March 23, 2020

Thank you to Lisa Louise who helped me so much with this chapter. She edited for me and since Edward didn't want to talk to me, she graciously stepped in and fleshed out his reactions. As usual I fiddled with this after she touched it so any mistakes are mine.

Snowgoose.

Missing
Chapter 24

Dear Journal

So the gallery has just held another viewing of student's art from the local school district. I can't believe the response we get from the community. We have the parents and families of course, but we also get customers who are looking to purchase child created art for their businesses, especially pediatric services. We sold many pieces to pediatric dentists, doctors and even salons and barbers who also cater to children.

The pre-kinder teachers got together with high school AP language arts classes to write and illustrate children's stories. The printing was donated by an online publisher who specializes in making personalized photo books. I have to say that those were a great idea and they sold very well.

I can see a great improvement in the quality of art this year over last. I can tell that the schools are using the supplies purchased from last year's Art Affair to enrich the art programs and that the instruction that the children are getting has also benefitted from the free classes we've offered to the teachers.

I am so proud of the work we are doing.

I just wish that Edward would be a part of it. I feel as if I can't really share all this with him, not like I used to. We used to share everything. Dinner time was a time were we would talk about our day, share our dreams and frustrations. Unfortunately more often than not Edward comes home from work late, and already fed. When he is here his mind is on work. Last week he came home in time for dinner and he was full of conversation about his two new employees, Jane and Alec. Jane and Alec are a brother and sister team who breezed through MIT with honors. Apparently they had a wonderful interview with him and ended up going to lunch with him to celebrate their new jobs. I was so happy to have him home that I just let him ramble, even though I still don't understand half of his tech talk.

{Bella, I am so sorry I missed out on all that you have accomplished. I really wish I would have been paying attention to your life. What you are doing with those children is so amazing. I know that my mother organizes balls to raise money for these kind of programs, but Sweetheart, what you are doing is so much more. You are making a difference in these young people's lives! I am so very proud of you!

How could I have been so blind? I should have been taking you out to lunch or dinner instead of spending time with Jane and Alec. I just hope and pray I get the chance to make it all up to you. I hope I get the chance to let you know that you are way more important than anything else in my life.}

o~O~o

Dear Journal

I ran into Angela today. She disappeared shortly after Ben's funeral. Her parents are always asking me if I have heard from her. She took his passing very hard, but who could blame her. Ben was Angela's other half, her life mate. Even with our issues Edward is my life mate and I cannot imagine not having him in my life. I cannot imagine living in a world that he isn't in.

It's still hard for me to believe that Ben is gone. He survived four years of active duty only to be killed by an armed robber at a 7/11 store. Like us, they got married just after graduation. Ben started his military service right after that. When he got out of the service, he started studying Criminal Justice. His big dream, all through high school, had been to join the FBI. He was so close to achieving his dream before he died. Benjamin Christopher Chaney was a good man who is missed by so many people.

I was in the mall trying to find a new dress for our anniversary when I saw Angela coming out of Victoria's Secret. I asked her to go for coffee but she had to decline because her husband was expecting her home soon. I guess she is remarried now. I don't know who Angela married but I hope he is a good man too. I didn't tell her that her parents are still looking for her because I get the feeling that she would just disappear again. I did tell her that I miss her and would like to meet her for lunch some time to catch up. She recited my cell phone number by memory and asked if it was still the same. She told me she would call me. I hope I hear from her sometime soon.

{I am surprised she is remarried. I am so out of touch. For that, I am so sorry. I know how much she has always meant to you.}

o~O~o

Dear Journal

I never thought I would feel the need to remind Edward about our wedding anniversary but well I do. Over the last three days I have sent Edward texts with little memories I have of our wedding day or our honeymoon. I sent him a video of myself in my honeymoon lingerie this morning along with the promise to wear it for him tonight. He replied that he can't wait. I feel manipulative but I also don't think I could take it if he were to forget our anniversary.

{Bella, I would love to think that there was no way I would have ever forgotten our anniversary even if you were not reminding me. But at this point, with all that I have let slide, I am really not so sure I would have remembered. Thank you for always making an effort even when I didn't.}

o~O~o

Dear Journal

Edward was home at five thirty on the dot with a fresh bouquet of red roses in hand. We had a wonderful evening together. He hired a car so that we could both have drinks with dinner. We took the ferry to Bainbridge Island. The ride was so beautiful because the view of Mt Rainer was breathtaking. Edward was so affectionate. He gave me a necklace with a rose charm. It is so simple and I love it. It is something I could wear every day. I gave him an Iron tie pin in the shape of a small key. I showed him how it fit into the heart shaped locket lapel pin I was wearing, inside the locket was a picture of us kissing at the altar. We had dinner in a nice restaurant then went to a winery for a tasting and finally for a romantic walk in the botanical gardens.

We were respectful of the driver but there was some kissing and gentle caressing in the car. Edward kissed me at the condo door as he unlocked the door and then carried me over the threshold. We made love all night and he stayed home from work the next day to be with me. I felt so loved. I miss him when he is not here.

It has been thirteen months since my last Depo shot. I had been told that I might need a year before my hormones regulated and I became fertile again. So I stopped just short of our last anniversary. I was technically only 23 but my birthday was two months away and now a year later I would be 25 by the time I gave birth even if I conceived now. I wonder if we might have conceived. I know it is a long shot since my cycle still hasn't regulated. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I am pregnant right now?

