A Gift from God

Summary: That is the meaning of her name, and while she doesn't think she is a person worthy enough to live up to that name, she does end up getting a gift instead: the kind of world she wishes for. SIOC.

A Gift from God.

That is the meaning of her name.

Just like any other names out there, it is given from parents to their children in hopes that they'll live up to the name or perhaps simply because they like the cool name. For her case, her parents seem to hold the former reason. Nathania, A Gift from God. It's a good name, with a good meaning. She loves her name, really. But the implication behind the word 'gift' unsettles her. She is an only child, her mother being sterilized for medical reasons she doesn't bother to know extensively about, and with that a huge burden settles itself on her shoulders.

She is a gift. If she has parents she actually likes, perhaps she won't think too extensively over this, because there are other Nathanias out there, and she does have a classmate with the same name as her and that other Nathania is a very chill person with a very chill family. However considering her opinions regarding her parents—and in which it probably doesn't matter much because she's thirteen and don't anyone around that age hate their parents for quite some time and for some strange reasons only they know about? Therefore, her selfish opinions don't really matter, but within her thirteen year old brain, it does matter. It very much does—she sees the word 'gift' as some sort of a curse. For what do people do with gifts?

Answer: They use it. However they want, whenever they want, for whatever they want.

Lots of parents have their own expectations regarding their children. They want them to become a doctor, an engineer, a teacher, or continuing the family business, whatever it is they think as 'cool' and 'useful'. They think they have their children's best interests in mind, and while that may be true for those who can't think for themselves, it's an absolute prison for someone like her, who in fact doesn't like her parents decisions for her life, at all. Imagine not wanting to be a doctor but forced into it since the very time you get into school, how stressful must your life be? There are other people out there having that very issue, and dear God she hopes she doesn't have to face that.

Her parents are not wealthy. Sometimes, they are barely able to pay for her school tuitions. And while she feels guilty for making her parents' lives miserable—because she's heard the fights and arguments about money. Money for food, for electricity, for water, for school fees and supplies, for whatever else they may need—she is also rather bitter over their condition.

Her parents want her to be rich. Their reasoning is that so she doesn't have to live like they do. She understands that they mean well, but their way of meaning well does not sit well with her.

Because for them, by being rich, they mean being a fucking doctor.

Not… Not fucking a doctor. But actually being a doctor, which is silly, because she doesn't even like science! She can barely do proper maths these days—mainly because of her laziness, her inability to quickly understand the formulas and aversion toward counting numbers other than money—and they want her to become a doctor.

Well, they do give her other options… Like a scientist, or diving into food technology, or a pharmacist… Or an architect. Okay… At least she likes to draw, but they're wrong because she does not draw buildings. She likes manga and anime, therefore she makes fanarts of them and that doesn't mean she wants to become an artist! It's just a hobby, she can't use her ability to draw for work! Because work means clients and clients mean requests and requests mean she has to draw specific things and that is a huge NO. She draws what she wants, however she wants, whenever she wants. If she ends up drawing things she doesn't want, it will simply be a disaster and she is not looking forward to end up hating her own hobby.

She reasons she can be a comic artist, then, however that idea is quickly shut down by her parents. It's not a really secure job, they say, she won't know if she'll get success or not. And well, okay, that is true. But at least that's better than being an architect or an interior designer!

You'll understand soon enough, they reason, when you're in highschool you will understand.

And you will end up taking the path we choose you, is left unsaid but understood anyway.

Well, fan-fucking-tastic. She has to endure this session of 'we know what's best for you so let us decide your future' talk again in, like, three years.

Who knows, maybe she will end up in the science class in highschool as opposed to the social or language class. She knows they will be forcing her to make sure her scores don't drop in the first year so she can end up in that class for the second and third year.*

Not looking forward to it, she thinks bitterly.

But why is she so melodramatic about it? Lots of people go through this, too! There are other teenagers out there forced to do things they do not want by their parents, so she must not be so sad about it! She's not the only one suffering, so she should just suck it up! Well guess what, honey, this is her life and if she wants to be sad, let her be sad about it. The fact that other people are experiencing worse things than her doesn't necessarily mean that her feelings are worth nothing! And besides, it isn't the only thing that is happening to her.

Her mother belittles her on whatever she does, whether it's good or bad. She's never satisfied with her own daughter's accomplishment, and when she fails, the woman becomes angry and yells at her. It hurts her feelings, but she knows better than saying that to her mother. It's not like she will listen anyway.

Aside from accomplishment within education, she wants her daughter to be a perfect wife candidate. The ability to cook, clean…

So many things demanded from her, and she cannot say no. Because that will lead to shouting matches (she knows, it happened before) and angry yelling until her mother either smacks her, throws something at her, or her father who cuts in the argument.

His father is a physical person. When he's affectionate, he will pat her head. When he's stressed or angry, he'll either punch the stressor, or punch something else.

