a/n: Yes, I know it took me centuries to post this, but here I am, at last! My life's been crazy for the past months (I moved from a state to another, started college, yada yada yada), and I know most of you didn't even expect me to continue this two-shot, but hopefully, the few who will read will like it. I know I did!
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee
"This is wrong."
It had to be at least the hundredth time Rachel murmured those words ever since three months before, when she met Finn for the first time in Kurt's bakery while she was at service. She knew he was tired of hearing it, and her saying that small phrase would never change the fact that she was sleeping with the brother of the man that was adopting her baby, and, even worse, had true feelings for him, when she knew he had strong feelings for her, too.
Finn rolled over to stare into her brown eyes. She hated when he did that. Finn had such kind, gorgeous eyes, and whenever he looked at her it seemed like he was staring straight into her soul, and as if he knew all of her secrets. In a matter of fact, he did. Trusting him was too easy since from the beginning, and that was why it wasn't difficult for her to accept going out with him in the first place. Of course, it hadn't all begun with proper dates: one night, they were all supposed to go out, her, Finn, Kurt and Blaine, but the couple had to cancel due an emergency with their loft's plumbing, therefore, Finn and Rachel decided to go by themselves not to lose the reservation. The dinner that was supposed to establish even more the line that she was their friend and only that, but Rachel soon forgot the concept: Finn was everything a girl wanted in a man. He was handsome, awkwardly charming and incredibly kind and sweet. Before she could tell, they were both all tangled up in a mix of physical and emotional attraction that seemed to never go away. Each time they went out in secret, or he came up to her little apartment so they'd spend time together, or when they made love, she knew she was dragging herself in deeper and deeper. It was not like she could do anything to help it: she has never felt so loved, and what she thought it was love (what she had with Jesse) was a huge pile of nothing compared to what she feels now, and she wishes she would've met him in another situation, in another reality, one that they could be together with no limits, with no hiding, no guilt.
She wondered what Kurt and Blaine would say if they found out. The baby growing inside of her was biologically hers, but she was supposed to hand her over to the couple's care as soon as she was born; that thought had always made it seem like an impossible task, but now that she had Finn, she felt like it was almost unimaginable: Frequently, she had to remind herself very calmly that this wasn't Finn's child, this was some disgusting pig's baby, and that as much as she so blindly loved the thought of raising a baby with him, but she couldn't be so selfish. She wouldn't. Her little girl deserved what was best for her, and that would be living under the loving care of Blaine and Kurt. (Or, at least, that's what she keeps telling herself way too often).
"Break up with me, then." A small smile played on Finn's lips, since that was what he always replied her.
"You know I can't do that." And that's what she said every time in return, leaning in to kiss the corner of his lips.
That day might be like any other, but it wasn't. They could roll into their sides and fall asleep like they always did before Finn had to go back to his own apartment, but they didn't. Finn's big hands reached out to her body, and she froze as he slowly rested them against her swollen stomach; she's eight months along, now, and she has gotten big, but he had never done that before: Only Kurt and Blaine were constantly touching it and talking to the baby, but not him. And certainly, not in such an intimate situation. Rachel's heart raced so fast she thought she might die from a heart attack, and her jaw almost hung up in surprise. His eyes were soft, and his touch, careful, almost like he was trying to contact with his own baby.
A few instants later, he pulled his hands away, and Rachel almost wished he didn't. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against hers before he got up from the bed. What was he doing? He never left before she fell asleep.
"Finn? Where are you g-going?" Her voice shook, wondering if maybe he had taken the breaking up matter seriously, something she thought would never happen. She never took it seriously herself, even if she was always the one bringing it up, and entirely out of guilt.
He was starting to put his pants back on as he answered, his voice seemed just as scared as hers. "I.. I have to go. I've just remembered there's something I need to do at the gym, Blaine asked me to earlier and I.. I completely forgot." Finn shook his head with a small smirk, though Rachel could see right through it. He kissed her lips before he went away (too fast).
And that was how all changed.
"I've never been to one of these things before." Rachel smiled softly as she linked arms with Kurt, walking along with him as they entered the small conference room. "Are you sure this is going to help?" She frowned softly as they took a seat around the round of chairs, some of them already occupied.
