Part 1 - Shinji

Shinji lay on his back with his arm folded under his head, still wearing the earbuds from his SDAT even though the batteries had run dry a quarter of an hour ago. His room was dimly lit by a lamp on the desk. The yellow lighting combined with the beige walls, tan bedsheets, and coffee-colored carpet all melded into a dull soup around him as he stared up at the ceiling, his vision glazing over.

The sounds of Misato and Asuka getting ready for their respective nights out carried in through the open door.

"Misato, can I borrow your lavender perfume?" That was Asuka's voice.

"No, that stuff's not for kids." came Misato's reply.

Shinji rolled onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow. He wished they would hurry up and leave. All he wanted to do was think and he couldn't do that with their voices corkscrewing through his head every three seconds.

A clacking pair of high heels approached the door.

"Shinji-kun?" said Misato.

Shinji didn't turn over.

"We're leaving now. There's some leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry."

"Okay." said Shinji, his voice muffled.

"Are you all right?" asked Misato.

"Yes. Have fun at the wedding."

There was a pause, and then, "Alright. Don't stay up too late, you have a sync test tomorrow."

"Okay."

The heels clacked away again down the hall and Shinji could hear Asuka's incredulous voice from out in the kitchen.

"Is he still moping around in there? Honestly, just because we have plans tonight and he doesn't? If he wanted a date that badly he should go outside every once in a while."

"I think he's still upset about yesterday," Even though Misato spoke quietly her voice carried easily into Shinji's room.

Shinji heard the front door open.

"Whatever," said Asuka. "I bet he's just jealous that we have social lives and he doesn't." This was said in a louder voice than usual. Asuka's way of making sure Shinji didn't miss her comment.

The front door closed and, now that he finally had some peace and quiet, Shinji rolled back over to stare at the ceiling.

Yesterday.

Yesterday they had all done well on their latest in a series of sync tests. Asuka and Kaworu had been the reigning champs for the last few months, but lately Rei and even Shinji had stepped up in their performance. The sudden change had even been noticed by his father, who offered to take Rei out for dinner. Shinji must have let his disappointment show on his face because Misato quickly offered to take him out for ramen. What made Rei so special? They had both done well on the tests. Why hadn't Father taken him out to dinner, too? It just wasn't fair. Shinji knew he shouldn't feel jealous but he couldn't help it. His father had decided to reward Rei and only Rei, even though his own son had performed just as well and was standing not five feet from them.

"You did well, Rei. Let's have dinner out tonight."

Shinji could still perfectly recall how his father had spoken in that calm, deep voice. A voice so different from his usual gruff tones. A voice Shinji had never heard directed at him. Father had sounded so... relaxed and understanding. Proud, even. Yes, all of those things. His words conveyed every one of those feelings, and they had all been directed at Rei.

Shinji liked Rei. He liked all of his fellow pilots, but he and Rei seemed to be on the same wavelength. Whenever Asuka and Kaworu got too loud or excited or competitive, Shinji could always detach himself from the group and have a quiet talk with Rei. He didn't blame her for stealing his father's attention, but the resentment was still there. It was clear that his father preferred her over Shinji—over his own son.

After his mother's death, Shinji had been sent to live with his aunt and uncle. Father didn't want to have to deal with him. Father was too busy, or too angry, or too something to want to raise his own son. But when Shinji arrived at GEHIRN at his father's request so many months ago, he learned that his father had spent the last ten years bringing up a girl named Rei Ayanami.

Why choose her over his own son? Was it because Father felt no obligations around her? Maybe it was because Rei wasn't family. He could talk to her without feeling any obligation or fear. If he screwed up it wouldn't matter, she wasn't his kid. She wasn't his responsibility.

But there was something wrong with this theory, something that kept scratching ceaselessly at the back of Shinji's head like a cat trying to get out. The thing was, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for Rei to actually be a relative of his. Shinji had noticed it one day when forced to watch a video of himself and Rei during one of their worst sync tests yet.

Dr. Akagi, disappointed with Rei's and Shinji's performances that day, had made them watch the recorded video feeds from inside the Test Plugs. By watching the tests on video they were apparently supposed to ascertain exactly where and what went wrong with their thought patterns and why Asuka and Kaworu were doing so much better. Frustrated and more than a little annoyed, Shinji decided to focus on Rei's section of the video instead of his own. It was then that he noticed it, as he saw their faces on the screen side by side.

She looked a lot like him.

Shinji had never noticed it before, but the width of her shoulders, her jawline, her nose, even down to the way she leaned forward slightly in the Test Plug... it was almost as if she could be his sister or something. In fact, if he were to grow out his hair a little, he could be her sister.

Shinji cracked a reluctant smile at the thought, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. Maybe his father liked Rei better because she was a girl. Yes, that would make sense. Shinji's heart sped up as he clutched desperately to this latest theory. His father must have been disappointed when Shinji was born because he wanted a girl, so he dropped Shinji off at his aunt and uncle's and decided to raise Rei instead. But that still didn't explain why she looked so unsettlingly like himself.

So much like himself.

Shinji wondered whether anyone else had noticed it. He sat up, pulled out the long-silent earbuds and looked into the mirror on his desk. He turned his head to the side. Yes, if he grew his hair out a little more... maybe a dab of makeup here and there. Rei didn't wear earrings, but they might look nice on himself.

The door to Misato's room slid open. Shinji slipped into the room, stealing furtive glances over his shoulder. While it was true Misato was at a wedding recital and Asuka was on a date, Shinji wouldn't put it past either of them to come home early for some reason. He left the door open. This way, if one of them did come home early, it would be easier to hear them.

Misato's bedroom was a mess. Dirty laundry was scattered from the edge of her futon to the dusty space behind the dresser. A couple beer cans and an empty instant ramen bowl lay scattered around her pillow, and a matte black UMP was propped up innocently against the closet door. Carefully picking up the dangerous weapon with thumb and forefinger, Shinji moved it to a less conspicuous location before opening the closet.

There were a lot of women's clothes in there. Misato's GEHIRN uniforms were obviously the most worn, and there were a few fancy party dresses that seemed to be gathering a lot of dust. Shinji pushed them all aside to peer in the back but Misato's closet contained nothing he thought a normal girl would wear.

Shinji had better luck in the dresser. He purposefully started from the bottom drawer and, after rummaging through the layers of pants, finally decided on a short blue skirt that still had the price tag attached. In the next drawer up, Shinji took out a black shirt with a pink and blue polka-dot pattern. After hanging both shirt and skirt neatly over the back of the chair, Shinji turned back to the dresser. His hands hesitated over the knobs on the top drawer. He could still back out now and retain some semblance of dignity.

But then he would never know how he'd look.

Shinji pulled the drawer open, revealing a rather large collection of lacy bras and panties. He swallowed nervously. Picking out a pink bra, Shinji rubbed the fabric between his fingers. It didn't feel very comfortable. Setting it aside, he dug around for a matching pair of panties and decided on one with pink and white stripes. Shinji recalled when Misato had once told him never to wear both polka-dots and stripes because they clashed horribly. At the time, Shinji had laughed at the thought of ever having to actually need advice like that. The stripes would be worn out of sight, though. Not that anyone was going to see them anyway.

After laying out his selection of clothing on Misato's futon, Shinji stripped out of his own clothes. He folded them neatly and placed them aside, then picked up the pair of panties. He looked down at his naked lower body, then at the panties again. This probably wasn't going to work as well as he had imagined. He gingerly pulled the smooth fabric up past his thighs, expecting a sudden and horrible chafing. It didn't come. Actually, it felt kind of... breezy.

Next came the skirt which, after securing it around his waist, almost made Shinji look around for a missing piece. He was so accustomed to actual pants that wearing what was essentially a pair of pants without legs felt terribly incomplete, like he was naked from the waist down. Was this how girls felt all the time?

Shinji briefly considered stuffing the bra with socks or something, but decided against it. He put it on and spent a good four minutes with his back to the mirror trying to hook it together. It felt way too loose and hangy, but he couldn't really help that. The shirt came on over it and the tops of the lacy cups could be seen over the low neckline.

Shinji stood back a ways so he could see himself fully in the mirror. He turned this way and that, making the skirt flutter around his knees. "Father," he said in a higher, more feminine voice than usual. His voice cracked. He cleared it and tried again. "Father."

Shinji twirled around. He wished his hair was a bit longer.

While looking at the mirror, something caught his eye on top of the desk. Misato's makeup kit. He sat down in the chair and opened it up. She had obviously been using it just before she left because everything was a bit jostled and out of place. Or maybe it was always like that.

