A/N: A short drabble on plot twists in the books that leave Tumblr crying. I would also like to say that this is a drabble that I imagine would be part of a cracky Reading the Books fic if I ever wrote one. Well, I tried, about a year ago. I never posted it. I was five hundred words in the first chapter and started crying. Okay, fine, I didn't actually cry, but my brain was. Maybe. If my brain was crying, wouldn't my head be full of water? Wait, it kind of already is. The brain is mostly water, after all. Holy shit. Percy could control us all to doing stupid stuff like dyeing everything different shades of blue! NOOOOO~!

...

Please note that I may or may not be high on Coke. As in Coca-Cola. Which always happens, so what the hell am I doing mentioning it? Anyway, the fic. Ahem.

"Wait!" Percy suddenly shouted, standing up and interrupting Demeter's reading. She glared at him, and so did Hera, Zeus, and Athena. Artemis scoffed at him. Hephaestus looked up from his tinkering. Dionysus took off his sunglasses and yawned. Apollo muted his iPod. Aphrodite pouted, and stopped squealing. Ares grinned, both at the possibility of a fight and from the fact that his lover stopped making those noises. Hermes was grinning too, though he was aiming his teeth at the sunglasses that were previously mentioned as Dionysus'. Poseidon started to pale, and Hestia tried to console her worried brother with comforting words such as, "Don't worry, little brother, it's okay. He's just like you, after all. Always getting in trouble that may or may not be life-threatening and getting out of it. He's not immortal, so he's going to die someday and be in Hades' realm forever, but I promise you, that day will not be today."

It had the expected effect, and Poseidon's eyes may or may not have started to water.

Hades ignored it all, merely focusing on his nephew, who was exclaiming, "That never happened!" while making wild gestures in the air and making ridiculous faces. Annabeth rolled her eyes, and stood up along with him.

"That would never happen. I wouldn't kiss Percy, and Percy would never kiss me. What we just read is fiction." Annabeth nodded solemnly, before continuing. "Whoever wrote this must be homophobic, or if it's true that these books were published as children's novels, he or she probably wrote it as it is as to not anger the parents."

Athena smiled smugly at how smart her daughter sounded, and Artemis nodded, thinking how Percy should better keep his hands off this strong maiden. Meanwhile, Hera had her mouth open, Zeus looked like he aged fifty years and ate a lemon while doing so, Hermes and Apollo snickered out a quiet, "Oooooooh," before imagining how Percy would would be like in bed and drooling. Demeter promptly looked away from them, muttering about how if they all just ate some of her cereal, they would all be perfectly sane and not like this. Dionysus buried his head back in his wine magazine, and started snoring. Hephaestus shrugged, then checked to see if his wife was still breathing, which she wasn't. Hestia whispered, "It's okay, he's not dead, just like I told you," to her brother's ear, and though Poseidon was calming down, he whimpered. "Not yet," he said, and he shuddered. Hades stared at the idiots he called his family in slight disbelief, then he remembered that this was how they normally acted and he shook his head. Ares scratched his head.

"Then what? Are you two doing it or not?" he asked, thinking, Oh Me, this is so messed up.

"No," they both chorused. Athena and Poseidon (who was back to his normal color, though still pale) cheered simultaneously and exchanged a hi-five, getting along for the first time since the creation of the chariot and basically horrifying everyone else.

"I'm gay," Percy stated, putting his finger in the air as if he was a teacher explaining that two plus two did, in fact, equal to four, and that no, Kenny, you are not allowed to eat glue under any circumstances inside the classroom, we will be having a talk with your parents about this. The gods and goddesses looked up from whatever they were doing, which I will not explain again, no thank you.

Gods, Kenny, he thought, please get a grip. Neither glue nor my love life is that interesting. Annabeth was probably thinking the same thing, though in a much more dignified manner than his because dammit, it's Annabeth.

Which she actually wasn't, because she just wanted to go home and cuddle with Piper. Maybe she could then dress Percy in skimpy outfits that were slightly, maybe, too tight on the rear and lock him in a room with Jason for a week. She might love the boy, but this was way too much time for them to be spending together without kicking monster butt.

Artemis spoke up, seeing as everyone else was too shocked to. "Come again?" she asked.

Annabeth elbowed him in the ribs, thinking that she did not deserve such embarrassment and shame and that she had to share because generosity is a virtue, or something like that. Percy winced, seeing as the Achilles curse came off when he was at his future boyfriend's camp two years ago, and his best friend was not and did not even try to be gentle with him. "I'm gay," he blurted out again, and he and Annabeth were stuck standing around and looking like total idiots. They tried to grin, but there was silence and gods staring at them, so they let it drop.

There was a pause.

The pause was broken by Aphrodite's sobs. Everyone winced.

A/N: To add, this was also in response to millions of horrible Reading the Books fics that don't make anything interesting. Who said that the PJO books didn't alter what actually happened? Who said it wasn't censored? Left some pieces out? Really, guys. You can do better than that. We have Matchell and Captide and fics where Percy is a warrior of Chaos/in love with Gaea/having sex with Poseidon/a slut/pregnant/having an orgy with the Olympians/crossdressing to join the school cheerleading team/Jason's soulmate/a merman. Come on, people.

(Note: I may or may not be one of the authors who have written Percy as a merman. So what? Sue me.)