Chapter Fifteen: In Memoriam

Greetings, fellow Spectre!

That was quite the venture on Dagnes. Unfortunate that it didn't yield any new information on Cerberus or the Reapers, but at least the galaxy is rid of one more monster. Plus, a rookie got to watch the pro in action! That has to count for something right? I think it does, so I don't really know why I'm asking. Not like you're going to respond.

Also sad that Tarhish died trying to help us take that thing down. Grumpy as he was, he wanted to be a light for others in a dark time. A lot of the refugees on that ship were in bad shape before they got on, and he kept me alive, so I'd like to think he did just that.

I'd like to continue my investigation of Sanctuary. The whole operation still seems sketchy to me. But I got word from Spectre Jondum Bau a few days ago about assisting the humans take back Earth, and that's a bigger deal than my hunches.

I really need to check my alerts more often.

Paskal Dendroba, ST&R

"You guys should have seen it!" James exclaimed, hands slapped against the mess hall table. "That salarian-krogan thing must've been five hundred yards away, at least! And she shot it right in its fuckin' eye!"

"All in a day's work," said Ashley, leaning back in her chair with a smug grin.

"It was a decent shot," said Garrus, less impressed, "got the job done anyway."

"Aww, come on, Scars!" said James. "It was a muscly rampaging monster, and she took it down with a single shot!"

"Two shots, if I remember correctly."

"Two more shots than you made," countered Ashley.

Tali broke into laughter. "Ha! If only I could have been there," she said as she pointed at the turian, "just to have seen your face when someone else got your precious kill-shot!"

"I'd have done it if the thing didn't knock me over!"

"Sure. Mmmhmm. Okay, I believe you."

"Garrus," said Liara, "we're a team, remember? You could stand to be a little more supportive. Especially since that fight the two of you had in the med bay." The asari carefully watched as Garrus and Ashley exchanged awkward, unsure glances, and she scuffled in her seat. "You two got along so well when we were after Saren, and we need to work together if we're ever going to beat the Reapers. Surely we are better than to have this animosity among us."

The turian tapped his fingers on the table before looking at the soldier again. He shook his head until a weak chuckle came out. "It was a lot like old times, wasn't it?" he said.

"In a way," said Ashley, "they don't make geth that big or that ugly, though."

"I'm sorry, Ash. You're as trustworthy as you are dependable, I know that. We're lucky to have you back."

"Hey, I… did jump down your throat first."

"Well, considering what we're up against, the things I was so mad about just a few months ago seem petty."

"I know the feeling," Ashley looked around, observed the faces of her teammates sitting around her. Their smiles were weak, anxiety of the war hanging over them. She took a breath and gave a warm smile. "Ring out false pride in place and blood, the civic slander and the spite; ring in the love of truth and right, ring in the common love of good. Ring out old shapes of foul disease; ring out the narrowing lust of gold; ring out the thousand wars of old, ring in the thousand years of peace."

"Huh," said Garrus, "never been much for fancy words… and trust me, you do NOT want to hear turian poetry, but that… I like that."

"So what do you say? Bygones?"

"Absolutely. And that was a great shot, by the way."

"Aww, thanks, Scuttlebutt."

"Whoa, wait a sec," interrupted James, "what was that?"

"Oh wow," laughed Tali, "I remember 'Scuttlebutt'!"

"Man! I like that one better than Scars. Can I switch?"

"Sorry, James," said Garrus, "that honor is reserved for Ash."

"Well then," said Ashley as she stood up, the smugness returning to her face, "now that all that ugliness is taken care of, I'm going to celebrate my perfect kill-shot."

"Yeah, you go, Hawkeye!" James clamored as the lieutenant commander began rotating her hips and slid her shoulders up and down like a teeter-totter. As she added more fervor in her swings and sways, he got up and joined her with vigorous gyrations and playful pumping of his fists.

At one point, Javik entered the mess hall, saw the two marines dancing, and u-turned as quickly as he came, muttering a grumbled, "Primitives".