Shinji took out what he thought might be mascara. And this one was... blush? He couldn't tell. Nothing had labels and he didn't have any experience with makeup. That bullet-shaped one was lipstick though, he knew that. He popped off the lid, expecting to find a stick of bright red inside. In reality, it was a pale mauve. He pulled out and opened several others but they appeared to be mostly the same, some barely a shade lighter or darker.

Shinji scooted the chair closer to the desk and leaned forward. Concentrating on his reflection, he raised the lipstick and dragged it slowly over his bottom lip. It didn't want to spread, like dry paint on a brush. He rubbed it gently back and forth and, despite his concentration, smeared it a little here and there. He did his upper lip too, then smacked his lips together like he'd seen women do on TV.

His clumsy transformation complete, Shinji leaned back in the chair and stared at his reflection. He pushed up on the bra a little to give the illusion of it being filled. The lipstick was smeared a bit and obviously needed work, but it looked okay.

For a moment, Shinji could pretend he wasn't Shinji.

If he'd been born a girl, would he have been the one his father had taken out to dinner? He took Rei out to dinner even though Shinji had performed just as well. He had taken her out because she was a girl.

If he'd been born a girl, would he still feel this lonely? Everyone at school likes Asuka because she's attractive. She's attractive because she's a girl. Everyone likes her because she's a girl.

Shinji wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there, but the sudden click of the front door opening jolted him out of his reverie. He stood up so fast he knocked the chair backwards onto the floor with a clatter. A quick, panicky glance around the room told him the closet door was still open, as were the drawers on the dresser, not to mention all the makeup spread out over the desk. Shinji lifted the chair upright and scrabbled at the half dozen canisters of lipstick. Several slipped from his fingers and clattered loudly to the floor.

"Shinji?" It was Asuka. She was coming down the hall.

Heart pounding like a rabbit's, Shinji gathered up the lipstick and crammed them back in the case. It was too late. He wasn't fast enough. He couldn't get Misato's room back to the way it was and change out of these clothes. There was only one thing for it.

"Don't come in!" Shinji shouted, leaping for the door. Before he could shut it, Asuka stepped into view.

Time ground to a halt as they stared at each other, Shinji caught in mid-lunge.

Asuka's expression was uncomprehending. "You... you're..."

All Shinji could do was stare like a deer caught in a pair of headlights, stare and wish desperately that she would go away and conveniently forget everything.

Asuka took a step back. "You're... Oh my God..."

"I wasn't-" Shinji gasped, the rest of the sentence dying in his throat. He knew nothing he could say to save the situation. He prayed he could turn back time and make her forget.

Asuka bumped up against the wall. Then, her face a mixture of disgust and confusion, she turned and ran into her room—her red hair whipping behind her—and slammed the door shut.

Shinji staggered back. Could fourteen-year-olds have heart attacks? He couldn't get his heart to stop pounding. What if Asuka told Misato? Misato would kick him out. She'd never trust him again. He would always be that sneaky little pervert who rummages through people's private things. Shinji looked around wildly as if expecting a solution to pop out of the walls. He shut the closet door, then pulled off the shirt and bra, cramming them back into the dresser. Next went the skirt and panties, and then he was pulling on his own clothes again.

He ran out into the hall. Asuka's bedroom door was shut. He turned and went in the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He scrubbed his lips clean and splashed water over his face. It didn't help calm him any. His hands were shaking. God, what if she told? Shinji stared at his reflection in the sink mirror. He was a boy again.

He was scared again.

Misato's eyes threatened to cross themselves into oblivion as she drove down the highway. Okay, maybe she should have let Kaji drive her home. Or Ritsuko. Or one of the others who watched her drink her way through several bottles of champagne. Lights flashed by in the darkness, the strobing effect serving to both keep her alert and distract her from the road.

By the time she finally reached the apartment complex it was a miracle she hadn't caused any roadside fatalities. It took her several tries to get the key in the lock because it was so tiny, a little tiny key. Like Alice in Wonderland. Misato giggled.

Inside, everything was quiet. Asuka must still be out, playing with her date. "Ah, to be young..." Misato sang wistfully, cracking her shin on the tea table and not feeling a thing. She hung her purse up on the rack, then realized Asuka's was there to. Misato stared blearily at the other purse.

Wait.

Wait, she's got this.

After a good ten seconds, Misato gasped. That must mean Asuka's home too, but then why was everything so quiet? So very, very quiet. Misato tip-toed down the hallway, then cracked open Asuka's door just a hair. Hopefully she was dressed. And not with a boy. Misato giggled again. The action made her head throb.

Asuka was lying flat on her back in the darkness, hands behind her head, staring up at the ceiling.

"Asuka," Misato whispered loudly. "You okay?"

Without moving her head, Asuka looked at the door. "Yeah."

"Is there anyone here I should know about?" Another giggle.

"No."

"Where's your date? Hiding in the closet?"

"He was boring. I left early."

Misato blinked. "Is he in the closet?"

Asuka rolled over, turning her back to the door.

"I'll just leave you two alone," giggled Misato, gently sliding the door shut.

Next up was darling Shinji-kun. Misato slid open his door just a crack. "Shinji?" she said in a loud whisper.

Shinji was lying on his bed, his back turned towards her. He didn't answer. Asleep?

"Shinji-kun," Misato hissed. "Are you alive?"

No answer. Must be sleeping, then. Sad little boy with no date.

"Okay, goodnight..." she drew out the last word in a long, rattling breath as she slowly shut the door.

Misato began stripping down as she tottered to her room, leaving a trail of clothes in her wake. Upon entering her room, she stopped in her tracks. Something was wrong. Something felt... out of place. It took her a moment to figure it out, but finally she got it. It seemed somehow tidier than when she left it. Oh well, whatever. She flopped down on her futon, half-clothed, and began snoring almost immediately.

"Shinji-kun, just relax. You've done this a hundred times before." Dr. Akagi's voice crackled through the intercom.

"I know," said Shinji, clenching the seat's handles. His brow furrowed as he forced himself to concentrate. "It's just... it's hard today."

Large bubbles of LCL floated up to the top of the Test Plug. Shinji could see his warped reflection in them as they passed in front of his eyes. Would it really be so hard to give him just one day off this week? He didn't want to do this today. He couldn't focus. Not now.

In the observation room, Ritsuko Akagi's eyes narrowed as she studied the readouts on the monitor. "This isn't good. Shinji's sync results are fifty-percent lower than usual." When no reply came, Ritsuko glanced over her shoulder. "Captain Katsuragi, are you listening?"

Misato was kneading her forehead with her palm. "Sorry, still a little hung over from yesterday. What'd you say?"

Ritsuko smirked. "Serves you right for drinking your way through all that champagne. Anyway, look at this."

Misato leaned over Ritsuko's shoulder. "Is that Shinji's? But he's been doing so well lately."

"Something's wrong," said Ritsuko. "A drop in his sync ratio like this isn't something you can just shrug off. Has something happened? At home, I mean."

Misato straightened up and crossed her arms, resting her elbows in her palms. "Well, for the past couple days he's been kind of depressed."

"Do you have any idea why?"

Misato frowned up at the video feed being displayed on the wall-sized screen. The interiors of all four Test Plugs were being shown. From left to right: Rei Ayanami, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Shinji Ikari, and Kaworu Nagisa. Rei's sync rating was an average forty-percent, and Asuka's and Kaworu's were both hovering around sixty. Shinji's was a measly eighteen-percent.

"I think it has something to do with his father." said Misato.

Ritsuko looked up behind them at the window Gendo Ikari usually watched the tests from. It was empty.

"Director Ikari isn't one to attend his children's baseball games." she said.

"He could've at least attended this one," said Misato. "Shinji overheard him when he was talking to Rei. I think he's jealous of all the attention he's been giving her."

"Anyone would be." Ritsuko mumbled, sipping her coffee.

"The least Director Ikari could do is give Shinji some encouragement." said Misato.

"Maybe you should tell him that yourself."

Misato smiled humorlessly. "Yeah, right. Maybe you should tell him."

Ritsuko was silent for a moment. She set down her mug. "I'll have Maya do it."

A minute ticked by as both women watched the video feeds of the four test subjects. They all had their eyes closed and looked relaxed with the exception of Shinji, whose face was screwed up in forced concentration.

"It's a shame we have to use children." Misato said quietly.

"The Committee thinks so too," said Ritsuko. "But not for the same reasons you do. The way they see it, children are far too unpredictable and temperamental. If we were to use adult subjects they think the sync results would be stronger and less prone to abrupt changes."

"Those know-it-all idiots," Misato scoffed. "If adult subjects turn out to be more stable than teenagers, I'll eat my badge."

