A/N: 久しぶりですね! Allow me to present you with a wonderful little lemony oneshot featuring the best pairing in the entire world, KiritoxAsuna from SAO. If you haven't watched it yet... GO DO IT NOW. You definitely will not regret it, trust me.

Anyways, ENJOY! *hides forever*

It still made her blush. Like a fucking lunatic. It made her blush so much she was certain she'd self-combust into teensy bloody pieces of fleshy confetti, littering the world with her deepest darkest feelings and bombing innocent people with her still rapidly beating, rapidly gasping heart as it played a cute little game of necrosis. That's right. She was no longer just "Asuna"…..

She was Kirito's wife, Asuna.

And, being the wife of the one and only, self-proclaimed "beater" of SAO, that "duel-sword wielding dude in the black trench coat with fucking insane skill", it was all she could do to remain her naturally poised self, overtly speaking; on the inside, she was dying, suffering from the most deliciously mouth-watering spine-crumbling stabbing of her heart that just went on incessantly, it never stopped, and every time Kirito locked eyes with her, the stabbing intensified till she could literally feel the contents of her heart gushing out like a waterfall from the cavernous encompassment of her thoracic cavity, splashing atop the ground into fancy grade-school crush cursive writing that spelled out, in bloody concatenation, "Mrs. Kirito". But, thank the heavens, men were oh so oblivious to such things. Especially Kirito. Sure, it added to his cuteness factor, but it could also be somewhat aggravating at times.

And so, just for the sake of pure, pointless, brilliantly trivial revenge, Asuna had decided to have a little "fun" in the kitchen, create a little tasting game that would really put Kirito's manliness on the spot. She couldn't help but giggle at her cunning genius.

"Oh Kirito darling, are you hungry?" the words dripped from her mouth like poison-infused caramel, dark and luscious, perfectly hot and seductive.

Kirito stepped into the kitchen tepidly, eyes searching the counters voraciously for some stray food to shove into his mouth. "Why do I get the feeling I've done something terribly wrong?"

Well, no need to pretend like he liked her sexy voice or anything. Maybe he was still acting all smart-ass with her over the whole "sorry no sex my vagina's got a tampon shoved up it" ordeal that had occurred a few nights ago. She'd assumed that she'd made up for her bitchiness though with some extra awesome lip service in bed last night, complete with her sexy new red-lace lingerie…. or was she really just that bad at making out? She'd even given him extra tongue for god sakes….

"Geez, I'm just making you something nice."

"Can I have a taste then?"

"NO!"

"Oh come on Asunaaaa~!" He was gunning her down with that puppy-eyed, pouty shouta look of his, the one that could make even the most calloused femme-fatale melt into a puddle of systolic "OHMYGOD THIS IS LIKE HEAVEN DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE!" swoonage. The tip of her lip twitched. "Just go wait in the living room."

"Fine."

Oh, good, he had finally realized that he was never going to win this war. "I love youuu!"

"If I say "I love you" back does that mean you'll feed me in your underwear?"

The metal spoon clenched in her hand was swiftly hucked at his head. "You wish." Despite her warrior-level comeback of brilliance, her cheeks still thought it okay to blush. What a pervert.

Smashing the image from her head of a cockily grinning Kirito in the living room, sitting on the couch and basking lavishly in his own bombastic glory, Asuna sampled her culinary concoction, taste buds rearing with excitement at her visceral adroitness. Kirito would be all over her after tasting this, drooling on the carpet like some kinda starved rabid caveman who'd just been introduced to his first porn magazine, foaming at the mouth and hardening up like any good cock tease victim. God, he was so damn cute when his body couldn't decide whether to let the horny feelings override the feelings of gallant shyness, it just made Asuna wanna kiss the living daylights out of him.

And that's when her foodie conscience kicked in, with unexpected gusto; what if she were to surprise attack Kirito with a lustful, hormone-stimulating blood-rushing mixture of phenethylamine and cayenne? Surely such a toxically seductive combination would be perfect for effortlessly transforming the hormonal receptors into famished jaws, on the hunt for juicy, rampaging hormones that zipped through the bloodstream like comets on the brink of suicidal eruption, hardly able to contain their orgasmic hyperactivity as they spooned unsuspecting enzymes into forced cataclysmic action. Kirito would be hopelessly adorable.

"Perfect!" Asuna added one final sprinkle of cayenne to her chocolaty creation before flicking off the element and preparing herself to face Kirito with her "surprise" offering. "Okay Kirito, close your eyes okay?"

"What? Why?"

