I have been thinking lately about how one of my favourite things about relationships (of any sort, really) is the ability to eventually learn to speak without words. I read this thing Zac Efron said from back when he was with Vanessa Hudgens about how they communicated with just a look, and then I remembered this awesome quote from JJ Abrams' 'Felicity' and boom, this fic happened. The summary is from Pierrot le fou, and it also helped inspire this fic. I also listened to 'Youth' by Daughter a lot while listening to this. Clearly my inspiration was allll over the place.

I am thinking there will be 3 more parts after this, but don't quote me on it. I tend to get a little wordy. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot. Then I realized it was getting too long and I have a lot of story left to tell, so here we go, I guess!

The Secret Languages

Zatanna ends it on a Monday. Dick is sixteen.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" he asks carefully. They're alone in the Cave, just the two of them, and he thinks in that moment that he's never seen anyone as beautiful as her, and it kills him to think that this is it. This is the last moment they'll be Dick and Zee. That she'll go see other boys and they'll make her laugh and she'll eventually be someone else's.

For a brief moment he hopes he's hallucinating, but he knows better than that. He knows that this is real and this sucks.

Zatanna swallows, her bright blue eyes cast downward. "I…I'm…"

"Zee," he speaks softly and she looks up at him. He smiles. "Just say it. I can handle it."

"Yeah," she lets out a breath, a fast exhale, like she had been holding it for ages. "I am. I just…it's a little too much for me right now, Dick," she admits. He knew she was right. They were too young, and they already have so many responsibilities that teenagers shouldn't have. Plus lately, things had been a little more intense and the missions had been a little bit harder, and maybe they had been arguing a little more frequently. Maybe he held her hand a little too tightly at times and went a little too easy on her when they sparred. Maybe the dynamic between them had shifted, maybe they weren't in the same place. They were growing up and it felt like they were not longer growing together.

It was young love. It was expected. It wasn't going to ever last forever.

But Zatanna is his first love. She's the first girl he's ever had a real crush on, ever had real feelings for before (aside from that week he was in love with Barbara Gordon when she was nine, or those weird dreams he had about Artemis that one time, but they were his friends and he didn't want to date them at all ever anyway). Zee was his first real everything, his first real kiss, his first real girlfriend, his first time. And he loves her. So if she wants to end things, he'll let her, because that's what she wants and he's seen Bruce go through enough relationships to know that he'll move on eventually, too.

"I understand," he says, leaning forward and taking her hand in his. "I get it, Zee. It's okay."

She wraps her arms around him and he feels his throat tighten. "Oh, Dick," she whispers, "I'm sorry."

He knows she means it. Knows that since her father, Zatanna doesn't mince words. And he knew this was coming, saw it in the way she pulled away a little too quickly after they would kiss, say it coming from the way she seemed distracted and detached. It hurts, in the way that first heartbreaks do, but he won't let it crush him. He can't hate her for it. At the core, he and Zatanna are friends, and they understand each other; understand the pain of losing a parent much too soon, much too young, and much too quickly. He won't let this ruin that bond between them.

When they break apart, Zatanna wipes the tears Dick didn't know she had been crying and smiles shakily, placing her hand on his cheek. "You know what one of my favourite things about you is, Dick?"

"What?" he asks, feeling tired, but trying to seem like his heart isn't splitting in two. As much as he's trying to be okay with this, he doesn't really want to have a discussion right now, especially not one that seems as out of place as this. If she really loved things about him, wouldn't she still want to be with him?

"I don't have to use words with you," she says softly, "I don't have to say anything. You just know. It's like a secret language that only you understand. I'm going to miss that. This speaking without words thing. "

He smiles. "What can I say?" he shrugs. "I have a way with words. Too bad I can't say them backwards, though. That's a real talent. "

She laughs and then she says I love you backwards, like she has a hundred times before, and he feels a chill run up his spine. Not just at her words, but because he realizes that she doesn't know what he's thinking at all. As much as he says he's okay with this, it's still killing him, but she doesn't see that. The line goes slack on her side of things and that's why they're ending, really. She can't read him in the same way.

But he shouldn't expect that of her. He's better at hiding things, better at filing away his actual thoughts and feelings. He's been trained to be that way, and he can't hold it against her for not being able to crack the code; for not being able to understand his secret language.

He shouldn't expect it and frankly, he doesn't expect anyone to ever understand it, and that's something he's accepted long ago.

It's something that comes with his job description, something that comes along with being the Son of the Bat, and he's not sure he would have it any other way.

It's easier this way.

He zetas home to the Batcave that night and he finds Barbara at the computer, typing furiously. Her long red hair is spilling over her shoulders and she's suited up, her mask hanging around her neck. She looks just as tired as he feels.

"Hey," she says, not glancing over at him. "You're home early. I thought you had a date."

He peels off his domino mask and runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, well…" he trails off, not sure he wants to get into details right now. Babs seems busy anyway. When she's not patrolling or training or doing homework, she's here, typing away furiously, hacking security cameras and following leads. She's been at this Batgirl thing for only a year but it feels like longer; she fit into his double life so well he wonders every day why he bothered keeping it from her at all. He glances around, noticing that they are alone. "Where is everyone?"

Pushing her glasses up her nose, she peers at something on the screen. "Bruce is upstairs sparring with Jay and Alfred's cleaning up after dinner. You missed a mean lobster roll, by the way."

"Oh damn," he murmurs, coming to take a seat at the computer beside her. "Not the lobster roll! Can't believe I missed out! How ever will I survive?"

