Chapter 3 up! Thank you to all of you that liked and fav'd and reviewed, you guys really make me so happy (:

Warning: Probably seen it hundredths of times, but I wanted to do one of these too! So yeah, dirty minded knights in this chapter... and Uther, kind of. This is actually one of the reasons this is rated T.

Summary: Gwaine and Lancelot realize why they shouldn't eavesdrop on Arthur and Merlin's conversation behind a closed door. DirtyMinded!Gwaine&Lancelot

Eavesdropping is a bad, bad thing

Gwaine was bored. Bored, bored, bloody bored. Ever since they had driven Morgana and Morgause out of Camelot, things had been extremely and utterly peaceful around (of course he was glad about it, but come on! Not even bandits nearby, or a far away village raid, hell, what would he give for even a crazy cow going about in the lower town), what with the king still bed ridden with the depression of having her ward betraying him a slight gloom had perched itself within the walls of the castle. Arthur had been extremely broody lately too, except when Merlin was around—that boy always managed to bring up a smile on everyone he crossed paths with.

Which lead Gwaine back to his original problem.

He had searched for the boy up and down the castle with no avail: Merlin's chambers, the kitchen, outside grounds, hell, even the dungeons in case he'd done something stupid again. But Gwaine wouldn't give up, he would raid the whole damned castle until he found that little ball of energy and bully him into going to the tavern with him, where he would get Merlin completely and utterly drunk so they could do stupid things together until the owner threw them out and he could bully him next morning about whatever atrocity he dared do.

Seriously, he had made it a personal goal (New Year was still months away) to get Merlin drunk as much as possible. Now if only he could know his whereabouts...

Gwaine waltzed over to Arthur's chambers, winking and throwing compliments to the passing maids, with hopes that Arthur would know where Merlin was—he knew he should have gone there before, but he really didn't want to meet Arthur in case the Prince decided on having practice today just for the sake of it.

He reached Arthur's chambers in no time, sighed, muttered a quick prayer so that Arthur wouldn't even think of practice today, and raised his fist to knock on the door—

—But stopped abruptly.

"What the..." he pressed his ear to the door, holding his breath in an attempt to listen better. He could hear a lot of shuffling behind the door, and a few seconds later someone groaned. A smirk made its way to Gwaine's lips, was Arthur having some fun time by himself behind that door? He muffled a snigger with his hand before listening some more. More grunts and shuffling could be heard behind that door.

A sudden idea popped in Gwaine's mind; he would be sent to the stocks for a week at least, but this was such a good opportunity to have a laugh himself! So, mind already set, he grabbed the doorknob ready to burst in and catch the Prince red handed (get it? Red handed?), but of course fate wouldn't have it that way.

"Oh my God… Arthur, it's huge!"

Gwaine froze. That wasn't Arthur's voice. At all.

But that could very well be anyone, right? There were a lot of people around the castle that sounded just like—

"Of course it is Merlin; that is what happens when you play with it."

Well, there goes Gwaine's slight hope to deny that Merlin was inside Arthur's chamber and—hold on, huge? After playing with it? What the bloody hell! Oh, this was definitely Arthur's idea, he really doubted Merlin ever had sex before; hell, he even doubted the boy knew something besides the basics! He vaguely wondered what his punishment would be for trying to strangle his Prince...

"Well in my defense I really didn't think things would turn out like—ah! Be gentle will you?"

"Sorry, well, if you just kept biting on you neckerchief you wouldn't be so noisy."

"Don't act as if you don't like to hear my voice you pr—h-hey! You did that on purpose!"

Gwaine felt his body tense, he was hurting Merlin? So deflowering him wasn't enough for Arthur? That bastard! He would go inside and take Merlin away—maybe hit Arthur just a couple of times—and have a long, very detailed, maybe slightly graphic (Gaius must have some books about that kind of stuff, the better to traumatize Merlin and keep him from doing it again), talk about the birds and the bees with the boy and how he shouldn't go near any perverted prince, or anyone Gwaine didn't deem appropriate for his Merlin on that matter. Definitely, he would go in there... any minute now... He really didn't want to see what was going on behind that door...

"Come on Gwaine," he muttered to himself, "for Merlin, you can't let Arthur take advantage of his oblivious self."

"Gwaine?"

"Shi—Lancelot!" said a startled Gwaine, gripping the cloth over his heart while motioning for the confused knight to get closer. "Keep your voice down, they could hear you."

Lancelot's frown deepened, but he still walked over to Arthur's door nonetheless and crouched down next to a slightly flustered Gwaine, "They? What are you—"

"Ah, Arthur wait, it hurts!"