"Just do it or this won't work!" She peered around the corner to make sure he was actually listening to her. "And don't you dare peak!"

"Okay, okay, I promise I won't look…"

Carefully pressing down through every metatarsal of her foot, Asuna tiptoed her way towards the couch Kirito was sitting on, setting down her pot of melted chocolate and a plate she had prepared full of freshly baked goodies. She was so ready to do this.

"Open your mouth," Asuna commanded curtly, a chocolate-dipped wafer propped between her fingers. A moment lurched by where Kirito vainly attempted to unravel Asuna's intricately-sewn plan, his eyebrows shifting about in evident calculative thought and mouth twisting into an unsatisfied frown once he came to the realization that figuring out a woman's plan of action was not theoretically possible for a male such as himself. Caving in to defeat, he opened his mouth, in which Asuna tepidly placed the dribbly morsel. "Okay, bite down."

Obeying, Kirito bit down on the crunchy pastry, a thoughtful look spreading across his face as the flavors imbibed his tongue in their rich edible velour. "This is good!"

"Of course it was, I made it."

Asuna continued feeding Kirito a variety of chocolate-bathed bites, until she found herself straddling him for reasons she didn't quite care to discern nor pay heed to at that moment.

"So what's the point of feeding me with my eyes closed?"

"Because the senses are at their most vulnerable when they've lost one of their family members."

"Ah. I like it."

Asuna giggled, whether for the purpose of further arousing him or because she really did find his vulnerability sumptuously enthralling, she hadn't a clue.

"It's kinda hot in here…" Kirito mumbled in a sort of dazed tone, his face beginning to turn a subtle rouge as the cayenne lit the ends of his facial nerves like hormonal livewires. Guess she'd play along with his little idea.

"Shall I take your shirt off for you?"

He didn't even need to answer; Asuna was already slipping his top over his head before the phonetic nerve signal could even reach the temporal lobe of his brain. His tight pack of abs, lightly expanding and retracting with each heated breath he took…. they looked oh so inviting. Hell, they were even making her sweat a little…

"Open uuup," a sugar-cookie drizzled in a light wash of chocolate went into Kirito's mouth next, its delicate form crumbling beneath his teeth and tumbling down the toned demarcations of his stomach. Mischievous twinkle igniting her fiery opal orange eyes, Asuna curved her neck downwards, her tongue grazing the surface of Kirito's abs with slippery, seductive friction, a glimmery glaze of saliva clinging to his sweaty, firm skin. She gave a final swip of the tongue across her own lips. "You're a messy eater."

"Oh yeah, well it's your turn now," smoky sapphire eyes popping open, a smirk spread rapturously across his face. "Close your eyes Asuna."

Wrapping her arms around his neck for added support, she did as Kirito said, her gut performing a villi-ripping somersault of deliciously nervous anticipation. The feeling of vulnerability climaxed as Kirito took her top and bottoms off, leaving her ancy and tingly and with nothing better to do than try and imagine what dirty thoughts were currently frolicking through his head. God….

A warm, goopy liquid was now being drizzled onto her stomach… she assumed it was the chocolate. "Kirito, what are you—" Her voice escalated into a shrill squeal as Kirito's tongue licked away the chocolate spread across her naval region, leaving behind a spicy feeling of nakedness as the air sucked away the wetness. She opened her eyes wide, unconcerned any longer with following the rules; two could play at that game. "Oh look, I think I missed a spot…."

Sticking her fingers into the bowl of chocolate, Asuna dragged them across Kirito's collarbone, a trail of chocolaty brown goodness slathered across his bare skin. She wasted no time in licking it off, purposefully dragging her tongue across his collarbone with slow, sexy lethargy, determined to elicit some testosterone-cringing, heart-gasping gratification.

"You're such a god damn cheater."

"You know you love it," she scooched her crotch closer to Kirito's, until there was hardly any airspace between the two pulsing, hormonally-vibrant regions.

"Well it's my turn now, so no cheating."

The straps of her bra seemed to slither down her arms in carefree omniscience, the circumference of her nipple playing peekaboo with the nippy air. "Okay."

"Relax your mouth would ya?"

