How are you, my fellow readers? ;-D We are here, trudging along Act VI of Friends With Benefits!

AN: *Dodges tomatoes* We are sooooo sorry! With Cass and work, and me and my criminology major woes (mock trials, debates, cases etc etc) we barely even had time to talk to each-other yet alone, buckle down and write this fic. Much apologies, though. University is rough.

Holy hell, I never realized how hated (or crack) NejiSasu really was until Cass and I saw the reviews! Out of the thirty or so reviewers we had for chapter 5, only one of the reviews liked the NejiSasu, and only two or so reviewers actually think Naru should apologize first.

Normally, Cass and I never disagree on anything, but boy, we sure disagreed this time. I (Zxylem) was a little put off by the complete bashing of Sasu for shacking up with Neji, when Naru himself brought someone into the mix before he did, while Cass argued that while Naru and filling his void hole of denial by dating a woman was incredibly stupid, he hasn't realized that he was in love with Sasu (yet).

So yeah... thanks for making us fight, guys! *attempts an angry face and fails* :-P

And for those who were curious, the video Naru and Karui watched on tv, was 'Bittersweet Symphony' by the Verve.

Disclaimer: No. Don't ask again.

Rating : M

Warnings: Contains strong language, awkward sex, humor, Naruto and Neji being pricks, sex, dry humor, awkward budding romance, sex, more humor, and even more sex.

Friends With Benefits~*

Summary : Romantically retarded Sasuke and Naruto both realized that sex without emotions involved was the perfect way to not deal with with the stress of dating. So they are now both determined to accomplish this... with each other. SasuNaru. AU. Humor.

Chapter Warning: Douchey characters, heartbreak, humor, arguing, fighting, love triangles/rectangles/pentagons, yaoi, shoujou-ai, het, and a bunch of complicatedness. Not necessarily all in that order.

Some angsty, funny and sexy shit straight ahead.

Song Listening Inspiration For Naruto: "Circles" By Digitalism

"Gather all the good times
When they chill with me behind
I didn't have enough time
For this stuff, on my mind

Oh when you're trying to rewind
You're caught up in a never-ending circle; we play it again
And again and again

Just give me more
Just the same, just the same
We play it again
Caught up in a never-ending circle
Play it again..."

Not Beta'd : Ignore the grammatical errors, please!

Sixth Go: One Does Not Simply Expect Naruto To Make Good Decisions...

#$%&

"What... in God's green celestial system is that...?"

Two pairs of eyes, opposite in every possible way, share similar expressions, and look up to the wooden, rusted, blue abomination that harbors over their once decent looking, shared flat.

Which was typical, considering literally nothing good has ever happened to Sasuke. Ever.

"Well, isn't this jubilant? I finally managed to escape from the cornucopia of dip-shits at home, get into a semi normal relationship, get my own place, all the while a sliver of happiness comes my way... aaaaand just like that, it's gone..." The raven chuckled humorlessly to himself.

Sapphire eyes dull a little at the mention of the dark eyed male's... thing with the light eyed bastard, and even as the time passed, it still left Naruto's stomach churning in an unpleasant, spoilt milk drinking kind of way.

Four weeks, five days, seven hours, twelve minutes, and thirty two seconds...

Thirty three... thirty four...

But it's not like he was counting...

It has been hard to laugh and smile nowadays, he admits, Karui still managed to bring him some excitement from his now uneventful life, thing was, everything was changing and not for the better, everything sucked majorly, and the main reason behind it all? Simple; he'd been seeing less and less of his best friend.

As more and more days went by with less and less words being exchanged with his dark haired counterpart, the blonde found himself, slowly but surely going crazy.

He'd even taken up smoking to chill his nerves. However, not cigarettes though, the other stuff, with the thick, pungent odor and haze-inducing upbringing.

Naruto drank as well, but only occasionally.

Well, if by 'occasion', meant every two hours, then yeah.

The blonde can't remember the last time he was genuinely happy, nor can he remember the last time he hadn't been under the influence of something.

The only he felt nowadays were sinking feelings in his chest and stomach when the long haired prick would brush locks of bluish black tresses out of his best friend/not best friend's eyes, or press his lips against any inch of the other male's body.

It made Naruto sick inside, and in turn made him lash out at anyone, and everyone, all the while Sasuke watched with calm, unfeeling eyes while pressed against his... boyfriend.

He'd blown up on Karui as well, calling her every acid-dripped name in the book. She responded with a much needed slap, unable to hold back, the blonde broke down crying, and he was immediately forgiven.

All the blonde haired boy knew was that his nerves were shot, his sleeping patterns extremely off, and he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why...

Glaring at the ground, he corrected himself.

Yes, he did.

He was so fucked up inside because of Sasuke.

The dobe was convinced. Sasuke's weird, homo relation-shit with Bastard #2 was the reason.

Even after all of what the duo had been through together, everything was frayed and withered into black roots.

And it was all Sasuke's fault for letting that devil in overly expensive suits brainwash him.

Don't be stupid... A voice rung out into his now barely used mind. You set aflame to that bridge way before he got there...

Not thinking straight, Naruto was ready to verbally abuse his own inner self, until he spotted Sasuke strutting to the men gathered in front of the flat, all adorning green uniforms.

"Excuse me, sirs..." Sasuke drawls, eye twitching in annoyance. "Would you mind telling me why that monstrosity is on my flat?"

All five of the men stare, unblinkingly, and it is then that Sasuke realized he was speaking in Russian.

Sighing, he mutters a few Japanese words to himself, before continuing.

One of the men nod at the polyglot once he repeats his question.

