Part 6

He wakes with the familiar sound of machinery and the feel of too many blankets. His limbs feels too weighted to try and lift the extra blankets off, and it doesn't help that one of his hands is wrapped within two others. Steve forces his eyes to blink open and he tilts his head to stare at the unkept hair belonging to one Tony Stark.

Tony is holding his hand. Steve should feel something, feel the spark in his chest, but there is nothing there. There is an emptiness that he never realized could exist within him and it is in that moment that he realizes he had always felt the pull in his chest. Everything he had ever done, every step he took in his life, had led him straight into the future and to the one man he could never have.

Tony is holding his hand.

Steve closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. The machines make a different noise and the door to his room opens. He knows who it is by memory more than his old hearing and while he does miss that, he misses so much more than his superhuman abilities.

Tony is still holding his hand while Bruce wordlessly checks him over. Steve knows there should be words exchanged in situations like this, but he can't find any to say. Bruce's small smile tells him everything he needs to know; they are working on this, they will figure this out.

Tony's hand squeezes his as Bruce shakes him carefully awake. Tony doesn't look at Steve, and instead focuses on Bruce as he asks, "Any change?"

Bruce motions to Steve. "He's awake. Will you please shower now?"

Tony's hands leave Steve's as he whips his head around. "Steve?" His name is broken, whispered from Tony's mouth as if the man is afraid Steve will wither away.

Steve is sure that, at this rate, he will wither away and it hurts that Tony's concern does nothing for him. There is no flutter, no jump in his heart. Steve wants to cry.

He turns his head away and says nothing, wishing for sleep to claim him quickly so he doesn't have to watch Tony break down next to him.

"I'm sorry," Tony says again and again and again. "I'm sorry," is what Steve falls asleep to in the cold, sterile room he never wanted to be in.

When he wakes again, it is Bucky that sits by his bed. Bucky doesn't hold his hand, but he has removed a lot of the bulky blankets that cover Steve. His fingers are typing something on a tablet Steve is sure Tony let him have and there, in the corner of the room, stands the suit that Steve has gotten used to. It watches him and he figures that Tony has some kind of security in this room, despite it being Shield or the tower or wherever else he is stashed away at. He sighs and looks away from the armor, hating that he has lost the man who pilots it.

"He's sleeping," Bucky says suddenly, eyes not moving from the tablet. "We were getting worried about his health, so Bruce spiked his coffee and Thor carried him to bed." Finally he looks up, putting the tablet off to the side. "How are you feeling?"

Steve can't feel anything as he used to, so he shrugs. Bucky's lips quirk up into a smile Steve hasn't seen in years and it feels as if he were transported back in time to when he had his worst asthma attack. It was right after his mother died, and Bucky had been the only family left.

"That good? You look great, by the way."

Steve laughs, though only a little. An ache he hadn't felt since before the serum begins in his chest and he is forced to take deep breaths. He did not miss this.

Bucky leans forward. "I'm serious, though. How are you feeling?"

"Empty," Steve tells him, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to see his friend's reaction. "I feel empty, Bucky. I can't feel him."

Bucky pats his shoulder and they say nothing more.

Steve doesn't leave the room in Shield medical (he found that out through Natasha when she came to see him) for another month as they check him over for any problems. Other than the lack of serum and the list of issues he had before it, the doctors can find nothing wrong. They give him an inhaler and instructions to take it easy until his body completely adjusts.

Steve has to borrow some of Natasha's clothes when the team comes to pick him up. It is the first time he sees Tony since that one time when he woke and it still hurts. Tony walks next to him, a warm hand plastered against his back protectively. Steve wishes he could feel anything other than small gratitude for that, but he can't.

He locks himself in his room for the next week, only allowing Bucky and his suit-protector through the door. Bucky fills him in on what the team does and how they're adjusting, but the suit just stands there. Steve watches it sometimes at night, wondering if Tony is on the other side of some cameras and they are making eye-contact.

