SOY: second HS fanfic posted on . Xposted on tumblr and AO3 with the same name. 'Vaga' means Libra in Finnish.

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Rating: T

Warnings: Dave's speech, once again.

Disclaimer: I don't own HomeStuck.

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Marketing Strategy

One–shot

The number of applicants waiting in the hall was actually far larger than she had expected it to be, but given the job offer, she guessed it was probably supposed to be this big.

Terezi Pyrope, head of the Vaga Corporation (the biggest marketing company of the whole state), smirked predatorily and took a long, deep sniff, allowing the smells of all the aspiring marketers to fill her nostrils. Many of them would get their hearts broken far too soon, but she liked the minty scent of hope.

It made her sadistic side content.

She gently tapped the arm of one of the two security guards following her, warning them she was going to move, and made her way towards the crowd, her smirk growing larger as she felt their attention shift quickly towards her.

She knew she made quite a weird sight to them –a blind troll tapping around with a cane, smirking like a feral meowbeast, but she didn't care at all. She wasn't there simply to mess with their heads –she was there to find the right person for the job.

They were here for the coveted spot in her society, and she was going to play and push them around as she saw fit, nothing more, nothing less.

The majority were trolls, attracted by the position and by the amount of money the job would offer, but there were many humans among them, too. It was a good mix, but at least half of them were probably under-qualified, and she would sniff those out one by one.

"Well, well!" she stated clearly. Instantly, the whispering ceased, and the room fell into a deep, uneasy silence. "I see we have a lot of… hopeful interviewees," she tapped the cane on the floor twice, punctuating her words. "You probably don't know what you got yourselves in".

A small squeal came from somewhere into the crowd, and her smirk grew.

"If you're here thinking that working for this company is going to be easy and that you're going to kick back and relax, you're seriously mistaken," she continued, moving again. "We're not here to play. I require all your abilities, and I require them to be always ready and at my disposal, no matter the time, no matter the request!"

She got too close to one of the humans, tongue lolling out, and the guy –probably around twenty-three human years of age– recoiled back in surprise. She cackled at him, amused at the shock she could smell rolling off of him.

Retreating from him, Terezi glanced around, satisfied to see how nervous some of the candidates were already.

"You'll have to be useful, come up with original, intriguing ideas for the subjects we will have to advertize," she continued, tone dark enough to send shivers down their backs. "And do everything I say without complaining".

They smelled nervous, and that only made her even more gleeful.

She paused for dramatic effect, then added, "If you do not like to work hard, pushing through your limits, and get ordered around by me, then you're not fit for this position".

"What if I like that," a voice piped up.

Terezi tilted her head towards the voice, tasting the air to get the picture of the one speaking up.

Some of the aspirants turned as well, staring in surprise at the human standing there, pose relaxed. As opposed to the rest of the crowd around him, he wasn't wearing elegant, dignified clothes, but instead a white and red shirt with long sleeves and a pair of jeans –not to mention the huge aviator shades on his face, partially obscuring it and covering his eyes.

Definitely not the sort of person who wanted to make a good impression on the boss of a big company.

"Ain't no slave unless it brings on some kinky gameplay," the human continued, smirking.

Terezi's smile widened in response, and she moved quickly, pushing herself as close to the human as she could, tilting her head up and entering a staring contest with him.

"Daring words for a candyred human," she cackled, amused. She could taste his smugness oozing from his skin.

The human didn't seem to mind her closeness, though, hands in his pockets and keeping the same slouched position. After a moment, seeing she wasn't retreating, he shrugged.

"Can't help it if I'm digging all the hot ladies," he replied. "No hatin' on the Strider".

"Is that your name?" still amused, Terezi pulled away, and the blond man nodded.

"Burn it in your memory, babe, it will sound delicious coming from your lips," he stated.

A few applicants around them grunted in annoyance at his attitude, snorting as they quickly wrote him off as one less competitor for the job position; they had done their research on Terezi Pyrope –she wasn't one to be trifled with like that.

Terezi moved away, her smirk turning vaguely cruel, cane clacking on the floor as she circled the crowd twice before stopping.

She had gathered enough information through her sense of smell and her perceptiveness, and she considered the first trial finished.

"Move into the next room," she ordered.

They quickly complied.

"Man, this test is boring," Dave muttered, loud enough for the man at his right to hear. "That chick surely knows how to order us 'round, huh".

The other man, on his forties, hair already starting to recede from his forehead, turned towards him with a small frown, but said nothing, returning to the questionnaire and studiously ignoring him.

Dave rolled his eyes. "Ain't no big shit, I tell you," he tapped the pen on the table and turned to the other side, where a troll with long, bifurcated horns was easily filling up the blank spaces on his sheet.

He leaned forwards, and the troll hastily pulled the test away, sending him a panicked look.

"Chill bro, I could write down this shit with my eyes close and one hand tied behind my back," Dave continued, smirking a bit and twirling the pen in his fingers. "I think you got question 23 wrong, though".