"The management company received a complaint that the roof is not as sturdy as it is supposed to be, which is an automatic violation and risks your safety. So, in turn, the apartment is temporarily closed for renovation. You may gather your things but may not return until repairs are completed."

"Fuck..." Sasuke sighs, before turning back to the spot in which he had came.

"What happened?" Naruto asks, voice rasped from un-usage and eyes anywhere but meeting his.

Which was fine by Sasuke, of course. The more time he spent with Neji would mean his amorous, extremely unwanted feelings towards the blonde would dissipate in time. The last thing he needed were those blue gems looking up at him again.

"We're boned for the next so or so days. Can't go into the flat because it's a death trap now or something..." The raven announces.

"Well, I'm shit out of luck. Kyuubi's abroad and my folks live across the country." The blonde sighs.

"Same here..." Sasuke groans, before stopping. "Wait, I'll just ask Hyuuga-"

For the first time in weeks, emotions spike into those soulless eyes.

And fuck if wasn't a beautiful sight to behold.

"I'd rather slam my balls in a car door, 'ttebayo! You know we hate each other, teme."

Stilling at the familiar nickname, and speech impediment, Sasuke fights off a fidgety noise at the sound of Naruto almost sounding like his old self.

"Don't be stubborn... dobe..." The last word is broken off quietly, though the blonde still hears it, and he looks away once more. "Where the hell else are you going to sleep?"

"Easy." The blonde snorts. "With Ino and Sakura-cha-"

Sasuke narrows his eyes on instinct. "Do you remember the last time we spent the night there?"

Tensing at the memory, a bright red flush finds his face in remembrance. "It... totally wasn't their fault, 'ttebayo. They forgot we were staying over... Still... I've never seen that much whipped cream poured on one pers-"

"I don't need to relive it, thank you." Sasuke hisses, cutting the other off.

"Okay... what about... Kiba and Hinata?"

A knowing frown meets the taller male's face. "Inuzuka's mutt has fleas, and refuses to let it sleep outside."

"Er... Gaara...?"

"He shares a flat with Kankuro... enough said."

"Yeah, I totally get that. Karui-chan shares a house with Killer Bee, I couldn't stay over there even if I wanted to..."

"So, obviously our final option is Neji. Take it or leave it, usurantonkachi..."

A beat.

Then the blonde sighs.

"...One damn night is all... I'd rather be homeless than go days longer with that prick..."

"Fine..." Sasuke retorts, desperately now craving a cigarette.

"Fine..." Naruto answers back, desperately now craving liquor strong enough to be used as paint thinner.

#$%&

"In which the person experiences several signs of mental unease such as..."

A pale hand rests over sharp, jade eyes. (1)

"Violent shifts in moods... hyper-sexuality... uh..."

Sighing, the redhead removes his hand from over his eyes to look back down at the textbook.

"Desperation for attention..." Gaara reads out, before groaning. "I'll never get this down packed by next class... damn it..."

Of all the many, many personality disorders he forced himself to recite from memory, and study methods he went through like women with tampons, it was like his brain just regurgitated everything he knew, and projectile vomited every important note from Psychology class onto the ground.

It was horrible, and finals were a day and a half from now.

The entire month he spent obsessing over it, just for his mind to go completely blank.

Digging his nails lightly over the kanji for 'Ai' etched into the space above his right eyebrow, he tried to focus from within, and concentrate.

First rule for a pre-psych major: 'Look within oneself when experiencing a mental blockage and identify the problem.'

That was easy.

His best friend, Uchiha fucking Sasuke, who not only managed to break his elder sister's heart, and (may or may not have) knocked her up, but also, decided out of the fucking blue that he batted for both teams and shacked up with, of all the people pining for him, the person Gaara is in love with.

Wincing as the pain in his chest increases twofold, the problem now obviously identified, did not make the redhead feel any better.

Worse, actually. But that was beside the point.

Slamming the textbook shut, the green eyed boy knew in his little twenty-one year old heart that it was soon to happen, or at least on Neji's part, he knew from the long glances, unnecessarily long touches and amorous gazes that he'd fallen for Sasuke.

Hell, everyone did.

Gaara was the quiet one in their little bunch; the listener, the one who sat back and just understood.

So when Sakura and Ino used to viciously brawl over the raven haired boy, he was the pinkette's shoulder to cry on when he had chosen Ino over her, and out of the kindness in the redhead's own heart, he helped said blonde realize that she loved the other girl, after all. And when Temari called him at four in the morning eleven months ago, sobbing her eyes out about how the raven haired male had stood her up again to tend to Naruto, he listened, and convinced her the relationship between the two should be over, and to be with Shikamaru, who actually returned her feelings.

It was only then that he realized, in complete, utter horror that by doing so, he single-handedly ruined the potential relationship between Sasuke and Ino that would have blossomed into something, and that he damn near convinced Temari to go out and cheat on Sasuke, thus her ending up pregnant without actual knowledge about which of whom fathered it.

The relationships between the women Sasuke loved most were shot with a rocket and nuked into oblivion by Gaara's own insistence to do 'right'.

And because of it, the only one Gaara ever had feelings for fell head over heels for the raven, and not only were the feelings mutual, but had no qualms with showing it in front of him.

Karma was a crazy bitch.

However, Gaara wasn't going to cry, or get mad, or scream 'woe is me' to the world. He accepted responsibility and truly had no one to blame for this misfortune but himself. If he had kept his nose out of other's business, events would have been much different.

Looking around, he spots the 'happy', dark haired couple.

His eyes focus on the Uchiha's relaxed, flawless features, and he can see it.