Tony forces his way into the room on his eighth day at the tower. Steve has been contemplating leaving (the tower is for heroes, after all), but then Tony is there and bringing him food and a new sketchpad. Tony smiles and touches him whenever he thinks he can get away with it and Steve does nothing but let him do it. He clutches the new sketchbook to his chest and tries to will his body to remember how this was supposed to work, how it was supposed to feel.

It's frustrating both of them and Steve finally leaves his room on the tenth day to ask Thor. He wishes he never did so.

"It happens sometimes," Thor says. "When we go through things, our fates and our fated changes. However, I have never seen it quite like this." His fingers run through the air, as if he were stroking something. "It is odd not to see you grasping for Stark, Captain."

Steve wants to cry, but he doesn't. He just shrugs and says, "It's just Steve, Thor. I'm no longer Captain America."

Thor opens his mouth as if to argue, but he says nothing. He closing his mouth again and nods, gently patting Steve on the shoulder. Steve appreciates his gentleness; Thor had never before taken such great lengths to keep himself from using his full strength against Steve before.

It is a bad idea, but Steve finds that he cannot stop himself. "What about Tony?" is out of his mouth and he finds that he doesn't care that the question was asked. He needs to know if this was feeling he had been blinded to before, or if something else happened.

"He yearns for you," Thor says and Steve feels as if the world were ripped out from under him. "It is there where it hadn't been before. Is this not some good news, Steven?"

"Yeah," Steve says, because what else can he? "Thank you, Thor."

He hides from Tony again, pacing his room and cursing him lack of understanding when it came to chemicals and science. He knows Bruce and Tony are searching for answers to what happened and he wants nothing more than to be there with them, searching for a way to put him back to normal.

Steve knows he cannot hide from Tony forever while staying in the tower. He tells Bucky, and Bucky is silent for a long time before telling Steve, "I go where you go." Steve is glad their bond never broke. Most of all, he is glad Bucky is here with him.

If he had to do this without his best friend, Steve is not sure that he would be able to make it out of bed most mornings.

Tony hears of Steve's plans to run and confronts him in the kitchens one chilly October morning. Steve doesn't know what to say when he sees him, so he keeps silent and takes the pile of vitamins Bruce put him on. He doubts they are working, but he will not let the other lose hope, even if he is.

Seeing Tony watching him hurts, but he doesn't dare say anything. He leans against the counter, a glass clutched tightly in his hand, and hopes that Tony will say what he came to say before his legs decide they aren't used to being so small. He doubts he will completely fall over, but he would rather not make a fool out of himself now.

"I talked to Bucky," Tony says finally. "I asked him about you."

This is not the conversation Steve ever wants to have. "Yeah?"

Tony nods and pours himself a mug of coffee. "You know, I can pinpoint the second when things seemed to snap in place for me." Steve hums and Tony continues. "I don't even think it was at the warehouse, either. I think it was weeks ago, when you first let me hold you at night and didn't expect anything else. I was selfish, and I'm sorry."

Steve shakes his head and put his empty glass in the sink. "Stop this, Tony. You did nothing wrong."

"Maybe not, but can you blame me for what I feel now?"

"That's just it, Tony. What you feel for me, what I used to feel for you, it was stupid gods playing tricks. The fate sisters or someone equally as demented." Steve steps away. "You don't want to be tied down, and I just realized that I could never do it to you. So go, stop thinking about something like this."

"Steve-"

"False emotions, Tony. It's nothing but false emotions."

Steve runs from the room before Tony can say anything else. He doesn't want to be around when Tony fights against this, because Tony has always fought against what is expected of him. Nobody expects him to do this, so that is what he will do. Steve hates that he still knows him so well despite everything. Steve hates that they could not have shared this feeling before.

Mostly, Steve hates himself for pushing Tony away. He should not have done that, but there is nothing connecting them and it hurts. It stings and stabs and leaves him openly wounded.