"To be honest, sweetheart, I don't know." Kurt shrugged, though his tone was worried as well. "But Blaine swears it was good for his mom when she was pregnant with his devil sister, so we should give it a try." He giggled, trying to light up the mood, though Rachel bit her lip, only even more concerned than before. "No!" He shook his head, squeezing her hand. "I didn't mean to say the baby's going to be a devil, no..."
As Kurt continued rambled, Rachel shut herself off from the world. For the last few weeks, the baby had been strongly kicking during night and day; She couldn't get any sleep, and couldn't focus on anything besides the fact that Finn and her hadn't been talking since he rushed out of her apartment the last time they met. It was Blaine's idea to bring Rachel to this spiritualist reunion, where apparently, an experienced medium would try and sense what the problem was. Rachel was Jewish, and she had been since she was little, but she didn't want to disappoint Kurt and Blaine more than she already was, even if they didn't know.
She told Kurt she would rather be the last one seen by the man, and thankfully, he agreed. They held hands still as they patiently waited for her name to be called, and none of them dared to say anything else, though Rachel's mind bombed with doubt, more now than ever. She knew she had to think things through, if not for her, for the baby, but that seemed to get harder and harder as every beat of her heart always drifted her rational self towards Finn. Her first instinct would be talking to Kurt about it, but she wasn't even close to letting him know she had fallen in love with his brother. Rachel Berry was taught from a very early age that hiding the truth was just as bad as lying - if not more - but she's not even sure what the truth is herself before she comes clean with it.
"Rachel Berry?"
Kurt squeezes her hand as a middle aged woman leads them towards a small room, where a nice looking man glances towards a chair in front of his own. "Rachel, please sit. My name is Brian, and hopefully, I'll be helping you out today." He nodded, and Kurt let go of her hand as he did so, standing behind her. Rachel knows nothing strange is going to happen, after all, this might not be her religion, but Kurt would never agree to something that would harm her or the baby, therefore, she really wants to put an end to his worries (and her own). "I'm going to put my hands over your stomach, first, and it'd help if everyone closed their eyes as I do so, please."
The man excuses himself before putting both of his palms over Rachel's bump and closing his eyes, and she's surprised to the pang that hits her heart when she thinks of her last time with Finn, and how he had touched her swollen stomach so gently and so lovingly, but she brushed it away. She didn't need to cry in front of Kurt, or Brian, for that matter.
After what it seemed a hundred years, the medium removes his hands from her stomach and takes a deep breath. "You may now open your eyes." He nods, and crosses his hands together before speaking. "I assume you've been having trouble sleeping?"
"Yes." Rachel nods, wondering if he could tell that just by touching her, though she reminds herself he's supposed to know a lot more. "Since it all begun I've been to three different doctors, but the baby is healthy, so... This is our last shot." She smiled shyly up at Kurt before turning her attention back to Brian, that had a soft frown over his serious features.
"She's a gorgeous little girl." Brian nodded, and Rachel's breath hitched over her throat. "And the reason why she's been so disturbed is because she has been trying to tell you something, Rachel." She doesn't know if she really wants to be there for this, but the fact that the man knows her baby is a girl without anyone telling him so scares her.
"A-And.. What is that?" Rachel allows herself to put one hand against her baby bump, something she had never done in front of Kurt ever since they decided him and Blaine were adopting her child. It was like the whole world had vanished, and she could easily hear the loud thumping of her heart against her ear. Just half an hour ago she had just went over that meeting so she could put an end to all of their worries, but the situation had went up to a whole different level. This wasn't about her beliefs, or Kurt's, or Blaine's, for that matter.
"She's strongly asking you not to give up on her, Rachel."