It doesn't help that his father is so against her having such a useless hobby like reading or watching manga and anime, as well as drawing fanarts or original characters.

It doesn't happen daily so…. It doesn't count as abuse, right? She doesn't know what makes child abuse a problem, the frequency of it? The cruelty? Physical punishment is not really frowned upon here, at least not that much. A few good smacks here and there are good, unless the parents go batshit insane and abuse their child until the brink of death, then it becomes a problem.

Maybe it's a problem itself in her society, but she doesn't dwell too much on that.

It's okay. She's used to it.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay, she tells herself, as she stares mournfully at her recently bought tankobon. Her eyes are red rimmed with tears; her whole body bundled up under a warm cocoon of light blue blanket and the destroyed book is held within shaking hands.

It's a newly bought tankobon of Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, which shows the last battle between Tsuna and Byakuran. While she's read every single chapters of KHR from start to finish, her hometown hasn't finished publishing the tankobon version of it, and has only recently published the ending of the Future Arc.

She was happy, at least for awhile.

Though she should've perhaps read it when his father wasn't home, or read it in the safe haven of her room, because her father was stressed and at the sight of her daughter lazing about, he chose the worst thing to spent that anger—and destroyed her book in the process.

She got smacked in the face too, so there's that.

It's okay. She thinks again.

It's okay…

It's okay…

She has always liked shows like KHR or Naruto, because while there are blatant plotholes or even Bad Things and Not Morally Accepted things within the shows, they're inspiring and they fill the holes within her heart.

She has always liked the idea of having friends close enough that you will not hesitate risking your own life to save them.

It's unrealistic, but she cannot help but hope.

If she has a friend like that—if she has at least someone like that…

Does that mean they can free her from this life? From this situation? From this misery?

Probably not, because the world is cruel and she doesn't think she will find anyone like that anyway.

But still she cannot help but to think—

If she can, somehow—

Find someone like that—

How happy she'd be…

She opens her eyes with her body covered in sweat. She feels sticky, dirty—and for a few seconds she thinks that perhaps her air conditioner is broken again, somehow—before she feels the ground beneath her and stops in her tracks.

…Ground?

…Dirt?

DIRT?!

She sits up abruptly, only to thwack her head on a hard surface.

"Ow!" She yelps, wiggling out of her blanket cocoon. What the hell? Where is she? Sticking her head out of a hole, she gapes in surprise when she figures out that she is in fact in the middle of a park.

…A park?!

Holy shit, has her parents finally abandoned her?!

That thought sends chills down her spine and the thirteen year old girl quickly scrambles outside, glancing around to see anything that she can recognize. Anything! Her parents can't possibly drop her off in another town right off the bat, right? Right?!

Dragging the fluffy blanket out of the plastic house little children plays in, she folds it as neatly as she can, for it is her only belongings—holy shit, her parents don't even bother leaving her with money!—aside from her clothes and the little girl shakily lets out a breath.

Calm down. Calm down. She tells herself.

It's hard to calm down in this kind of situation though, and she finds her body shaking as she looks around to find anything, anything, that can help her to know where the hell is she at the moment. Her heart is hammering in her chest and she is sweating profusely.

Why? She cries out inwardly at her parents' absolute betrayal, how could you? I'm your daughter!

These kinds of thoughts linger in her mind as she walks away from the park, the blanket secured within her grasp.

When she passes by a store with seemingly Chinese words, she ignores it in hopes of finding anything with her mother language.

But then there's more things on the street written with these words and she realizes belatedly that it's not Chinese, it's Japanese.

And it takes her five more minutes, as well as many more times passing by stores, signs and posters with equally Japanese writings, to really realize what is going on.

Within a few hours of her deep sleep, she has somehow found her way into Japan.

What in the actual fuck—?!

*In my country, for the first year in highschool, you are required to get all kinds of subjects, ranging from science subjects (math, physics, chem, biology), social subjects (sociology, geography, economics) and other mandatory subjects (religion, history, counseling, laws, computer, conversation class, English class, language class, and some others depending on the school policy). And during the second year, you are moved to a specific class groups, so to say. There are usually three classes: Language (Bahasa), Science (IPA) and Social (IPS). In Bahasa I heard you will end up learning lots of other language, however my old highschool only has two types (IPA and IPS) in accordance to the school policy so I don't know much about it. Basically you learn language, that's it.

As the name implies, IPA only studies science subjects and other mandatory subjects like language, laws, religion and others. IPS studies social subjects and mandatory subjects (including mathematics, the IPA class gets TWO mathematics classes). Once you get within a specific group, you only get the chance to request a transfer to another group within two weeks at most, and after that you have to suffer through those subjects until you graduate. I myself was an IPS student, and now I'm a freshman in a university as a psychology student, and is currently struggling with statistics and biopsychology.

Rewritten: January 20, 2017

Next chapter will be out in a month.