He tells Bucky that he needs to leave and Bucky doesn't question. He just nods and lets Logan know of their change in plans - Logan goes along and Steve wants to cry at the luck that has been pressed into his fingers. They pack only what they need, Steve begs Jarvis to be quiet, and then they wait for nightfall. None of the team seem to know what they are planning, and even Tony has hidden himself in the workshop. Steve can already smell the pine trees that would surround a home Logan said he knew of. A safe place to go where even Tony wouldn't dare enter. A school for the gifted and, suddenly, Steve didn't want to be anywhere else but behind a desk, learning techniques and maybe starting a gallery.

For a moment, he panics and wonders if this means that he has a new intended. He doesn't want that, he knows he wants Tony, but maybe someone else would be better?

The armor is standing outside the door when they try to leave in the dead of night. Steve watches it, terrified that it would suddenly push them back into the room. No such thing happens and he lets out a breath. They were going to make it.

"I don't see why you have to go."

The shock from the voice put Steve on the floor, head between his knees and an inhaler in his hand. Logan is snarling at Tony and Tony is apologizing as much as he can. Bucky's hand is steady on Steve's back while he gets himself back under control.

"I just want to say goodbye!"

Logan's snarling and the hand rubbing Steve's back stops. Steve looks up at Tony for a long moment before nodding. He tells Bucky that he'll be there soon and he can tell Bucky doesn't want to go, but Logan smells something and pulls him away. Steve looks back down now that he is alone with Tony.

"You don't mind, right?" Tony asks, getting on Steve's level. "I just... I couldn't let you leave without trying again."

Steve bites out a laugh. "Nothing will help. You didn't want me before all of this happened."

Tony was quiet for a moment before leaning forward to run a hand through Steve's hair. "Maybe it's because I didn't need 'Captain America' at my side." Steve looks up, shock flowing through him at Tony's words. "Maybe I just needed Steve Rogers without the stars and stripes."

"That doesn't make any sense." He wants it to be that simple. Steve wants nothing more than for this to be true. "If that's true, then why don't I feel anything anymore?"

Tony shifts closer and his face is suddenly too close. Steve feels as though he can't breathe again. "Because maybe I need Steve Rogers a lot more than Steve Rogers and Captain America needs Iron Man." Tony pulls them up off the floor. His hands are strong and steady against Steve's elbows. "Maybe Steve Rogers needs Tony Stark and I… I don't know how to become him anymore."

Steve is not used to looking up at Tony. He is used to Tony being the shortest, being the most vulnerable out of battle. Steve feels lost staring up at him, caught between wanting to run and wanting to stay. He knows Tony will accept either, but what does he want, truly? "Tony?"

"Yeah, Steve?" Tony hand comes to rest on Steve's cheek, gentle as if afraid to break him.

Steve hates that feeling, but he knows why Tony does it and he decides right then on what to do. "Let me stay with you," he begs, hoping Bucky won't be too angry with him. "I won't let my life be dictated by something like this. I know it's you."

And he does know that this is Tony. This is the man who let him share a bed to push away the nightmares. This is the man who let one of his sentient suits follow him around as protection. This is the man who gave him plenty of warning about not being perfect. Steve wants nothing more than to slide back into his arms and feel again. To experience what it means to have your intended next to you. To grow old with them and be part of a family.

Steve smiled and leans into Tony's hand. "I know it's you," he repeats.

"I'm not letting go once you do this," Tony warns, though he leans closer.

The answer to that is an easy one. "Then don't let go."

Tony laughs and murmurs something that sounds like 'Titanic' before kissing Steve. There is no thundering in his chest. There is no tickle of joy. There is nothing.

Nothing but the weak fluttering of his heart and the ghost of a memory.

Steve grips his hands in Tony's jacket and never lets go.

That's the end, guys! Sorry it took so long to get this out - holidays and dying computers do that. Mine was on it's last leg.

Anyway, I'm sure this isn't ending how some people want it to, sorry. I hope you enjoyed it either way! No, there won't be sequels.