Chapter| Aberrations and Revelations| Eleven

It was weird coming into school the Saturday after Charlie grounded me. Even weirder that he dropped me off. Okay, scratch that, it was embarrassing. Shameful, even. I couldn't even be trusted to attend a few make up hours.

Honestly though, he made the right call. I don't think I would have trusted myself to go to class. Chances are I would've over thought it, stressed myself out, and then hightailed it out of the parking lot immediately after stepping out of the truck.

I sighed tiredly as I look up at the suddenly ominous building, only half listening to Charlie tell me he'd be back to pick me up later.

…Saturday school. I've never had to attend Saturday school. Back home, skipping was an inconceivable idea to me. School was my getaway, my haven. Missing an entire day was like hell. Just knowing I was losing all that knowledge, social time, and encouragement to create killed me. I used to do everything I could to make sure I never missed the bus or got sick.

And all of a sudden, I hated myself for allowing that to change. Despite the circumstance I'm in, I could have still treated this place like a haven.

Even with that new thought, I dreaded the walk inside.

Luckily, it was being held right next to my Government classroom and I didn't have to hunt down a whole new part of the school. I was surprised to find the room semi full. Considering the school is so small, I figured there wouldn't be more than five students having to attend.

I caught the eye of Austin Marks. He raised his hand in a small wave, brown hair falling into his eyes as he nodded his head to the desk beside him. Well, at least I know someone here. Kinda. Despite having Sketching together, and being friends with Eric and Ben, we don't talk very much. At least not recently with my behavior. I wonder if he's still been drawing his own comic.

"I didn't expect to see you here," Austin admitted, looking surprised.

"I could say the same to you."

He shrugged, unhesitating in his explanation. "I've been late to school too many times. Keep missing the bus."

"No car?"

"Nope." Austin shook his head. "I have an on/off road dirt bike, two actually, but neither run anymore. Too many problems to fix and my parents won't help. Think it's too dangerous to ride." He rolled his eyes as if that was ridiculous and they were just exaggerating over his safety. I almost agreed with him, until I remembered what season it is and that his parents probably made the right choice.

"That's too bad," I responded neutrally, sliding into my seat and taking out my textbooks.

"Hopefully I can get some money out of them. But if not, I'll probably have to put them out to the road. Mom's getting sick of them taking up so much space in the garage. You wouldn't happen to know anyone willing to buy, would you?"

"Not a one."

"Damn." He sighed mock exaggeratedly, sinking into his seat.

I rolled my eyes, lip twitching.

Austin sat back up, smiling at my reaction. "So, what's your reason for being here?"

I hesitated. Thankfully, not a second later an adult walked into the room. He was average height with dirty blond hair and a thick reddish tint beard. From his dark green flannel down to his Levis and hiking boots, the man screamed 'lumberjack' more than 'teacher'. I could almost imagine him with a wooden axe swung over his shoulder. The coffee thermos and brown leather brief case were the only things that hinted at him working a desk job instead of out in the wilderness.

The room went silent with his entrance and stayed that way for about three minutes as he got comfortable in the chair and pulled out papers from his case to organize.

"Jamie Adler."

His voice was as gruff as I imagined, and it took me a second to realize he was going straight into role call without any type of good morning greeting.

I was called right after Austin, raising my hand with a clear, "Here."

Out of everyone's response he looked up at mine, meeting my gaze briefly before moving on. I supposed it was because of my new student status, despite it being over a month now. But I've never had this teacher, don't even recall seeing him around the school. It made me curious as to what class he teaches.

"Alright, as usual, I hope you brought any work that needs to be done, otherwise this is going to be a long and boring four and an half hours of staring at your desk in complete silence. Really you shouldn't have even bothered coming in that case, as you clearly have no care whatsoever of your future and whether or not you fail in life." He said this all so nonchalantly, I could do nothing but stare at him, wondering if he often gets away with talking to students so bluntly. I could already feel the shame radiating off of the students slowly sinking into their desks. "In two hours you get a fifteen minute break to do whatever your little heart contents before once again wasting away for the next two hours. By the time you all scurry out of here at one o'clock, I hope you realize you never want to come back again and decide to make better decisions. One's that don't take up my own time."

