Disclaimer : Al characters belong to Marvel.

So this is my first comedy fic! It won't be a long story , maybe just 5-6 chapters.

Hope you enjoy it :D!

Two hours.

She had been looking for TWO HOURS, without any results.

'Stark.'

She bet S.H.I.E.L.D's entire fortune that it had been him. That childish prank screamed his name out loud.

'I'll break his arm.' Natasha thought, kicking the door of her room open 'But that will beafter I get it back… Stark will regret the day his father decided to woo his mother.'

Natasha found Tony in his bar. He was drinking directly from a bottle of whiskey. Judging by his red nose and untidy clothes, he had been drinking more than a recently unemployed man.

'Well, that's an advantage.' the Black Widow though, smiling slyly 'Everyone knows that children and drunks always speak the truth. But if he refuses, I can always force it out of him with some more violent methods.'

Tony smiled at her rather stupidly; that was the only word Natasha could use to describe his smile. Despite her visible annoyance, Tony seemed not to notice the bad mood of Natasha at all.

"Wow! I'll be dammed! Isn't this the sexiest redhead russian lady you've ever seen , Jarvis? " Tony exclaimed , winking at Natasha and rising the whiskey bottle." A toast for you! From Russia with love, babe. "

"Sir, I do not think that's the correct way to talk to your guest. " Jarvis said "Especially if that certain guest is a skilled assassin with a short temper for your flirting. Or should I say , drunk insinuations? Think about what Miss Potts would say if she saw you acting like this… She wouldn't be surprised or disappointed, but she will definitely would be angry."

"What are you babbling about, you over-developed calculator? Chill! It's not as if this sexy lady was Natasha , the hawk's girl." Tony laughed, but after looking at Natasha one more time, his smiled slowly evaporated." Haha..hah… Oh, fuck."

Natasha rolled her eyes. What was the reason she was living with that idiot again?

"Well, whatever." Tony said, shrugging and turning his back on Natasha as he took another sip from the bottle. "You're still sexy."

"The only sexy thing will be the broken bone I'll give you if you don't tell me where you put it. NOW!" The assassin threatened with a cold voice.

Tony frowned and scratched his head.

"Natasha, are you drunk? " He asked "Yeah, you definitely are. Jarvis, I think our guest is a little bit confused ... Escort her back to her room and give her some coffee with lemon. That'll cure her drunkness. And don' start lecturing me about how that word doesn't exist. I like it so I'll use it and you can't stop me. "

But Jarvis apologized saying that he would gladly accompany Natasha back to her room, but that it was impossible. When Tony asked why the hell he couldn't, Jarvis explained:

"I'm just an artificial intelligence, sir. I have a large capacity, a remarkable charisma and admirable humility, but I have neither legs nor a physical body. So I'm afraid that while the circumstances remain so, I cannot accompany any woman to her room. "

"Wow, well that's depressing. For you, at least. " Tony said, taking another sip of his drink. "Damn, this whiskey is like heaven in a bottle! ... Hey, look Jarvis! A sexy redheaded russian walked into my tower! Quick, call the fire department, because I'm getting so hot I'm catching fire!"

"I have no time for this crap. "Natasha said, tired of Tony's nonsense.

Without any warning, Natasha snatched away the bottle of whiskey from Tony's hand and sent it flying across the other side of the room. Then, she quickly grabbed Tony's arm and twisted it on his back, forcing Tony to crash his face against the bar.

Tony groaned in pain.

"Ow! I like them rough, but this is ridiculous ... "

"Shut up Stark, and tell me where is it! "Natasha demanded, twisting Tony's arm even more tightly

"Where's what?!" Tony asked, honestly surprised and confused "Start making some sense, woman! Jarvis, I won't get angry if you help me, you know!"

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm not programmed to intervene in fights between the human's genders. "

"Damn, now I know I can always rely on you. Thanks a lot, 'friend' "

"It's a pleasure, sir."

Natasha didn't believe in Tony's innocence for even a second , and insisted again, this time with more aggressiveness than before.

"Stop pretending, Stark. I know it was you who took it! "Natasha roared. "You have two options : the easy one , in which you give me back what belongs to me and I don't throw you out by the window, or the hard one, where I'll have to explain Potts why she'll never see his drunken and immature boyfriend ever again . So which one will be?"

