Pain. Guilt. Depression.

Was all I felt anymore. I'm numb. Everything fucking sucks, sometimes I wonder why I was born.

I'm Isabella Swan and I'm 16 years old. A depressed, emo freak. Or at least that's what the kids at school tell me-call me whatever. Again, everything fucking sucks.

My parents constantly regret me being born, yet they treat my brother like a fucking king. Currently I am sitting in my room, with my headphones in trying to drown out my parents. They're fighting, as usual. In my house this is a nightly occurrence. If I'm lucky they'll start throwing shit around. Yes, that was sarcasm.

No matter how loud I turn up my music I still can't drown them out.

With a groan I rip out of the headphones from my ears and as quietly as possible I sneak out and go into my brothers' room. Yes, I know what you're thinking, I should hate him because my parents love him more; but I can't. I don't possess hate, just sadness. Plus when you look at my brother Alec you fall in love with him instantly. Alec's 5 years old with black hair and chocolate brown eyes just like me. He's sitting on his bed crying. This is a nightly occurrence too; me going in to comfort him and tell him everything was going to be okay; when I clearly knew it was never going to be okay.

"Hey buddy." I whispered.

He looked up at me with tear stained cheeks and those chocolate orbs bore into me.

"Are you okay?" Nothing about this situation is remotely okay.

"I'm okay Bella." He whispered in his little baby voice. I absolutely hated being called Bella. It means beautiful in Italian, and I'm nowhere near beautiful. But I didn't have the heart to correct Alec.

"Do you want me to lay with you, buddy?"

He nodded- yes. I pulled up the duvet and snuggled in as best as I could onto his small twin sized bed. He put his head on my stomach and started to suck his thumb. Awful habit I know. I hope he breaks out of it soon.

I lay in bed just thinking even though my mind was an evil place to be trapped.

I'm not a good person. I have selfish thoughts and bad intentions. I hurt everyone around me. I hurt myself. This isn't the depression talking. This is me. I don't think I can get better. Do I want to get better? No, not really. Do I want to be happy? Yes, doesn't everyone want to be happy?

Maybe I should just kill myself.

No, you have so much to live for. The sane part of my brain argued.

What do I have to live for? I don't have friends, I don't have a boyfriend. My parents treat me life shit, plus if I died my parents wouldn't have the burden of taking care of me.

Well it's not like they properly take care of me now. Like I said, my mind is a really shitty place to be trapped.

Alec is snoring lightly and he has a death grip on my shirt, I usually would get up right after he falls asleep. But tonight I can't. I don't want to be alone. When I'm alone I cut my self I'm scared if I did it tonight it would be the last time. I snuggled deeper into the mattress and closed my eyes. Sleep soon took over.

A/N. Hi guys , Short chapter I know. I have absolutely no fucking clue where this story is going, and knowing me I'll ditch it halfway through. Anyways I hope you liked it, this is my very first fic- Yes, how exciting. Haha, if you haven't figured it out yet this story is going to have dark themes, drug abuse (maybe), and self harming. If you can't handle that I suggest you get the fuck out. You've been warned. Okay I'll shut up now. Goodbye for now. WAIT. I'll generally update on weekends, most likely Sunday night. Goodbye