"Kurosaki…"

Ichigo laughed gently as he cupped Uryu's face. "What's with that look, Ishida?"

Uryu's eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see the smile on Ichigo's face. He looked as he always did when he smiled. Stupidly happy with a knowing gleam that said everything would be all right. A moronic, naïve expression that Uryu had always hated and envied at the same time.

Discretely, Uryu clawed his fingers quietly across the bedding. There was nothing he could use as a weapon. And now that the autumn sun had begun to rise, there was a hint of red-washed light to the tiny room that teasingly danced over the silver seele schneiders out of reach by the door.

Ichigo lay on top of him, one hand firmly wrapped against Uryu's right arm to pin it against the pillow while the other softly stroked his cheek. "Ishida, I know you always say we're enemies, but after everything we've been through we're friends. We both know that, despite that dumbass high and mighty talk of yours. I'm not going to hurt you. So don't look so worried."

The smile turned into Ichigo's trademark grin. The goofy one that Uryu imagined would have made Orihime's knees wobble.

It sent another bead of sweat rolling down his bare arm. One of the many icy trickles that were making him quiver all over. He tried to feign a smile, though no doubt it was a pathetic one. Talk to him. Reason with him. He wasn't himself right now but he was still Ichigo deep down. Uryu licked his cracked lips, trying not to flinch as he saw Ichigo's pupils dilating as they focused on his mouth.

"You're right. We really did become friends. But Kurosaki, don't you think it's weird for us to be in this position? I mean, it's not the thing that two male friends really do, right? Let's go and see Urahara-san. He can make it so that you feel more like your old self." He tried to laugh. "And I can't wait to see the look on your face when you remember this later on."

"Hmmm?" Ichigo's eyes unfocused for a moment as he seemed to think. "See Urahara-san? Well, I know I am acting a bit different, but it's like I'm seeing clearly for the first time. We're similar, Ishida, so it makes perfect sense that we should be together. That said, you are the one who's always right – as much as I hate to admit that. Urahara-san… Hmmm…"

Please listen. Please. Another bead of sweat traced its icy trail down Uryu's bare chest as he listened to the wooden hum of the wind chimes interspersed with Ichigo's breaths. The shadows on the floor turned to match the spin of the chimes.

Ichigo suddenly grinned. "But I have a better idea." He lowered his head, bringing his mouth alongside Uryu's ear. "Why don't you let me illuminate you as to how incredible my new life is? You're nearly always right. This time I promise you that you're wrong. It'll be fine, Ishida. Just relax." Ichigo pressed his lips against his neck.

Uryu rammed his fist into Ichigo's shoulder, but he didn't even seem to notice. Uryu had always known Ichigo's strength was monstrous and now he really felt it as Ichigo pressed his whole body against him. His breaths were deepening as he sucked at the skin on Uryu's neck. Desperately Uryu dug his fingers into his shoulder. "Kurosaki…" More cold beads that made him shiver. This time on his face as they slid from his eyes. Uryu shook his head frantically as he tried to kick himself free, but Ichigo was pressed against him too firmly. This wasn't happening. It wasn't happening… He screwed his eyes shut. How typical that the only emotion he could feel so potently was the worst one of all.

"Ishida, I promise it'll be fine," Ichigo murmured soothingly. "Just stop fidgeting. You'll enjoy it. I'll be gentle."

"No, don't! Please don't. Kurosaki! Kurosaki!"

Twenty-four hours earlier.

Ichigo was screaming. Uryu had heard him scream before – they all had, but this time there was a different tone to Ichigo's voice. Fear. And it was so unlike him that it was chilling for all of them who stood watching. The sound of it even seemed to cut into Urahara as he froze, but he could only be still with horror for a second because he was in the middle of a sword fight with a woman with a long silver ponytail.

"Hado no !" Uahara roared. White kido erupted from his fingertips, illuminating the night-bathed street. It missed the target, but it was enough to make the woman retreat a few steps. Uryu watched as Urahara drew a shaky breath. He pressed his hat to his head and then he was away; his form no more than a flicker as he used shunpo to escape.