He can see why so many, many others would feel like Ino, or Sakura, or Temari, or Neji about him. His physical appearance was a magnet to everyone around him, and although his attitude was a repellent to some, love was stubborn, so most stuck around.

In short, as Gaara watched the one he loves kiss his best friend, he realizes Sasuke is perfect.

Utterly perfect, and something the redhead could never be.

The problem was identified.

Sasuke was utterly beautiful, and Gaara was nothing.

#$%&

When the raven and blonde duo arrived at Neji's home-which, by the way, was a sleek, suave condo that basically had the words I'm rich, bitch printed all over it- Naruto grinds his teeth to hold back an insult, and Sasuke hides a smirk when looking at the window he drunkenly broke all those weeks ago.

Neji waits impassively by the opened door, leant against it, his eyes fixated on his younger swain, then on the blonde haired current bane of his existence.

By God, he could not stand that ignorant little wench.

However, he was (for now) a part of Sasuke's life, so he had no other choice but to 'deal' with the irritating, temperamental child.

Naruto walks past him, silently, through the door, making sure his shoulder bumped the taller male's with a hard, forced collision. Rolling his eyes at the spiteful petulance the fair haired male displayed, he moves gracefully and quick enough to prevent Sasuke from entering.

"What?" The raven grunts, irritated already. Neji shares the look.

"He is testing me, my dear. And I do believe that I am destined to be the Oedipus Rex to his Original King..." (2)

Sighing, the onyx eyed male purses his lips. "If you can deal with me on a regular basis, Hyuuga, then you can deal with him. Quit your bitching. It's just a weekend...or are you that much of a princess that you can't deal with us lesser beings for a few days...?" Leaning forward, he breaks his sentence off with a smirk.

Neji mimics the action. "Silence..." He whispers against the other's lips. "Before I smite you as well..." With that, their lips meet, and the motion is caught from the peripheral vision of sapphire eyes, which then causes a certain blonde to grimace from afar.

Yuck.

Okay, fine, so to anyone else, they probably looked alright together. But with Naruto, the wonderful and straight hunk of blonde goodness that he is, can actually see that prick-bag Neji for who he really is, and to those with working eyes, it's obvious he doesn't even deserve to lick his best friend's shoes, let alone, lick anything else on him.

"I think I'm gonna be sick, 'ttebayo..." The blonde grumbles to himself, before setting his duffel-bag onto the smooth, wooden floors.

Popping open his badass, tried-and-true bag (He'd owned it for all three years of high school up until now) He eyes all of the unopened, dark liquor bottles, and frowns to himself. If he could just get situated into his room already, he'd get so drunk he would forget that he was even in this bastard's house-

"Dobe, clean out the wax from your ears. Neji is going to show you to your room."

'First name basis now?! What the fuck is this?!'

Tanned fists clench together at his sides, and looks up just in time to see the raven's brow rise in perplexity, and he knows he has no choice but to relax his hands again.

Sasuke couldn't know about the wars waged on the buff, manly, gorgeous blonde side and the tall, lanky prick side. That'd equal disaster.

This epic duel with the long haired, white eyed dragon would have to continue in silence and resume whilst the dark eyed, elf maiden-soldier slept.

Fine.

That just gives Naruto more time to plot on that asshole.

"Yeah, sure, 'ttebayo. Thank you, Neji. You're such a considerate host and shit." Fixing the two a spitefully forced grin, he drags his bag purposely against the nice, shiny floors, emitting a sharp, scraping sound. His insides can't help but start dancing happily when the oldest male narrows his colorless eyes. The stare-down continues even as they go up the stairs and down the long hallway.

So many words unsaid.

If they were voicing their detest for each-other out loud, however, the youngest male thinks it'd probably go like this:

Naruto glares in utter distaste, his beautiful, panty-dropping face displays much hate towards the freakishly tall, rich-boy bastard. 'Stay away from my best friend, asshole!' he roars, his deep, powerful voice sending tremors throughout the tall prick's shitty house. Alas the blonde Asian god was quite a wondrous, sexy sight to many, and even though literally millions of girls like totally threw themselves at him, unfortunately for them, his heart only belonged to one equally awesome and sexy person and that was the love of the god's life, a badass, smoking hot person by the name of Sasu-

Wait.

What?

WHAT?

There was obviously a mental typo there.

Pause. Erase. Rewind.

Play.

-Karui. Karui is totally what I mean. She's totally perfect, especially considering that I- I mean, Naruto taught her to properly eat pocky. And that bastard Sasuke doesn't even like sweets, so he obviously wasn't perfect like she was. I mean, what kind of regular human being doesn't like sweets? Anyways, the awesome and insanely epic god of utter sexiness obviously cared for his best friend-

Not in that way, of course, coz then that'd be weird, ehehehe.

-And he was not gonna let some tall, brainwashing weirdo take advantage of his friend any longer. And while the nowhere-near-as-awesome-or-sexy as Karui elf-maiden-soldier guy Sasuke slept under the homo, hypnotizing spell of the Hyuuga, a battle unleashed, and the asshole then morphed into his true form, an enormous, silver dragon who then huffed and drew in a deadly breath and spewed fifty thousand tons of fire at the god. But unfortunately for him, the dragon was just no where as cool or as awesome as the blonde, and so then, the blonde leapt and cut the dragon in half and then the elf maiden-soldier then woke up and went back to being straight and married his girlfriend and he and the blonde lived happily (as friends) forever.