After that long speech I realized I still didn't know his name. I turned to Austin to ask who exactly this man is, but he was already silently getting his stuff out, along with all the other students. He met my eyes for a second, smirking as if he knew exactly what I was thinking, before getting to work. I shook my head with an amused smile. I guess I'll just have to wait until break. Hopefully the time doesn't drag out…

"That scumbag is coming today?!" Syd shouted with a slam of her locker, looking even more upset than myself.

I nodded, clenching my hands around my textbooks. "Michelle invited him for the weekend. Mom and Dad are ecstatic," I muttered, sounding anything but.

"That is just fucked up, Scar."

"They don't know, Sydney."

"So? Your sister does, and she's still with him! I say you out him!"

"And have Michelle even more pissed off at me? I don't thinks so. She already doesn't believe me." I highly doubt my parents would believe me over Michelle anyway…

"He sexually assaulted you!"

I shushed her with a hit to her shoulder, moving us away from the students crowding the lockers, glad that no one had been paying attention. "Yes, I know," I whispered harshly. "It's not like I let him get away without receiving a black eye first."

Syd snorted in amusement at that. "What was his excuse to your sister again?"

My lip twitched. "Some crazy man tried to steal a random old woman's purse and he 'valiantly fought the criminal' and won."

We both busted out laughing.

"How anyone could believe that is beyond me," she wheezed out, comically doubling over and almost dropping her stuff. She stood up straight after a second, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye, and got serious. "For real though, this is really fucked up. Your sister is a bitch, how can she not take your word over some sleaze ball?"

I shrugged with a frown. "He's her fiancé. Rich, successful, everything she's always dreamed of." Sydney gagged. "Besides, we've never been close..."

Syd frowned, speaking up again softly, "You sure you don't wanna go to the police either…?"

"No!" I shouted, instantly regretting my reaction and blushing in embarrassment. "I mean, no, Syd, I can't do that. If Michelle doesn't believe me, my parents certainly won't. That means no one has my back if I try to report him. Besides, my parents already don't support my future plans as it is. I can't fuck up again, otherwise I'll never have their help to get into college…"

"You didn't fuck up," she said quietly, looking at me with sympathy. After a moment, she changed the subject, knowing from previous talks that I wasn't going to change my mind. "Why don't you stay at my house for the weekend? We can have a slumber party! Oooh oh, how about we go to the new art gallery off of Washington Boulvard? I heard they have an awesome contemporary exhibit at the moment."

I debated in my head for a second. Despite immediately being inclined to accept, I knew I couldn't. "I have to go home, Syd. I'm not going to shy away from the problem and I'm not going let him win."

"Well, I'll only be a phone call away if you need me," she replied, smiling reassuringly.

I smiled back at her, sincerely glad I always have her support.

"Yo, Bella." I felt a pressure on my shoulder, startling me awake as my body was suddenly shaken. I blinked, looking around the room in alarm. Students were out of their seats, some leaving the room and others pulling out their lunches. I glanced down, seeing my trigonometry textbook open on the desk, a dark wet spot over one of the practice problems I vaguely remember trying to answer.

I grimaced, realizing I had fallen asleep doing math homework. I've never, ever passed out in class before and was horrified to realize that was what happened. Not to mention embarrassed. I guess the lack of sleep last night is catching up to me.

I heard Austin chuckle and turned to look up at him. "You're lucky Mr. Fulleman doesn't care what we do, as long as we're quiet and don't disturb the other students who actually want to work that is. Good thing you don't snore!" he laughed again.

I blushed, trying to hide my embarrassment with an eye roll. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. And I was working on my homework! My brain just shut down after reading too many trig problems…"

"Okay, okay! Can't say I don't relate. You know, sometimes after hours of doing trig homework, I swear I can hear Mr. Varner's voice droning on and on, scolding me every time I don't know what I'm doing. Which is a lot," he grinned, brushing his hair back.

"Poor you," I smirked, moving to stand to stretch my arms and legs.

"Yeah, poor me! I get it enough every day in school. I'm pretty sure he has some sort of vendetta against me or something…"

I snorted. "I'm sure everyone thinks that," I added, remembering how I had thought the same thing the first few days here.