With those words, Rachel's sure her heart drops inside her chest. She's been hurt before, by so many people and so many situations, but nothing compares to the inner pain she feels at that very moment. After being abandoned by both Jesse and Brody, besides all of the heartbreak in her whole life, she thinks she's known pain, but she knew those were words she'd never, ever let herself forget. Her small hand brushes against her belly up and down, and the silence that surrounds her doesn't bother her for a minute. Her daughter wants her. She's not only asking her not to give her up, but she's also asking her not to give up on her. And she wasn't. All of those months, ever since she found out she was pregnant in the first place, and the answer she had been wanting was finally handed over to her. The right thing to do was to keep her baby. Raise her, give her the life she never got to have, be the mother she never had, show her how much she was loved and wanted, unlike how she was making her poor child think. For once, she doesn't feel guilty, and she's not thinking about Kurt, Blaine, Finn, or herself. It's all about her baby, her sweet little baby, and she's not letting anyone or anything come between the two of them. I'm never giving up on you, baby, she thinks, more silent tears running down her cheeks as she thinks about the day she'd finally get to hold her, the day that was getting closer and closer now. Mommy's never giving up on you.
"Rachel." She's pulled out of her thoughts by Kurt's high-pitched voice, and only then it hits her that a warm liquid is spreading through her lower stomach and her underwear.
"Oh, God." She puts her hand over her mouth in shock as she realizes what had been going on while she received some much needed revelations. "My water just broke."
"She's keeping the baby, you know." Kurt murmurs over to Finn as they seat on the waiting room, and the taller man nods.
It's been almost eight hours since Rachel got into labor, and eight hours since Finn got to the maternity's waiting room. Kurt's been murmuring a lot of things in the mean time, and he has even slept in one of the uncomfortable chairs, but it's the first time he has said the phrase with the information Finn knew all along. Apparently, something had happened in the session with the medium Kurt brought her to see, but he has a feeling his brother had always known Rachel didn't want to give the baby up, just as he did.
The awkward silence settles in again, and Finn closes his eyes as every cell of his body prays that she's okay. He knows a baby's birth can take up hours and hours, but it's Rachel, and it's the baby, and everything he has loved for the last months. He kept telling himself it isn't his baby, and that Rachel and him would have to separate at some point, but now that everything is changed, he still doesn't know where he's headed to. He thinks it's silly how his palms sweat like she's giving birth to his child, when she isn't, and how he was waiting for someone he has loved for years, when really only a few months. It's always been that way with Rachel, though: he felt like he had known her all his life, and now that she's so close to slipping out of it, he's in pure despair.
"Don't let her go, Finn." Kurt's next words are sudden, and at first, Finn figured he had heard it wrong. "You love her, she obviously loves you... Please, don't let her go." He shook his head quickly.
"Kurt, I -
"We've known that from the beginning, silly." Kurt has a smile playing on his lips as he speaks. "You and Rachel are both terrible liars. All the unplanned dinners, and hide aways to your place or her apartment, and the number of times you came to visit her at the bakery." He shakes his head, reaching out to take Finn's hand and squeeze it. "I understand, why you and her didn't want to come clean. Now, I'm telling you that you don't have to. You're my brother, and she's one of my closest friends, and I want you two to be happy."
Finn considers denying it, and also not answering, but it was too late. He would've never guessed Kurt and Blaine knew about his affair with Rachel (that had turned into something way bigger), but now that they did, it was easy to agree that him and Rachel were horrible at hiding whatever it was between them, it was almost unbelievable that Kurt was telling him to go be happy with someone he thought he'd never be able to keep.
"But what about you?" Finn questioned with a small frown, his eyes meeting Kurt's for the first time since the conversation begun. "What about you and Blaine? You've been waiting for this chance for years now, and it's not easy to adopt."
"Even if you and Rachel had never had the affair, she would still keep the baby, Finn." Kurt is so calm that Finn can't remember the last time he had seen his brother speaking so softly. "Blaine and I... We've always known. Ever since the moment the social assistant gave us Rachel's file and we talked to her for the first time, we knew we were getting in the middle of something with a woman that would never give up her baby." He nodded, biting his lip. When Kurt reached out to grasp Finn's hand, he didn't let go. "But we wanted to help her. I don't know.. It was bigger than us. She was so hurt, and so alone... But also so goddamn stubborn. We knew she would never accept our help if we didn't make her believe we were adopting the baby in the end... So we created this little fantasy." He sniffed, though Finn knew his tears were from pure happiness other than sadness. "We talked to the social assistant when Rachel was about four months along, and we already put our names back on the list. Apparently, we're very strong candidates."