The woman tutted as she took after him. No doubt Urahara was luring her away. Primarily to isolate her from her partner, but also perhaps so that he wouldn't be distracted by Ichigo as he fought.

Her companion, a man with icy blue hair and piercing eyes to match, was the one pinning Ichigo face-first to the ground. Ichigo writhed against the pavement, groaning as he tried to swing his fists awkwardly at the man on top of him. Urahara couldn't help right now. And Ichigo's own efforts seemed futile.

As for Orihime and Chad… they weren't doing anything because they seemed too horrified to move. Orihime's brimming eyes were so wide that it looked as if they might split her face apart. She trembled, as if she was actually going to crumble to pieces in the street.

Uryu didn't know what they were feeling. Of course he was angry, but the pale shadow of his emotion would never come close to what the others must be experiencing. However, the fact that he didn't feel what they did gave Uryu an advantage over Chad and Orihime, and even Urahara. He could still think. And he could still act.

Arrows hadn't been working so he grabbed a seele schneider from his belt as he surged forward. Seele schneider wasn't designed for cutting but if he swung it hard enough, Uryu was certain he could decapitate someone.

Blue Hair paused in his actions for a second. Turning his head to face Uryu, he smiled with silver-painted lips and then elegantly swung his hand out. Uryu didn't understand the technique the man used to fight. It was probably some kind of Fullbring since Uryu didn't detect any reishi.

But having fought him for a few moments before Ichigo turned up, Uryu knew what those fingers did. He dived out of the way, using hirenkyaku to accelerate and move away from the danger. The air seemed to crease and there was a slicing noise. An invisible attack that seemed to turn the air into a blade. It had brought Ichigo to the ground earlier by slicing into his legs and was the reason he was so helpless now.

Ichigo… his screams had dulled into haggard gasps and Uryu had the feeling he must be gritting his teeth as he tried to silence himself. Why did he do that? To help the rest of them by trying to make out it wasn't so bad? Why did he idiotically continue to think of others even now?

Uryu stretched his fingers out as he formed his bow. He readied the seele schneider. But if Blue Hair moved… it could hit Ichigo's head.

But maybe that preferable to what was happening to Ichigo now. Uryu's eyes narrowed as he held the bow steady. Enemies attacked and tried to kill, which they had all come to accept.

They weren't supposed to rape you.

"Ishida!" Chad roared. "You need to get Inoue out of here!"

Uryu felt the bow ripple as his concentration loosened. He glanced at the others. Orihime had slumped to her knees, still with that same awful, frozen expression on her face and silent tears. Chad stared fixedly at Uryu, giving him the suspicion that the Mexican had guessed his thoughts.

"Ishida!" Ichigo yelled. "Ishida... uh... get her... away!"

It made sense. Of course; Inoue-san shouldn't be seeing this and Uryu could get her out of her much faster than Chad could.

"Inoue-san." Using hirenkyaku, Uryu moved to her side and grabbed her hand. He ran, dragging her behind him.

"NO! No, Ishida-kun! I can help! Don't-"

"I'll take you to Urahara's," Uryu replied. "We'll bring Kurosaki back soon so you can heal him."

So please don't look like that, Inoue-san.

Orihime shook her head fiercely, scattering her tears through the moonlit air. Viciously she tried to drag her hand away. "Let go! Let go, Ishida-kun!"

"Inoue-san." Uryu stopped and pressed his hands against her shoulders. "Kurosaki doesn't want you to see that. Urahara, Sado-kun and I will take care of him so don't worry."

Orihime pressed her hands against his arms, her tears falling to the pavement. "Ishida-kun… Sado-kun was screaming. Urahara-san too. You just stood. So calmly. Even now… you sound so calm, even though that man is doing that to Kurosaki-kun." She bit her lip. "I envy you. For keeping your head when I can't even stand."

If he'd kept his head, he would have whisked her away the moment it began and the lapse in rational thought was infuriating. Anger was, after all, one of the only things he could still feel with certainty.

