Peanuts and Bolts

Disclaimer: Not mine!
Rating: K
Summary: In which Natasha and Tony find they share something more than a love of Dancing With the Stars
Author's Note: Shades of Clint/Natasha and Tony/Pepper

It's Monday night, which means it's Dancing With the Stars night which means it's Chinese night. Natasha loves DWTS because dancing is the one thing that remains to her from her ruined childhood. She also enjoys providing (often rather harsh) critiques. Tony claims he loves DWTS because of the skimpy outfits, but he'll occasionally make a comment that shows he has actual knowledge of dancing. As for everyone else, Clint tolerates it because Natasha loves it, Bruce finds it calming, Pepper watches it because someone has to keep Tony in check, Thor doesn't understand a single bit of it, and Steve uses it to brush up on his knowledge of pop culture. It's a good team-building activity, piling onto couches and digging into Chinese food and arguing about favorites and laughing about how annoyed Natasha gets when the judges give a star more points than she thinks they deserve (she and Bruno should probably not ever be in the same room).

Until the night their garlic chicken is actually Kung Pao chicken.

Dancing With the Stars is halfway through when Tony interrupts a paso doble by cursing in a strained voice and waving his arms around. "Dummy! JARVIS, Dummy!" he coughs, and Pepper looks alarmed.

"Peanuts! What had peanuts?" she asks with wide eyes.

"He's allergic to peanuts?" Steve asks. "What can we do?"

"Dummy!" Tony chokes out, although it sounds more like "mmrh!" since his throat is closing up.

Dummy finally rolls up and holds out an Epi-Pen. Pepper grabs it, stabs it into Tony's thigh, and he immediately gasps and starts breathing easier.

Because they're all so focused on Tony, only two people realize when Natasha slips off a sofa and falls limply to the floor, her face brightly flushed. Clint notices because he's been watching ever since Natasha went quiet a few minutes earlier, and quiet never means anything good with his partner. Bruce notices because Tony seems to have things under control and is merely being over-dramatic at this point.

"Natasha!" Clint calls, patting her face. "Come on, Tasha. Bruce!" But Bruce is already there, and he helps Clint move her back up to the couch. She's making small, pained gasps that don't sound like they're getting oxygen anywhere near her lungs.

"Pepper! Do you have any more Epi-Pens?" Bruce asks her urgently.

"What? Oh my god, Natasha!" Pepper scrambles up and over to the bar, where she produces another Epi-Pen and tosses it to Bruce. He goes to stab Natasha, who tries to fight him off in a panic. Clint grabs the Pen and jabs her instead, and they wait for a few intense seconds until Natasha finally starts to breathe more easily.

Bruce looks at Clint. "Is she allergic to peanuts, too?"

Clint looks as mystified as everyone else. "Not that I was aware of."

"Not that I was, either," Natasha says hoarsely. "But I don't like nuts."

"It wasn't necessarily peanuts. We need to have you tested," Bruce says. "Where's my medical kit?"

Thor fetches it obligingly, and Bruce spends a short time on Tony ("You'll be fine. I think Pepper will be able to keep an eye on you.") and a longer time on Natasha. Apparently, he sees something that worries him, because he installs her in a medical bed and gives her steroids, oxygen, and IV fluids. She doesn't protest, looking tired and pale now that the allergic reaction has faded. Clint hovers until Bruce is done and then sits with her until she's released the next day.

It turns out the numerous medical tests they'd run on Natasha when she first arrived at SHIELD had indicated an allergy to peanuts but the medic running them hadn't bothered to tell her. Rumor had it that the man hadn't cared about the health needs of a (former) Russian assassin.

Unfortunately for the medic, he still worked at SHIELD.

They could've requested Fury fire him, but for the Avengers, getting fired meant the medic would get off too easily.

The medic finds arrows stuck in the wall everywhere he turns, pinning threatening messages addressed to him. He also swears that someone is watching him from the air vents.

He has to go home early one day because he'd come into contact with some substance that caused painful itching following a package he'd accepted from Dr. Banner.

At lunch, Agent Romanoff sits at the table next to his, idly sharpening her knives or cleaning her guns without looking at him.

Thor apparently decides that each night, he will practice using a cell phone right outside the medic's room on base.

An extremely embarrassing video from his youth surfaces not only online, but in the emails of every single SHIELD employee, during a briefing he has to attend, and in the middle of a training video he's showing to some new recruits.

But it's the emails from Captain America, chastising him for not doing his job to his fullest and frowning upon him for not treating all people the same, that finally push him to Director Fury's office so he can beg to be fired.

Fury, however, had already been apprised of the situation. He is very fond of Natasha and somewhat fond of the rest of the Avengers (some more than others), and he decides instead to re-assign the man as the Avengers' on-call medic.

At the last count, they'd had the medic in tears 45 times.