And the moral of the story is that sexy always triumphs over asshole, so why in the hell did Sasuke like this bastard so much? because Naruto was obviously so much better, they knew each-other for a more than a decade, knew each-other's favourite colors, and foods, and books, and birthdays, and fucking social security numbers, and attended the same primary, middle and high school and even had nicknames for each-other, god-dammit. And on top of that, not that it meant anything because I'm completely and utterly straight and only totally like girls, but I totally kissed that bastard first, and not only did I kiss him, we did mouth stuff and hand stuff to each-other too and it was waaaaayyyy before that guy even came around! Do you hear that, Hyuuga?! We had sex! A lot of times! I took Sasuke's guy-ginity and you didn't-

Alright.

The thoughts in Naruto's mind was getting out of hand, and now thinking about Sasuke was starting to border on dangerous.

He blamed it on Karui not being here, coz then they'd have sex and he'd be perfectly normal again, and not thinking about all those months that he and the raven... relieved their stresses with each-other, like a weirdo.

"Where's your room, teme?" Naruto asks, curious when he reaches the guest room.

However, before his counterpart can even open his mouth, the Hyuuga appears with a sardonic smirk. "We share the bedroom. Sasuke is here so much, I'm afraid. It's almost as if he's living here..."

Blue eyes go wide, and Sasuke rolls his own, and continues to walk.

Neji walks past the frozen blonde, the smirk widening when their eyes meet.

Naruto's teeth bare and his eyes flash with vehemence.

God, he really needed a drink.

#$%&

A reassuring text from his girlfriend and quart of cannabis inhaled later, Naruto felt slightly better, but still, he was so damn bored, he even felt like reading a book to pass the time. He'd had only three fingers of whiskey, and still that did nothing.

He could easily venture downstairs...

But then, that'd mean socializing...

Like he'd want that.

Holy shit, weed was starting to turn him into Sasuke.

Karui promised to visit in three days, and so far, this was the longest eighty six minutes of his life that ever went by. It was torture, and there were only fucking law and LSAT preparation books and gruesome shit about serial killers and the justice system that decorated the otherwise bare room.

It was obvious to even Naruto, that not many people came here.

I'm surprised, 'ttebayo... I mean, with such a lovely attitude Hyuuga has, there should be more people coming over, Naruto snorted sardonically.

When the blonde wakes up six hours later, it's ten at night, and his throat is dry.

His good friend, Jose Cuevo could help that, and a lazy smile meets the full, rosy lips.

He rolls to the side to locate his duffel-bag, and his awesome, manly hands touch air.

Sitting up, he blinks the blur from his ocean hues and looks over the side of the bed.

Eyes narrowing in confusion, he gets up to look around, wondering if he left it elsewhere.

After as much pondering a coming-down-from-a-high person could do, a frown slowly forms on Naruto's mouth.

What...

The...

Shit...?

Okay, so to some, the blonde would seem like a raging alcoholic, but now was NOT the time for anyone to suddenly have a good heart and try to give him an intervention. Hell no, not while he was temporarily staying over (in misery) as Casa de la Asshole.

Wait.

"Oh, you motherfucker!" The blonde screeches suddenly in realization. That bastard snuck in (Why even be silent about it? This is his damn house!) and stole his alcohol so he had nothing to distract himself with.

Death by withdrawal and boredom.

This was cruel, even for the Hyuuga.

"What did I do to deserve this?" He asks the big, probably ramen-loving dude up in the sky. "Is it because of that one time where I got drunk and groped Hinata? That was like, two years ago and everyone knows that I'm sorry for that! Sorta... kinda... okay, so I'm not really sorry..."

Tensing up, tanned knuckles crack in preparation.

It was time.

This game had been going on long enough.

He'd kick Neji's ass, drink in victory, cook and eat some ramen, then sleep.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

But first, another joint.

Coz, you know, weed was natural and shit. And nature makes you strong, right?

Pulling out the pre-rolled, especially illegal substance, he lights the end, and inhales deeply.

Tick.

Tock..

Tick...

Tock...

Wow, the world is really beautiful and complex...

Why can't everyone just get along...?

Did OJ really do it...?

Why don't Gackt and George Clooney want to get married...?

Why can't Bou just come back to An Cafe...?

How many calories does the Gangnam style dance burn...?

Tick...

Tock...

Oh yeah, totally getting way off track here...

Puffing up his chest, he marches downstairs, ready for war.

Input the Rocky montage music and this would be the perfect scene for a movie.

#$%&

"I'm here to kick your ass, and drink liquor, and I'm all out of liquor, coz you totally stole it-"

Naruto storms in the living room, ready to cock his fists back, and let Asian Smaug have it.

"Dobe, come join us..."

Unfortunately, the first thing he sees is Sasuke, sitting at the living room table, playing chess, and who's dressed down to just only sweatpants.

Input weird butterfly stomach things.

It doesn't mean anything, of course. Just gas or something.

Neji meets his male inamorata (Thanks, Chevvy!) back at the table. Before he sits across from him, however, he traces a finger, long and slow over the raven's bare back.

Does Uzumaki Naruto have to choke a bitch? He hisses to himself.

Sasuke took another shot of his (Naruto's) tequila, and motions for the blonde to sit next to him on the large couch across from the oldest male, much to Neji's annoyance.

"Don't tell me you're bitter about your drinks, dobe. Surely you bought all of that here for all of us?"

Freezing, the blonde gulps, and he realizes just how close he is to the dark eyed male again.

Shit.

Shitshitshit...

He quickly glances at the smug male, who smirks in return.

Damn it, Neji knows that he's slipping.