Living with his step-brother for almost fifteen years now, Finn admits Kurt never failed to leave him speechless and teach him a lesson or so all through the process of life, but he's now completely sure he has never felt so grateful. Again, it's not his baby, and he hasn't known Rachel for long, but they have a chance now, and they have time, and that's all he needs to prove to her that he can and he will show her how much she's loved. (it actually frightens him how much he cares for her).
"Thanks, man." Finn squeezes Kurt's hand again, and their eyes meet once more. "You know I'm not very good with words, but.."
"You can thank us by taking great care of her and the baby." Kurt winks, though Finn knows he's dead serious.
"I wouldn't have it any other way, dude."
Rachel hesitantly brushes the back of two of her fingers against the baby's soft cheek, and although it's probably the hundredth time she has done it, she's still afraid she might break her, after all, she has the most beautiful daughter in the world, and she could never be too careful.
Although she prepared herself for it for months, giving birth was a lot harder than she thought it would be. As soon as they rushed her to the hospital, Rachel told Kurt that she wanted to be alone, and thankfully, he respected her wishes. She felt guilty at first for pushing her best friend away, but after what she had just heard from the medium, besides all of her mixed up feelings, she couldn't bear to be with anyone else right now. She squeezed a nurse's hand as the doctor encouraged to push, and after ten long hours of a lot of pain and screaming, Rachel was finally blessed by the cries of her child.
Before they handed her the baby, the doctor told her she was small, but healthy - with ten toes and everything, as Finn always told her she would be - and that she was a beautiful baby girl. When she finally got to see it for herself, Rachel felt her own mind erasing every single heartbreaking moment of her life; back when she found out she was pregnant, Rachel swore to herself that giving up her baby for it to have a better life would be her new beginning, but now, she knows this tiny bundle resting in her arms is her new beginning, after all.
She bites her lip as she smiles and fresh tears come to her eyes as she examines the baby's face; besides being naturally small like her mom, her child had the most beautiful soft features, like pretty pink lips and big brown eyes, identical to Rachel's. Her hair is dark as well, almost as dark as Rachel's, and the woman is very much satisfied to declare her baby looks nothing like her father, a father that certainly would never deserve that title.
"You need a name, love." Rachel sniffs, feeling so blessed and overwhelmed she couldn't bring herself to stop crying. "You know.. When Mommy was pregnant with you, I used to sing you one of my favorite songs all the time.. It's called A Summer Song, and you probably don't remember the lyrics.. But you certainly remember me and my voice, so it's okay." Rachel giggled softly at how silly she was being, but it was crazy how she loved those baby talks already, where of course, she spoke alone. The baby looked at her with wide, curious eyes, and that was more than enough. It would always be. Taking a deep breath, Rachel sung with a low voice. "They say all good things must end someday, Autumn leaves must fall... But don't you know it hurts me so, to say goodbye to you... Wish you didn't have to go, no, no, no..." She sniffs while she sings, and it's too hard not to remember all the times she sung that song thinking that after the day she was born, she'd never get to hold her baby again, yet there she was, knowing she would never, ever let her go. "And when the rain beats against my window pane, I'll think of summer days again, and dream of you..." Leaning in, Rachel pressed a kiss to the baby's cheek, smiling through her tears as she noticed she was almost asleep. "Summer." She nodded, feeling like she knew that was going to be her name all along. "Summer Celine."
"That's a very pretty name." Rachel's startled when she hears a soft voice coming from the door and holds Summer closer to her chest, though her muscles relax when she meets the image of Finn. She knew this day was coming, but it didn't make it any easier to face him, either.
"Finn." Rachel allows herself to smile, and she knows she's showing everything she feels for him just by the look on her face, but she doesn't care. She has never been afraid to show him how much she loved him even through the absurd and complicated situations, and that would never change. "I'm glad you're here." She swallows when he sits down by the bed, noticing how nervous he seems. "I assume Kurt told you about the change of plans." She murmurs, embarrassed, wondering if he'd think any less of her for changing her mind.
