Sorry about the loooooonnnggg wait. I got banned from the computer. I just got it back and have claimed I won't do anything but homework. Oops. *Shrug*

Since destiny1 and froggiecool are like, the coolest people ever, they sent me some jokes. Sorry guys, I changed the jokes a bit. Don't be too offended. I've just heard a couple of them told differently and got confused. Then I didn't feel like changing them back. Voila~

Poland was walking through the woods when he came across a magic lamp. He rubbed it, and Fluffy the magical genie popped out to offer him three wishes. "For my first wish," says Poland, "I like, totally want China to like, invade Warsaw then retreat. For my second wish, I'd totally love it if you could make China invade Warsaw, then retreat. And for my totally rockin' third wish, I'd like China to like, invade Warsaw then totally just retreat. Oh, and I love the wicked hipster pink shade of your hair."

"Thanks! No one appreciates good old wicked hipster pink anymore!" Fluffy said with a happy look on his face. "And about those wishes, I don't think you'll enjoy them very much."

"Yes, I totally will," Poland replied, "I'm totally just gonna sit back and like, watch China cross Russia a bunch of times~"

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

England, Scotland, and Northern Ireland walked into a pub one night for a drink. They each ordered their drinks, and just as they were about to drink it (England could've sworn he heard America chanting "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" in the distance, but no matter), a fly lands in each of their drinks.

"That's disgusting," England made a face. "Could I get another?" The bartender gets him another and rolls his eyes as he hands it to him.

Scotland smirked at his brother before he simply reached in, pulled it out, and drank his liquor calmly.

North scowled into the glass before he pulled out the fly and started shaking it "Spit it out ye motherfucker! That's mine you bastard. Give it back!"

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Germany was walking his dogs one day when one fell in the water. Of course, being Germany, he jumped in after the dog without a second thought. He loved his dogs.

He struggled out of the river, clutching the dog. He sighed in relief after seeing that the animal was fine.

A small crowd had gathered, and one concerned bystander asked, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet?" Germany asked. "Vet? I'm fucking soaking you dummkopf!"

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

America was thirsty. England had just put him to bed, but he still wriggled around, despite England reading him a couple stories. "England!" America yelled. England was downstairs at the moment, settling in with a book, and he sighed when he heard the small, slightly muffled yell.

"What?" England shouted. It took forever to get America asleep.

"I'm thirsty," America said, "Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No," England called back. "You had your chance. Lights out!" Five minutes passed. England was just beginning to relax again when America yelled out.

"Englaaaaaaaannnnd!" shouted America. "What?" England snapped. He'd already read the boy three long stories, couldn't America just sleep?

"I'm thirsty," said America, "Can I have a drink of water?"

"I said no!" England shouted back, "And, if you ask me again, I'll smack you bottom." America was quiet. Five minutes later...

"Eeeeeeenglaaaaaannndddd!" shouted America.

"WHAT?!" yelled England.

"When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?"'

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin were having a discussion (they just want bragging rights) about the bravery of their personifications. "I'll show you how brave Russia is," Stalin says and he calls Russia over.

"Climb up that flagpole and jump off," Stalin says, pointing to a 25-meter flagpole. Russia shrugs and does so, landing without injury.

Roosevelt scoffed and called America over. "Hey, America, I want you to jump off the top of that peak on the roof." The peak was two floors below the top of the six-floor building. America gave him a disbelieving look before realizing he was serious. He ran off grinning so he could jump off the building. He landed without injury and saluted before bouncing off to do whatever.

Churchill scoffed. "England, come here."

England did so.

"England, I want you to jump off the top of that building," Churchill pointed to the six-floor building. "All the way from the roof."

"You're out of your bloody mind!" England said. "Fuck no!"

England stalked off, grumbling about stupid bosses and Churchill smiled smugly at his companions. "Now that's bravery."

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Berwald was very sick and had reached the end of his life. In fact, the doctor had even said that he only had 24 hours left.
While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite cookies (Christmas sugar cookies made by Tino) wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite, pine-tree-shaped, perfectly-frosted cookies. Was it heaven?
Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted "wife" of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by Tino...
"Back off!" he said, "They're for the funeral."

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Two buddies, Peter and Raivis, were two of the biggest baseball fans in the world. Their entire adult lives, Peter and Raivis discussed baseball history in the winter, and they poured over every box score during the season. They went to sixty games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Peter passed away in his sleep after watching a Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy.
A few nights later, his buddy, Raivis, awoke to the sound of Peter's voice from beyond. "Peter is that you?" Raivis asked.
"Of course it's me," Peter replied.
"This is unbelievable!" Raivis exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"
"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Raivis."

"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"
"You're pitching tomorrow night."

OOC Tino. And apparently Sealand and Latvia really like baseball. :)