{Our anniversary was such a wonderful night! I am so glad we got to spend the night together, enjoying each other and reconnecting. The day after was also so amazing. It would have been amazing if we could have created a life that night. I wish I didn't let things get in the way of us.}

o~O~o

Dear Journal

I met up with Angela today. I don't know, something felt off. She told me that she pulled away from Forks and everyone there because she couldn't stand the memories. Everything there reminds her of Ben. She said that her family doesn't understand. She told me how after the funeral an old classmate of ours has been her biggest comfort. Eric Yorkie sought her out and was her shoulder to cry on. I remember trying to be there for her, but she always made excuses and then she just disappeared. Her phone number was disconnected, and she moved out of the apartment that she had shared with Ben.

Ever since I met Eric in high school, Eric has given me the willies. The way he looked at all the girls… Just uhgh, it gave me chills. He didn't date much, but I had heard rumors a couple of times that he went to a brothel somewhere. I remember he was the guy Patricia Damon gave her virginity to and hearing the description of it had me totally freaked out before my wedding. I would never be unkind to Angela but yeesh I couldn't imagine him being a comfort to anyone.

She swears that he is a wonderful man and that he takes good care of her. She says that he wants to have dinner with Edward and me. I told her that I would have to get back to her on that one as Edward and I both have very full schedules. Truth is that even if Edward wasn't so busy, I wouldn't want to have dinner with Eric. Maybe he has changed but, I don't know.

{I Remember Eric. I can't believe she married him. He was an ass who used to "jokingly" try to convince the other guys to take videos of themselves having sex with their girls. I don't know how many guys believed he was just joking but I know I wasn't the only guy who gave him a black eye for even suggesting it. I hope you didn't ever end up having to interact with him directly.}

o~O~o

Dear Journal

Today I found a litter of five kittens in the alley behind the gallery. I looked online and it said not to touch them unless I am sure that momma cat isn't coming back. My assistant Bree volunteered to go buy some cat food for them. She was barely gone before she came running back with tears in her eyes and a kitten in her hands. She told me that there was a dead cat in the street and a kitten was wandering near her. Bree had stopped traffic to scoop up the kitten and bring it in.

We made a box up and brought the other five kittens in. Bree called her cousin who is an animal lover. Her cousin told us to put a heating pad in the box. A good thing is that Bree actually had one in her car that she was taking home to her Dad. We spent the morning looking online for a cat rescue that had room for the kittens. It took a few hours but Cora from Cora's cats came to us to pick up the kittens. We asked Cora if we could feed them before she took them. She showed us how to bottle feed them and how to help them go potty. I am so in love with them.

I wish I could have offered to foster the kittens but according to Cora the kittens are about two weeks old and still require 24/7 care. The biggest problem with this stuffy, snobby condo that we live in is that they have a strict no pets' policy, unless it is a registered therapy dog. Have I ever told you that I hate this place?

Anyway I asked Cora how much it will cost her to care for the kittens. She explained the cost of food, veterinary care, and supplies. I gave her a check to cover twice what she quoted me. I asked her about any other volunteers or workers she has. Pending a visit to her home facility and a visit to her feline foster homes, I plan on donating to her rescue.

I really want one of those kittens. They are so cute. There are three calicos and three gray and white cats. All of them have four white socks and a white bib and underbelly. Bree said that the grey ones look like their momma. I fell in love with one of the calicos. I already named her honey because she looks a little like a Honey Badger. The runt also won my heart. Bree said he is so ugly, he's cute. He is half the size of the biggest kitten and he barely has any fur. His fur is so short and fine he feels like one of those hairless cats and you can see his pink skin. I named him Baby Socks. Cora thinks he might not make it but I told her I would pay any veterinary bills the kittens might incur. She promised me that she would take extra special care of baby socks.

I made an agreement with Cora so I could visit and play with the kittens and I would help her find homes for them. I recently read an article about a local carpenter who makes custom cat trees. I remember thinking that they were works of art. Perhaps if I get him to make some exhibit pieces we could use them to bring awareness to the stray cat problem. We might be able to help Cora's Cats and help him build his business at the same time?

It's time to make dinner. Hopefully Edward will be home for dinner tonight. I wanna tell him about the kittens.

{Bella, I never knew you hated where we live. I'm also sorry I was once again late for dinner. I remember you mentioning something about donating to help rescue cats but I didn't know that you were so passionate about it. I wish I would have taken the time to meet the kittens too. If my head wasn't so far up my own ass, I would have known you wanted a pet. Once we work everything out, I promise we will live somewhere that you can have as many cats as your heart desires.}

o~O~o

Dear journal

Well no baby yet. My period showed up this morning. I know it was a long shot but I was hoping to have an anniversary baby.

The kittens are all doing well. Baby Socks is still the smallest but he has made it to three weeks old. Bree and I have gone to visit them twice. We got to feed them and play with them. I think we are going to make it a point to go over there twice a week.

I have promised to donate a thousand dollars a month to Cora's Cats. She has five volunteers. They take in kittens and also mothers with litters. Her Organization also does Trap, Neuter, Release. They go out where there are colonies of feral cats. They trap them and get them fixed and vaccinated then if they are too wild to tame, they release them back. The ones who can be tamed go to one of her foster families till they are tame enough to be adopted and go to a new "fur-ever" home.

Cora loved my idea of holding a custom cat tree exhibit. She knows the guy from the article I read and got him on the phone for me. Looks like this is going to happen and I am so excited about it.

{I am yet again so proud of you! You see a problem, and you do your best to find a solution. You are an amazing woman.

I am sorry we didn't get to have our anniversary baby. I wish I would have known that it was even a possibility. I wonder how our lives would have changed if you had been pregnant. I hope I would have been the husband and father that you deserved. In all honesty, I probably would have fallen short. I will try my best to make it all up to you. I am working so hard to change.}