Maybe it was the weed he just smoked five minutes ago that makes him bolder and more touchy-feely than usual, but he finds himself, in no time, stretched and perched halfway onto Sasuke, his blonde spiked/curled hair tickling Sasuke's cheek.

"Of course, Sas-gay, It's always awesome to see you drunk..." He laughs, squirming until his entire side is pressed hard against his companion's.

Sasuke paid no heed to the affection, other than the annoyed grunt, but on the inside, he was very much split in between throwing the blonde off of him, jumping up and shouting 'Fuck off, can't you see I don't want to be in love with you?!' and throwing the blonde down and screwing his brains out.

But not the second option.

Never the second option.

No, he has Neji now, and that's all that matters.

The chess game is intense though, which pisses him off to no end. He was sort of PTSD about chess for a while, because from ages six to sixteen, he used to get his ass handed ruthlessly to him in chess by Itachi, his father, and his mother. In actuality, he received so many ass whoopings, that he quit altogether.

He then discovered the joys of being an undergraduate at Konoha Uni; stupid fucking people. Which only meant mercilessly owning motherfuckers in chess.

Alas, Sasuke was king of the world.

Or he was, until he started dating/fucking Neji, who was like an (extremely attractive) zombie that received his nourishment by being better than everyone at everything.

What Sasuke does admire about Neji, however, besides his way above average body, and talented mouth, was his intelligence.

Neji was disgustingly brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that Sasuke felt stupid next to him, (which was extremely hard to do because the raven is, damn modesty, a fucking smart ass individual) and for every language he struggled to become fluent in, the Hyuuga would learn two with ease, just so they could have 'more in common'.

Boasting bastard.

Neji may have completely and utterly destroyed the Asian stereotype for the whole 'small penis' thing (Far, far from. Which, Sasuke admits, is a real killer for his jaw), but as for the whole 'genius' thing, it served him and it great justice.

Anyways, this shit was serious, and the prideful motherfucker that Sasuke is, cannot afford to lose to this guy in anything else. Bed, yes, because Neji was tall as all hell, and towered over everyone with ease, but chess, no.

But it was becoming extremely hard to concentrate with the gorgeous, obviously high blonde latched onto him, and tracing little circles on his chess-playing arm.

Thankfully, Neji, being the master of deductions, looks at Naruto plainly. "Alas, I am going to ask this, because apparently, no one else will... Are you stoned, Naruto-san?"

Naruto opens one lazy blue eye, and replies just as dryly. "Bitch, I might be."

Stiffening, Sasuke does all he can to fight off a laugh.

Neji frowns to himself and captures the raven's knight.

Fuck.

"What a pleasant role model you are..." Neji murmurs in focus. "I can only imagine how much of a debacle your grades must be..."

"You're absolutely right..." Naruto sighs, casually. "I'm afraid I get my good grades the good old fashioned way; fucking all my teachers."

This time, Sasuke attempted to hide his snort and muffle his laughter with his glass of freshly poured scotch.

It failed.

Neji, irritated, immediately captured a rook.

Goddddd dammit...

"You are well aware that is contraband, then? What you are partaking in is considered very illegal..." Neji says, his eyes unwavering from the game.

The blonde does his very best to look disappointed in himself. "Yeah, I know. Please don't call the cops. It's just... I've been running from five-oh for so long... I'm on my fourth identity... I just can't go back to being a prison bitch, y'know?"

"Fucking dobe..." Sasuke snickers out, finally unable to contain his laughter.

Captured queen.

Ugh.

Sasuke's king was in check now.

"You are unbearable-" Neji hisses, annoyed.

"-That's what she said." Naruto chirps, and by now, Sasuke is clutching his stomach, torn between busting a gut and trying to take Neji's bishop.

"Grow up-"

"That's what she said-disappointedly."

Sasuke's deep, velvety laughter fills the room, and it brings a triumphant smile to Naruto's face.

Had this have been anything else, Neji would have victoriously trampled and over-killed the blonde.

However, this was a battle of not wits, but immaturity. Something of which Neji never experienced before.

He was done for, and that aggravating, bronze fool would humiliate him, in his own damned house...

Unless...

"Checkmate, dearest Sasuke..." Neji announces, smirking lightly.

Sasuke's still unfocused, he is pulled in by the wrist, the oldest male leans over the table and crashing his mouth onto his still laughing lips.

Colorless eyes watch with glee when the blue eyed terrorist shuts up and tenses.

Ha.

Take that, you insufferable child.

Neji's hand rises up to thread through raven locks, and for good measure, bit and nipped lightly on the other's lower lip, ecstatically reveling in the writhing of fury the dumb blonde openly displayed.

When Neji pulls back a short while later, and the flushed, taken aback expression (Sasuke doesn't show much emotion at times) and grinding-teeth-to-dust look on Naruto's face was indefinitely a two-bird-with-one-stone killing.

A mischievous, secretive smile meets the law student's face.

"I win, dear Sasuke, because you see, I have your king-" Quick glance at light haired moron. "-And your heart..."

When Sasuke's facial expression didn't change, Naruto began to panic.

And now the duo are staring at each-other silently, and are communicating without words, and he just can't fucking take the looks or the possibility that Sasuke might just be falling for this guy-

No.

No.

Nononononononononono-

Tanned hands jolt out and quickly down the entire glass of scotch.

The effect is almost instant, but it still hurts.

So he drinks Neji's untouched glass.

Not enough.

One more.

Fuck, that burns.

And Naruto was never the kind of person who hid his feelings, so...

A snort escapes him, and before he can't prevent it, he's vomiting out words.

"Well, I still have his virginity...!"