"God you're so bossy…" allowing the delicate muscles of her lips to liquefy into an amnesiac, hardly autonomous fibre puddle, Asuna's entire skeletal frame seized up till it vibrated with magnificent quakes of shock as Kirito's lips pressed against her own, his warm hands resting against the naked surface of her back. She still found it funny, or maybe ironic, how perfectly her lips melded into his whenever they conflated, like they had been purposefully made to fit each other's and no one else's, all her life she had been unknowingly searching for that piece to her puzzle, the one and only person she'd allow to smother her oral orifice in sexy strands of saliva, his taste was absolutely magnificent, so deep and musky, so full of mystery and hurt, it made her wanna kiss him so damn hard it'd all just die out, fall into an abysmal land of psychological extinction, she wanted to be his one and only antidote, the one and only thing capable of giving his life profound meaning, and she planned to tell him that through the poetic movements of her lips, every time they touched, every time they moved, every time they breathed…

They parted gently, lips peeling away from each other like sticky, gummy magnets, Kirito delving deep into Asuna's eyes with that galactic blue stare of his that made you question reality for just a moment, until you decided that touching him and kissing him and just being with him was a dream submerged in realty, unable to amalgamate with it and thus remaining in its own membranous, malleable cavity that reality couldn't touch; it was pure ecstasy, just being in her own little dream world with Kirito, hell even if it was just some adjunct of reality, looking into Kirito's eyes seemed to eradicate any and all ties that may have existed between the two formless entities, and it made her happier than she dared to admit…. they were soulmates….. true and utter soulmates….. it was an undeniable fact of reality. No dream could evaporate such a solid, destiny-carved fact, even without the capability of assimilation.

"That wasn't much of a taste test," Asuna touched her forehead to his, their noses just barely brushing, lips quivering in deranged impatience at being so damn close yet not quite able to touch each other.

"You want more?"

"Mhm."

Unable to be apart any longer, their lips smashed together with much greater intensity than the first time, viciously massaging every inch of kissable lip surface area; Asuna pulled herself closer to Kirito, her chest smushing against his body and her nipples stiffening up in intrepid adulation of his toned, hot build, the feeling of him so close to her, close enough for her to feel his heart hyperventilating in blissful fits of disoriented systole, it made her lips tingle, her tongue reach for foreign surfaces, her clitoris fidget in hardly containable suspense. Their tongues coiled around each other, trying desperately to slide across every nook and crevice the mouth hid from the outside world, they wanted to map it all out, glittering jewels of saliva trickling past their lips till they got licked back up again by a new wave of vehement tongue pressing.

They parted for a mere, fleeting second, both heaving from lack of oxygen and mini spit bridges suckling onto each other's faces, before reconnecting with passionate hunger. Kirito's fingers were creeping down her back, past her thong, sliding beneath its stringy barricade until they were safely within the vicinity of her vagina, slinking up and into its wet, cum-soaked interior where it could freely finger and swirl about, sending Asuna into a breathless string of moans, her lips unable to part from Kirito's despite retracting with natural delight at the maddeningly pleasurable dancing of his fingers in her hot sweaty vaginal cavern. They breathed heavily, mouths wide open yet still trying to remain intact, when Asuna felt herself being moved into a more viable position, her back resting against the couch and Kirito over top of her, kissing her and fingering her in such a god damn sexy way (well, everything tended to look sexy when you had Kirito's fingers touring your vaginal tube), but that didn't stop Asuna from moaning into his mouth with erotic depravity; she wanted more.

"Kirito….. kun…." She could hardly breath, she didn't want to breathe, breathing would just interrupt the buildup of passion being produced by their intimate fondling, why did Kirito know exactly where her weak spots were, she couldn't just let him overtake her like that, he was gonna get it….

Lips stickily retreating from Kirito's with a wet 'plip', Asuna stuck the tip of her tongue against his neck, pressing her lips onto his skin and sucking with gentle ferocity. Kirito's hand had come out of her vagina and was now sliding up the side of her body, till his palm slowly came to contract atop her firm, erect breast, squeezing with such slow, menacing pressure that Asuna was forced to groan louder than before. In an effort to remain looking as if she hadn't gone completely numb with orgasmic delight, she slid her fingers down Kirito's stomach until they felt his boxers…. she did not intend on letting them stay on. No way. Slowly, seductively she pulled his bottoms off, until eventually he got where she was going and finished the job for her, giving her the perfect opportunity to catch him off-guard and make him moan his surrender. Lips widening eagerly, Asuna lowered her mouth to Kirito's exposed penis, tongue tip teasing it with wet, gaping kisses and circling deviously around its head. Blowing lightly, vainly attempting to prep Kirito for her grand showcase, she finally slid the entire shaft into her mouth, one hand caressing his balls while the other hand stroked his shaft in sync with her mouth movements, back and forth, back and forth….. she could hear a few faint moans escape his mouth as his penis began to hastily stiffen up, but she wasn't about to let up, she had promised him (well, in her own mind at least) that she'd give it to him good. Deep mouthing his entire cock, Asuna began to softly hum and moan, her tongue stroking his shaft with rhythmically pleasing pressure, her lips vibrating against it and sending it into a rumbling fit of orgasmic convulsion. Hardly a few seconds later Kirito had reached his limit—he exploded into her mouth, his hot sticky juice icing her oral cavity in his deep, sexy flavor, wriggly and oozy, percolating from the corners of her mouth as she tightened her lips; Asuna swallowed it greedily, the taste making her taste buds shiver so violently you'd think they were dying of super-heated pneumonia. The creamy, body-warmed semen slithered down her throat with viscous delectability, leaving Asuna free to lick off any leftover blotches that had not made it down her throat successfully. Giving him one last, final lick all the way up his centre, till she was a hair's length from his lips, Asuna brushed his tussled ink-black hair to the side slightly, wanting a full, unobstructed view of his beautiful, brilliantly dilated eyes. "Cleaned up the mess pretty good, huh?"

