Love Fades, Mine has

An inextricable sadness can be experienced when love fades. You're left questioning what is left when the one you promised to love forever no longer loves you. I experienced this. I understand this. I know what it feels like to have my heart ripped out, leaving a gaping hole which can never be filled. I know the pain that comes with wondering. What did I do wrong? What didn't I do right? Is there any way I could have prevented this from happening?

My name is Rosemarie Hathaway.

Dimitri Belikov was my one and only love. I felt that we were destined to be together despite our student-mentor relationship. Our love was real, pure. It surrounded us in infinite love and happiness… until the night he was awakened; turning him into a Strigoi, an evil undead type of vampire which he'd sworn to protect the Moroi and Dhampir from, the very thing he hated, the very thing he wanted to destroy.

What was left for me without him?

Vasilissa Dragomir, my best friend, prevented me from seeing Dimitri after he was restored to his former Dhampir state. He didn't want to see me, and she wouldn't allow it. I felt betrayed. She was my best friend, and she was supposed to understand my feelings, especially towards Dimitri! It was infuriating the way she acted as if she was his Guardian, his protector. How could she claim to be my best friend when she refused to let me see the one I loved?

I was beginning to realize now that my 'best-friend' wasn't really a best friend at all. She didn't support me, and she only thought about herself and Dimitri, of course. How could I remain friends with someone who was capable of that kind of betrayal? How could I ever rely on her again after this? I hated the feeling of loss which stuck me whenever I thought of them…but I had to move on.

Dimitri's words still lingered in my mind; Love fades, mine has…

They stung. After everything we'd been through together this is how it was ending. I fought for him, to save his life, so that he could be restored to his former self… and so we'd have a chance at forever like both of us had wanted.

I'd glimpsed that light at the end of the tunnel; the one telling me that I had what I'd dreamed of in my grasp… but now it has slipped away… it's just completely gone. Dimitri no longer wants me… and if that's the case then I need to move on…

I decided to leave. I wanted distance from the hurt both Dimitri and Lissa had caused, and I was sure my absence would bring them comfort. They clearly didn't want or need me around. I didn't want to say good bye… not to anyone. I couldn't risk someone talking me into staying. The only way for me to move on and gain closure would be to move as far away as I possibly could.

As I left the Royal Court I realized I had nowhere to go but forward…

I tried to convince myself that it would be like an adventure…

I just hoped I'd survive.