AN: This is something I feel everyone can relate to at one point or another in their life. True loss is how we learn to appreciate everything that's left when the dust settles. True pain is how we are able to feel real lasting happiness. In any case please REVIEW and let me know what you think of this.
As she watched his back depart down the road, and disappear from her sight she felt her warm silent tears slip down her cheeks grazing her lips as they fell. So this is what it feels like to have someone break you. Dropping to the soft grass below her, her tears turned to soul shaking sobs. She grasped where her heart was and wondered if it would stop pumping, for without him she felt like there was no point.
Growing up she had always imagined that someday Ed would finish his journey and return to her, and someday reciprocate the feelings she had tucked away for the day she could share them with him. When Al and him had arrived after The Promised Day she truly believed that she couldn't be happier. Spending time with her while she worked, taking walks into town and even sharing their first kiss, she was sure in time this man would always be hers.
One night every dream and desire culminated in the completion of their bodies entwining. Their passion was hot, untamed and utterly fascinating. He watched with amber lust hazed eyes every twitch and tremble of her body, and she learned every groove and caress his glorious golden body had to offer. He had stretched his firm body across hers and made her whole, slipping between her thighs and burying himself inside her. Ed and her grinded with a rhythm she'd never known and would never forget, the music being their muffled moans and stifled cries. Floating on a wave of total satisfaction, she drifted to sleep in the arms of the only man she'd ever loved.
Upon waking, she rolled over and reached her arm towards the other side of the bed expecting to meet the resistance of his warm body but only felt sheets. Gingerly raising herself from the bed she noticed that his clothes were also gone. Glancing to her bedside table she saw a note addressed to her in Ed's careless scrawl. WINRY, I HAD TO LEAVE, I COULDN'T SEE YOUR FACE WHEN I TOLD YOU THIS. ED
I WANTED TO STAY BUT I KNOW IF I STAY NOW, YOU WILL EXPECT ME TO STAY FOR GOOD AND I'M JUST NOT READY. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE 'HIM' SO I'M ASKING YOU NOT TO WAIT FOR ME. LIVE YOUR LIFE, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WHEN I'VE RESEARCHED EVERYTHING I NEED TO I WILL COME BACK, BUT I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES OF WHEN BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BREAK THEM. I CARE FOR YOU AND LAST NIGHT WAS INCREDIBLE, BUT I JUST CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW. I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO.
Her shaking hands flipped over the paper, as if expecting their to be some secret message for her on the opposite side that negated everything on the front. Rising to her feet, she put the note in her bedside table drawer and decided not to freak out yet. More than likely Ed was just scared by the level of intimacy they had shared and couldn't come to terms with such a huge change in their relationship yet. That was fine, she could handle that. She would give him time to clear his head, do his research and realize what an IDIOT he was being.
This mindset lasted around a year. No one had heard from him, not even Al who had dutifully stayed by her side and took care of her on days that her facade crumbled and she fell apart. However even his plans were turning to those of leaving as well. Why couldn't anyone just stay put for a little while! She understood what Alphonse wanted to do and was even proud of it, but the idea of staying here alone again tore her apart. But she couldn't dwell on that, any day now Ed would coming back to sheepishly apologize and the world would be set right.
After Al had arrived in Xing he had finally reached a phone to let Winry know he had made it there and everything was fine. He had begun talking about Ed and said he had something important to tell her before she heard from someone else, but at the same time she saw a man walking down the road. Quickly slamming the phone down she rushed out the door to greet the Alchemy Freak she had missed so dearly. Jumping into his arms, she realized he wasn't returning the embrace. Stepping backwards she looked into his eyes to scry the intent behind his lack of reaction.
He wasn't here to claim her. He was here to tell her he had already been claimed. She felt like someone had punched her in the throat, she wasn't even able to speak. How could this be happening? She had been the one to put him back on his feet, she had been the one to continually put him back together! Why had he kissed her, touched her, slept with her!? Tears rushed down her face, she turned her shining blue eyes up to him and only allowed herself one word.
"Who?" A blood red blush covered his face instantly. Clearly he had not wanted to share this.
"Rose, a woman I met in Liore when Al and I went and exposed a fake to the people who lived there." His tone while relaying this was one of 'I truly don't want to be talking about this to you.' She instantly hated this faceless woman who was ruining her life. "I came to tell you that I'm sorry about everything, and while I love you and always will...I have to be with her, she needs me. We are getting married soon, and I didn't want you to find out from anyone else you deserve more than that." A deafening crack sounded in the air, Winry pulled back her hand to make sure she had in fact been the one to slap him. She hadn't even realized she'd done it. Shock must've been sitting on her face because he began speaking again. "It's okay, Win I deserve it and more."
"Don't call me Win, you are never allowed to call me that again. I don't understand you Edward, you just said you loved me and always will, you've kissed me, you've been the only man I have ever been intimate with and for all of that you are marrying some random girl! You say she needs you? No, I NEED you Ed! You are all that I ever wanted, I waited on you for years while you left me to do what you needed and now you are leaving again! Worst of all to be with some other woman! Instead of feeding me bullshit about loving me and how she needs you, how about you just say it? Tell me you love her and that you don't love me. That's all I want, some honesty from you." Winry was a breath away from his face. A fly away piece of his long hair tickled the side of her wet cheek getting caught there. To anyone passing by, they were close enough to be nearly kissing.
"I can't."
"Why not Ed!? If you love her, fine marry her. If you love me at all then don't do this. Give us a chance." Laying her palm flat across his heart, she looked up at him begging him to choose her and give them a real chance.
"I can't no matter what I may think or feel, she is pregnant Winry. I can't -" Cutting him off by placing her index and middle finger over his lips, she closed her eyes and let more crystalline tears roll down her face. Letting her hand fall she replaced her fingers with her own lips, pressing once lightly then stepping away. The worse part was watching him actually reach out for her and having step away from him. To be certain if she let him touch her, she wouldn't stop and then they would both be sorry later.
"You'd better go Ed, you have someone who is waiting on you." All she wanted was for him to leave before she fell apart. Her whole frame was vibrating just trying to keep herself together in front of him.
"Winry-" His molten eyes bore into her, tearing down the shreds of self worth she had. If he didn't leave now who knew what she would resort to to keep him around.
"JUST GO!" Her voiced cracked at the end, making her word come out as a squeal. He began backing away from her when something shimmered and caught her eye as he did. But she wouldn't let herself be fooled, perhaps a drop of rain had fallen on his face and streaked down his chin because there was no way it could be anything else. He seemed to mouth something to her and then turn around and continue walking. She would have to be a fool to read anything into any of it though. As he vanished into the skyline and she fell to her knees sobbing, the sobs broke into screams then crumbled into laughter.
After some time she stood up, brushed herself off and walked back into the house, sparing just one backward glance to where he had last stood. Hearing the phone ring brought her back into the present. For the moment she had recovered but who really knew how long the false sense of bravado would take to wear off. But for now a muted numbness might be exactly what she needed. Anything was better than thinking about how long she had spent waiting for a time that would never come.
AN: I planned on this being a one-shot and may leave it still. Though I am half tempted to do a continuation of what could happen next...not sure though since it could take on tones of another idea I had in mind. In any case let me know what you think one way or the other with a REVIEW!