"You're insane Romanoff! Besides, that megalomaniac god already threw me out of the window and it didn't exactly work, remember? "Answered Tony, struggling to escape from the woman's grip " And whatever you are looking for, I don't have it! Did you lose your common sense or something? Don't worry in that case, because all women lose that once every month…"

"Wrong answer, philanthropist and millionaire moron." Replied Natasha.

"No, wait! I'm telling you the truth, you crazy spider! I've been here on my bar for the last three hours! Or maybe it's been three days already? I don't know, I can't remember clearly, my memories are confucious. "

"I think the word you're looking for is confusing, sir." Corrected Jarvis.

"You just love to point out my mistakes, don't you Jarivs ? " Tony said "Smart -ass computer…"

"Well, everything resemblances it's owner. Or creator, in this case "Jarvis answered quite cockily, as always. Then he said to Natasha "Miss Romanoff, may I ask what is that you seek? Maybe , If it is ok with you, I could help."

Natasha relaxed a little and bit her lip. Jarvis seemed to be more prudent (if not smarter) than Tony, but he, or it or however Jarvis should be addressed, still was Strak's creation, and therefore, she knew it was best not to give too many details about her missing object.

'Also, if Stark is actually innocent and finds out what I've lost, he won't let me forget this incident for the rest of my life.' Natasha thought 'He'll make sure I become S.H.I.E.L.D's laughing stock!'

She was determined not to let that happen. NEVER.

"It's ... something very valuable to me,." Natasha said, finally letting go of Tony. "It's just, something I hold very dear…"

"Aw, isn't that sweet. Stop, Natasha, your giving me diabetes." Tony scoffed, with an overly dramatic and mocking voice.

Natasha silenced him with a kick to the stomach.

"And how long has this object been missing, miss Romanoff?" Jarvis asked.

"Since this morning, after I returned from the mission Fury assigned me and Clint."

"Yeah , sure. A 'mission ' " Tony mocked, , without having the decency to shut up " Is that how you and the hawk call your ... ' romantic meetings'? Pepper and I just prefer to call them se…"

"Thank you, sir. That's enough information for a lifetime. –"Jarvis interrupted just in time, for the relief of Natasha "Well, miss Romanoff, I can assure you that master Tony speaks the truth. He indeed hasn't left the bar in the last three days, so he's innocent. He is drunk, but still innocent."

"But then ,who ...?- "Natasha wondered, trying to find out who was the theft.

"I'm afraid I don't know that answer, miss. My security's cameras system broke down when master Tony thought it would be hilarious to answer the call of nature in my main circuits ." Jarvis explained, his voice not free of reproach.

"Do not be so whiny, Jarvis. It was fun! "Added Tony.

"Then I'm afraid your meaning of fun is very different from the one you programmed in my database, sir."

"Of course, blame me of all your flaws... "

Natasha had heard enough of Stark and his sarcastic butler computer, and decided to go and search her lost object outside the Stark Tower .

But where should she start looking?.

"Miss Romanoff, as an apology for the behavior of master Tony, allow me to give you some more information I forgot to tell you before." Jarvis said affably "This morning, while you were out on your mission, Mr. Banner came to discuss some matters of science with master Tony, but he left as soon as he realized that the only thing master Tony wanted to talk about were alcohol, women and other matters of questionable moral."

"Holy shit! Bruce was here this morning? "Tony asked, very surprised " I don't remember that at all !"

"That's because in your state, I'm amazed you are able to remember your own name" Natasha snapped.

She thanked Jarvis for the help and decided it was time to leave. As she walked through the door, she came across with no one else than Pepper Potts.

Natasha greeted the blond woman, and warned her that Tony had spent a very good time the last three days with a lady. But what Natasha didn't specified was the fact of that certain lady being Miss Whiskey Bottle.

"Hey Jarvis, the redheaded russian is gone, but now I have a sexy blonde in her place. Must be my lucky day! " Was what Tony said when Pepper entered the apartment. The only answer Natasha heard from Pepper was a loud slap.

But Natasha had wasted enough time! She had a difficult search to continue. And her next destination could only be the person who had been in Stark's apartment earlier that morning:

Bruce Banner.

Natasha could only wish that Bruce wasn't in such a bad mood that day…

Thanks for reading!