Wow, I'm amazed that people still read, follow, favorite, and even review this story. What has it been, years now? Sorry I disappeared, guys. I became the victim of the college application process, which stole me away from my hobbies, and then I became a victim of college itself (and K-pop, but that's my own fault). But after reading some awesome Akatsuki fics, I finally opened the document, edited everything, wrote a new chapter, discovered too late that I was missing two chapters filled with plot I somehow didn't remember, added those chapters that somehow mysteriously went missing, and wrote another chapter.

And so, finally, here we are.

"Ahem." Itachi looked up from his work to acknowledge the Weasley twins.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"My brother and I," began one (even their chakra signatures, minimal as they were, were identical; Itachi honestly did not know which twin was which).

"Have decided to go out with a bang," said the other.

"That's Deidara's department," Itachi said.

"That may be," said the one who had just spoken.

"But George and I can most easily track down you." So this was Fred, and there was proof that maintaining a regular schedule was useful for playing civilian.

"It has not escaped our keen eyes how skilled you and your friends are," said George.

"In fact, many are very impressed by you, our dear friend Hermione being one of them," said Fred.

Itachi frowned. "If you are here on her behalf…" he began.

"Oh, not at all," George assured him. "You see, we, at least, respect the privacy of our fellow pranksters."

"If you're not telling us something, it's probably with good reason," Fred added.

"You're all quite sharp, after all," George said.

"You're entitled to your secrets," Fred said.

"Just as we're entitled to ours," George finished.

"Thank you," Itachi said. He had known from observing that the twins were very talented and intelligent individuals, no matter what their image was, so it did not surprise him that they knew that there was more to the young Akatsuki than they let on.

"Anyway, the point is that we want to pull something big," Fred said.

"Something that Hogwarts will remember for generations to come," George continued, his voice low.

"We know what we want and how we want it," Fred said.

"We just need some hands," George finished.

"You want me to talk to my friends about another prank," Itachi translated, his voice as quiet the Weasley twins'.

"It doesn't have to be as many people as last time," Fred said.

"Just one or two would be enough," George said.

"All we need is to coordinate a few things," Fred said.

Itachi thought briefly. Akatsuki as a whole was busy, as the Leaders had set a tentative departure date for May 20th, which was just under a month or so away. However, certain members of the group were growing increasingly restless (the fiasco with the itching powder and acromantulas was proof), so a distraction might be useful. "What might this entail?" he asked.

"Let's talk somewhere quieter," Fred said, ignoring the fact that the library was supposed to be one of the quietest places in the school. Itachi nodded and followed the twins to the Astronomy tower.

Once they were surrounded by the sound of April breezes, the twins spoke freely. "We're planning to leave the school, and we want to make a memorable but clean getaway," Fred said.

"We couldn't help but notice how you escaped the night the D.A. was crashed," George said.

"So we were wondering if we could get a few pointers," Fred finished.

"What did you see that night?" Itachi asked carefully.

"Soundless apparition," said Fred.

"Dissolution into paper," said George.

"Running on walls," said Fred.

Itachi kept his face carefully blank. "Really? That sounds…improbable."

"It really does," said Fred.

"We won't ask you to spill your secrets," George said.

"But you escaped most people's notice," Fred said.

"Except yours," Itachi said.

"But we've watching you," Fred said.

"In a completely non-pedophilic way," George hastened to supply.

"Especially since the boggart incident," Fred said.

"So it's different," George said.

Itachi nodded. "Alright. How do you plan to make your escape?"

"By broom," Fred said.

"Where are your brooms?" Itachi asked.

"Locked up," George answered.

"Have you tried summoning them?" Itachi asked, guessing the answer already.

"Umbridge has gotten paranoid after recent incidents," Fred said.

"So we require stealth which could be supplied by either an invisibility cloak or mysterious allies," George said.

"But aside from releasing the brooms into a summonable state, we want theatrics," Fred said. "We have some ideas…"

"…But we need to plan some things ahead of time," George said.

"That's simple enough," Itachi said.

"We'll also be disabling the fifth floor of the east wing," Fred said.

"We've got that covered," George said.

"But we need Umbridge to be in that general area so we can provoke her," Fred said.

"Word spreads fast around Hogwarts," George said.

"But we need it to move unusually quickly, such that within a minute or so, she-"

"Along with a crowd," George added.

"Is there to witness our grand finale," Fred said.

