Disclaimer: Fairy Tail is not mine! If it was mine, I would rewrite it. (The way I want it to be. XD )

Author's note: This is just a short oneshot which was written in the middle of the night. It's a gift for Neko-Tiara. Again Happy Birthday. ^^ I'm sorry if this is crappy. Enjoy.

Edit: Story was under revision. Change Fried into Freed so people don't get confused. I hate when FF-net changes name tags!

~o~o~o~

How to pick up a Princess
By Misty Mina

Fairy Tail was a guild which stood together like a family. In good times, in bad times and, most of all, in funny times. The male half of them felt competitive today. However riding on the testosterone wave seemed a little mundane now and then, except for Elfman of course. The daily brawl wasn't exciting enough to keep it up for a month. Three weeks and six days was the max. No, they needed a change once in while.

So today, they'd thought of a little, 'verbal' game. It was a competition to see who had the best pick-up line in Fairy Tail. Winner was who a) wouldn't get slapped, b) wouldn't get killed and c) actually left the guild with the target, uhm girl.

It was no problem to pick out a suitable girl for this game. She had to be a) single, b) not overly strong and c) someone who was without a crush or boyfriend.

They chose Lucy.

She'd been in a depressed mood for two days now and maybe this 'game' would be a slight distraction for her as well. If not for the fun, then as a stress relief. Sometimes, people felt better after hitting someone who actually deserved it. And who was more deserving than someone with a perverted pick-up line?

But just in case, the guys decided not to tell her anything about the game.

Many decided to try their luck. Since Lucy wasn't Erza, they had much, much higher chances to survive it. They decided their turns with rock, paper scissors.

Nab and Warren were first but got shot down rather quickly. After all, pick-up lines like 'Can I buy you a drink?' and 'how are you today?' wouldn't get them anywhere. At least not with the Stellar mage.

Now was Natsu's turn. Even though he didn't know why a pick-up line was such a great thing, he still wanted to be part of the competition. The goal was simple enough. To get Lucy to leave the guild with him, simple enough right?

"Hey Lucy, I picked a good mission for us. Let's go!" He pumped up his fist in his I'm-all-fired-up manner.

"AYE!" Happy had a say in this as well.

But the blond merely sighed, ...heavily.

"...No, thank you, Natsu. I'm not in the mood to do any missions today."

Blinking dumbly, he tried Lucy's weak point.

"It pays well. You still have to pay for the rent, don't you?"

She just shook her head with her eyes fixed on the table's surface where she sat at. What had gotten into his friend? It seemed like she was really sad about something.

Natsu wouldn't give up so easily, but the others were waving at him to leave it be. Why? She was sad, why shouldn't he cheer her up? That's when it dawned on him.

Lucy was still here.

In the guild!

...And not outside with him.

He lost!

Natsu shot Gray an evil glare when he heard the word 'Loser' from him. But it soon turned into a snicker when it was said ice mage's turn. Because he didn't even manage to get close to Lucy since a crying and whimpering Juvia was hanging onto him.

Instant defeat!

Natsu grinned and gave him thumbs down when Gray tried to pry off the water maiden.

It wasn't surprising when Loki appeared out of thin air as well. The Lion Spirit never missed an opportunity to woo his owner. He strode towards Lucy's table with all the grace the Lion possessed.

"My princess, your knight is here to whisk you away for a romantic..."

"Forced closure!" Loki vanished before he could finish his line.

That was quick. A record even. And the imaginary cloud over the Stellar princess' head became darker as well. Her patience with her guild was running out.

Meanwhile, the Raijinshuu and Laxus had entered guild. Freed and Evergreen went to Mirajane to tell her of their successful mission. Laxus went off to see his grandfather and Bixlow took in the rules of the game with great interest.

Now it was Elfman's turn. But the Takeover mage met the same fate like the ice alchemist before him. The only difference was that it wasn't Juvia but a furious Evergreen, who just happened to hear about the rules of the game from the sidelines. Elfman never looked more 'unmanly' than in this very moment when the ambiguous wannabe Fairy dragged him away by the ear.

Lucy was too deep in her sad mood to notice the commotion around her. She let out the occasional sigh and tried to distract herself by sipping her ice tea and playing with the straw in her glass.

No, ...it wasn't working. She was still sad.

With another sigh she put the now empty glass down.