"He did." Finn smiled, and she wondered why he wasn't upset. "Except there was no change of plans, was it, doll?" He raised one eyebrow at her, and her cheeks turned red, as she shook her head in agreement. Again, he always understood her so well.
"I... I need to tell them I'm sorry anyway." Rachel nods. "They bought all of her stuff and they prepared for this and I.. I was the one who made the wrong call -
"Rachel." Finn interrupts her gently, shaking his head as his kind eyes meet hers. "You don't have to apologize. They said something about knowing it all along." He lets out a low chuckle, especially when Rachel's face turned into a surprised expression. "They'll tell you all about it later in detail, but.. Kurt said something about us being terrible liars, too."
"Oh." Rachel's face turned red again, thinking of all the times she had been with Finn in front of Kurt and Blaine thinking she was covering the affair up well when the couple knew about Finn and her and plus, about the fact that she never wanted to give the baby up. "I'm so embarrassed." She bites her lip to hide away a giggle, since she doesn't want to wake up Summer, but she's glad when Finn smiles again. She can't believe they did that for her, helped through the pregnancy, to all of the doctor appointments, with her job, with her little apartment and with all the support she needed. "They knew it from the start, didn't they? That I.. That I didn't want to give her up." She hesitates as she speaks, though when Finn nods, she's both thankful for Kurt and Blaine's endless help and for the fact that she didn't have to lie to herself or to the others anymore.
After a few minutes of a comfortable silence, Rachel notices Finn's eyes rest on the sleeping baby. "You should hold her." She smirks at his terrified expression. "Don't worry, I know you won't drop her.. You're just a big care bear." Rachel teases, explaining to Finn how he should lift up his arms before she slowly transfers Summer to his loving embrace, her heart melting as the baby nuzzles up comfortably against his broad chest.
"Baby, she's... She's gorgeous." Finn murmurs, and once more, Rachel has to remind herself he isn't really the baby's father. She can see tears in the corner of his eyes, though, and the look on his face was identical to the one a dad would give his daughter. "Like.. Breath taking gorgeous. Like her mother." His freckled cheeks turn red as well, and it seems like he was never letting that baby go.
"Stop it, you." Rachel wants to sound breezy when she says it, but she feels herself getting emotional again, and she can't blame it on the hormones any more. "F-Finn, I.."
"Change her name." He nods, and Rachel frowns, wondering what he meant by it. "I want you.. I want her to be a Hudson. Summer Hudson. It's.. It's a nice name, ain't it?" Rachel notices his hands are shaky, and by now, the tears she had been holding fall free from her eyes.
"Finn..." She hiccups, shaking her head in protest when he mentions to put the baby down in the crib to go comfort her instead. "I love you, baby, I do.. I love you so, so much, but... You're not her father." There's a tone of disappointment in her voice, and she can see sadness written all over his face. "God knows I wish you were. I wish.. I wish it was you that night, I wish it was you instead of Brody.. Ever since I met you I've spent all my days pretending I was expecting your baby instead, since it was much, much easier that way.. But it's not true." Rachel's lips tremble as more fresh tears fall from her eyes, and she carefully picks up the baby again, transferring the small bundle to her hospital crib with an aching pain in her heart before she turns back to Finn.
"Rach, love, please don't be like that." Finn pleads softly, reaching out to brush away her tears with his thumbs. How many times he had done that? How many times he was there for her, to hold her, soothe her, tell her he loved her... "I know I'm not her father... I would be lying if I told you I didn't want to be. I wished it was me that night a thousand times too, but I learned to accept I can't change the past." He nods, noticing her guard is lowering as he speaks. "But I can change the future by making my choices, and I've already chosen. I want to take care of you. Of both of you." He smiles, hoping she understood what she meant. "You are my future, Rachel, you and Summer... I chose you. We still have a lot to figure out, but I won't let this be our end, doll... This is only our beginning."
Finn is surprised when Rachel leans in and gives him a tender kiss, her hands rapidly holding and brushing against his face. He missed her through the weeks they had been apart, and he applauded himself mentally for saying something that at least sounded right. Like he kept insisting to Kurt, he's not very good with words, but Rachel always understands him (thankfully).