He shrugged. "Probably."

I looked towards the teacher's desk, realizing who I now knew was Mr. Fulleman had left the room. I still couldn't believe he let me sleep like that, but then again I was grateful he didn't zero in on me to make an example of to the other students. It was hard enough coming to Saturday school as it is. If Mr. Fulleman had decided to make me a spectacle of the class, chances are I wouldn't come back next week. I hated to admit it, but with the fragile- I grounded out hesitantly- state I've been in, it was the truth.

"Anyway, I'm going to the vending machines to get some snacks. Wanna come along?"

"Sure," I answered. Might as well get something to eat. I didn't even think of packing a lunch. I grabbed my wallet and followed Austin to the cafeteria.

The walk there was silent, giving me plenty of time to think over my dream. The past two months, I've had multiple nightmares about my situation. False awakening dreams were I was back home living my own life again, or worse, dreaming about the car accident but instead Bella was in the passenger seat and didn't survive the crash…

I wasn't the type to let nightmares prevent me from sleeping. Sure, I'd wake up terrified, but the relief knowing it wasn't real was so instant I'd have no trouble falling right back asleep. And then my dreams would be normal again, or as normal as dreams can be, and I'd sleep peacefully and typically wake up fine and refreshed.

But this dream was a memory, a flashback. I rarely get these dreams, but when I do, I'd honestly prefer the random nightmares my mind decides to come up with.

I hadn't dreamt of anything about my actual life since taking over Bella's. It was nice, in a way, seeing Syd again. Next to Grams, Syd was the person I missed the most. She was the one constant in my life, always there for me, whether it was with a smile or a promise to beat someone up for me. We even had plans to go to the same art school, share an apartment, and if life decided to be extra kind to us, open an art gallery together.

Any attempts at friendship here, however, paled in comparison. I felt like they weren't real sometimes, like the effort is wasted. Like I can't make meaningful connections with people anymore. Because of that, I realized now how much I had been pushing them away. Angela, Mike, Austin, Tyler, Ben, Kate, Heather… even Jen and Charlie (a small part of me instantly pushed Alice and Edward off the list, refusing to acknowledge them). That would definitely be a leading factor for the depression I've been feeling. Not to mention the guilt at knowing I would immediately give them up at the promise of home.

Home. Thinking back to the dream, it was definitely a reminder that not everything was sunshine and rainbows back in Chicago, especially not with what happened with my sister after that particular memory. But at least it was my life.

Even after eating snacks and filling my stomach up to make it through the next two hours, I couldn't focus on anything. I tried switching my homework up, but that didn't even work to keep my interest. Instead, I found myself staring out the window, watching the rain fall down onto the green earth, occasionally dowsing off with my head resting on my hand.

At least this time I was aware of class ending, glad that I didn't have to continue sitting here. I'd much prefer to waste time in bed.

"Alright, your Saturday school is now over. Hopefully some of you actually used your time wisely in catching up. With any luck, this class might be smaller next week. It is a Saturday after all, and considering you have to come into school five times a week, it is beyond me why any of you would actually do something to have to come in a sixth."

Austin chuckled, and I was surprised to find most of the class amused by Mr. Fulleman despite his gruff, and honestly somewhat rude, demeanor. The way that no one ever talked back to him the entire class, made me realize they held respect for this teacher. Again I wondered why I never heard of him.

Mr. Fulleman dismissed us with a, more polite, 'enjoy the rest of your weekend', to which the students took no time to pack their bags and hightail it out of here. Some even shouted their own 'goodbye' and 'later' to the teacher.

I turned to Austin as we put away our own things. "What does Mr. Fulleman teach? I've never seen him around."

"I'm not surprised, considering you're new." I groaned at hearing that word for the umpteenth time. And I've been here for over a month now. Austin grinned at my reaction. "He teaches World and US History, as well as Philosophy, but that's only a first semester class."

"That explains that, I guess." Mystery solved.

"So, you doing anything after? You're welcome to come over if you want. I finished my short comic last week and would love some artistic feedback. Ben's helpful with the dialogue and all, but he doesn't really have an eye for the imagery." Austin looked hopeful, nervously running a hand through his hair, but I knew I had to refuse. Even though the thought of talking art with someone had me jumping to say yes.