"Please… please stop dancing," groaned Garrus as he kept his eyes on the mess table, "I swear, you and Shepard were made for each other."

Shepard stepped out of the med bay, eyes on his data-pad, as his fellow marines ceased their prideful display. When he looked up from the digital words, James had flown back to his seat and Ashley was at his side. He cocked his head in confusion. "Did I… miss something?"

"Oh no," said Ashley, "just a little catch-up."

"You know, you're off duty. It's really okay."

"Okay is not the word I'd use," said Garrus, feigning an illness.

"Oh hush, you," said Ashley. "So, Shepard, what did Chakwas say?"

"My scars are definitely healing, but it's still going to be a while before they're completely gone."

"They look a lot better," she said as she gently ran the back of her hand against the sharp surface of his cheekbones and down the smoothing out cheeks.

"You… think so?" said Shepard, not entirely convinced.

"Definitely. Hey, don't be in too much of a rush to get better," she said with a light giggle. "If your face gets all cleaned up by the time you kick the Reapers' asses, I'll have to start beating girls off of you with a stick."

"Yeah, Loco," added James, "let me have some of that attention. Don't be so selfish!"

"I don't know," said Shepard with a smirk, "I kind of like watching you hit things, Ash."

She gave him a playful shove in the arm. "Hey, were you working during your checkup?"

"I was just going over my report to Hackett. Technically the mission was a success, since we disrupted Cerberus on all the planets they showed up on. But those Reaper troops we found…"

"It's disturbing stuff," said Garrus, "they completely blindsided Cerberus, so those creatures must have been there for some time."

"Those labs we found… they were like nests," added Liara, "planted in these abandoned and evacuated worlds, waiting for… stray victims."

"Then we just gotta beat the Reapers, right?" said James. "We're gonna do that anyway."

"And we rescued all those refugees," added Ashley, her hand on the commander's shoulder, "Cerberus didn't get anyone, and we stalled the Reapers from taking more species. That's something."

"Yeah, you're right," the commander said with a shrug. He looked upon his squad and gave them a weary smile. Clustered in the mess hall, they could all clearly see the bags under his eyes, the wrinkles on his brow, and the silver strings in his hair. The cybernetic scars were but remnants of what they once were; they were scratches peppered along his face, with only a faint orange glow. "As you were, everyone," he said with a nod as his gaze returned to his data-pad.

As he stepped out of the hall, he was comforted by the chatter behind him, the return happy conversation circulating behind him. "I didn't think her dancing was that bad," he stopped to hear Tali's voice say, "not nearly as bad as Shepard's."

"At least it wasn't as painful as that last message you got from Reegar," teased Garrus.

"What!? How did you—"

"Ahem, 'Tali, you know I've never good with words, but damn if I don't already miss you. We both have our duties, but if there had been a way to make you stay with me longer, I would've' …"

"You give it to me! Give it!"

"Wait, let me skip to the part about that house on the homeworld…"

"Give it back right now or I'll snap off your pointy scalp things and jam them into your eyes!"

"Not until you tell me where the picture is! I'm not giving you any more money!"

"Keep away?" James asked playfully.

Tali was not amused. "So help me, if you do…!"

Shepard chuckled as their voices became fainter. It was not until he had his back against the moving elevator chamber that he realized Ashley was beside him.

"Hey, didn't see you there," he said, "so, what floor?"

"We're going to your cabin," she replied, "I have something to show you."

"Oh? So then you haven't… thought about my offer."

"I have," she said as the elevator stopped, "but you need to see this first."

Shepard's cabin doors barely parted when the lieutenant commander began removing her gloves, then peeling off her suit by the collar. The sight of her skin caused the commander to flinch, but before he could react further, she pulled off her undershirt. The removal of white fibers revealed a long trail of toned and tawny skin, little dents and cuts marking the way. When the shirt hit the floor, Ashley lifted up her hair, just long enough for Shepard to see all of the reddened webbing of skin that spiked along one shoulder to the base of her neck, like a wide, winding vein.