Since there was nobody else left to try a good pick-up line, Bixlow took it into his own hands. Hey, he would never miss a chance for a good joke. (He just didn't know that he would be on the receiving end of said joke!)

Freed didn't bother to stop him. He just waited. Knowing Bixlow and his perverted ways, it wouldn't take long before he would be rejected. And not in the 'no, thank you' kind of way, but the kind of rejection where the man usually got hurt, ...physically. The rune mage counted to three in his mind and then, an almost ear-deafening smack could be heard through the guild hall. All the other men in the guild, who happen to see their comrade's demise, were glad not to be in his place. Just like the noble mage expected, Bixlow came back with a crimson five-finger-handprint on his cheek.

The purple-clad mage spotted the mirth in his teammate's eyes when he returned. Freed's pokerface fooled many people. But over the years, his own team got the hang of it. Not of every single emotion, but most of them.

"What? I just asked Cosplay-Queen if she had a schoolgirl outfit too."

The aloof mage rolled his eyes. Honestly, Bixlow never learned out of his mistakes. It's not like this approach would actually work on a single girl in the world. But Lucy had to be in a really bad mood. Normally she ignored stupid pick-up lines ...and stupid people.

Bixlow snorted at Freed's behavior. His pick-up line wasn't so bad, besides it wasn't like his friend had ever used one in his life. Freed and girls? Hah, what a laugh! Yeah, sure. When pigs can fly that is. Oh wait, maybe he still could get a laugh out of this.

"Hehe, tell you what Freed. If Queeny leaves this place with you, then I'll ask Erza out for a date. What do you say?" Either Freed would refuse outright or fail when he would give it a try. Victory was his.

The handsome mage gave him a considering side glance. Should he even bother? Oh well, it couldn't hurt to teach his friend one or two things about women, could it? And seeing him all panicky when he had to ask out the Titania was definitely worth it. Giving Bixlow a slight smirk, he made his way towards the angry and panting stellar princess. Yes, she still had to calm down.

Lucy promised, the next guy with a stupid pick-up line wouldn't survive her anger. They all had been strange the whole day long. Her patience with them had run out!

All the men in the guild had already noticed how the stoic script mage walked towards today's target. Many snickered and were sure Freed couldn't even say Hello to her. Others shrugged, they had their chance and now it was his turn and a few were quite sure that he was playing for the other team anyway, so they didn't bother to watch.

The men held their breath when he actually stopped next to the blonde and talked to her. They couldn't really make out the words. Even with a half silenced guild, it was still too loud to hear what he'd said. They all waited for the inevitable murder, which was about to happen any second now. Lucy could be as bad as Erza when provoked enough.

Yet, her reaction was anything but furious. Lucy's face lit up like a Christmas tree, then she nodded enthusiastically and they both left the guild side by side through the broad front door like it was an everyday occurrence.

...

Did they really see that?

Freed Justine 'won' the game?

The most stoic, silent and distant man in the guild just picked up a girl with no effort at all?

Their minds were blank for several minutes. Many couldn't believe what they'd just witnessed. Was it really so easy to talk to girls? To understand how their minds worked? They would ask him the very next day or the next time the rune mage dropped by. However, there was one person who had an entirely different problem.

Bixlow still stared at the door after them. His mind took the longest to work again and only then did he realize what he'd gotten himself into with his bet.

"...I'm chopped liver." No, the red-haired amazon wouldn't break his heart, ...just his bones.

The next day when the rune mage appeared in the guild, the others practically cornered him. They wanted to know his secret. What did he say to her? What was it that girls wanted to hear the most from a man? However, his answer was alien to the 'normal', male train of thought.

"I asked her if she wanted to go shopping." Saying their jaws hit the floor would be the understatement of the year.

Freed was quite proud of himself and most of all, his perfected pokerface and acting skills. They really believed him! Of course, he'd never said that and he would never tell them the truth either. That was his secret. His and Lucy's!

Like hell would he tell them that he'd said: 'Let's go home, chèrie.'

~o~o~o~

...end?

Yes, end. ^^ It's just a Oneshot. Hope Neko-Tiara enjoyed it, because I had fun writing it. If you who found any grammar or spelling mistakes, keep them. Don't wanna. XP And flames will be given to Natsu! XD Anyone noticed that Gajeel is missing? I figured he isn't one for pick up lines or to participate in such silly games. XD