"Oh? What makes you say that?"

Misato was silent for a moment. She stared up at the screen. "Because we're just as screwed up as they are."

Shinji sat hunched over on a bench in the break room, still wearing his form-fitting plugsuit, clutching a can of soda. It was cold even through the temperature-regulated gloves.

"Another wonderful day as a lab rat," Asuka sang, entering the room with an exuberance only she could pull off. "And another stack of perfect test scores. I wonder where Misato will take me out to eat this week? We've already gone to Chang's Chinese twice and their rice is still awful." Catching sight of Shinji's dull expression, Asuka fell silent. She looked away.

Kaworu bumped into her. "Whoops," he said, grinning. "You know, you really shouldn't stand in doorways. It's quite rude to everyone on the other side."

Asuka looked around. Kaworu was standing there in his purple plugsuit, with Rei just visible over his shoulder. It occurred to Asuka that he might've bumped her on purpose to get her to move. "Well, maybe everyone else should just use a different door, hm?" she said, hands on her hips.

"Or maybe you should trim a few pounds off that glorious bottom of yours?" said Kaworu, placidly. "Because, if you don't mind me saying so, no one here at the lab is interested in seeing it jammed in the break room doorway."

Asuka's jaw hit the floor. "You-" she spluttered, then let fly an unintelligible and highly varied string of swear words in both German and Japanese.

Breaking herself off from the quarreling duo, Rei sat down beside Shinji.

Even though he knew she was looking at him, Shinji kept his eyes fixed on the floor. Misato and Dr. Akagi had forgotten to switch off the intercom when they began talking about him during the test. All four children had heard what they said.

The two of them sat in silence for a few moments... as silent as one could sit when Asuka and Kaworu were in full argument mode right next to them. Rei was the one who spoke first, raising her voice slightly so Shinji could hear over Asuka's repeated assurances that yes, her butt was of average size for a girl her age and no, she didn't want to hear what Kaworu thought of it.

"You can't open it?" she said.

Shinji blinked. "What?" He looked down at the unopened can of soda. "Oh, no. I'm fine." He glanced over at her and immediately regretted it. He had always found her eyes to be very pretty. Two red orbs, like liquid rubies.

"Is it true that you are feeling jealous of me?" she asked in that quiet, detached way of hers.

Shinji found the strength—or was it weakness—to tear his eyes from her and look back down at the floor. Why did she always have to talk so bluntly?

"I don't know." he mumbled, and then, desperate to explain that it wasn't her fault, added, "It's just that... I don't know much about my father, and you seem to spend so much time with him. I'm his own son and yet you must know so much more about him than I do."

There was a silence.

"I don't understand." said Rei.

Shinji's hands doubled their grip on his soda... then relaxed again. It wasn't her fault.

After a brief pause he spoke again. "What's my father like?"

Rei seemed to consider the question. "He is... kind."

Shinji waited for more, but it did not come. "Why do you say that?"

"He has never done anything to intentionally harm me." said Rei.

"Oh." Shinji was silent for a moment. Maybe he didn't have to be close to Father in order to get to know him. Maybe he could find out everything he needed to know from Rei. "Hey, um... Rei?"

"Yes?"

"What does my father like?"

"I don't understand."

"I mean, what does he like to do? I only ever see him here at the lab. Does he do anything just, you know, for fun?"

Rei considered it. "We sometimes go to restaurants," she said, uncertainly.

"Well, okay, but... I mean, does he do anything else? Like, what are his interests?"

"I don't know," said Rei. "I suppose he enjoys science, particularly the fields of bioengineering and metaphysics."

Shinji sighed. This was going nowhere. If there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that his father liked Rei. Maybe if he asked her about her interests...

"What about you? What do you like?" Shinji asked. It suddenly occurred to him how ridiculous it was that he'd never asked her about this before.

Rei looked slightly taken aback. "I'm not sure."

He would have to be more specific. "What kind of clothes do you like to wear?"

"My school uniform is adequately comfortable," she said, thoughtfully. "And my plugsuit appears to be well-liked by people."

Shinji hesitated. "No, I mean, what do you wear normally? Not when you're at school or the lab."

Rei blinked. "I don't understand."

Shinji stared at her. "Don't... don't you have normal clothes?"

"I would at least consider my school uniform to be normal."

Shinji continued to stare, bewildered. Asuka's entire closet was crammed full of clothes, not to mention the dozens of boxes she still hadn't unpacked since she moved into Misato's place. Shinji assumed all girls liked to buy clothes.

"Don't you like to wear other things, though?" he prompted. "Like when you go out places?"

"I wear my school uniform on the occasions Director Ikari and I go out to eat." she said.

"You really don't have anything else to wear?"

"I don't need anything else."

Silence fell between them again. It was then that Shinji realized Asuka and Kaworu had stopped arguing. Asuka was complaining to no one in particular and kicking a vending machine she knew full well had been broken for the past three months, and Kaworu was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, sipping a drink and watching Asuka with one eye open.

"Hey, Rei?" Shinji asked, struck by a sudden idea.

"Yes?"

"Do you maybe want to go to the mall with me later?" He looked around at her.

She was staring at him. "The mall?"

"Yeah, we could go shopping and stuff. You can pick out some clothes."

"I have never gone shopping before."

"It's okay," Shinji said, and he almost felt like laughing. "It's not hard. I'll walk you through it."

Rei continued to stare.

"So, uh... I'll meet you there at four o'clock?"

Rei nodded.

Shinji smiled. "Okay. Good."

Dr. Akagi's voice blared out from the speaker on the wall. "Alright, you can all go home now. The test results have cleared. Thank you for your patience."

Asuka gave the vending machine a final kick, then clapped imaginary dust off her hands. "Well, I don't know about you three, but this lab rat's ready for some crappy Chinese. So, who wants to celebrate my excellence with me? Misato's buying."

Kaworu raised his hand. "I'll go as long as I can sit next to you." he said.

Asuka narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Why would you want to sit next to me?"

"Well, that way I won't have to look at your face while I'm eating."

Shinji winced as the argument erupted into life again, but he and Rei were saved the torture of listening to it when Misato entered the room.

"And that's another thing," Asuka screeched. "I don't have to take any kind of crap from..." Her voice petered out as she realized Kaworu was staring at something over her shoulder. Asuka spun around. "Oh, uh, hi Misato." she said, quickly. "We were just discussing where you were going to take us for lunch and-"

"I'm sorry, Asuka. We won't be going out to eat tonight."

"What?" Asuka moaned. "Why?"

"I think it would be better for all three of us if we ate at home more often," Misato continued. "You know, like a family? How does that sound, Shinji?"

Shinji looked up. "What? Oh, yeah. Sure."

Asuka glared at him. Shinji averted his eyes.

"Something tells me Shinji would rather us go out and leave him at home," said Asuka, hands on her hips. "You know, to catch up on his private time?"

Shinji stared at the floor. No one would understand what Asuka was really talking about, but nothing anyone could infer from that statement would be any good.

"Private time is a very important part of the day," Kaworu announced as he leaned against Asuka's shoulder. "A time to both reflect on past adventures and experience new ones."

Asuka shrugged him off. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were hitting on me."

Kaworu smiled. "I would never hit on a girl. It's not gentlemanly."

"Okay," said Misato, emphasizing the first syllable. She pushed Asuka and Kaworu apart. "You guys can stay here if you want to, but I'm ready to get home."

"Anything to get away from this dork," said Asuka, jabbing her thumb over her shoulder at Kaworu, who pantomimed being shot in the heart.

"Shinji," Misato continued. "Go on and change. Asuka and I will wait in the car."

"Sure." said Shinji.

"I'll see you later, Ikari-kun." said Rei as she followed Misato and Asuka out of the room.

"Yeah, bye."

After the door shut, Shinji stood and made toward the boys' changing room. He stopped when he realized Kaworu was still there, watching him.

"W-What?" Shinji stammered.

"Oh, nothing." said Kaworu, shrugging with his palms upward. "I just overheard you and Ayanami talking."

Shinji felt his heart constrict. "Oh."

Kaworu, with unexpected speed, closed the distance between him and Shinji. Smiling, he leaned in close enough for Shinji to make out every minute detail of his red eyes. Red, just like Rei's.

Shinji looked away.

"You asked Ayanami out on a date." said Kaworu.

"No," Shinji said at once, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. "It's not like that..."

"Sure it is. You asked if she'd go to the mall with you, and she said yes. What can it possibly be but a date?"

"It's... it's not like that." Shinji repeated desperately.

"Then what is it like, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji hesitated. He supposed Kaworu had heard everything Misato had said in the observation room, but he still didn't want to talk about it. If no one mentioned it, Shinji could pretend it never happened.