Shepard swallowed his worried breath. "That's… not from Mars, is it?"

"No," she answered plainly.

"Oh, Ash…" he said as he walked to her side, "what happened?"

"Harpoon rounds."

"Those ammo mods are illegal in Citadel and Alliance Space. Even most merc gangs don't dare to use them. You were… fighting pirates?"

"A couple raiders skirting the Attican Traverse. I led a small squad and we took them down easy enough, but they had some pretty nasty tricks up their sleeves. This was a few weeks before the Reapers came to Earth. Udina was already throwing around the idea of making me a Spectre, but I didn't think anything of it until this mission. It was a do-nothing mission, but I thought… maybe this was it. Maybe I just needed one more success under my belt to prove myself to the Council, and I'd be a Spectre, too."

"You didn't really trust Udina, though, did you?"

"I didn't really trust any of them. Maybe he just used me to make it look like the Alliance was actually preparing for something. Maybe the other councilors liked the idea of another human to take the heat off them for the inevitable shit-storm they never prepared for. I don't know. I just know… it all boils down to politics."

"I think we both share the same sentiment on that."

"Yeah, I think we do. For a little while, I just fooled myself into thinking it was all just. That the circumstances didn't matter, I was going to use the opportunity. But after everything that happened, it feels hollow."

"I don't think it matters, Ash. However it happened, you are a terrific marine and Spectre. You don't need those fancy titles to prove your worth, but you deserve any recognition you get, and then some."

"Ah, Shepard," she sighed, shaking her head, "flattery will get you everywhere."

"Ash," Shepard folded his arms around her, hands on her bare midriff. He nestled his nose between her shoulder and neck, pressing his lips against the burn. "I mean it."

"Shepard, please!" giggled Ashley, unable to maintain a serious composure with the tingle of his mouth against her skin. "You can't kiss it and make it better."

"Couldn't hurt, could it?"

"Heh, no, I guess not. I was gonna show you before, but… well, I just wanted you to know. You're not alone, Bastian. You're not the only one with scars."

"I know," he said, fastening his grip on her, "and thank you. It means a lot that you'd tell me about this. This war, this… everything. It's been hard enough on all of us."

"And it's not going to get any easier."

"I know."

Ashley nudged her head towards the couch in the corner of the room before walking there herself, removing the rest of her clothing along the way. Shepard let his jacket slip off his shoulders and join her suit on the floor as he followed her. She planted herself in the corner cushion, and he placed his hands over the top of the couch, his back arcing as he swooped in for her. Her fingers combed through his hair as their lips clasp together, short breaths escaping between the small openings. She tugged at his shirt, urging him to sit next to her. He obliged without a word, throwing away his garment so his chest could press against hers, their dents and scars linked together.

"I love you," he said, "you know that, right?"

"Of course I do," she said, her voice as gentle as the brush of her fingertips against his face, "but you could stand to say it more often."

"Then I will. You're the only one who makes me remember I'm still a person. Everyone always wants something from Commander Shepard, the soldier. If not for you, I might have already forgotten…"

"That you're also Bastian. The farmboy who was as handy with a wrench as he was with a baking spoon. Who fought and laughed with his brothers and read Kurt Vonnegut before bed. Who had big dreams and a loving family that were taken from him. Who has worked so hard, for so long, and is very tired."

Shepard responded by leaning into her, resting in the warm embrace of her body. She placed her chin over his head, gently stroking his hair.

"Bas," she said, "the universe needs Commander Shepard, the soldier—the hero—for a little while longer. After that, you can just be you."

"What about now?" he said softly, his hot breath against her neck, "I know I should… probably get back to it."

"You've done more than enough today. We have just a little bit longer to go, but you have to be at your best. Just rest for now, Bastian. I'll be here when you wake up."

Bastian's eyes became heavy, his aching form melting into hers. "Just a little while longer…"