I flashed a guilty smile. "I can't. Grounded."

He tried not to look disappointed. "Damn. That sucks. Well, if you want, I can bring it in Monday during sketching?"

I nodded. "Sure."

"Cool," he grinned.

Just as we were about to leave the room, Mr. Fulleman spoke up. "Swan." I probably would have walked out of the room if Austin hadn't stopped at that, making me realize he was talking to me. "A moment, please?"

Austin flashed me a confused look, to which I shrugged, before giving me a wave goodbye. "Guess I'll see you Monday then," he said, before leaving me alone with the teacher.

He gestured for me to take a seat at one of the front desks, before leaning back on his own. A part of me felt I should be nervous at the crossing of his arms, but I told myself not to think about it. For all I know it was simply a habit and not a foreboding action.

"Distracted, loss of interest, sleeping in class, skipping school entirely. From what I hear of your teachers, it's a drastic change from your first month here. And according to your record, you had excellent grades and near perfect attendance back in Phoenix," he stated bluntly in a no nonsense voice. …And that was it. No questions as to why, no interrogation whatsoever. I waited for a second, but nothing else came.

"…Okay?"

Mr. Fulleman straightened up a bit, raising his brows. "Oh, so you are aware of this happening? You had me wondering the last few hours if you even had a consciousness. I was beginning to assume your body was just an empty shell taking up space in my classroom."

Damn. That was probably the harshest thing a teacher had ever told me. I admit, I even felt a little sting at hearing it, my ears burning up from embarrassment.

"Do you know what that means, Ms. Swan?" When I didn't answer right away he continued. "It means that you don't care."

I started at him silently, at a loss. This teacher, who I've never met before or even have a class with, was trying to… I honestly don't even know his intentions.

Clearly my confusion was visible to him, as he uncrossed his arms into a more relaxed stance and spoke again. "What I'm saying is, when an excellent student suddenly stops caring about school, it's obvious something is wrong within their personal life. And I'm assuming from the baffled look on your face-" I shut my mouth, quickly realizing it was agape- "that no one has successfully cracked you open to find out what the problem is. Hence why we are in this position. Am I right?"

I took a deep breath. "Actually, we're in this position right now because you called my name to stay after. I could already be out of the building right now," I finished with a slight glare, suddenly annoyed at this stranger that decided to bud into my business.

Mr. Fulleman smirked at my response. "You have me there. But that course wouldn't have steered you on a path of possibly finding help instead of wallowing away. You don't have to talk to me, we've only just met today, but you should open up to someone. Nothing is going to get better if you keep doing what you're doing. I can tell you're not stupid, you already know this."

I rolled my eyes. "This is all assuming I even have a problem, let alone one that someone even has the ability to help me with. And you're right, I only just met you today, you don't know anything. So let's just finish up these remaining Saturday sessions and be on our own ways. Okay?" I wanted to bite my tongue as soon as I let it all out, but I couldn't prevent it. Seriously, no other teacher, not even my own, have tried to have this talk with me. Who does this stranger think he is?

I didn't say anything else, just turned and walked away. God, I feel like such a typical angst-y teenager. I had never felt so annoyed or upset with someone until… well, until Edward came alone and brought it out of me.

"Swan." I grudgingly stopped, though I didn't turn around. "I actually did have another reason for holding you after. Mrs. Cope notified me that your father called a half hour ago, said he was gonna be held up at the station and might be a bit late and that you should wait for him in the main office." Mr. Fulleman suddenly threw out another afterthought, "Oh, and I won't dock any points for sleeping this time, just don't let it happen again."

At that I left the room, irrationally irritated, but also hating myself for it.

Forty minutes had gone by with me sitting in the office, waiting for Charlie to show up. I was starting to get angsty, part from the waiting and part from the previous conversation with Mr. Fulleman, and it was causing me to tap a repetitive beat with my foot. Mrs. Cope was beginning to look a little restless too. I could tell she had pretty much finished up all the work she had come in to do and was trying to stretch out small tasks simply because I was still here waiting. I'm sure she was eager to start her weekend. Too bad Charlie never said how long he would be.