Lancelot's eyebrows rose, "Was that...?"

"Hold on, I think I have some... aha! Here it is!"

"Oil?"

"Yeah, Gaius gave me some before going to that trip yesterday, in case I needed it after practice or something; I'll coat it with the oil to make it slippery."

"Sl-Slippery?" whispered Lancelot; he gave a horrified look to a stern looking Gwaine. "Just what is going on in there? And what does he mean by 'coating it'!"

"I think Arthur is going to deflower Merlin," said Gwaine, and Lancelot could hear a murderous edge to his words, not that he could blame him.

"But I thought Merlin didn't know how to... you know..!"

Gwaine nodded, "I agree, I think Arthur is taking advantage of his obliviousness."

"A-Arthur! Please stop, it hurts!"

"Just a bit more Merlin, I promise it'll stop hurting soon."

A small blush made its way to Lancelot's face, Gwaine looked ready to kill. "He's hurting Merlin!" he said, suddenly, worry flashed through his eyes. "You don't think he's forcing him, do you?"

Lancelot gaped, but shook his head viciously before answering, "No! Arthur would never do that to Merlin!"

"Do what?"

Both knights turned their heads in horror. Of course it would be just their luck to have King Uther right behind them, looking at them skeptically as they hovered behind Arthur's chambers.

"M-My Lord!" stuttered Lancelot, "I didn't know you would feel well enough to go outside your chambers today!"

Uther frowned, "Yes well, I felt like taking a walk around the castle," he said, then glared at the knights and felt a bit of satisfaction as they flinched under his stare—he hadn't lost his touch yet. "Can you two tell me why are you eavesdropping on my son?

Gwaine opened his mouth in a feeble attempt to say something remotely credible and far, far away from the truth when another groan and—oh for the love of... was that a moan?—interrupted him.

"Lift your leg, Merlin."

"Like that? Why?"

"Like that, perfect; so I can do this better... I'm going to pull out slowly, all right?"

"A-Ah! Arthur!"

Uther lifted one eyebrow, and both Gwaine and Lancelot looked quite worried and flustered. "Really," said Uther, "can't they be more discrete? That manservant of his is quite vocal..."

The knights just stared with mouths wide open at the retreating figure of their king, mumbling under his breath how he should talk with Arthur about finding more private places to have sexual intercourse with that boy.

Gwaine and Lancelot fidgeted nervously on their spot; the groans and muffled words coming from inside Arthur's bedroom becoming harder and harder to ignore by the second. So the King just heard his son and his manservant doing completely inappropriate things to one another (and by one another, Gwaine meant Arthur tainting sweet, innocent Merlin), and resumed his walk down the castle as if nothing was out of the ordinary! It really made you wonder how long Uther had suspected about those two...

"Uh, this is... really awkward," said Lancelot, a shade of pink creeping slowly to his cheeks. "Maybe we should just leave Gwaine, let them have some privacy, you know?"

Gwaine shifted uncomfortably on the spot. He did want to leave, far, far away from here; but he couldn't just leave Merlin at the mercy of (the soon to be strangled) Arthur! Oh, but listening to—to whatever they were doing was just so very wrong! "Yeah, maybe you're right," he finally said.

"Arthur, do it faster!"

"Faster? Are you sure?"

Why, why did they have to yell that kind of stuff just when they were about to leave! Seriously, maybe the maids from three floors down weren't able to hear them! They really wondered if the man who made this castle thought on making soundproofed rooms, for future references.

Gwaine's knuckles turned white from the force of his shaking fist.

"Yes I'm—ah!"

"Merlin!"

Lancelot's face turned an interesting shade of phosphorescent red, and Gwaine was sure his face was burning up as well. Arthur screamed; bloody screamed out Merlin's name. Oh God, he was soiling Merlin's innocence right before him! Kind of...

"Gwaine, we really, really should go now," said Lancelot. He took Gwaine by the elbow and tried to pull him down the corridor.

"Almost there, Merlin! Just. One. More...hah!"

"Oh God, I'm bleeding again!"

Lancelot could swear he heard something snap inside Gwaine's mind.

Gwaine pulled abruptly from Lancelot's grasp, and ignoring his protests, he opened Arthur's chamber doors with enough force to break it. "Get your hands off him you bastard!" said Gwaine, Lancelot peeking from behind in an attempt to give his friends the little privacy left that Gwaine tactlessly shattered. "How dare you take Merlin's inno—huh?"