"I don't know what I did to deserve you, Finn." She shakes her head in disbelief as they pull apart, her thumb caressing his cheek like she did so many times in the past. "But I'll gladly be your future. I want you to be mine, too."
They seal the promise with another kiss, and he feels so blessed and lighthearted it's almost like his whole body had turned into a mass of cells all destined to love her, and love them, and well.. their child, and all the rest.
The baby is registered as Summer Celine Hudson a few hours later, and Finn follows her around everywhere in the hospital, from the maternity room to all the other exams they're taking her. He loved that kid for quite a long time now, and it was amazing to finally look out for her.
"I can't believe it's been a year." Rachel murmurs, nuzzling her face to his chest and pressing a long kiss to Summer's dark curls at the same time.
They're all cuddled up in bed, the blankets all over them. While Rachel snuggles the side of Finn, Summer rests between them, snoring softly in her peaceful sleep. Rachel carefully pulls out her little birthday hat that she refused to take off, after all, it was her first birthday indeed and she was the birthday girl, all cute and happy in her little yellow dress.
Rachel sighs happily as Finn kisses the corner of her lips and nodded against them, knowing they were thinking just the same thing: a year flew by when they did even notice it, and thinking back to all they had been through in just 365 days was mind blowing. Right after Rachel left the hospital a day following Summer's birth, she settled back on the little apartment above Kurt's bakery. Finn always stopped by after work, and with the help of her best friend, that absolutely loved helping taking care of sweet Summer, months went by. When Summer was around five months old, Rachel and Finn agreed it was time they moved in on a more familiar apartment; together, they rent a small, but very comfortable place just near Kurt and Blaine's. Summer finally has her own room, and they fall into a routine: Finn comes home from work, kisses her on the lips and plays with Summer, lulls her to sleep when Rachel is too tired, and they take turns feeding her at night (even though Finn insists Rachel sleeps on her turns as well).
After a week Summer turned six months old, Kurt and Blaine finally got a call from the social assistant: a woman from New Jersey had just given birth to a baby boy that desperately needed a home. With the blink of an eye, Samuel Anderson was brought home, and on the same week, Finn and Rachel celebrated their one year anniversary. Their friends and of course, their favorite couple helped Finn with planning the perfect night, taking Rachel to see Funny Girl on Broadway and taking her to dinner at Sardi's as well. When they reached the end of the Bow Bridge, Rachel said 'yes' a million times even before Finn could open the small blue velvet box.
Finn managed to convince Rachel to get back to Broadway when Summer's birthday approached, and she agreed to letting the baby stay over with Carole, since she didn't trust anyone else to watch over their princess but her mother-in-law. Going to auditions again was easy, and Rachel was once more reminded of how much she loved what she did, even though she wouldn't change the last year for nothing.
Now, their little girl was turning one, and despite all of the heartache, the doubts, the guilt, they were still there, building each other's future, side by side on the struggle of everyday that was life.
"I should take her to bed." Finn nodded, knowing that Rachel had an early audition the next day, and he had to go to work as well.
"Just.. Five more minutes." Rachel shook her head, wrapping her arm protectively around Summer and kissing one of her chubby cheeks. "And come back here, mister." She whispered with a smirk, patting the space on the bed next to her. Finn shook his head, biting away a smirk of himself as he obliged. He couldn't deny his girls anything.
When Finn was back where he belonged, Rachel felt the familiar tug on her blouse, smirking as she spotted Summer's small hand pulling on the fabric automatically, still in her sleep. The woman shared a known look with Finn, her head falling back to rest against Finn's chest before her voice fluttered out of her mouth, soft, though clear, the lyrics of A Summer Song filling up the bedroom as it did every single night. "Sweet sleepy warmth of summer nights, gazing at the distant lights, in the starry sky..."
a/n: This ending always gets me :') I sincerely hope that you liked it. I would like to thank you all for the reviews, the follows and the favourites this story has. You're awesome!
Also, sending all of my prayers to Cory. You're an amazing man. #StayStrongCory