The troll blanched and looked down, eyes scanning every line to see whatever mistake he'd made, then looked up at Dave again. The human nodded encouragingly, so he hesitantly erased the answer and rewrote it.

Dave smirked, turned to the back, where a few more candidates were glancing at him, and his smirk widened as he quickly slashed his throat with his thumb. They hastily returned to their writing.

He rolled his eyes. No fun at all.

He glanced up to the other end of the room, and his smirk widened when he spotted the Terezi chick staring at him.

Making sure he had her attention glued on him, he shifted his shades down a fragment, smirking when she leaned forward on instinct, tongue lapping at the air as she tried to take a taste.

He didn't remove them, though, as he could feel stares coming from other marketers all around him, so he simply made a show of licking his lips, causing Terezi to chuckle, then quickly returned to filling his page, taking a break every few minutes to chat it up with his neighbours.

This was the easiest interview he'd ever been at.

The selection cut off a good half of the interviewees, and Terezi smirked, her eyes and tongue reading the name Strider on the list of those who were going to be called back for a second meeting.

It was with a sadistic sort of glee that she personally sent him the confirmation mail to the human, twirling in the chair with a cackle when Candyred Strider actually replied to her.

Dear Miss Chick,

I count on seeing your pretty, bossy face soon,

D. Strider

The remaining fifty-three candidates were definitely appalled to see Dave standing with them for the second interview, as most of them had counted on him being gone and out of their lives, and didn't trust his presence there.

He wasn't loud, actually, and remained mostly on his own, despite his weird choice of dress and well-placed comments on plush rumps, but his attitude made them uneasy, and the way he kept calling their possible future boss rude names made them wary to be found chatting up with him.

One of the candidates, a stuck-up fresh out of college, actually joined in for a while as Strider listed off a long list of pros on Terezi Pyrope's choice ass, adding a couple of less-than-proper descriptions on his own, only to find said troll standing right behind him, unseeing eyes glinting behind red-tinged shades.

The stuck-up idiot was then gently but firmly walked to the front door of the building and let out, never to come back, while Dave, who had shut up the moment he'd seen the boss stroll by, simply smirked and winked at the other candidates.

Since then, nobody talked to him ever again.

"Bunch of pussies," Dave muttered, lips twitching into a smirk.

By the fourth meeting the aspirants for the job were seven, and once again, Dave Strider and his cool, infuriating attitude were present among them.

The other six, surprised at the fact that despite his actions and his words he was still coming back, started wondering exactly what kind of curriculum he had that eclipsed even his arrogance.

One of the three trolls who had managed to pass the previous examinations and was currently fighting down a bout of uneasiness actually decided that if he could ignore the smartass jokes and not play into Dave's hands he could very well try to befriend him and maybe get some tips, and Dave seemed to take that as a declaration of partnership, because he was more than ok about sharing with the younger troll all his so called 'winning tricks'.

Not to mention a lot of detailed description of Terezi Pyrope's ass.

The remaining two trolls and the other three humans decided to keep their distance and concentrate on the last trial.

Finally the subject of the campaign ad they were aiming for was revealed.

They needed to prepare an advertising campaign on a new toy brand with a horrid name –it was clearly a product that didn't exist… after all, who could ever market a brand of toys called smuppets?– to test their skills and prove they could work with whatever they were offered to make something good out of it.

All marketers spent an entire week before their last interview working hard, individually coming up with what they thought was an innovative, interesting idea and then making it better.

Dave tried to grab a hold of a few of them, suggesting a partnership to make a collaborative project, but most refused to even listen to him, except the young troll, who tentatively waited until Dave had explained his idea before shooting him down, flushed and embarrassed and running away as quickly as possible.

With a snort, Dave allowed him to go, and returned home; he had a beautiful, ironic presentation of puppets with giant rumps and evocatively provocative noses to put together.

Terezi observed in silence the various proposals that were spread in front of her, glancing at all seven marketers with a deceptively serene face.

A few of them were good –they showed prowess, and a good inventive.

She smirked, and sitting straighter she intertwined her fingers together. "I have to say that most of those works are a testament of your skills," she licked her lips, tasting the relief wafting at her from some of the interviewees. "They show your intelligence, and your willingness to work hard".

She paused, glancing at the smug face of one Dave Strider, who was standing next to an obnoxious, horrid diagram and a huge photo of an overly inflated puppet with a vulgar jutting nose and an impudent rump.

"But," her smile widened considerably, "one of you did justice to the subject, offering a perfect, delicious project".

Two of the applicants glanced at each other speculatively, as they both knew they were the best and waited for Miss Pyrope to prove them right.

"Mr Strider, if you would step up," her words took everyone by surprise, except of course, Dave Strider.

The human straightened his back, sending a knowing glance at the competitors, and looked at the troll, waiting for her to continue.

"Your project was the one that smelled the most delicious and alluring," her smile grew as he sauntered towards her, smirking back at her. "That means you get the job, hehe".

