Title: The First Step to Letting Go?

Summary: After a very tense hot call Greg and Ed talk about what Ed really saw that morning and if he can finally start to let go? Was Ed really taking the first step? Ed/Greg Post Ep OS to eppy 5.07 Forget Oblivion 'contains some spoilers'

Disclaimer: If I owned anything to do with FP Ed would be all mine! Hehe *alas* I own only my DVD's that fuel my imaginative muse Alice.

A/N: Yay finally some yummy Ed peril and angst and Ed/Greg stuff I could use! And Ed admitting he sees May's face is kinda in line with that these OS's we have been doing...he sees here everywhere (yay kinda glad I was on target here). Hey I love my Ed in peril (evil grin) but lots of good stuff in here, at least I thought so. A bit of a different format for this (keeping with the flashback theme in the eppy hehe) and hope you all like this just as much.

Note: "Words in italics and double quotes taken directly from episode"

To say today was a small breakthrough was a big understatement. And Greg can only chalk up Ed's surprising confession at the end of the call, to a small moment in the harrowing events involving a very special young man.

Despite being shot in the vest and then roughly kidnapped, Ed of course had refused to go to the hospital to even be looked over. But Greg had insisted that Ed go; reminding him that he did black out for a few seconds after the shot and that was no laughing matter; it was standard procedure and he would go – end of discussion.

'Humor me here Eddie…just get checked over and make sure everything's okay.' Now as Greg sits in the truck in the parking lot and waits for Ed to emerge he thinks back over the day's events and wonders how it will finally close, especially after the verbal breakthrough he finally made with his close friend after weeks of being stonewalled every time he asked Ed what was wrong and having Ed always say he was fine.

*Earlier that day*

He was happy when Sam told him that he and Ed were just going to hang out a bit before shift…let loose a little and shoot a round of golf – only they'd be doing it sniper style. But Greg had expected to see Ed walk in all smiles; especially after the text he had gotten from Sam telling him about the shot that Ed had made and to prepare for a boast. Normally he knows Ed would have walked in bragging about his killer sniper skills; besting his ex-military team mate and sending Sam for another embarrassing coffee run; instead his mind ponders Sam's second comment about Ed having to catch his breath and then mutter something almost incoherent.

'Yeah boss it was good…Ed was a bit on edge after the last shot but it was good. Prepare for a room full of hot air this morning.'

So watching Ed enter the team one meeting room with a somewhat perplexed expression rather than a smug one of winning confidence; troubles him inside and forces him to wonder what was going on inside Ed's mind. His comment a few days prior, saying May Dalton's name instead of his own daughter's in the locker room, tells Greg that the dead young woman was still haunting him.

Is that it Eddie…did you see May's face out there? Does her death still haunt you? Why won't you just talk to me? What is holding you back?

But there isn't time for Greg to ask Ed about the outing; a few seconds later a hot call is announced and its business as usual. However, as they hurry for the elevator to go down, Greg notices Ed's clenched jaw and tells himself he has to say something in the ride over. And he does. Greg calls him on his time with Sam but when Ed just brushes it off with a strained reply instead of even offering a small sarcastic comeback Greg makes a careful note to ask his close friend just what was troubling him after what should have been a fun morning out?

Eddie…you gotta tell me what's going on? You can't keep this up. But the call had taken a more serious turn than expected when Ed was shot and then kidnapped and everything of course was on hold until the dramatic events played out and Team One had taken down the cop kidnapper and murderer and the good guys were safe.

It wasn't so much Ed lightly complaining about the pain from the shot that surprised Greg as much as after the cal, when Ed had told him that he needed to talk and why; and Greg, in that second felt himself do an inward jump for joy. For Ed to admit that he actually needed to talk to someone about what happened with May Dalton was the step he was needing his team leader to make and desperatly hoped he had confided to him.

Now as he watches Ed emerge from the ER exit doors, he wonders if Ed will keep his promise of going to see someone he would recommend to talk to. I pray you follow through Eddie…I pray you do…for both our sakes…for all our sakes.

XXXXXXXX

"Just take a deep breath," the doctor tells Ed as Ed sits on the small examining table in the busy ER; the small instrument placed on his chest; Ed's eyes fixed on the curtain drawn for privacy. "Very good…wanna tell me how you got this bruise?" The doctor inquires as his gaze shifts toward the left side of Ed's chest, forcing Ed's gaze downward, resting on the impact from where the bullet had hit his vest and then dented the fair skin beneath it.

"It was…" Ed starts as his mind instantly recalls the events leading up to his visit to the ER.