Orihime didn't understand. And he didn't know what to say to make her understand because he didn't have time to comfort her right now. That said, he didn't know how to comfort anyone apart from to awkwardly pat them on the shoulder a bit.

Orihime snivelled as she took a deep breath, biting her lip so hard that it looked as if she might make herself bleed. "All right. I'll go to Urahara's, but I'll go alone. Go back and help him. Please… Ishida-kun…"

Uryu moved past her so that she couldn't see his face. "I'll go. But promise me-"

"I'll go straight to Urahara's. I'll be ready to heal all of you when you come back."

"Thank you, Inoue-san." He ran, refusing to look back. Fresh tears would be falling. Maybe she would even be sobbing now too. He wondered for a moment if she thought he was cruel. Maybe that thought would bother him later, but right now he could feel himself forcing what little emotions he had to shut down. A little more difficult to do than usual, but not overly so.

Breathing deeply, he came to a stop on one of the frost-dusted silver office blocks in downtime Karakura. They'd been fighting on the street directly below. It was about two in the morning so there was no one around, thankfully. He couldn't see Urahara but he could sense that he was still fighting, though the battle had moved about a mile across town.

He looked down to gauge the situation. He smiled, a flicker of relief amid the calm inside. Chad was crouched in the street with Ichigo in his arms. There was no sign of Blue Hair. Uryu concentrated. People who didn't use reishi took a moment longer for him to sense.

"Did you think I wouldn't notice you up here, Quincy?" said a soft voice. Typically it came at the same moment Uryu realised he could sense a presence.

Blue Hair stood about four metres in front of him, smiling as he wiped a line of blood from the corner of his mouth.

Uryu clenched his fist before he could stop himself. "You're sick," he muttered.

Blue Hair shrugged.

"Why did you do that to him?" Uryu heard himself yell. "You…!"

"You're beautiful you know. Angelic. I wanted you."

Uryu used hirenkyaku to move to the opposite corner of the roof, as far away from Blue Hair as he could be on the rooftop. He could hear his heart thundering; not something he was used to since most of the time he barely felt as if he had a heart at all. It was more noticeable here perhaps because the height of the building was enough to escape the sounds of the sleeping town below.

And the lack of sounds also made him realise how exposed he was. Again, not something he typically felt. Chad couldn't reach him up here, and besides that he had to protect Ichigo. If anything happened, Uryu would be at the mercy of Blue Hair. Normally he didn't think like that. His speed was almost unrivalled and it was enough to take on almost any enemy. He didn't feel anything when faced with Hollows.

But this time... as those calm eyes gazed at him, drinking him in, a familiar emotion that he hadn't felt in years was beginning to remind Uryu of how icy it felt. Fear.

"You're cautious. I suspect you're intelligent too. You keep your distance and I can see your eyes constantly assessing the situation and everything around you. Alas, you were too cautious and too quick for me or my wife to get the better of you, which is saying something because I like to think I have a turn of speed myself. I couldn't beat you. Your orange-haired friend is much stronger, but he rushes in without thinking. He was an easy target and so I settled for him. Though I wish I hadn't needed to."

Uryu formed Ginrei Kojaku and fired. Stone exploded as the volley of arrows pierced the roof.

"Of course, if I do happen to catch you then I wouldn't say no to having two sons…"

Blue Hair was behind him, his hand brushing lightly against Uryu's face. Quickly Uryu retreated with hirenkyaku. He held the bow ready but his fingers were quivering and his control over the reishi was wavering, adding an unnatural shimmer to Ginrei Kojaku as the bow rippled. He bit his lip. Calm. Emotions were useless in a fight. He'd tried telling Kurosaki that so many times…

He was an easy target and so I settled for him rather than you.

It wasn't his fault. He knew that. But… He felt his hand tightening on his bow.

"Blue, white and silver are beautiful in the light of the moon. Even more so when the person wearing them has such an expression on their face." Blue Hair sighed. "Such a pity."

"What is it that you want! You keep babbling about family and sons. Why did you come to this town?"

