A/N: First of several drabbles of an ignominious end to the great and invincible Commander Shepard. Its parody, laugh! And review!

DISCLAIMER: No characters owned by me.

"Shepard, wake up!"

Miranda could hardly believe it. After two years-and billions of credits-they were this close to fully reintegrating Shepard. And then the 'mechs started painting the staff as targets...

Movement. "You need to get out of there! There's a pistol and armor in the locker across the room."

To his credit, the newly-reactivated Shepard didn't ask questions, scrambling to unsafe the pistol and strap on armor.
"This pistol doesn't have a thermal clip!" he called.

Well, at least he remembered the weapons retooling before his death.

"Take cover, I'm going to blow the door."

Shepard got behind cover, then took off into the hall, grabbing a fallen guard's thermal clips. "They set up a barricade to keep the 'mechs out..."

Without pause, Shepard vaulted over the obstacle...

Sensor movement.

"Look out!"

Too late. Shepard's head exploded like a melon, and a fusillade of incendiary rounds disintegrated the rest of his body.

"Target neutralized. Patrol mode reinitialized."

The Illusive Man was going to be most displeased.