Another five minutes went by when the phone rang, Mrs. Cope picked it up on the first ring. "Forks High Administrations office, how can I help you? …. Yes. Here she is." She turned to look at me. "It's your father, dear."

I stood somewhat grudgingly to take the phone from her. "Hello?"

"Bella," Charlie started out, and just from the short time I've known him, I could already tell from the tone of his voice that something was wrong. "I'm sorry I wasn't there on time to pick you up," he said, sounding guilty, "but there was an… incident a few towns over." He sighed then, clearly feeling troubled and tired all at once. "I was hoping things would be resolved without me, but I guess they need me to come check things out…"

"So you won't be able to pick me up…" I guessed after he went quiet.

He sighed again. "I can have someone from the station pick you up-"

"I can walk home, it's not that far," I interrupted, not wanting to inconvenience some stranger. Charlie began to argue, but I continued, "Really though, it isn't a problem. I know I'm supposed to be grounded, but I promise I'll head straight home. I can take the main streets the entire way. Besides, for once the weather is decent today, it would definitely do me some good to get fresh air."

Charlie must have been really tied up right now, because he gave in after a moment of me pleading my case. "Alright, alright. As long as you go straight home. I'll be calling later this evening to make sure you do, so be prepared to answer the phone. Is that clear, Bella?"

"Yes indeed," I replied, glad he gave in so easily. I was being truthful for the most part, some fresh air in my lungs would be good for me.

We both said goodbye and I handed the phone back to Mrs. Cope, who clearly wasn't ashamed of listening to our whole conversation. "Sure you don't want a ride, dear? I'm almost finished up here."

"No worries, I'm good. Enjoy the rest of your weekend." I grabbed my backpack and exited the office doors before she could argue.

I stopped a few feet outside the door and breathed in the cool air deeply.

It wouldn't hurt that much to take a little detour on the way home, would it…?

That detour ended up being further out of the way than I thought. I honestly found I couldn't help myself. Despite the air being a little chilly still, the sun felt nice. This is probably the longest it's been out since I've shown up in Forks. My feet just kept carrying me further away from the direction of the house, so I finally said, 'screw it', and walked all the way to the Calawah River again.

The sound of the running water was soothing, the river moving a little faster and higher from all the snow melting. After watching the water for a moment, I figured I came all this way, what would it hurt staying a little longer? Charlie said he wasn't going to call until the evening anyway.

Taking my bag off my shoulders, I pulled out my sketchbook from the big compartment and flopped on the ground, leaning my back against the metal railing.

I started a basic layout to determine how much of the scenery I wanted to do, deciding to draw a part of the railing across the road from me, but mostly focusing on as much of the river in the horizon as I could fit on the paper. After adding in a few wispy lines to determine where the trees will be on each side of the river, I began working more in depth on the details, easily getting sucked into the process.

The soothing act of graphite scratching against paper sadly didn't last long as the events of today came creeping back into my mind.

"It means that you don't care."

I sighed, knowing that Mr. Fulleman was right. As soon as things got too tough for me, or felt like they were out of my control, I always did my best to not care. At least on the surface, just enough for me to ignore the pain, if only for a moment. Despite the man's gruff persona, it was clear he was just trying to be a caring teacher. But he doesn't understand that I'm not the typical case of depressed teenager. I really have no one I can talk to…

It made me wish for the millionth time that Sydney was here. Thinking back to the dream earlier only reminded me of how easily I could trust and confide in her. The… incident with Michelle's fiancé was still very fresh, and I was glad Sydney had been around to support me. Because after that moment in the dream, I did confront my sister again… only to get slapped for 'being jealous and trying to ruin her perfect future'.

I could still imagine her eyes, so similar to mine, as she glared infuriatingly at me. "Why are you always trying to sabotage my future?!"

So once again, I told myself not to care. On the surface I was stony faced, but if I dug through the layers, there was nothing but intense hurt. It really is a never-ending cycle with me, huh? Something bad happens, I tell myself not to care. Things get better for a while, and then inevitably it happens all over again.

