HELLO ALL YOU FREAKS AND GEEKS!

This is your lovely authors speaking!

First off we would like to get the disclaimer out of the way so…

We own absolutely nothing. If you recognize it, it is NOT OURS! The closest thing I have to actually owning Loki is a 4 inch action figure I have hanging on my wall.

Now on to more important matters…

We did this simply for fun and to keep our minds from turning into goo at work, because believe me… I've seen it happen!

So read on fair readers, and review. Loki likes it when you review!

Oh yea, everyone else wishes for us to say that they like reviews too. Except Natasha. She couldn't care either way.

Rules and Regulations for Working and Living with Avengers and Loki

Rule #1

As tempting as it is, do not sing never ending songs to see how long it will take to get on Tony's nerves.

He will get you back. Believe me. It took me forever to find the tape recorder he set to continuously play 'Call Me Maybe'.

It was cleverly concealed in the air vent below my bed.

Rule #2

DO NOT, under any circumstances, try to slip a matching cowbell around Loki's neck while he is sleeping.

He will kill you. Slowly. Intimately. In every way he knows you fear. There are no second chances.

Rule #3

Teasing Steve with pop culture references may be fun at first, but when you need help writing your history paper on the early 40s, he will kindly tell you in an early 40s kind of way to go fuck yourself. And you will be standing there wondering what he just said.

After that, I stopped teasing him and started explaining what everything I say means. I think that annoys him more than the teasing.

Rule #4

Tony doesn't like it when you switch JARVIS's voice to your favorite tv/movie star's, favorite singer's, or Director Fury's.

Fury's voice will scare the hell out of him at first then he will get super pissed. Then get the idea to use it to his advantage.

Clint and Natasha were told by an AI that they had laundry duty for a month and never knew the difference.

He then had Steve cleaning windows and mopping the floor in a pretty pink apron.

Yes, Steve did wonder at first, but then went to work mumbling something under his breath about being a soldier and following orders.

Rule #5

Don't ask Loki to be his Mischief Maker.

He will look at you strangely, then get an evil glint in his eye. After a moment of consideration (with that evil smirk on his face), he will tell you yes. Then you have to do all of his dirty work.

This includes, but is not limited to:

Decorating Mjolnir with superglue and pink sparklies

Switching Natasha's shampoo with green hair dye

Replacing all of the gun powder in Clint's arrows with confetti

Painting Steve's shield different colors with designs

Magnetizing the floor around Mjolnir

Putting a smiley face sticker on Fury's eye patch

Spray painting EMERGENCY HATCH across the butt of Tony's Iron Man suit

Dying all of Bruce's favorite pants green so that when he Hulks out he looks naked

Resetting all of the equipment in Tony and Bruce's labs back to the factory defaults. (Seriously, they have everything in there just how they like it. I learned the hard way not to mess with anything in there after I did, and then a piece of equipment blew up when Tony got to close in his suit.)

Rule #6

Wednesday is shawarma night.

Do not make plans to do something else. Tony will pretend to be hurt the rest of the week.

Tony: Are you kidding me? This is the only night a week we all have to settle down for a minute. Fine then go. I didn't want to do this anyway.

He ignored me until I apologized two days later.

Rule #7

Any and all dates must be introduced to ALL of the Avengers. While they are going through the standard first date interrogation, Tony will (secretly) have JARVIS run a background check on them.

Clint and Steve automatically go into Protective-Big-Brother-Mode, firing questions off one after another. (i.e.: What time do you plan to have her home? What exactly are your intentions with her? Where are you going?)

Natasha gives them a silent glare that says 'If you hurt her, I know seven ways to kill you in which I can make it look like a painful accident and everyone here will help'.

Thor just stands over the poor boy with his arms folded over his chest looking menacing. I mean let's face it if Thor were to do that to anyone they would be slightly terrified.

Bruce avoids the conversation completely which is unsettling in itself.

Loki stares from a distance with a maniacal grin on his face that is quite disturbing and terrifying.

Tony waits on the results of the background check and throws them out of the tower if even so much as a speeding ticket pops up.

Rule #8

No. Chuck Norris CAN NOT join the Avengers.

No matter how many times you have Agent Hill put it on the agenda for the next team meeting.

Me: Pl-ease! Pl-ease Director Fury!? I'll be good I promise!

Fury: NO! Now Shut The Hell Up!

Rule #9

Never scream at the top of your lungs because you are happy or mad or frustrated or any other reason unless you want the team to bust down your door (Steve), break through the window (Clint), destroy the air ducts (Natasha), blast through the wall (Tony and Thor), or bring down the ceiling (Hulk), to make sure there is no danger.

When all this happens at once then you will really be screaming, especially when part of the celling lands on your big toe.

Yeah. Sorry Tony. I'll pay for the damages. Eventually.

Rule #10

The movie 'Warhorse' is no longer allowed.

The last time we watched it, everyone kept looking back and forth between the screen and Loki.

Thor: Brother, why did you not tell me that you had an offspring with a mortal? This is wonderful news! We must tell Mother and Father at once!

Tony: Eeeew! There's two of them!

Natasha: …? Neh…

Clint: Can I put an arrow in HIS eye?

Steve: How is this even possible? Is that one of his illusions?

Me: Loki, why can't you act more like your look alike? He is soooooo nice. You should take lessons from him.

Loki: WHAT IN THE NINE REALMS!? What in Odin's name is this foolishness? Who is this mortal and why does he share my face?

Ok oh fair viewers of the word! We are curious as hell to know what you think of the first 10 rules!

So please review!

Loki: Or else!

EmmettCullenProject: Loki dear?

Loki: Yes oh amazing authoress?

EmmettCullenProject: Shut up.

Loki: Yes dear!

Nscara2: *clears throat loudly* please ignore the odd couple! Oh and see the little button down there that says REVIEW? Please let your magical little fingers work the magical little mouse and click on the magical little button and I will give you pumpkin apple bread!

All: Thanks again for reading!