Unfortunately, I own nothing. All right belong to Shondaland

Calliopes POV

The room around her wrapped her in nearly complete darkness, only the streetlights barely lightening it gave enough away to recognize her body sitting on the couch and the rest of her furniture. But light or no light, it didn't matter. It was her apartment and she knew her way around. Knew every corner of every table, every wall.

The answering machine before her, the little red six flashing every five seconds, told her the number of missed calls of the last eight weeks. Eight damn Weeks. The Latina took a deep breath and hold it, filling her cheeks with the oxygen.

Next to the answering machine on the table was a small silver piece of metal, reflecting the red light of the machine. On the ground was a nearly empty bottle of Vodka and only she knew she'd taken some aspirin ten minutes ago. A deathly combination – she'd thought everything through.

The back of her hand found her cheek and wiped away some tears. Why was the pain still so present? Why didn't it stop?

"You have six new messages. Message one: October 18th, 3:23pm", rang the female computer voice through the little speakers as Callie pressed the play-button.

"Calliope, I...I...I'm just calling to tell you that I made it...I made it safe to Malawi."
She knew. She'd checked the flight online every hour to be sure her heart landed at the other end of the world.

"Message two: October 18th, 4:15pm."

"Calliope, are you home? I..." and then nothing, just the sound of someone hanging up the phone.

She'd not been home. And even if she had, she couldn't make herself pick up the phone.

"Message three: October 20th, 7pm."

But there was no message. Just some rustling and sobbing at the end of the line until it went dead.

"Message four: October 21st, 7:45pm."

"Calliope..." silence filled the room, "I am so sorry. It's better this way. You would not have been happy here. You had to stay in Seattle, stay with your friends. Maybe you can understand on day."
She would never understand it. Never. Arizona was gone for the next three years. No, for at least two years and ten months. And after that?

"Message five: October 23rd, 2:15am."
"Calliope, I know it is the middle of the night in Seattle, but please, I need a sign. Something. Anything. Teddy doesn't know how you are. Mark doesn't know. Not even Cristina knows. Please, Calliope, tell me you're okay. I need to hear from you, that you are okay."
How could she be okay? It was impossible. Every evening, when she replayed the messages over and over again, she was asking herself, how Arizona dare to expect her to be okay. Her blonde angel, who'd helped her build herself up again, left. She was gone. Abandoned her, just like everybody else in her past. So, how could she be okay when the pain was still there?

"Message six: October 25th, 11:20am."

"Calliope...I...I love you. Don't you ever forget that."
"Never", she whispered and didn't care about the tears spilling from her eyes anymore. They were dropping from her chin into her lap, they used to choose this way every time.

Without further thinking she took the piece of metal in her right hand and started to play with it. The sharp edges scratched her palm slightly. She clutched it firmly until she felt the blood in her hand. Her fingers held on tight to the silver and she put it on her left arm, when the phone rang. She waited. The answering machine would record this call as well. Three, two, one:

"Calliope, I am worried about you. Please, please pick up." She looked up, straight to the little black machine in front of her on the coffee table. In the background were sounds of a honking car and there was rustling again.

"Damn it, Calliope. My battery is nearly dead. Please call-" And that was it. Apparently, the connection was gone.

Tears started to streak down her cheek again and made her vision blurry. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered. The grip on the razor blade in her hand got firmer and she put it directly on the skin of her left wrist.

AN: There's more to come, if you want. I have three more parts finished already, just waiting for a lovely friend to beta read it, because english is not my first language and I don't want to bother you with mistakes^^

AN2: Reviews are very welcome ;) You know the drill.