"All I want is company. That's all. We're not evil; we don't murder people. Your friend will live. I made sure none of his injuries were life-threa-" Blue Hair stopped and Uryu knew why as he sensed it too. The battle between Urahara and this man's 'wife' was finished. Her presence, like this man's, was tricky to sense anyway, but Uryu was certain it had vanished completely.

Blue Hair ran to the edge of the roof, and then again to the opposite side. "No..." he murmured. "No… she can't…"

"It's over," said Uryu. Grabbing a seele schneider from his belt, he readied it to fire with Ginrei Kojaku.

"Apparently so," Blue Hair replied. "Just as we had a family."

"You keep talking about that and now you think Kurosaki is your son? What do you mean?"

Blue Hair jumped off the edge of the building.

Uryu didn't move. A trap? Maybe he was going to-

A wet crunch. Uryu froze. Blue Hair's presence had vanished. Quickly he ran to the edge and looked down. Ginrei Kojaku rippled in his hand and then vanished as Uryu dispersed the reishi. Oh. It was over. He swallowed as he looked away from the red mess staining the pavement.

"Ishida!" Chad shouted.

He was sitting on the pavement below, still with Ichigo in his arms. Uryu was too far away to make out the expression on Chad's face, and he was thankful for that since it meant Chad couldn't see his either.

Hollow blood didn't bother him and neither did the blood of souls really. But human blood brought back memories he'd rather not be faced with. He clenched both his hands to force his fingers to stop shaking.

And why had that man jumped anyway? His wife died, but so what? Everybody died. It was a natural part of life and as upsetting as it was, offering yourself would achieve nothing.

As for the pain of the loss, well, that healed. Or more you just at least forgot the worst of the rawness.

Taking a deep breath, Uryu jumped from the building, using the reishi to form a hovering board to catch his fall. It was more awkward than it should have been. The reishi he'd gathered for the board felt weak and it made his head ache as he tried to remain focused long enough to reach the street. His own fault for letting the night interfere with his calm concentration. Clumsily he leapt to the ground beside Chad. He glanced at Ichigo. His eyes were closed and his face looked grey and strained, but he was breathing.

Pausing for a moment, Uryu turned to look at the reddened, spilled remains. He hated that smell, as well as the stillness that was so unnatural for something that should have been alive. It was hard to be certain, but it seemed to be Blue Hair.

"Are you all right?" said Chad. "What happened?"

"I'm fine. Kurosaki?"

"Passed out, but he's alive. Just the bite marks on his neck and his leg wounds."

"Bite marks?"

"That guy bit his neck. Do you know what he was?"

Uryu shook his head. His eyes were being drawn to the red splatter. That smell of human death that he'd smelt before.

Sensei.

"Ishida, you don't look well."

"I said I'm fine, Sado-kun."

Urahara suddenly dropped to the ground beside them. His hat was missing but he didn't look hurt. He glanced at the body. "The woman is finished too. Kurosaki-san?"

"Alive," answered Uryu. "And Inoue-san is at the shop."

"Good. The poor girl for seeing that… but of course it's hard on you two as well. Forgive me for not coming sooner."

"You came as soon as you sensed we were in trouble. Thank you for that," said Uryu. To be honest, he'd been surprised that Urahara had showed up at all. They'd been in plenty of scrapes before and the shopkeeper had stayed at home. Uryu trusted him but he didn't depend upon him. That seemed the best way to keep him.

"Urahara-san… that blue-haired man killed himself," said Uryu. "Is it over? Or has he planned for something else?"

"You find it hard to believe he just couldn't live without his wife?"

"I don't believe in that kind of behaviour outside of fiction, Urahara-san."

"How unromantic you are, Ishida-san. I don't believe either of them will return. I also think I may know what they were."

"Ichigo is our concern," said Chad. "If they're not coming back, they don't matter"

"Actually there is something we do need to be concerned about," Urahara muttered. "But for now we need to heal his physical wounds. As for the… psychological side. Well, that will be up to Kurosaki-san."