So this is my first multi-chapter fic (fingers crossed it's exciting enough to keep you reading). [Note: this chapter has a minor spoiler for "The China Probrem."] As always, reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated, but flames belong in the fireplace.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park or its characters.

Kyle couldn't wait for the school day to end. Usually he'd spend most of class talking with his Super Best Friend, but Stan wasn't in school today. Kyle even tried texting him periodically, but they all went unanswered. He must really be sick, he thought.

When the bell finally rang, Kyle gathered up his books and stored what he wouldn't need for homework in his locker.

"Kyle," he heard a nasally voice call to him.

"Hey, Craig," he answered.

"Where's Stan today?"

"I dunno, I guess he stayed home."

"That's too bad. He let me borrow his Gersploosh CD yesterday so I could put it on my iPod. I forgot it at home, so I was gonna ask him to come with me to my house and get it."

Kyle thought for a moment. "Well…what if I come over and get it? I was planning on stopping by Stan's anyway to bring him the homework. I can give it to them then."

"Cool. Let's go catch the bus."

…

Kyle arrived with Craig at the Tucker household a short time later. "Do your parents know I was coming here?"

"They had to take my sister for a physical, so they won't be back for a while." Craig unlocked the front door and they stepped inside. "Man, I'm starving. You want something?"

"Nah, I'll just eat when I get home."

Craig walked into the kitchen. "Dude, you at least gotta try these awesome brownies my mom made last night."

"I can't, I'm diabetic."

"Don't worry, they're sugar free," he returned with a plate of them. "She uses that artificial stuff to sweeten them."

"OK, thanks." Kyle grabbed a brownie and bit into it. "Mmm…"

"Good, right?"

"Yeah," he said enthusiastically. "So do you have the CD?"

"It's in my room on the desk," Craig pointed the way. "You can't miss it."

Kyle walked into Craig's room and began to scour the desk in search of the CD. "Where is it?" All of a sudden, a tapping noise coming from the guinea pig's cage caught his attention. He looked over and saw what appeared to be a tiny boy knocking from inside the cage. "What the fuck?" Kyle opened the lid and peered in from above. "Stan?"

"Kyle, we have to get outta here," he spoke with urgency.

"What happened to you?"

"There's no time! We have to go!"

"Find what you were looking for?" Craig stood in the doorway.

Kyle whipped around with a look of panic etched on his face. "What did you do?"

"What are you talking about, Kyle?" he asked with mock concern.

His temper flared. "I'm talking about THIS!" he pointed at the cage.

Craig came over and looked with feigned interest. "Hey, what do you know? I guess Stan didn't stay home sick after all."

"You son of a bitch! What the hell did you do to him?"

He smirked. "Oh, you'll find out…Right. About. Now."

Kyle saw the entire bedroom start to grow before his eyes. When it finally stopped, he stood only eight inches tall.

Craig stared down at him. "Yeah, that's much better. You're a lot easier to handle at this size."

"Why are doing this, Craig?" asked Kyle. "What did we ever do to you?"

"You're kidding, right?" he deadpanned. "First you guys swindle me out of my birthday money by convincing me to invest in clothes and instruments to start a Peruvian flute band; then Homeland Security rounds up all the flute bands and sends us to Guantanamo Bay; then we have to fly to Peru to overthrow their government, where we get stranded in the jungle and end up in an ancient, spooky ruin with a carving of me on the wall; then when I try to walk away, I step on a magical stone tile, making me shoot sparks out of my eyes to defeat the guinea pirate and fulfill the Incan prophecy, when all I wanted to do was stay home. This is why no one likes hanging out with you guys and why everyone at school thinks you guys are assholes."

"Oh, come on, Craig, like we knew that stuff would happen," Stan defended.

"Apparently, stepping on that tile awakened some kind of power in me, and I knew I could get my revenge. My mom's brownies were the perfect temptation to contain my spell. And since Stripe's been feeling lonely, I decided to use a shrinking spell to give him some playmates."

"God dammit," Kyle slapped his forehead. "I bet they weren't even sugar free either."

"Oh, they were. They also had a special secret ingredient: bananas."

"AAAHH!" he shrieked.

"Not cool, dude," said Stan.

"Why us?" asked Kyle. "Cartman's a way bigger asshole."

"Cartman's a way bigger everything, but I don't have a death wish. As for Kenny, I don't think it should be too hard to lure him here with the offer of free food."

"Craig, do what you want with me, just let Kyle go. Peru's been a touchy subject for him ever since Indy was raped."

"Oh, I couldn't keep South Park's two 'Super Best Friends' apart," he said sarcastically. "What kind of monster would I be?" He picked up Kyle and placed him in the cage. "You know what the best part is, Kyle? I didn't even have to invite you over. You offered to come here. Guess you're not as smart as everyone thinks. Now, I'm gonna hang out with Clyde and Token for a while, so you be good little pets while I'm gone," he patronized them as he closed the lid.

Kyle immediately began pounding on the glass. "LET US OUT!"

Craig bent down so they could both get a good look at him, and simply flipped them off. Then he got up, walked out of the bedroom, and closed the door.

I hoped this story piqued your interest. Yes, I borrowed a little of Craig's recapping dialogue from the "Pandemic" episodes.

Coincidentally, while I was in the planning stages for the plotline, I heard a song by the New Age band Cusco called "Andes." I'd suggest checking it out.

- S.M.