With that, the entire room falls silent, and a tense, heavy aura thickens the air, almost causing the blonde to choke.

When those words escaped his lips, a startled, horrified realization of just how hateful, and bitter, and jealous he sounded is enough to send his stomach churning.

Sasuke stares at Naruto, their expressions are of pure, white horror are matched. The dark eyes are speaking, when the lips don't.

They simply say: 'What did you just do?'

And Naruto can't answer.

Sasuke's eyes finally meet Neji's, and the eldest' flawless features are stone cold, like a marble statue.

Neji himself, almost wants to ask if it is true.

But the silence is his confirmation, so it is pointless to do so.

With hard, unfeeling eyes, Neji rises, and gracefully exits up the stairs.

Sasuke jumps up to follow, but stops temporarily when the blonde opens his mouth to speak.

Explain yourself, he barks internally, but it comes out jumbled out loud.

"You think..." The dobe begins, shakily. "That he'll understand if I say I blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alchohol?"

If this were sometime else, he may have gotten a small smirk at the musical reference.

But this was serious.

Sasuke wasn't laughing.

He rises and follows after his swain.

And Naruto is left to drink alone.

Like always.

#$%&

It is three in the morning when Naruto is woken from his drunken slumber.

There are quick, angry knocks on the door, and the short blonde slowly stumbles towards it, still half-sleep.

If it were the Hyuuga with a samurai sword, coming in to perform a satsujin-ken (3) on him, then Naruto guesses he should have drank and smoked more and had more sex if he knew today would be his last.

Naruto picks up a joint from his bag and fishes out his lighter to quickly light the end.

If he was going to die today, he'd die so baked, he wouldn't even feel it.

When the blonde opens the door, it is not Hyuuga with a vengeance.

It is Sasuke.

A very, very enraged Sasuke.

The furious raven barges in, almost making the shorter male fall on his face.

"Sas-"

"Neji isn't talking to me, and it's your fucking fault." The extremely intoxicated raven growls, pacing back and forth.

Naruto fumbles to keep up, but the dark eyed male is moving at a cocaine-using speed.

"Wait, what-"

Angrily, the taller male snatches the joint from his counterpart's mouth and places in to his own, and with a long pull, he exhales it with ease.

Sasuke then grimaces. "This tastes terrible, and not only are you a damn idiot for fucking up Neji and I's relationship, you're a damn idiot for smoking this useless shit, too."

At this point the dobe is frantic to get a sentence in. "Sasuke, listen-"

But the raven explodes instead. "No, you listen. You ruined everything, you moronic fuck! I thought Temari was bat-shit when she told me to stay away from you. But she was right all along, you are toxic."

Naruto just stood there as Sasuke loomed over him, venomous words hitting him full force like punches.

But, he couldn't bring it upon himself to feel bad.

It's just... the dark haired male was so close, and angry...

And still shirtless...

Unfortunately, his hand is harshly slapped away, and Naruto didn't even realize that they even moved.

"Don't touch me..." Sasuke growls, his eyes alight and glittering with malice.

"Sasuke, I'm sorry..." The bronze blonde stresses.

His companion won't stand to hear it. "Neji is going to break up with me! Stop acting like it isn't about to happen!"

Another drag taken on Sasuke's part.

It doesn't help.

It never does.

"You ruined my relationship just like you ruin everything! What did I even do to deserve that?!"

More questions that Naruto could not answer.

When the tall male turns to pace again, is when the blue eyed boy can find his voice again.

"I didn't mean for that to happen-"

Unconsciously, two pairs of feet pull themselves closer.

Almost like gravity...

Naruto watches silently.

Something about Sasuke's face when he's mad, he thinks, I don't know what it is, but...

"Well, it did!" The taller of the two barks. "And I don't want to talk about it anymore-"

The blonde inches closer.

"So, fuck you-"

Suddenly, the bronze male is tippy-toe'ing and his mouth meets the angry pair of lips.

Immediately, Sasuke is silenced.

Naruto pulls back, and both say nothing.

Then, almost like a paused movie, it resumes, and both mouths meet again, this time mutual, and deeper. Pale hands (Even with the lit joint) cup the tanned face, pouring every ounce of frustration (and poorly disguised affection) into the kiss.

Sasuke's back hits the wall farthest from the door, and before the duo realize it, the raven is sitting, and the blonde is situated on his lap.

The mouths don't part from each-other, and the attention on the the dying flame of the joint is ignored.

Naruto tastes very much like a bar for old White men with too much money and too many life problems. There is at least six different dark and light liquors soaked onto his tongue, mixed with ash from the smokes and salt from the ramen noodles.

Oddly enough, it fits him.

In a really gross 'you-need-to get-your-life-together' kind of way.

But it's the dobe, so it's automatically sexy.

The dobe in question moves back, and when Sasuke thinks he's going to get up, scream that little girly scream he has, and run off.

(He's done it before, when he was showering six months ago, he saw a spider, ran out of the flat, and down the street, completely nude. Sasuke had to tackle him. It was a good thing he was screwing the younger then, or else it would have just been weird, even for their friendship.)

Instead, those sinfully plush, alcohol drenched, kiss-bitten lips move over to his neck, then chest, then his stomach, and...

Oh...

Oh...

Very much like one of those romantic-turned pornographic books/movies that Temari used to force him to partake in, those lips then wrap around him with ease, and it sends Sasuke jolting a little in surprise.

It'd been a while since they last did this... with each-other.

He was not drunk enough...

Seriously...

With a sharp inhale of breath, long pale fingers gather into the styled, fair locks, and direct each rhythmic movement with ease.