A few dramatic breaths flew from his mouth, most likely due to the fact that the communication portion of his brain was still in complete and utter awe, forced to inactivate itself for fear of blowing a neuron into oblivion over what had just ensued down below. Asuna giggled lightly, lips pressing against his with tender suction, but Kirito pulled away, eyes morphing into a semi-serious stare.

"Is that it?" his voice came out so damn serious, so full of expectation, Asuna couldn't help but burst into a fit of laughter; he was so cute.

"We'll save the rest for tonight, kay?" Arms twining around his neck, she gave him one last kiss as proof of her promise, a smile still spread across her face. "I love you, Kirito. Without you I'd be the biggest screw-up."

"Asuna," Kirito placed his hands gently atop her cheeks, pulling her face so close to his not even an oxygen molecule could slip between them, all they could do to remain breathing was inhale the other's respired, recycled air. "You're too damn beautiful to ever be a screw-up." Leaning in, he propped his forehead against hers, his resplendent cobalt orbs looking deep into her own, way past the sclera, way past the irises, way past the pupil, right into the very pit of her quivering, felicitous soul. "I will never stop loving you, just as you will never stop being beautiful."

"Kirito…." Stop it stop it stop it, she could not tear up at a moment like this, no way no way no way—

"I love you, Asuna. I love you so much."

That was it, she could no longer physically restrain the hot salty tears stinging her optical gates; Asuna nuzzled her face into Kirito's warm, bare chest, her tears shattering atop his body like crystalline treasures of the most delicate make. He was hers. He was hers and only hers. No one else's. Her and Kirito were soulmates. And no world, no universe, whether fictional or virtual or anything in between and beyond, could ever deny them such a fact. Destiny was concrete, and nothing could possibly change their being together, no one could possibly tear them apart from each other's loving embrace. As long as she kept this in mind, as long as she remembered not to forget how trustworthy destiny really was, she was sure….. she was sure that, no matter where they'd end up in this fucked up game of life, of a world where the distinction between reality and fiction were synonymous creatures, species of the same mother….. no force could ever take that pre-destined, eternal love away from them.

Tracing the indents of his stomach muscles with her chocolate-crusted fingers, Asuna began to giggle uncontrollably, leaving Kirito to look on in confusion. "What?"

"Oh nothing, it's nothing really…." wiping away the prickly paths of dried up tear water from her cheeks, she shot him a playful smirk. "Just wanted to let you know you're on dish duty tonight!"

The way he immediately began to flip out at her, all flustered and quickly becoming conscious of the fact that he was still naked as he continued to helplessly plead his innocence over a crime he hadn't even committed… it was too cute. This was exactly why Asuna could go on living in this world with a smile on her face. Thank god she had decided to play Sword Art Online. Best decision of her fucking life.

A/N: Officially the sexiest thing I've ever written. Or at least, I think it's sexy. That was the intention behind it, anyways. Actually the real purpose of this fanfic was a) to pay homage to the most flipping amazing anime pairing in the world, and b) to act as a therapeutic release to me (although I don't think I'll be letting my therapist read this particular piece after all, oh no...), so if this has some technicality issues or whatnot I really don't care to hear about it, just deal with it mmkay?

Good god I love SAO. Like I actually am so obsessed. So obsessed. And OMG don't even get me started on KiritoxAsuna, omgomgomgomg *dies of eternal loving*

And now back to my novel...

All faves/reviews/watches are greatly greatly GREATLY appreciated!