Babs has been his best friend even longer than Wally, and right now she feels comforting. He wants to be closer to her, wants to be near her. Babs had a way of making everything feel easier, everything feel more normal. She was his first friend at Gotham Academy, when everything was still new and he was still getting used to being Bruce Wayne's adopted son who was rich and went to fancy private schools. But then he met Babs and they just clicked and everything felt like it fell into place after that.

Keeping things from her had been horrible and even after he got the go ahead from Bruce to tell her who he was (after years and years of begging and pleading), he still couldn't do it. There was still the chance that she'd hate him for lying and he'd lose the one constant in his life. So he didn't. He should have known better, though, because Babs is a genius and she figured it out anyway, and he came home from patrolling one late night to find her sitting on his R-Cycle, arms folded. "You have a lot of explaining to do, Dick," she had said, and he hadn't even bothered to ask how she had hacked the security system to the Batcave. Batman had, however, and there was lots of arguing, but ultimately she became Batgirl the next week.

Now she was in every part of his life and he had never felt so relieved. Everything was easier this way; he felt good to know that he didn't have to keep secrets from her anymore.

He jokes around sometimes that he doesn't know what he'd do without her, but most of the time he's serious about it. He'd be lost without her.

"Shove it, Boy Wonder," she says, writing something down on the pad of paper beside her. "They were amazing, I'll have you know. And I never said you could come sit beside me. I'm busy, after all."

"I can see that," he says, leaning back. "What are you working on?"

"Tangoed with Harley Quinn last night," she says, her eyes still on the screen, and he feels a little proud that his best friend is going up against the biggest baddies solo so soon in her career. "I've hacked the security cameras around the area to see if I can track her down more efficiently, find out where her base is. With Joker in Arkham, you know she's just itching to break him out and definitely, definitely has a plan. "

"Definitely."

"Yeah, well—" She turns in her charge and raises her arms over her head, stretching. Her eyes fall on him. She pauses. "You okay?"

Dick blinks, taken aback. "Um, yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

Barbara looks at him for a long moment. "No reason, you just look…like you have something on your mind."

"I always have something on my mind, Babs."

"Good point," she says, narrowing her eyes, "but…did something happen?"

He shakes his head. "No. Just tired."

She bites her lip and he looks down, feeling uncomfortable. "Just tired? I thought you had a date?"

"Yeah…? I did and it ended." He laughs then and nudges his arm with his elbow. "Geez, Gordon, aren't you the suspicious one? What's with the interrogation, huh?"

Barbara scowls. "I'm not interrogating you, Dick," she says, turning around in her seat back to the computer. "I just know you and I don't believe you for a moment, so I'll let it slide. You are tired, after all."

Dick smiles, glad she lets the topic drop. "Thanks, Babs," he scoots closer to her. "Want a pal to help you go through hours and hours of footage of empty alleyways filled with nothing but drug deals and cats?"

Laughing, she slides over a tiny bit so he has some room. "Sure, we work better together anyway. I'm going to go make some coffee. Or get Alfred to, at least."

She stands up and walks up the path from the Batcave to the manner. Dick watches her leave and he feels a little lighter, pushing thoughts of Zatanna to the back of his mind. Work is a welcome distraction and with Barbara, it doesn't seem like work at all.

Hours later, when Babs has gone home, and Jason is in bed, it's just he and Bruce in the kitchen. It's the middle of the night, and Dick is working on a paper for English class and Bruce is working on some random paperwork. Double lives mean little sleep.

"How much left of your paper do you have to do?" Bruce asks, signing his signature on another heavy document. "You've been at it for a couple of hours."

Dick shrugs, taking a sip of the coffee he has beside him. "I'm just revising at this point; I've been done for about an hour."

Bruce glances up from his work and smirks. "Ah, I see."

"My teacher's a hard-ass," Dick explains. "The extra work will pay off."

"If you say so," Bruce says, stacking the contract on top of another one. "I'll be awake for another couple of hours anyway."

Dick nods, looking down at his keyboard. He needs to talk to someone. He needs to tell someone and he figures Bruce won't make a big deal out of it. "Hey Bruce?"

"Yeah, Dick?"

"Zatanna broke up with me tonight."

Bruce pauses mid-signature and looks up. "I know."

Dick freezes. Of course. "You know?"

"Yeah," Bruce says, folding his arms. "I know. And Barbara mentioned it to me tonight on her way out."

At this, Dick furrows his brow. "Babs did? But I…I didn't tell her."

"I know," Bruce says and he smirks again. "I knew already, of course, but Barbara...she said she just knew. You were definitely right bringing her on the team; she's got inituition in spades. It will prove to be most useful as she continues on."

But Dick isn't hearing anything Bruce is saying. Babs knew and she didn't say anything? How did she know?

Bruce is starting to babble on about how they can continue to use Babs intuition and hacking skills and how he needs to get Jason to work on his hand to hand combat skills, but Dick is ignoring all of it. He opens up a chat on the computer and sees if Barbara is online. She is, naturally.

Night owls, all of them.

"How did you know Zee broke up with me?" he asks quickly and she responds almost immediately.

"Oh please, Boy Wonder," she says. "I can read you like a book. You okay?"

As a note, I don't dislike Dick/Zatanna together! I wouldn't say I actively ship them, but I feel like there is this unwritten rule that if you ship something else, well then you must HATE opposing ships but that's not always the case!