It was enjoyable, really. However, it seemed like hours had passed by, instead of minutes.

That mouth was dangerous.

Damn it, he was getting close.

That just wouldn't do.

Another quick inhale, and Sasuke was firmly gripping the locks and tugging the owner's head upwards.

The blonde got the message after a while, and with a final tug, their mouths clash together again.

The room is now dead silent and the dark eyed male kisses away the sound from moaning lips.

When the raven's hands roam, they find the zipper to infuriating jeans, and impatiently they fall slightly down sunkissed thighs.

It was slightly sloppy and rushed instead of dragged out, but the drunk blonde got along fine. With parted legs, he sinks down, and a gasp escapes him, and a rather hard bite on his lips, complete with trembling, gave away that the blue eyed boy was immediately feeling it.

The Uchiha's free hand (That isn't in between the other's legs) guides the slim hips to push back and forth with each directed movement, the pants and groans escaping rose lips grow less quiet.

"S... aah... suke... ahh." Naruto manages to mewl out through heavy breathing that seems to be too quick for his body to handle. Those bright eyes are shut and legs part even wider. The joint in Sasuke's hand finally discarded when Sasuke pushes up to press the blonde onto the floor.

Long, slender legs wrap around the Uchiha's waist, whilst short, blunt nails dig into the alabaster-tinted back.

The blonde's breathy moans ascend to soft cries, the trembling increases tenfold, and both are far too involved in their affaire to remember that they are not alone.

Their mouths meet again, their climaxes simultaneous.

(Blurred and unfocused) pairs of eyes meet with the other.

"I..." the tanned male tries to form words, but fail. "Sasuke, I..."

"I feel stupid when I'm dancing,
No, I can't dance as cool as you,
I just feel stupid when I'm dancing,
Like a psychopathic fool..."

And just like the movies, a cellphone starts to ring and fucks everything up.

With newfound energy, Naruto scrambles from under Sasuke, and hurries (limps) to the source of the music.

"Hello?... Karui-chan! Yeah, of course I can talk now... no, I was already up... nah, I wasn't doing anything important..."

An 'Are you fucking kidding me' expression twists onto the Uchiha's face.

It does nothing to disguise or quell the verbal punch to the balls he feels.

Serves me right though, he thinks, why the hell did I even for a minute think that things were going to change?

And now Sasuke feels stupid.

And Sasuke should never, under any circumstances, ever feel stupid.

When Naruto is done gushing over his girlfriend's surprising news, he hangs up.

Turning around, he is speaking before he looks. "Hey, teme, guess what? Karui's gonna visit tomorrow-"

Sasuke was gone.

Face scrunching in confusion, he shakes his head, and looks for clothes to take with him to the shower.

#$%&

The next morning, Sasuke is hungover as fuck, but still, manages to drag himself out of bed at six in the morning, because anything later than that is considered 'unnecessary sleeping in' to Neji. He ventures downstairs, showered and teeth brushed (His conscious knows why).

He spots the svelte older male doing the crosswords in the newspaper with almost disturbing ease.

Things were still pretty fucked up from yesterday, and Sasuke, the wonderfully socially retarded person he is, has no idea how to go about it. Usually when he pissed Temari or Ino off, they just folded their arms and stayed silent until he went and bought them something.

Was this any different?

Or was it a gender thing?

Did it apply to males as well?

Damn it, dating dudes was hard.

Sasuke awkwardly walks up to the silent male.

Now the Uchiha never really listened to today's trendy music, but even he couldn't help but think 'Note to self; Neji is definitely in his zone...'

Damn it, Uchiha, don't punk out now...

Before a syllable could even be awkwardly uttered, Neji whirled around, and brought his hand hard across the raven's porcelain face.

It caught Sasuke off guard, of course, but mostly just shocked him.

Blinking slowly, he looks back at the cool, collected swain of his.

"Did you just..." Sasuke starts. "Jerry Springer slap me...?"

Not even angry, just incredulous.

"If that is what you wish to refer to it as, then, yes, I suppose I did." Neji replies, calmly.

"May I ask why?" Sasuke tries again.

The Hyuuga grows silent for a moment, then turns away, resuming his crossword puzzle, not a hair out of place.

"I have just realized that what was once between us is now sullied, and I'd rather not romantically associate myself with you any longer..."

The tone was so robotic, that it almost sends Sasuke stumbling. "Wait... you're breaking up with?"

Expressionless milk eyes meet charcoal once more. "Do you want me to?"

Dark brows furrow in confusion. "No-"

"I want to believe you, really. But the logically thinking part of me knows for certain that you do not know what you want, Uchiha."

Shit, that actually hurt a little.

The tall, graceful male turns fully now.

"I heard you three hours ago, engaging in coitus with that blonde moronic trash. That is not what one does when in a relationship, so I have decided that I no longer wish to deal with you or your unnecessary troubles..."

Oh, shit.

Flashes of what happened hours before swam through his mind, and Sasuke realizes that he is in deep shit.

Fucking hell.

Think fast, think fast...

"I was drunk..." Sasuke starts, the universal explanation to everything. "Really, I mistook him for you..."

Probably...

Neji, of course, is far too intelligent to buy that, but a serene smile meets his face anyways.

"I would punish you farther, but since you are here with me, and not with him, I can only assume things did not end well afterwards... you poor thing."

Ignoring the sting of truth in the law student's words, Sasuke attempts to find some common ground.

"It won't happen again, I promise..." He sighs.

The secretive, unforgiving smile remains there. "Meet me back in my bedroom in ten minutes."