"What?!" the young troll Dave had taken 'under his wing' stepped forwards, cheeks flushed yellow. While the other five remained silent out of shock, he couldn't just stand there and receive that sort of insult. The plush rump was the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen, and he couldn't believe Miss Pyrope would ever like that. "That… that project was the worst I've ever seen!"

Terezi's eyes snapped towards him, her tongue lapping the air and tasting anger and a sudden spike of fear as her expression turned dangerous, even if the smile never left her face.

"Are you perhaps implying that my decision on the matter is not objective, and that I do not know how to conduce my own organization?" she asked.

Her tone was deceptively sweet, but the danger in it wasn't veiled at all.

The young troll swallowed, suddenly finding himself speechless, and glanced at the remaining five with an imploring gaze.

Neither of them was looking at him; two were studiously staring at their shoes, and the others were looking at their own presentations, ignoring what was going on.

The troll seemed to go through an internal battle, but after a few seconds, he deflated, probably coming to the conclusion that he had just burned off his chance, and as such, he was free to speak up his mind.

"I am not saying that," he amended. "But that presentation is definitely undeserving of your praise. It is only half-assed, without real talent, the drawings look like something a five-years-old kid could have done, and there is no way plush rumps could ever be a deserving image for any sort of product," he shook his head, wrinkling his nose. "Besides, I am entirely convinced that Mr Strider managed to pass to the last selection because someone was paying a good sum on his name and… if… if that's how it is –if my talent, together with that of my colleagues here," he pointed at the other five, who stiffened when they found themselves under the scathing stare of Terezi, "has to be downplayed simply because some random rich kid has had someone interceding for him…" he took a deep breath. "Then I do not wish to work for this company at all".

"Oooh, lil kid has guts," Dave smirked.

Terezi couldn't resist, and started cackling, highly amused by the situation.

"Well, I gotta admit, that was admirable of you," Dave did a quick thumbs up to the troll, who looked slightly depressed. "You just metaphorically kicked yourself in the balls here, but you did it with style".

The troll groaned, and Terezi snickered at him.

"Luckily for you, I gotta admit you're right –I had some high and mighty rich ass backing me up," Dave pushed his shades further up his nose, and winked at Terezi. "So have to refuse the position here, babe, hope you don't mind. I have something better".

The six candidates stared at him as if he'd grown another head.

"What is this better job you have, candyred?" Terezi leaned forwards, staring at him with amusement painted all over her face.

"Owning that pretty ass of yours," he casually commented. Then he swooped Terezi right off her feet, and under the shocked, horrified stares of the remaining six interviewees, he tipped her down and kissed her right on the lips.

A long, intense kiss, with extensive tonsil play.

When they parted, Terezi nibbled his lip and smirked.

"I object," she stated, cackling and licking his cheek. "I own your ass, Dave, and I always did!"

One of the remaining humans let out a high-pitched wail, and Dave tilted his head towards him, smirking.

"You probably wonder what the fuck is going on, man. I don't blame you, shit's confusing when you're not into it," he shrugged. "Truth is, Terezi here is my partner and the co-owner of this whole place," with a gesture, he pointed at the meeting hall they were in. "Owning this shit outside out's my full time job, so I have no time to do anything else. You can have it," he stared at the young troll with a smirk. "I like your attitude, kiddo".

The troll started sputtering, looking astonished and about to faint.

Dave snorted, "Rezi, you can continue here without me, I'm going back to gift that horrid poster to Bro… he'll appreciate it. Unironically," he straightened up, smirked at Terezi, and walked out of the door, the impudent backside of the smuppet peeking from underneath his arm.

Terezi turned her attention to the six, still smirking.

"You heard him," she crooned.

"What –how –who…" the young troll sputtered, looking at her, then at the closed door, then at the remaining candidates.

He still looked about to faint, so Terezi took some platonic pity on him.

"My partner in crime wanted to make sure we'd find the right man for the job –one who could speak up his mind, but also know when to listen to a competitor's idea to check if it was any good. Individualists are good, but we want our employees to be able to work together if it needs be. Unless, of course, the suggestions are preposterous, hehehe".

The troll swallowed.

"See you kid tomorrow at eight sharp, don't bother to dress up!" with that, Terezi felt she had wasted enough time on them.

Turning around, she followed Dave's trail out of the room, already planning to make a grab for that yummy ass she owned before he could go too far from the building.

She found Dave actually waiting for her outside. As he saw her coming, he offered her his arm, and she took it, smirking up at him and tilting her head to the side.

"I thought you said you wanted to go see your human Lusus, Dave?"

"Bro can wait, that horrid smuppet's not going to go anywhere on his own," he shrugged. "Want to get it on in the back and scare our new employee a bit more?"

"Dave, you're evil, that poor kid will be traumatized enough tomorrow!"

Dave's eyebrows lifted above the rims of his shades. "Your point…?"

Her smirk turned feral. "Let's go then!"

They turned around and circled the side of the building, Terezi's hand slipping lower as they walked away.

Target approaching in three

two

one–

–Fin–