Gwaine stared in confusion at the scene before him, trying to comprehend just what the hell was really going on in there. Lancelot stepped forward and face-palmed, he wondered if maybe there was another kingdom far away from Camelot who needed some knights...

But they there were, Arthur and Merlin, sitting on the cold floor of the prince's chambers, right next to the fireplace and fully clothed. A small glass of something was lying forgotten next to Arthur, the oil, he supposed; its contents dripping from his dirty clothes. Merlin was sitting in front of the Prince, pale and slightly sweaty with a large, bloody gash on his right hip; a bloodied sword forgotten on the floor next to the boy.

"Merlin!" gasped Lancelot, rushing to the boy's side and kneeling beside him to check on the wound, "Are you alright? What happened?"

Arthur grunted, "Merlin here thought it would be a good idea to run around with my sword like an idiot ("I was not running around with it you prat! You started to chase me!"), and tripped over thin air. He stabbed himself with it, quite deep, really, but he was being such a girl and it took me longer to take it out—"

"Hold on," interrupted Gwaine, "so all that fuss was because of a sword?"

Arthur and Merlin looked up with equally confused stares to the older male. "Fuss?" asked Merlin. "Yeah, I guess so... Arthur panicked a bit—yes you did you prat, but he managed to take the sword off my leg and... Why are you looking at me like that?"

Before anyone could do anything at all, Gwaine leaped over Merlin and hugged him in an awkward way, ignoring the boy's protests about his leg hurting and how someone should really get him something to stop the bleeding, damn it! "Merlin, I was so worried!" Gwaine started, grabbing the boy's face with both hands, and making him pucker up his lips a bit. "We were hearing all those noises and moans and then the King came by and said you were really vocal, and you told Arthur to go faster, and he lifted your leg and then he screamed your name and—so that means Arthur didn't deflower you, right?"

Gwaine looked far too happy for Merlin's liking, but in the end, it was Arthur who broke the small silence that had started to build in, "I DIDN'T WHAT?"

Arthur's slight blush was nothing compared to Merlin's vibrant, crimson face. Gwaine let go of Merlin and stood up, next to a rather annoyed Lancelot who just soothed the bridge of his nose with the tips of his fingers; a big, wide, stupid smile adorning the older knight's face.

"W-W-Why would Arthur deflow—what is wrong with you!" he really wished he could magic himself out of this situation, but Merlin wasn't really that desperate to expose himself as a warlock, yet. "Stop smiling Gwaine! Lancelot, help me!"

"Well, it really sounded like you two were... you know," said Lancelot, bumping the tips of his index fingers together. Arthur's blush turned a shade darker; Merlin buried his face on his hands. "You do moan a lot, Merlin."

"Wha—it hurt!" he said in indignation.

"Yeah well," said Gwaine, "I'm actually glad it was just a wound."

Gwaine looked down to Merlin's hip and realized that thankfully the blood was starting to clot. A mischievous smile made its way to his lips, and with a slightly malevolent glint in his eyes he started to make his way to Merlin once more; his steps painfully slow in a depredator-like way, "You know, Merlin," he purred, making both Merlin and Arthur look at him with mortification, "we should really clean that wound. Why don't you and I go to my room, and I'll take of your trousers and get you in my bed, to clean you up, of course. Maybe then we could have some fun, if you know what I mean."

Lancelot sighed; this was becoming even more ridiculous if possible. Flailing his hands up in exasperation, he left Arthur's chambers muttering about going to the tavern and hopefully forgetting all about today.

Merlin gaped at Gwaine, his mouth opening and closing soon after, though no words would come out. The blush had spread all over to his ears, and Gwaine had a sudden urge to pinch him on the cheeks and laugh. Arthur, however, reacted sooner than Merlin, and in a swift movement he picked up a surprised Merlin (minding his wounded leg, of course), and got him out of Gwaine's grasp. "I'm not letting you get near him!" Arthur glared at a grinning Gwaine, strengthening his grip on the slimmer boy. "I'm taking him to his room to see if Gaius has some bandages, and don't you dare tell anyone about this, Gwaine!"

Arthur made his way (stomped) out of his room and into the hallways, and maybe it was the small blush on Arthur's cheeks that made him run after them and, standing just outside Arthur's chambers, yell at the top of his lungs to their retreating backs, "We could always make a threesome!"

"SHUT UP!" they both yelled, and not even a month in the stocks would ruin Gwaine's good mood now.

I originally made Gwaine yell: 'Don't forget to use protection!' but then realized that they didn't have protection back on Camelot's time, right? Soooo I had to settle with that line instead, meh.

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