"Release brooms, plant unspecified items, gather crowd in the fifth floor of the east wing, collect Umbridge," Itachi said, ticking each point off on his fingers. "I'll discuss this with my friends."

"Good old 'Puff," Fred cheered.

"Always willing to help a friend in need," George said, grinning.

"One of us will contact you regarding our decision," Itachi promised.

"We look forward to it," Fred said.

l l l

"They've known been suspicious of us for so long and we never caught wind of it?" Nagato asked incredulously. "We're growing soft here."

"Agreed," Yahiko said irritably. "To not notice them watching us is ridiculous for ninjas of our caliber."

"Should we make them forget?" asked Kisame.

"Why waste the energy?" Itachi asked. "They've yet to say anything. I doubt they will begin now."

"What if we made them into an asset?" Kakuzu asked.

"Always looking to make a profit, un," Deidara grumbled.

"F- s-brained miser," Hidan remarked.

"How so?" Yahiko asked, ignoring the two.

"Like it or not, we've lost one of our major informants," Kakuzu said. "Zetsu was our eyes and ears, and since we don't have Sasori's spy network, we're essentially down to nothing. If we reveal enough to the Weasley twins to make them trust us, we could use them. I happen to know through my own observations that they will open their joke shop in Diagon Alley. That places them in a major hub of the wizard community, where they will hear the gossip and be able to procure items for us. They also know this world, which is invaluable in itself."

"How can we be certain that information about ourselves will secure their loyalty?" Konan asked.

"Civilians like them love their honor codes and trust," Kakuzu said. "If that fails, though, I'm willing to pay them for their work, since it should make our stay here shorter."

"True," Yahiko said. "Once we're out of the school, Luna is of no use to us. And Diagon Alley is in London, which is where the Ministry of Magic is."

"Such a partnership could prove very useful indeed," Nagato said.

"Oh! Tobi wants to know when we can tell them all about us!" Tobi exclaimed.

"If one of you Gryffindors could call them after dinner, that'd be great," Yahiko said.

"I'll do it," said Kisame.

"Should we fetch Luna as well?" asked Itachi.

"No," said Konan. "She won't be working with them, so she doesn't need to know. Once we mount those beasts, we'll be having nothing more to do with her."

"Understood," said Itachi.

That evening, Akatsuki waited in their heavily sealed and warded version of the Room of Requirement. Kisame entered, escorting the Weasley twins.

"Everyone was so excited to be a part of our plan?" Fred asked lightly, quickly observing the situation.

"They really are very sharp," Konan said approvingly.

"Is this about us being too sharp?" George asked.

"Yes," said Yahiko.

"What will you do about it?" Fred asked, his hand moving near his wand.

"We want to make a deal with you," Nagato said.

"A deal?" George asked.

"I have informed my friends of your requests," Itachi told the twins. "We have agreed to supply the services."

"That's good to hear," Fred said, not relaxing.

"Can Tobi say it? Please? Please?" Tobi asked, unable to keep still any longer.

"No, un," said Deidara. "If I'm not allowed to negotiate, you're definitely not."

"But Tobi is a good boy," Tobi said.

"Hush now, Tobi," Itachi said. "Let our leaders speak."

"Where's Zetsu?" George asked.

"Due to a conflict of interests, Zetsu is no longer with us," Nagato said.

"So formal, so formal," Fred said.

"Sounds like Percy," George commented.

"Now that's a harsh comparison," Fred said. "No need to drag our fine friend down that far."

Yahiko cleared his throat. "I'm gonna cut straight to the chase," he said. "My friends and I have gotten careless, and now you guys know something's off about us. I've gotta applaud you for your observation and tact – even though you're civilians, you hold your own in some of the fields in which my friends and I work."

"When you say civilians," George began.

"You mean to imply that you're soldiers?" Fred finished.

"Mercenaries, really, but yes," Yahiko said.

"You're very young," George commented.

"Yeah, well, we're not actually like this," Yahiko said.

"For some inexplicable reason, we were transported to this dimension and reverted to our eleven-year-old states," Nagato said.

"You're soldiers from another world, dropped into our world as children," Fred said.

"Sounds like the plot one of those lengthy muggle moving pictures that tell stories," said George.

"We have made arrangements to return to an adult stage," said Yahiko. "Following that, we will depart for London, where we understand you will be residing as well."