*Earlier that day*

He had been so keen to shoot some golf balls when Sam suggested a friendly casual outing and wondered if they could go to his dad's farm and just…hang. Just two guys…in the fresh air…shooting a few small moving targets with sniper rifles. 'We shoot the baddies now let's go the sh…well you know…' Sam had teased in a friendly way and he was quick to comply. It had been weeks since he had allowed himself any kind of personal fun time and felt that Sam would keep things on a neutral playing field, not prying into matters he shouldn't.

But destiny wasn't to be kind and his morning wouldn't be without the same reminders that plagued him every day since May Dalton's shooting. Reminders that he would later confess would appear without warning. He had known that much like the weeks prior that her image would pop up unexpectedly but had hoped he'd be spared this morning and tried to tell himself to think positive thoughts the entire time. But it wasn't to be. Just as Ed takes his last shot, telling himself this was in the bag and wanting to relish in at least a few seconds of fleeting glory and sending Sam on his coffee run, his inner wellbeing would not allow it and a very tormented image of May Dalton appeared after the ball exploded with blood, forcing him to literally stop his breath and Sam to take notice.

"You okay?"

"Yeah…just couldn't catch my breath there," Ed told Sam in truth; omitting the part about his breath catching due to May's face popping up without notice after the blood burst.

"That's because you're shooting into the wind," Sam replied offhandedly, not really reading into Ed's sharp gasp.

"Okay so coffee…"

After that Ed's agitation remained high…soaring as he entered the barn; his mind wanting nothing more than to endure a quiet day of patrolling and head home or to the gym and see if he could entice his inner demons to a bout of one on one; praying this time he'd end up the victor.

Destiny, though had another plan for him and it was one that later he would be silently thankful for. A hot call comes in and right away its business as usual; not a bad thing but once again forcing the issue of dealing with May's tormented memory to be forced to the back of this mind where it would continue to fester; eating away at his weary soul. He wanted to talk about it…he did but how? How could he tell Greg without Greg thinking…him weak? I'm not weak…just…I'm fine…I'm fine his brain yelling at him the opposite – YOU'RE NOT FINE.

As they head for their destination, Greg's voice fills the silence of the cab and the one topic he was hoping would stay buried comes up; forcing his mind to once again see May's begging for some closure.

"Sam said you went to your dad's this morning for a round of golf. And that you hit a pretty sweet shot. That was what forty with a three o'clock cross wind? You make a shot like that usually we can't shut you up."

"Greg…there is no story here, it was a damn golf ball."

"Come on Eddie…what's going on?"

Ed hears the tone in Greg's voice and blinks, his mind quickly flashing May's after his shot and forcing his stomach to tighten further. You need to talk to him…to tell him you still see her…can't get past her death…that she's still there in your mind…just like it happened this morning…last night…yesterday.

Having become a master at shutting up the small voice pleading for help, Ed pushes aside his inner voice begging him for some reprieve and puts on his game face. A woman's life and soon to be a young man's was in danger and it was time to act.

"Boss, we're here," Ed states firmly. As they pull up to the university it's time to get into the job mode and once again his thoughts about May are pushed to back where he hopes they'll stay there. But in a rather casual discussion with Doctor Laney Summers something she said about Elliot Thane struck Ed in a personal way; words he offered and wondered if Greg had picked up on a small uncomfortable vibe that his demeanor was giving off.

"Our brains are conditioned to forget selectively. We forget physical pain…trauma, it's how we cope. We all take that for granted but Elliot doesn't have that luxury…he remembers everything…flashes…" Dr. Summers explained.

"So these memories are trigged by random, ordinary things," Ed mentions more than asks. "All he wants is a little peace."

Had Greg picked up on the torment in his tone? Had he wondered what memories he was seeing? Memories triggered by ordinary things? Memories of May Dalton. But it wasn't the time to delve into his own tormented soul so Ed pushes on; unconsciously feeling the small seed that was already planted…waiting for the moment to sprout and take over; forcing him to contemplate walking a path he should have a few weeks back.

After that, Ed's interest in Elliot Thane started to grow and he wanted to help him in a desperate way. However, their meeting wasn't as Ed had intended; taken hostage after being shot trying to rescue the highly agitated young man. There was just something about Elliot that struck Ed right from the first moment they shared space, something he normally would have passed off as nothing more than an odd feeling and not given it a second thought. Today would be different.

Was it merely in the moment of trying to comfort the young man that he lost control of his inner self and wanted to confess? Or was it by control and he just wanted to confess to a stranger without fear of being judged in any way? Was there something special about the young man that urged him inside to want to gain his trust, something later that would inwardly move him to open up to Greg and almost confess everything that has been haunting him as of late? An unspoken connection?