"I just thought I'd help her around," he said. "I don't think she gets out much."

"I see," said Kaworu. "So, you don't mind if I join you, then?"

"W-What?"

"If it's not a date, I wouldn't be intruding if I tagged along." Kaworu said, eyes glinting. "You'll let me come, won't you?" He was close enough for Shinji to feel his breath on his lips.

Shinji leaned back. "Uh... sure..."

Kaworu straightened up and clapped his hands. "Well, that settles it. I'll meet you and Ayanami at the mall at four o'clock."

"Y-Yeah..."

Once Kaworu had gone, Shinji's shoulders sagged with exasperation. What had he gotten himself into?

The only sound in the kitchen was the gentle clinking of silverware against plates. Just like the last few times they had all eaten at the table together, Misato was the only one attempting to make conversation. It wasn't Shinji's fault, he just couldn't look Asuka in the eye after what happened last night.

"So, Asuka, you've got another date tonight?" Misato said in a tone that implied any further silence would mean double chores tomorrow. "Don't you think you're taking things a little too quickly?"

"It's not a date," Asuka said around a mouthful of potatoes. "Hikari won tickets to some stupid movie and she doesn't have anyone else to go with. I'm just going for the popcorn. Maybe she'll get bored and we can leave early."

"That's nice," Misato said with forced cheerfulness. "And how about you, Shinji-kun? Any plans?"

"Yes," said Shinji.

Both Misato and Asuka stared at him.

"I promised to help out with a project at school. It starts at four o'clock and I'll probably be stuck there for a few hours."

"Oh," said Misato. "It's not like you to volunteer at school. What kind of project is it?"

"It's something the theater club is putting together. An allegorical play about the Osaka Riots."

"Wow, sounds important. Do you need me to drive you?"

"No," said Shinji, a little too quickly. "I mean, I can walk. I need the exercise."

"See, Asuka?" said Misato. "You should give Shinji a little more credit. When was the last time you helped out with a school project?"

Asuka stabbed a potato as if it had been solely responsible for the rape and murder of her entire family.

"Let's see," she said in mock thought. "Never. Happy? It's not like I don't do enough around here!"

Misato blanched. "What do you mean? You don't even do half the chores you're supposed to! Shinji's always the one who has to pick up the slack."

Asuka slammed her fork down and stood up. "It's not like I ask him to do my chores!"

"Someone has to do them, Asuka." said Misato.

"I'm finished," Asuka scoffed, tossing down her napkin and walking away.

"Asuka, get back here and clean off your plate!"

"Why don't you just make Shinji do it?" Asuka shouted from the other room. "Doesn't he do everything around here?"

Misato sighed. "That girl's going to give me gray hairs if this keeps up."

Shinji absently pushed his food around his plate. "Misato, why do you think my father never got re-married?"

Misato blinked. "Huh? Oh, I don't know. I haven't known him for very long. You know how it is... stuff like that just doesn't come up between us."

"I just thought... maybe you heard something..." Shinji didn't look up from his plate. "Do you think he might get married again if he found the right person?"

Misato leaned her elbows on the table. "I have no idea." She paused. "Why the sudden interest?"

"No reason. I just thought, you know, I hadn't seen him in a long time. A lot can happen in ten years." He looked up at her. "What if I had a sibling I didn't even know about?"

Misato looked like she might laugh.

Shinji quickly lowered his eyes to his plate again. "Never mind."

"You could always ask him, you know." Misato said, smiling and resting her chin on folded hands.

It was Shinji's turn to laugh. "Yeah, right."

"He would give you an honest answer."

"I doubt it."

The rest of the meal passed in silence.

Shinji ran down the sidewalk as quickly as he could, stealing glances at his watch every few minutes. The mall was farther away from Misato's apartment than he thought. He had only been there once when he first came to Tokyo-3, and Misato had driven him then. He just hoped she wouldn't make a surprise visit to school and find him mysteriously absent from the theater club. According to his watch it was already half past four. He would be lucky to make it before five.

It only took Shinji another fifteen minutes to reach the Tokyo-3 mall, a sprawling conglomerate of white buildings that served as the center of the shopping district. Sweating and gasping for air, Shinji doubled over outside the glass doors, trying to catch his breath. After he could breathe normally again, he looked around the crowd of people gathered just outside the entrance. Rei and Kaworu weren't there. Shinji automatically checked his watch. What if they got tired of waiting and went on without him? Or what if they had just given up and left? He would have to apologize tomorrow at school. Shinji mentally kicked himself. He should have checked the distance between-

"Shinji-kun!" called a familiar voice.

Shinji looked around. Rei and Kaworu were walking towards him, each carrying an ice cream cone.

"We were getting worried about you," said Kaworu as they approached. "What kept you?"

"Sorry," said Shinji. "I... I didn't have a ride, and the walk was farther from Misato's than I thought. I really tried to-"

Kaworu waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about it. Ayanami and I decided to go for a little ice cream to pass the time. I think she likes it," he added with a nod in Rei's direction.

Rei licked the swirl of vanilla soft-serve. "Hello, Ikari-kun."

"Hi," Shinji said, smiling. He wondered if she actually liked vanilla or if she had only chosen it because it was the plainest thing on the menu. "Do you like your ice cream?"

Rei nodded.

"They have a great little picnic area outside the food court," said Kaworu. "Why don't you get yourself an ice cream too, Shinji-kun, and Ayanami and I will go find a table."

"Yeah, okay."

After spending five minutes working his way through smoothie vendors to find the little kiosk Kaworu and Rei bought their ice creams from, Shinji met up with them outside the food court. They were sitting at a small, wrought-iron picnic table. Rei looked particularly pretty with the wind blowing through her hair.

"Look at us, spending money before we even get inside." Kaworu laughed. "Putting ice cream and smoothie vendors right outside the doors is a terrible business strategy. We'll be broke before we even start shopping."

Rei froze in mid-lick and glanced at Kaworu.

Kaworu seemed to remember something. "Ah, yes, I forgot. Sorry, Ayanami." He turned to Shinji. "See, Ayanami doesn't have any money. It's not a big deal, but she seemed particularly worried about what your reaction might be." Even when he was breaking bad news, Kaworu never stopped smiling in that supercilious way of his.

Rei blushed behind her ice cream cone. "I'm sorry. I've never gone shopping before..."

"It's okay," Shinji said at once. "I brought extra. If you see something you like, just let me know and I'll pay for it."

It was true. Shinji rarely bought anything but food or school supplies these days, and the prospect of sharing his money with Rei, who had never done so much as buy a pair of shoes for herself, actually made him feel good. He knew she wasn't like Asuka who would pretend she had less money than she really did in order to borrow an extra few thousand yen from Misato.

"Thank you." said Rei, staring down at her half-eaten cone. She seemed to hesitate, and then, "I mean... thanks, Shinji-kun." She glanced sideways at Kaworu, who gave her an approving wink and a thumbs-up.

Shinji blinked. "Uh... yeah, sure. Do you want to go inside, then?"

They nodded and, after disposing their trash, walked through the double glass doors into the ultra-modern Tokyo-3 mall. As they worked their way inside, trying not to lose each other in the crowd, Shinji couldn't help but feel happier than he had in weeks. Relaxing with his friends at the mall had never really been an option open to him before now. Despite these feelings, or perhaps because of them, Shinji felt it necessary to remind himself that he wasn't there for Rei, or for Kaworu, or for ice cream. He was there to learn about his father's likes and dislikes.

Shinji wondered if his father preferred girls who wore low-cut dresses or more sensible ones.

He would have to ask Rei.

Even through the thick glass display case, the two clusters of perfectly shaped crystal glinted mesmerizingly in the light. Like a tiny collection of prisms the earrings caught the light and dispelled it in a multitude of colors over their smooth and subtly pink surfaces. Shinji stared down at them, momentarily hypnotized by their beauty. He wasn't distracted enough not to notice the price tag, however, and it was far more than he could afford.

"Something catch your eye?" asked the clerk behind the counter.

Shinji looked up, startled. "Oh, uh, no. Just looking."

"You sure? That's rose quartz. Any young lady would be glad to receive that as a present."

"Uh, no, I'm sure. Thanks anyway." Shinji backed away from the counter, then turned and bumped into Kaworu.

"Find something you like?" he asked.

Shinji stepped back. "N-No, it's okay."

Kaworu moved past him to look at the display. "Rose quartz earrings, hm?" he said, hands deep in his pockets. "Those are very pretty. Thinking about buying Ayanami a present?" He glanced at Shinji. "Or are they for someone else?"