With that, the male saunters back upstairs, the Uchiha, utterly con-fuzzled.

"Wait... are we back together or not?" He calls after the silent male, and receives no answer in return.

Sasuke bows his head in exhaustion.

Relationships are confusing.

#$%&

Sasuke cruises en route to the re-creational area, he would walk faster, however, Neji was without mercy. So Sasuke, adorning scraped up knees, bruised hips and a sore jaw, drug his severely sexed-up ass to meet his friend anyway.

When he got there, however, the redhead took one long look at him, and stalked past him with a heated glare.

Wait.

What the hell?

Sasuke catches up easily. "Gaara. What's going on?"

The redhead finally stops, "Temari went into labour four hours ago. We've all been calling you, but judging from the looks of you, you've been so busy with Hyuuga Neji's cock in your mouth, I guess you didn't get the memo."

The envy poured onto the redhead's words sends the raven frowning. "Is there any reason as to why you sound like a jealous schoolgirl right now? Enlighten me, please, on how my relationship is any of your business..."

Gaara falls silent, and eventually sighs. "She didn't have the baby yet, but it will be soon. She's in the hospital and wants you there."

With those words, the jade eyed male walks off.

Sasuke watches the short male leave, and a disgruntled expression meets his face.

What the fuck is wrong with everyone all of a sudden?

#$%&

Dipping his head down, Naruto's lips softy meet full, strawberry glossed lips.

"You sure are affectionate today." Karui laughs lightly against his mouth.

"I just really missed you, Karui-chan." The blonde grins and runs his fingers over soft, cocoa skin.

"Oh? So you don't know what today is?" The redhead asks, coyly.

"Of course! It's... eh... um... Valentine's Day?"

The blank expression he is met with sends him wincing.

Shit, he did it again, didn't he?

Karui scowls, her true No Bullshit-ish attitude revealed. "No! It's our eight month anniversary, baka..."

Damn, think fast...

"I t-totally knew that, dattebayo! I was just testing you... c-coz my last girlfriend totally forgot, and like, remembering stuff like that is really important and shit..."

He rambles long enough that a smile finds her face. "I knew you wouldn't forget. You're not like the other guys at all...so, where's my present?"

Aw, damn. "M-my flat, but it's still under renovation, s-so you probably won't get it til', like, Monday or something, ehehehe..."

She takes both hands and looks up at the blonde, a soft expression is relaxed on her features.

"You're, like, almost perfect, Naru..." She whispers. "I love you..."

Wait.

Hold on.

Cease.

Pause.

Halt.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck...

Uhm...

Okay.

You can do this...

Er...

A wide smile dances on the blonde's lips. "I love you, too-"

This was like a romantic comedy movie come true.

This was awesome.

"-Sasuke."

Except for one thing.

Karui wasn't hugging him, or kissing him with joy.

She wasn't even smiling.

She stood there, jaw dropped, with a hideous expression of horror on her face.

It is only a few moments later that Naruto realizes that he has said Sasuke's name instead of her's.

Soon, they share the same expression.

Oh...

Shit...

#$%&

AN: Aaaaaaannnnnndddddd, WE. ARE. FINITO. For now ;-)

Oh my God, Cass went to Japan for a month.

You know how we Americans envision urban Japanese kids as like people out of an anime?

We are sooooooo wrong. Cass says it's like New York all over again, just in Japanese. There are rage comic jokes, rap music references, etc, etc. It's so fabulous, lol, because we really are all the same!

Anyways, did you all like the chapter? Try not to burn Cass and I at the stake because of the NejiSasu/NaruKarui. I mean, we're gonna tell you now, that if we put Sasu and Naru back together next chapter because you guys want us to, then this story will only last about ten chapters. Okay? Okay!

Does anyone feel bad for Gaara? I know I do... :-(.

(1): It's a study habit I (Zxylem) have when studying. I read whatever I'm supposed to read, then cover my eyes then try to read it without looking. I do that a couple of times until it is memorized. It's been pretty effective.

(2): For those who didn't read 'Oedipus The King', it's about a new king named Oedipus Rex who wants to find out who killed the king before him. It turns out it was Oedipus who not only killed him, but also married his widow (who turns out to be Oedipus' mom.) Yeah, pretty fucked up. But yeah, Neji is basically saying he's going to end up slaying Naruto. Ohohoho, but we wouldn't do that to our readers... or would we? *wink*

(3): 'Satsujin-ken' literally means 'Murder by sword' in Japanese.

Chapter Playlist:

Naruto's ringtone for Karui: "The Ugly Dance"/"Fuldans" by Fulkutur. There's this big craze about this song, so I thought it'd fit Naru.

Reviewer Question: The reason why this fic is listed under 'Humor' is mainly because of Naruto. Chevvy, Cass, and I do our absolutely best to make Naru a funny motherfucker in this.

Soooo, what do you think is the funniest Naruto quote you've read? It can be more than one.

Zxylem's favourite: "Does Uzumaki Naruto have to choke a bitch?." and "Bitch, I might be."

Cass's favourite: "You think...That he'll understand if I say I blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alchohol?" and "Hell no, not while he was temporarily staying over (in misery) as Casa de la Asshole."

Chev's favourite: "Bastard! You just hate me coz I'm black!"

What's yours?

P.S.: Naru's admitted out loud he loves Sasuke. Now, what is he going to do with this information is what you all wanna know, right? Be patient, dears!

Anyways, reviewwwww. Because if no one does, this shit's remaining like this! *tries an angry face*

See you next time! (Or maybe not, it's up to the reviews...)

Ja Ne!

-SicklePickle