Elliot Thane. A stranger…a kid…no a young man…probably about the same age as…as May Dalton. Maybe it was because he felt he owed it to her in some way…maybe it was because he was facing a very real near death scenario or maybe it was because her image this morning forced him to want to actually take that step and tell someone – anyone and free his mind and soul from the pain taking over. Tell a stranger…no fear of being judged adversely as Elliot didn't know him and if they did make it out alive, wouldn't see him again and his secrets would die there.

"Breathe Elliot…"

"You don't understand. I just wanted…"

"To forget…I understand. Elliot I know about your condition and I know how difficult this is for you. Now son I don't have what you have but tell me if this sounds familiar. Sometimes I'll be doing something ordinary, and for no reason at all I see something, and I remember a girl I saw die. And the images flood my mind and I can't control it and it just happens. I could be looking at a coffee pot or a golf ball…"

"And it just flips over and everything takes you…someplace you don't wanna be."

"And the more you try not to think about it the worse it gets."

"Yeah…everything you've done," Elliot agrees with Ed's soft, morose confession. "Everything you shoulda done, everybody you lost right?" Elliot asks as Ed nods in agreement.

"Yeah."

"It was the job," Ed replies as his mind comes back to the present as he feels the doctor's fingers on his tender spot and winces.

"Tough job today Officer Lane?" The doctor prods, as Ed looks at him with a small frown before nodding.

"Actually…it was…yeah tough day," Ed confesses in truth as the doctor tells him to take another breath to which he does. "Started tough and ended tough…yeah tough day."

"Well I hope you can go home and get some rest tonight," the doctor states softly as he hands Ed his black undershirt. "Sounds like you had quite the ordeal…rest will definitely be in order. Okay and again…deep breath. You seem stiff…what else is causing you discomfort?"

Ed hears the simple request and knows that it wasn't just being shot. This was into the vest and although it stung, there was no blood lost and so far nothing broken. He had been shot before…this pain…it was different. It wasn't the physical events of the day that weighted upon his mind now; it was the verbal ones that brought the end of the hot call to a surprising close.

Ed watches Elliot leave and then he and Greg pull away from Spike, heading for the SUV.

"Boss…I can't imagine living with what he lives with."

"A lot of people can't imagine living with what you live with," Greg looked at him in concern. Greg had looked into his troubled blue eyes and saw conflict for the first time in days; prompting him not to speak or prod but to wait on Ed.

"Buddy I need help," Ed stated in a tone that instantly ripped through Greg in seconds. "There are things I can't get out of my head," Ed finally confessed.

"I think I might know someone…yeah…you are going to like her, I check in with her myself sometimes; just a conversation, just talking, no judging," Greg quickly answered the sincere call for help; thankful and unable to express to Ed how happy he was that Ed had finally confessed what he already knew – Ed Lane needed someone to talk to and it was the right thing to do and the first step to letting go of all the inner pain he was harboring inside.

"Talking…I can do that."

"Yeah…come on."

And that was it. Ed gave Greg a thankful nod and they headed for the truck, Ed saying that his chest was stinging and wanting to just go home and rest but Greg insisting that they head for the hospital just in case something was damaged and it wasn't an option. 'If you're complaining about it, it needs to be looked at.' And as he sits waiting for the doctor to give him his walking papers, Ed knows it was the start of something new for him. Just talking…I can do that.

"Just the job."

"Anything specific?"

"No," Ed answers the doctor with a soft whisper as he looks at the doors and recalls his last few words with Greg at the airport.

"I need help…need help…need…help."

"Alright…well nothing is broken and after a good night's sleep, you should be fine in the morning," the doctor's voice interrupts Ed's thoughts. "But I'd still recommend you take the day off tomorrow if possible; you look a little worn out."

"Thanks doc," Ed offers with a small nod as he watches the doctor take his leave and then slowly pulls on his shirt; fatigue starting to consume him. But for the first time in weeks, he heads for the exit doors feeling as if a small weight has been lifted off his weary shoulders. It wasn't the entire weight as that still had to be removed by his own doing, but it was noticeable to him and a very promising start.

Through it all up to this point, Greg had been at his side; offering friendly prods, gently pleading with him to open up…to talk about it…to get it off his mind and chest, knowing how beneficial it would be to just open up and try to let go. He had been there...he knew Ed's inner pain. But each day Ed would lie and say he's fine and each night he would go home, a near empty shell of the man he felt he was before that fateful shooting took place. But Greg never gave up…never made him feel weak and maybe the incident with Elliot today was what he needed to finally believe that he could tell Greg the truth and trust it was the right thing to do.

"Anything broken?" Greg asks lightly as Ed gets into the front seat and allows his body to sag into it without protest.