Shinji blushed and looked away. "It's... kind of out of my price range." he said, delicately avoiding Kaworu's question.

"That's unfortunate," Kaworu sighed. "It's a rare treat to find something that captures your attention so completely."

Shinji didn't know what to say to this. "Where's Rei?"

"Oh, I think she's still over by the necklaces." said Kaworu.

Shinji looked around. Rei was standing at another display halfway across the store, talking with the young man behind the counter. The man in question was wearing a black pinstripe vest and matching pants like all the other clerks, and he had smooth dark hair and eyes that glinted almost as much as his merchandise. He leaned forward on the counter, smiling and chatting with Rei in a low voice.

"It seems you aren't the only one around here distracted by pretty things," said Kaworu, grinning.

Without really thinking about it, Shinji walked over to them. "Did you find something you wanted to buy?" he asked Rei.

She looked around, her cheeks slightly flushed. "I don't know..."

Shinji glanced at the handsome clerk, who returned his gaze with something bordering on hostility. Unnerved, Shinji quickly looked away.

Rei was staring down at a necklace in the display case, her fingers resting lightly on the glass. It was a small gold-plated cross supported by a silver chain. A tiny diamond was inserted into a circular groove at each of the cross's points. The price would have Shinji eating nothing but instant ramen for the next decade.

"Do you like that?" Shinji asked, hesitantly.

Rei nodded.

It was a mistake to come in here. Out of all the places they could have visited, Shinji had to choose the most expensive jewelry store in the entire mall. He should have known better than to come here first.

The clerk snapped his fingers under Shinji's nose. "Hey, kiddo. You gonna buy your girl a necklace or what?"

Shinji opened his mouth, but only a hesitant gurgle came out. What was he going to say? He had told Rei it was okay for her to buy something with his money. He couldn't just tell her 'no' or she would be upset with him. "It's... it's a little expensive..." he mumbled.

Neither appeared to have heard him. The clerk was talking to Rei again in a low voice that Shinji could nevertheless hear perfectly, being as close as he was.

"I could always give you a special discount," he was saying under his breath. "I think it'd be a waste not to sell you this, I really do think it would look great on you. Not a lot of people could get away with wearing something like this, but you could definitely make it work."

"Do you think so?" Rei asked, quietly.

"Oh, yes. Would you like to try it on?"

Rei nodded, her eyes wide.

Shinji silently moved away. He didn't want to hear anything else this guy had to say and he didn't want to see Rei's inevitable disappointment when he told her he couldn't afford what she wanted. But Kaworu seemed to step out of nowhere and block Shinji's path.

"Having trouble?" he asked.

Shinji glanced back over at Rei. "No..."

Kaworu gave Shinji's shoulder two firm pats and strode past him to the necklace display. Shinji followed reluctantly.

"Yes?" said the clerk, scowling at them as they approached. "Can I help you?"

Rei had the necklace on. She was holding her hands up awkwardly, the tips of her fingers barely making contact with the silver chain wrapped delicately around her pale neck. Her cheeks were bright red.

"No, I think we're done here." said Kaworu. "Ayanami, that necklace is very expensive. We'll go have a look in a different store, okay?"

Rei looked surprised, but then she nodded and carefully lifted the chain over her head. "Thank you for letting me try it on," she told the clerk, who was glaring at Kaworu. "It is very pretty."

"Mm-hm," grumbled the clerk, ducking down to replace the necklace.

It was then that Shinji noticed Kaworu was carrying a small bag with the store's logo on it. "Kaworu," he said, "did you buy something?"

"Oh, yes." said Kaworu, smiling. "Just a little something. I'll model it for you later if you want."

"Th-That's okay."

The three teenagers exited The JewelFront, pausing just short of the crowd swarming past outside.

"That man was very kind," said Rei. "He seemed to enjoy talking to me."

Shinji frowned uncomfortably. "You shouldn't believe everything people say. He was probably just trying to flatter you so you'd buy the necklace... and stuff."

"I don't understand."

"What Shinji-kun is trying to say," said Kaworu, grinning. "is that people will say whatever they think you want to hear just to get into your pants."

Rei blinked. "I'm wearing a skirt."

They stepped out and were immediately swept up by the crowd. When they first made their way through the mall up to this point, Shinji and Kaworu had to spend ten minutes searching for Rei after she abruptly disappeared. It turned out she allowed the crowd to push her all the way back to the food court without so much as a word of protest. Sometimes Shinji thought she might be too polite for her own good. Now he kept one eye on her and the other on the selection of stores passing them on both sides.

"Hey, look at this," said Kaworu, raising his voice above the din. He nudged Shinji and pointed to a kiosk on their left. By the time Shinji looked back around, Rei had been blocked by a couple overweight tourists and was waiting patiently for them to move. Shinji made his way back to her and took her hand.

"This way," he said, hurrying to catch up with Kaworu.

"Want to get your ears pierced?" Kaworu called, grinning. He was standing by a small kiosk operated by a woman holding what appeared to be a tiny gun. Judging from the graphic on the side of the pagoda, it was a place to get your ears pierced. A selection of small, cheap earrings were encased in a display on the right.

"How about it, Rei?" Shinji asked her. He realized he was still holding her hand and let go of it quickly.

"Actually," said Kaworu, his grin more pronounced than ever. "I was asking you, Shinji-kun."

"M-Me?" Before Shinji could move away, Kaworu threw an arm around his shoulders and guided him to the kiosk.

"I saw you looking at those earrings before," Kaworu said. "Come on, it doesn't hurt as much as you think."

"I-I don't think-" Shinji spluttered as Kaworu pushed him into the chair. It reminded him of the kind you were strapped to just before the dentist fired up his drill.

"Oh, come on. Just one? It's very fashionable for a boy to have a single ear pierced. Isn't it, Ayanami?"

Ayanami opened her mouth hesitantly to reply, but before she could say anything the woman with the piercing-gun approached them.

"We're running a special," she said, unsmiling. "Half price if you get both ears done."

"Th-That's okay," Shinji choked. "I don't think we're-"

"Sounds good to me," said Kaworu. "Sorry Shinji, I'm running low on funds after that last store."

The woman swabbed Shinji's ear with something soft and ice cold.

"But-" Shinji's voice cut out and his heart sped up as he felt the tip of the gun on his earlobe. "Wait! I'm not ready!"

There was a loud clack and Shinji cried out sharply in pain.

"See, now that wasn't so bad, was it?" said Kaworu.

Rei was frowning worriedly at the expression on Shinji's face.

"You said it wouldn't hurt as much as I thought it would," Shinji grimaced, resisting the urge to feel his ear.

"Well, look at it this way," said Kaworu. "You're already halfway done. One more and it'll be over."

"One more?" Shinji exclaimed. The woman was already swabbing his other ear. "You said I didn't have to-" Shinji let out another yelp that caused a small group of girls passing by to look over and giggle.

Five minutes later, the three of them had rejoined the crowd. Shinji had been given two small, round earrings to keep the holes from healing over. "I can't believe you made me do that," he grumbled, gingerly feeling his sore earlobes. "Asuka's going to kill me."

Kaworu laughed. "What's the matter? Don't you like them? I think you look good with earrings. Oh, hey," he added, pointing off to their right. "Let's go in here for a second. I like this place."

After deciding never to let Kaworu make another decision for him ever again and checking that Rei was still with them, Shinji reluctantly followed him into Absolute Territory, Ltd.

It was like walking into a nightclub—or at least what Shinji assumed a nightclub was like. The store was darkly lit with strobing multicolored lights and music blasted out from huge quivering speakers crammed into every corner of the room. Shinji plugged his ears against the sudden assault of noise. Rei looked rather uneasy.

Kaworu had gotten halfway to the jeans section before realizing his friends were falling back.

"What's wrong?" he called above the noise.

Shinji mimed something that might have been an attempt at politely letting Kaworu know he would rather try a different store, but miming was hard when you had both hands jammed up against your ears. They all stepped back outside. Shinji dropped his hands.

"Do you mind if we try someplace else?" he asked, hesitantly. "We can, uh... maybe come back here later? I don't think Rei's going to find anything she likes in that store."

"Oh, alright then." said Kaworu, pleasantly. "Where did you want to go, Ayanami?"

"I'm not sure."

"We can try Arianne's. Everyone seems to like that place." Kaworu offered.

Arianne's was a large store at the very far end of the mall. After heading inside they took the escalator to the second floor where the women's and girls' clothes were. Kaworu excused himself to use the restroom, leaving Shinji with Rei as she browsed the items hanging on a nearby rack.

"Hey, uh... Rei?"