It's about time I break this cycle, isn't it? It's time I start caring again, and actually do something to help myself instead of hoping for a miracle. Just because I couldn't solve it in the beginning, doesn't mean I can't keep trying. Maybe its too late to change anything with my family, but it certainly isn't too late to change my current predicament.

Realistically, I realized, I may have to finally accept the fact that I could be stuck like this in Bella's body for much longer than its currently been. And I certainly have to start showing myself a little more self care, not only with my appearance and physical health, but with my mental and social as well.

If I'm going to try and get through this and not go back down into a spiral, I can't keep pretending to be Bella, or who I think she is. Clearly being something I'm not is taking a toll. Just because I don't look like myself, doesn't mean I can't act like the head-strong girl I am. Besides, even if I mess up a few things in her life by the time I fix this, at least it still means she gets her life back.

I breathed out a long sigh of relief, metaphorically releasing all the pent-up stress from the past few weeks. This wouldn't solve everything. Heck, I still don't have any real plans, but it was better than nothing.

With newfound determination, I slammed my sketchbook shut, realizing that it would probably do me some good to reestablish trust with Charlie and at least attempt to be home before he calls. At the sound of my stomach audibly grumbling, I snorted out a laugh, deciding that it'd also be a good idea to finally start eating better too.

I began to stand up, only for my foot to slip due to some mud I hadn't notice. I quickly grabbed the railing to prevent myself from falling on the brown mush, only to lose my grip on my sketchbook as it fell over the other side.

"Shit," I cursed, immediately leaning over the rail, desperately hoping it didn't end up in the water. After trailing my eyes along the edge, I sighed in relief at finding it. The book was sitting on a cement ledge a few feet under the bridge.

I could probably climb down to it… I mean, it really wasn't that far down and there are plenty of bars for me to hold onto. And I already knew from gym class that I had enough upper body strength to climb back up.

I groaned loudly in frustration. Despite it being cheap and not the best quality of paper, I really didn't want to lose it. I was already three-quarters of the way through. The book was practically a diary for me these last few weeks.

"Okay, I'm just gonna go for it," I said to myself. "It's not like I haven't climbed more complicated things before." My brother and I used to climb huge trees in the park when we were kids. I've even climbed rock walls at the gym before. Granted, I was strapped to a harness and had a guide for it…

Before I could change my mind, I carefully swung one leg over the rail. As soon as I was sure of my balance, I lifted my other one over as well. Alright, now the hard part. I squatted as low as I could, moving each hand slowly to grip the lowest bar on the bridge rail, before carefully dropping each leg to hang just over the ledge below.

"That wasn't so bad- no, no, no!"

My reassurance quickly turned into alarm at the load shriek of metal breaking. One end of the bar swung away from the structure, taking me away from the ledge with my book, to hover straight over the rushing river.

The jerking movement easily made me lose my hold, sending me plummeting into the icy water below.

I just want to say thank you to everyone that is still keeping up on this story. It certainly isn't as easy to find time to write nowadays. The longer it takes to get out a chapter, the more I have to reread my material so I don't mess up certain plot points. I do apologize in advance for any discrepancies. If I could quit my day job and get paid to write fanfiction all day, I would totally do it lol.

I also apologize for leaving off on somewhat of a cliffhanger. I wasn't going to, since there is no guarantee when I post a new chapter, but ultimately I decided on leaving the ending cause it just didn't seem right waiting until the next chapter.

This chapter is mostly about Scar and her acknowledging her faults and trying to move on from feeling depressed and hopeless. Now whether she will immediately begin actively working on fixing those faults is later to be seen lol. We also learn a little more about her past and why she is the way she is, but the full story won't reveal itself for a while to come yet.

The Cullen's will be back in the next chapter, and maybe even a few new ones will be introduced to Scar ;). As always, I will try working on this whenever possible. A lot of you think I've abandoned this story, but I've mentioned before that I have no intention to as of now. If at any point in the future I decide I can't continue it, I will let everyone know. Other than that, I do keep updates of my story progress in my profile for those that are curious.

As a side note, I started writing a Vampire Diaries story with another OC of mine, mostly to have something to do when I have writers block for this story. If enough people are interest, I'll definitely consider posting it. I do have a poll in my profile.

Thanks again for reading!