"No, I'm good."

"Doc say you should take the day off?"

"What do you think I told him?" Ed retorts.

"It was a hard shot."

"Yeah it stung. Got a nice bruise so I was thinking I'll just get a number tattooed over it."

"122.8 megahertz? Or MHz," Greg smirks, referring to the frequency that Spike used to ensure the day ended as they wanted.

"That would be it," Ed answers with a small nod, his frown still in place.

"Was worried buddy…I gotta say those few seconds when you didn't answer after we heard that shot," Greg tells him in truth. "I was worried."

"Boss…Ed's been hit…I don't have a visual," Spike stated in a panic.

"Eddie…come on buddy talk to me. Eddie?"

"Boss…I'm okay," he remarked with a painful whisper.

"I was more worried for Elliot."

"Yeah I know but you did good with him today. You were the one that got him through that," Greg smiles. "Got him to focus and ultimately save us all."

"Remarkable kid. He um…I think he's the one that saved me," Ed finally utters.

Greg cocks his head and looks at him in wonder, wanting to let Ed open up. But after a few moments of building silence he takes further verbal action. "You wanna talk?"

"I saw her face."

"Who's face? Where?"

"May's. You asked earlier about the missed shot, the one you said I'd be bragging about but didn't…Greg, I saw May's face this morning…out there…in the field. That's what made me lose my breath…my focus…I saw her face…it was May," Ed replies with a soft whisper as his eyes water. "I saw her face…then I saw blood…her blood…innocent blood. It was May. I see her…all the time, I can't let go…can't let go. Maybe…maybe I don't know how."

Greg waits for Ed to finish; wondering if would tell him everything or just the one event today that was triggered by him talking to Elliot.

"That young man Elliot….he's able to live with what he has because he has someone he can open up to fully and trust; someone who helps him focus…keeps him grounded. Helps him heal."

"Greg…"

"Ed…I get it okay? There's stuff I don't tell you…I go and see someone else. And I talk…that's it, just talk…a friendly, non-judgmental listening ear. The job is high stress…lots of tense call. So every once and a while I need to go and sit down and know that I can tell them everything and know I don't have to face them at work every day; knowing that I don't have to see them looking back and me and wondering how I do what I do when I live with what I do and why I haven't given up in the past ten years when maybe others have. I'm not judged."

"I wouldn't judge you Greg."

"I know and I think you know you can expect the same from me. But sometimes I don't confess all to you my friend because I know it will save our friendship. And right now I am here because of that friendship. You telling me you wanna talk…I gotta say…that's the first step and the right one. It will help you. And I wanna help. I'm here to help you."

"I thought it would just go away on its own…that I could just ignore and it would go away...but as of late…there have been too many reminders…and without warning…for no real reason," Ed informs him softly. "Too many bad thoughts…negative feelings…reminders. Seeing her face and then opening up to Elliot…it started something Greg and I just…I need help…I do," he ends with a tormented whisper, trying to stifle a small sniffle as Greg's hand lands on his shoulder and gives is a comforting squeeze.

"I'm here…I am. That's what we do…we take care of each other."

"So…just talk?"

"No reports...no taped conversations...no lie detectors," Greg adds lighlty. "That's it…talk…a listening ear and nothing more. I promise."

"Just…talk…I can do that."

"I know you can," Greg assures him. "Ready?" Greg asks as he starts up the truck.

"Yeah," Ed nods as he leans his head back on the seat rests his weary frame; Greg starting up the SUV and finally pulling out of the parking lot, heading for home. Ed closes his eyes, his mind starting to swirl and his heart starting to race; despite the fact the pain wouldn't disappear overnight; that small feeling was growing the feeling that maybe it wouldn't haunt him forever.

Greg looks over and sees Ed's fists still tight and knows the road ahead won't be easy; saying you want to talk and actually doing it were two very different things; the last one requiring heartfelt action and follow through. But Ed had taken the first step today, admitting that he has a problem and that he needs help and wants to talk. Was he finally letting go? Was this really the first breakthrough?

In the end only time would tell but Greg knows inside today really could be the first step to letting go; he would just have to make sure Ed understood that he wouldn't be taking that first step alone.

You're not alone Eddie…never. Together we will get through this.

THE END!

A/N: I can't wait to see how this all plays out but yes asking for help is the first step to letting go and am so glad Ed has taken that step. I didn't want to get too much into the therapy session b/c if they have one then I want to put my own spin on it so will wait...this is the leadup and I do hope you liked this little take on this exciting eppy (my fave so far of the season) and please do review before you go and thanks so much!

PS: Fishing Follies chapter 2 (the ending) will update on the weekend. Another humorous break from all the angst