"Yes?" she said without turning around. The metal hangers scraped along the top bar of the rack as she searched for something she liked.

"My father... um... how did you meet him?"

"I have always known Director Ikari."

Shinji rubbed his arm uncomfortably. Maybe he could approach this another way. If she could be blunt with him, he could be blunt with her, right?

"I don't think my father likes me very much." he said.

Rei glanced at him over her shoulder, then turned back to the clothes rack. "Why?"

"He never talks to me unless he has to." Shinji paused. "Do you think he might hate me?"

Rei was silent for a long time. "I don't understand."

Shinji clenched his hand. Of course that would be her answer. But if Rei didn't know—Rei, who was closer to his father than anyone—then who would? Before he could rephrase his question, Rei turned to face him, holding up an outfit she got off the rack.

"Do you like this?" she asked. It was a black dress, its neck extremely low-cut and box-shaped. Sewn on the inside was a gray knit top with four big black buttons that seemed to serve no purpose besides decoration.

Shinji did like it. It would look cute on her, and if it would look cute on her...

"Yeah," he said. "It's very nice. Do you want that?" He glanced surreptitiously behind her to see if there was another one.

Rei nodded. "Yes. Thank you, Ikar- Shinji-kun."

It was then that Kaworu rejoined them. "Find something?" he asked. Rei showed him the dress. Kaworu nodded. "Ah, yes. That will look absolutely stunning on you, Ayanami."

A circular checkout counter was only a few steps away, close enough for the clerk to overhear them. "All finished?" he asked.

Shinji took the dress from Rei and laid it across the counter.

"Just the one?" the clerk asked.

"Two, please." Shinji said without thinking.

"I'm sure Ayanami only needs one, Shinji-kun." said Kaworu. Rei nodded.

Shinji looked over his shoulder, blushing. "Oh, uh... yeah, right. I know."

The clerk was staring at him, hesitating before ringing up the item. "Do you want one or two?" he asked.

Shinji swallowed. He could always pretend to buy one for Asuka, but that would lead to awkward questions. Besides, what would happen if Kaworu asked Asuka about it later and she said she never received it? Shinji had never been good at lying. His hands clenched the edge of the counter. He cleared his throat. "I guess... I guess just-"

Kaworu laid a second dress over the first. "Actually, we'll go ahead and take two after all."

Shinji looked around at him in surprise. "But..."

Kaworu simply shrugged. "Hey, you never know."

After they paid, Shinji's wallet wasn't feeling as light as it should be. Kaworu had decided to pay for the second dress although Shinji had no idea why. It couldn't be for the same reasons Shinji had wanted it. Kaworu just didn't seem like the type.

Despite the setting sun and darkening sky, Shinji didn't want to go home quite yet. He still hadn't been able to talk at length with Rei, and his father seemed more distant than ever. The whole trip had been pointless. Rei was still his father's favorite and Shinji was no closer to figuring out why or what he could do to change that.

Kaworu and Rei stood with him outside the mall entrance, the cool evening breeze gently pulling at their hair. Rei was smiling. It was good that she was able to act like a normal kid, even if it was only for one day.

Kaworu caught his eye. "Well, it's getting rather dark out. We should head home."

"Yeah," said Shinji. It hadn't been a completely pointless trip, after all. Rei got some normal clothes to hang in her closet beside the dozens of school uniforms. Still, if he could have only had five more minutes...

"Shinji-kun?" Rei stood in front of him. "Thank you very much for the dress."

Shinji blinked. "Oh, yeah. You're welcome."

Rei hesitated. Shinji could make out Kaworu giving her an encouraging gesture out of the corner of his eye.

"Would you... would you like to do it again?" she asked.

It took Shinji a moment to realize what she was saying, then he laughed. "I don't think my legs could take another trip through the mall tonight, to be honest. Why? Did you think of something else you wanted?"

"No," said Rei. "I mean some other time. Would you like to come back here with me? I will bring my own money."

"Oh, sure." said Shinji. "Does that mean you had fun today?"

Rei nodded.

Kaworu threw his arms around both their shoulders and leaned between them. "Well, this has certainly been an eventful day, but what do you say we head home, hm?"

"S-Sure," Shinji stammered.

"My apartment is this way," said Rei after Kaworu mercifully released her. "Goodnight. Thank you again."

"See you tomorrow at the lab," said Shinji, waving. Kaworu waved too, then, as Rei walked away, pulled Shinji close to him.

"Say, you wouldn't mind if I walked you home, would you?" he asked.

Shinji tried to pull back a little but Kaworu held him firmly. "Uh... I guess not. Isn't your house the other way, though?"

"Oh, I don't mind. I couldn't let someone as slight and delicate as you walk the streets alone at night."

Shinji swallowed nervously. Kaworu had a peculiar way of speaking that always made him feel a little uncomfortable. "If you say so," said Shinji, and Kaworu finally released him.

The sidewalk was dimly lit with evenly-spaced street lamps. Shinji and Kaworu walked in silence most of the way. The latter spoke up once the top of Misato's apartment came into view, silhouetted against the starry sky.

"That was a very nice dress Ayanami picked out, wasn't it?" said Kaworu, hands folded behind his head as he walked.

"Yeah, I guess." said Shinji in what he hoped was an indifferent voice.

"I'm sure she'll look very pretty in it," Kaworu glanced at Shinji out of the corner of his eye. "Of course, it would probably look just as pretty on you."

Shinji felt his heart lurch. Panicked suspicions immediately began taking form in his mind. Had Asuka told him what she had seen last night? It certainly seemed that way. Kaworu wouldn't just say something like that for no reason.

"Boys don't wear dresses, Kaworu."

"They don't? Well, they should. I think it would be nice, don't you?"

Shinji rounded on him. "Look, I don't know what Asuka told you, but I never-"

Kaworu raised his hands in an innocent gesture. "Sohryu? She didn't tell me anything. You really are quick to jump the gun, aren't you?" Kaworu lowered his hands and his voice took on a more serious tone. "I saw the way you looked at that dress, Shinji-kun. You wanted one for yourself."

Shinji looked away, his cheeks flushing angrily. "Don't say stuff like that," he mumbled, starting to walk again.

"If you wanted it," said Kaworu. "you should've bought one. Or were you afraid Ayanami and I would say something?"

"I didn't want that dress," Shinji insisted. "Not for whatever weird reason you're talking about."

Kaworu was silent for a moment. "You should at least be honest with yourself, Shinji-kun... even if you're not honest with me."

"Are you saying I wanted to... to... wear that dress?" Shinji said, and he let out a bark of laughter that sounded so unlike himself. "Really, Kaworu? That's just insane, even for you."

Kaworu shrugged.

They walked the rest of the way home in silence.

The lights were off inside Misato's apartment. She and Asuka were still out, then. Shinji flicked on the lights and turned to say goodbye to Kaworu, but he had already stepped in and shut the door.

"What are you doing?"

"I've never seen your apartment before, Shinji-kun." said Kaworu, grinning. "Do you mind?"

"Not really." Shinji turned away. He wasn't in the mood to listen to Kaworu's snide hints about what Asuka had surely told him. It would be bad enough had she reported the scene accurately, but knowing Asuka she probably added as many embellishments to the story as she could.

There was a rustling of plastic shopping bags behind him as Kaworu rummaged through them, and Shinji turned to look in spite of himself.

Kaworu was holding up the dress he bought by the hanger, giving it an appraising look. He grinned and held it out to Shinji. "Well? Does it still look as good as it did in the store? Sometimes I find that clothing looks a bit different once you bring it home. Something about the change in lighting, I think."

Shinji didn't know what to do. His heart began to race like it had last night. "I... I don't know what you're talking-"

"It's yours," said Kaworu. "I bought it for you. Take it."

Before Shinji could protest, Kaworu draped the dress over his arm.

"I don't want-" Shinji began, but Kaworu cut him off.

"Yes you do. But what I don't understand is why. Can you tell me? I don't think you're the type to play for the other team, if you catch my drift." he added with a wink.

Shinji blushed and looked away. Kaworu had trapped him in a corner and they both knew it. Any lie he could think up would only make things worse, not that Kaworu would believe a word of it anyway. "I... I just thought, maybe..." Shinji hesitated, then his shoulders sagged with the weight of defeat. He could tell Kaworu. He wouldn't be laughed at. "I thought my father might... like it." he said, the last two words spoken so quietly they were almost inaudible.

Kaworu nodded sagely. "I see. Because of Rei?"

Shinji nodded, unable to look directly at him. "Please don't tell anyone."

"What's there to tell?" said Kaworu. "You want to look pretty for your father, that's all."

When Shinji looked up he realized Kaworu had moved much closer to him. He took a step back.

"Well?" asked Kaworu. "What have you tried so far?"

"W-What do you mean?"

Kaworu laughed. "You live with two women, Shinji-kun. Don't tell me this is the only dress you've ever had eyes for."

Shinji blushed and looked away again. "Well... I sort of tried some of Misato's things..."

"Too big, right?" Kaworu tittered and slowly shook his head. "Should've tried Asuka's room first. She's closer to your size."

It was too much. Shinji couldn't keep it quiet anymore. Someone had to know. He had to tell someone, anyone.

"Asuka saw me!" he blurted. "She saw me in Misato's room, Kaworu! What do I do? She'll tell somebody at school tomorrow, I know it. I can't take this kind of stress. What if she got pictures, too? You have to help me!"

Kaworu raised his eyebrows. "Oh, so that's what's been bothering you. Well, not much you can do about that."

Shinji stared at him, horrified. How could he be so dismissive? Didn't he know Shinji's entire life could be ruined if Asuka told someone? Misato would be disgusted. Dr. Akagi would think he was neurotic. Rei wouldn't want to be seen anywhere near him. Father would...

Father...

The sight of Kaworu disappearing down the hall snapped Shinji back to reality.

"Hey, wait," Shinji called, carrying the dress with him. "Where are you going? You can't go in there, that's Asuka's room."

"She's not here, right?"

"She'll kill me."

Kaworu opened the door. "Go on. Let's see if that dress fits. I'll wait out here."

Shinji hesitated. "Can't... Can't I do it in my own room?"

"You'll be needing undergarments, won't you?" asked Kaworu.

When faced with the choice of answering that question or going into Asuka's room, Shinji found it surprisingly easy to choose. He went inside and shut the door behind him.

Sneaking into Asuka's room wasn't like sneaking into Misato's. Shinji wasn't sure why, but it felt... different somehow. Forbidden. Out of bounds.

Shinji slowly made his way over to the bed and spread out the dress on Asuka's comforter. It really was a nice outfit. He wondered how his father would react if he saw him wearing it. Would he be upset? Angry?

Would he like it?

Shinji opened the top drawer of Asuka's dresser and, just like he had done in Misato's room, he hesitated. Once again, invading Asuka's privacy like this felt different than doing the same to Misato. These were Asuka's panties for crying out loud. He couldn't touch those. He couldn't wear those. She'd kill him. Even so, he pulled out a white pair. As his fingers touched the smooth fabric, he felt a thrill that had nothing to do with wanting to put them on.

"Shinji-kun, do you need any help?" said Kaworu from the other side of the door.

"N-No! I'm fine. Don't come in." Shinji hurriedly stripped out of his own clothes and set them aside. He pulled on Asuka's underwear. They were much smaller than Misato's, almost too small. Shinji plucked at the back as he felt them ride up. Not bothering with a bra this time, Shinji slipped on the dress. It took him a minute to figure out why it didn't feel quite right. The back had to be zipped up.

He opened the door.

"Well now," said Kaworu, hands on his hips. "Don't you look nice."

Shinji blushed. "I... I need... can you zip the back?" he stammered, turning around.

"Sure," said Kaworu. He grabbed Shinji by the shoulders and gently propelled him back into Asuka's room.

Shinji felt his heart speed up at the touch. "W-What are you doing?"

"You dressed far too quickly," said Kaworu. "I bet you didn't even look in the mirror." He zipped up the back of the dress, then dragged Shinji over in front of the floor-length mirror.

Shinji was almost unrecognizable. Sure, his face was the same, but if he kept his eyes focused on the neck down, he could pretend...

"Sit down." said Kaworu, gently.

"What?"

"Here," Kaworu led him over to the chair in front of Asuka's vanity. He opened the drawer and began pulling out a wide variety of makeup.

"Do you know how to use those?" Shinji asked, hesitantly. He didn't want to end up with blush all over his eyelashes, or anything like that.

Kaworu chuckled. "Of course."

"But..."

"Just hold still." He took a small black brush and applied a dark powder to it from a plastic palette. He leaned in close and expertly began brushing just above Shinji's right eye, his movements precise and gentle.

The minutes ticked by, and Shinji found himself unable to remain quiet. He could trust Kaworu and he needed to hear from someone—anyone—that his fears were unfounded.

"When Asuka found me in Misato's room... I was so scared. I thought everyone was going to find out."

"That's understandable," said Kaworu, not taking his eyes off the makeup he was applying.

"It was all I could do afterward not to run away. I thought maybe if I left that night, everyone just... everyone might just forget. I was so scared."

"Scared of Asuka?" Kaworu asked. "Or scared of something else?"

Shinji had to think about it for a second. "I guess I was scared everyone might hate me."

"Why would they hate you?" Kaworu walked around to Shinji's other side and, after applying a fresh coat of powder to his brush, began work on his right eye.

"I was wearing a skirt. Asuka saw me wearing a skirt, Kaworu. What if everyone found out? She could still tell someone."

"And then what would happen?"

Shinji found it hard not to move his head to look away. "Father would find out."

"So?" said Kaworu. "That's why you want to do this, isn't it? To get his attention?"

"Yes, but... I mean, it's not that simple." Shinji fidgeted so much that Kaworu had to pause for a second before resuming his work. "What if it just makes everything worse? What if-"

"You enjoy it, though, don't you?" Kaworu interrupted. He replaced the brush and closed the case of eye shadow with a sharp clack. After some deliberation, he chose a canister of lipstick and popped the lid.

"I just..." Shinji hesitated. "I just want him to see that I can be as pretty as Rei. I know it sounds stupid," he added, defensively. "but maybe he just doesn't realize it yet, and if I can show him..."

Kaworu pouted his lips and Shinji mimicked him. He began to apply the lipstick.

"If you can show him that, he might realize he never needed Rei after all." Kaworu finished for him. "Because you were there the whole time."

"Yes," Shinji said, once Kaworu had finished applying the lipstick.

The other boy stepped aside from in front of the mirror and Shinji stared at his own reflection. His eyes were more pronounced than ever, the eye shadow making the color of his irises subtly stand out. The lipstick was a dark red, almost burgundy, and somehow made his lips seem fuller than usual.

"Hold on," said Kaworu. "I almost forgot." He rummaged around for something, then stood behind Shinji and held up two pairs of rose quartz earrings so he could see them in the mirror.

Shinji's eyes widened. "K-Kaworu... you didn't..."

Kaworu grinned widely. He had obviously been looking forward to this all evening. "These are the ones you were looking at, right?"

"But... those cost a fortune! You shouldn't have... I mean..."

"Don't worry about that," said Kaworu, waving a dismissive hand. "What I choose to spend my money on is no business of yours."

"Kaworu..."

"Here, let's take these out." Kaworu removed the two plain earrings with gentle hands, then replaced them with the quartz ones. "What do you think?"

They were heavy on Shinji's ears, but not so much that they hurt. With the dress and the makeup and the earrings, Shinji could barely recognize himself. "What do you think?" he asked.

"I think you're father's insane," said Kaworu. "How could someone ever ignore a son as beautiful as you?"

Shinji gripped the side of the chair. "Kaworu... thank you so much. I'll pay you back for the earrings, I promise."

"I said don't worry about it. Just promise me you'll wear them, alright?"

Shinji hesitated for a moment, then nodded. And then something happened to make Shinji's blood run cold. He heard the lock on the front door click open. Someone was home. Shinji jumped up from his chair, already stashing the makeup back into Asuka's vanity.

Kaworu seemed unconcerned.

"What are you doing?" Shinji said in a panicked whisper. "Hurry!"

"Who's there?" It was Asuka. Hurried footsteps sounded down the hall as she made toward the open door of her room. "Misato, is that you?"

"You have to hide me!" Shinji begged, rounding on Kaworu. "Please! She can't see me like this!" Why wasn't Kaworu helping him? Why was he just standing there like nothing was going on?

"You shouldn't run away from Sohryu," said Kaworu. "and you shouldn't run away from yourself, either."

"Please, Kaworu! Please hide me!"

Asuka stepped into the room and Shinji cowered pathetically behind Kaworu's back, who stood stoutly to face the newcomer.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Asuka snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Kaworu. "And what's she doing here with you? This is my last Ayanami-free zone and I'd like to keep it that way if you don't mind."

"Ayanami?" said Kaworu, feigning puzzlement. "No, Sohryu, you probably need to get your eyes checked. As for what we're doing here," he grinned. "Shinji needed to borrow some makeup, you see."

There was a moment of silence as Asuka processed what he was saying.

She peered over Kaworu's shoulder, her mouth opening in shock and disgust. "Oh my God... this again? And you brought him here with you?" Asuka reared back, her hands flying to her mouth. "Mein gott in himmel, you two weren't doing it in my room, were you?"

"No!" Shinji erupted, leaving the sanctity of his hiding place. "It's not like that!"

"Well it sure looks like something was going on," Asuka snapped back, pointing at him. "Look at you! God, you better not have been doing anything weird with my stuff. You're not wearing my underwear, are you?"

"Don't worry," said Kaworu. "I'm sure Shinji will wash them after he's finished."

Both Shinji and Asuka gaped at him.

"What are you even still doing here?" Asuka snapped, grabbing Kaworu's upper arm and marching him down the hall and through the kitchen. Shinji followed at a quick pace.

"Hey, I was invited in, you know," Kaworu said with a chuckle.

Asuka opened the door. "Well consider yourself uninvited." She pushed him outside.

"Asuka, don't..." Shinji began, but she silenced him with a look.

"Goodnight, Shinji-kun." said Kaworu as easily as if he was merely leaving because of the lateness of the hour.

Asuka slammed the door in his smiling face and turned to glower at Shinji.

Shinji suddenly realized how deep in trouble he was. He took a step back, ready to run for it. He would shut himself in his room if he had to, scrub the makeup off and hide the clothes in the deepest recesses of his closet. Asuka had no proof of anything. She couldn't tell anyone. She just couldn't.

"Why?" said Asuka. She wasn't yelling anymore. If anything, she sounded sad. "Why are you doing this?"

Shinji dropped his eyes to the floor. "I don't know..."

Asuka clenched her fists at her side. "Are you... you know..." she hesitated. "Gay?"

"No!"

"Then why are you dressed like that?" Asuka retorted, her voice rising again. "Is it because of me? I mean, I hate your guts," she added, flippantly. "but I didn't exactly want to turn you off women forever or anything."

"It's not like that," Shinji mumbled. He didn't want to have to tell her. Explaining things to Kaworu was different. He just couldn't talk to Asuka like that.

"Then what is it?" she continued relentlessly.

"I don't..."

"Come on, spit it out!"

"It makes me feel pretty, okay?" Shinji shouted.

There was a ringing silence following his words.

After a long moment, Shinji finally looked up at her. He couldn't tell if she looked sad, disappointed, or sick. Maybe it was all three.

"So, you're gay." she stated.

"No, it's just... it makes me feel good. Wearing makeup and dresses and stuff." He rounded on her in a desperate bid to explain himself. "You know what I'm talking about! You do it all the time at school. You know, that thing you do with your hair."

Asuka narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What thing I do with my hair?"

"You know, that thing where you flip it over your shoulder because you know a boy's watching. Or when you flap your shirt to make your-"

"I do that because I'm hot, idiot!" Asuka snapped, going red. "It's gotta be, like, a hundred degrees in our classroom these days! I don't do stuff like that to get attention! What are you, stupid?"

"Well, everyone notices you when you do that." Shinji continued. "Even me." He looked away, blushing. "It's just that I wish people would look at methat way, too."

Asuka seemed to calm down a little. "You and Nagisa weren't doing anything weird in my room, then?"

"No," said Shinji. "He was just helping me with the makeup." There was a short silence. "You won't tell Misato, will you?"

Asuka shrugged. "Maybe."

"I'm really sorry I went in your room." he continued, miserably. "I won't do it again, I promise."

"You're sure you're not gay or anything?" Asuka prompted. "Because you have to tell me right now if you are."

"No. Really, Asuka, I'm not."

"Not even for Nagisa?"

"No!"

Amazingly, miraculously, Asuka smiled. "Okay, then. Next time you need help with makeup or whatever, why don't you just ask me?"

Shinji stared at her. "Ask... you?"

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Look, idiot, Nagisa's not allowed in my room under any circumstances, but if you need help or want to borrow something or whatever, ask me and I'll help you."

Shinji had to digest this. "You mean... if I want to-"

"Yes," Asuka interrupted, impatiently. "If you want to borrow makeup or whatever, I'll help you put it on."

"But why?"

"Why?" Asuka snapped. "Because Nagisa doesn't know crap about making you look good. That dress is hideous, by the way. Looks like something Ayanami would wear. You didn't pick it out, did you?"

There was a knock on the door before Shinji could answer. He was already darting back to Asuka's room before the sound faded away. He had to get out of these clothes before Misato saw him.

"Just stall her for a minute, okay?" Shinji called over his shoulder.

Shinji emerged from Asuka's room in his own clothes, all the makeup scrubbed from his face. Asuka was leaning against the kitchen wall with her arms crossed. She didn't look happy. It was then that Shinji noticed the other occupant of the room.

"Shinji-kun," said Rei, standing up from her seat at the table. She was wearing her new dress. "I'm sorry, you were probably getting ready for bed."

"No," said Shinji. "It's fine. Is something wrong?"

Rei shook her head. "Can we talk? Outside?"

Asuka made a big show of rolling her eyes.

"Sure," said Shinji. "Asuka, I'll be right back."

"Mm-hm." said Asuka, not looking at him.

After closing the door behind him, Shinji walked with Rei along the third floor balcony, passing several other apartments before stopping.

Rei leaned against the rail, looking out over the street with the breeze gently lapping at her hair.

"I've been thinking about your question," she said.

"My question?"

"Yes. About your father."

Shinji joined her against the rail. "Oh... yeah. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

Rei shook her head. "No, I think I have an answer." She was silent for a moment. "You asked me if I thought your father hated you."

Shinji looked away, out over the dimly-lit streets. "I remember."

"I don't think he does."

Shinji gripped the rail tightly. "I'm sorry, Rei, but I don't think you can understand-"

"I think I do understand," she said. "I've been thinking about it since we left the mall. I have no reason to believe he hates you."

"Then why does he do these things?" Shinji said, almost pleadingly. "Why does he ignore me like this? Why is nothing I do ever good enough for him?"

"It's not that he doesn't want to talk to you," said Rei. "It's that he doesn't know how."

"Why, though?" Shinji persisted. "Why won't he take me out to eat? Why won't he even look at me?"

"He's afraid of you." said Rei, turning to look at him. "He doesn't know how he should talk to you or what you want him to say, and it scares him."

Shinji found it hard to believe that anything was capable of scaring his father. "I don't think that could be it."

"I did not remember until I got home today, but he asked me something about you during our dinner two nights ago."

Shinji waited a beat. "Yes?" he prompted.

"He asked me whether I had talked to you recently." she said, then stared silently at him.

Shinji blinked. "And?"

"And what?"

"What else did he say about me?"

It was Rei's turn to blink. "That is all."

Shinji felt himself become frustrated again. "So how does that tell you he's scared of me?" he said, and he was immediately ashamed of the rudeness in his voice. It wasn't Rei's fault, he reminded himself.

"He asked me whether I had talked to you recently," Rei repeated. She stared at him again as if the meaning of her words were obvious.

Shinji shook his head. "I don't understand."

"Director Ikari's question tells me that, rather than talk to you himself, he hopes to learn about you from me. He is afraid of talking to you because he is not sure who you are. He probably thinks you resent or dislike him. In his mind, it would be far safer to learn what you are like through me rather than risk embarrassment or pain by attempting to bond with you himself."

This was a lot for Shinji to swallow. "Even if that's true," he said, slowly, "why you? Wouldn't he do better to ask Asuka or Misato about me?"

"He does not feel comfortable talking to Captain Katsuragi or Sohryu-san. I have been with him a long time. He knows I harbor no ill-will against him."

Rei fell into silence while Shinji mulled things over. If everything Rei said was true, or as close to the truth as he could get right now, then his father didn't actually hate him after all. But was she right? Maybe it only seemed like such a good theory because Shinji wanted it to be true so much. Maybe.

"What should I do?" Shinji asked, quietly.

"Talk to him." said Rei. "If both of you wait for the other to speak first, there will be nothing but silence between you forever."

Shinji nodded slowly. "I'll... I'll try. Tomorrow." He clenched and unclenched his hand. "I'll try tomorrow."

He realized Rei was staring at him. "W-What is it?"

"I like your earrings." she said.

Shinji reached up impulsively. His heart skipped a beat as he realized he'd forgotten to take off the quartz earrings. "Oh, uh... thank you."

"Kaworu-kun told me he bought them for you," she continued. "when I passed him on the street a little while ago. Do you like them?"

Shinji blushed. The earrings swayed slightly in the breeze, brushing softly against his fingertips.

"Yes," he said, and he smiled. "I like them a lot."

Rei smiled back. "I think they look very pretty on you."