"As of yet, that's not widespread information, but yes," Fred said warily.

"You're not the only observant ones," Kakuzu said.

"Of course," George said.

"We will be working on tracking down Zetsu, as well as on finding a way back to the world where we belong," Yahiko said. "We're going to need information, though, and since we lost our primary scout and reconnaissance man, we're going to need help. You two have proven to be intelligent, observant, and creative. Therefore, we would like to form a partnership with you, where you provide us with information about this world and any strange rumors you hear, and we pay you appropriately in currency or other items."

"We could work with that," Fred said.

"Depending on what you want, though, we might refer you to other sources," George said.

"See, we don't want our joke shop's reputation to be tarnished," Fred said.

"No need for rumors of illegal dealings floating around," George said.

Konan nodded. "We understand."

Kakuzu held out a scroll. "Here is the contract," he said. "Read it carefully, or don't. Return it to us, signed or not, before your exit. Should it be signed, the contract will be terminated upon our departure from this world."

"The signed contract is not required for your aid?" Fred asked.

"Nah," said Yahiko, waving his hand. "Umbridge is involved."

"Thank you," said George as he took it.

"When do you want preparations to be complete?" asked Nagato.

"Monday," said Fred.

"No better way to start the week," George added.

"We'll give you guys the things we want to plant," said Fred.

"Best to put them in large, open areas," George advised.

"Got it," said Yahiko.

"I'll see you with the scroll in less than two days, then," said Kakuzu.

"Yes," said Fred.

"We bid you a good evening," George said. And the twins left.

Once the two were gone, Yahiko breathed out a sigh of relief. "That could have gone way worse," he said.

"They're not Ravenclaws," said Kisame. "They know when to keep their noses out of other people's business."

"All the better for us," said Yahiko. "Anyway, Deidara, I want you to collect the packages and take Tobi to disperse them. Ask the twins for specifics. Kisame, if you've got free time, I want you to release the brooms. Hidan, when the twins are ready to enact your plan, I want you to get in an argument. Bring it to the specified spot. You'll draw a crowd and Umbridge."

"Yes, Leader, sir," the addressed boys said.

l l l

Over the next day and a half, Deidara and Tobi discretely tucked away small packages outside and throughout a route of Hogwarts. Kisame located the Weasley twins' brooms and deactivated the extra protection. Meanwhile, Hidan sat uncharacteristically quietly in odd places in Hogwarts, people-watching while rubbing his rosary between his fingers.

"Hm…which of these little f- s- most needs to find Lord Jashin?" he muttered to himself as he watched with narrowed eyes. "Not you, not you…you look f- pathetic, you're just a little s-head…"

Monday afternoon rolled around. Most, if not all classes had finished of the day (astronomy did not count). Despite Umbridge's best efforts, students still loitered a bit in the halls, ready for Friday already. The breeze was light and the temperature just above nippy, making the atmosphere not too lazy but certainly not too-

"Hey, s-brain! You f- listen to me! You better f- listen to me!" Startled heads turned and conversations paused at the sound of Hidan's shouts.

"Bugger off, firstie," snapped the annoyed Gryffindor third-year.

"Your f- soul is at f- stake!" Hidan yelled, storming after the girl. "I'm doing you a f- favor, you ungrateful b-!"

"How is my listening to your ranting and raving going to save my soul?" the girl growled. "Leave me alone, or I'll report you to McGonagall!"

"Lord Jashin, give me some f- strength," Hidan prayed loudly. "Help me convert this s-brained f-er without f- strangling her first."

"Hey, quit harassing her," called a seventh-year Ravenclaw.

"Yo! You Raven-brains are supposed to be the f- nerds and s-. Maybe you'll listen to the f- word of Lord Jashin," Hidan exclaimed, his eyes lighting up.

"Who?" asked the Ravenclaw.

"Aha!" Hidan crowed. "Let me f- enlighten you. In fact, let me enlighten all of you little s-ers!"

"Kid, would you shut up? You'll bring Umbridge down on us," a student hissed.

"Let the b- f- come," Hidan growled. "Lord Jashin only knows she could use a f- conversion. Let her relish in pain not for her own f- sake and s- but for the sake of Lord f- Jashin! Let her f- bow to Lord Jashin, not to the f- s-brained Fudge who refuses to f- see the truth! The f-er doesn't have the f- guts to engage in battle for the glory of Lord Jashin! F-, he can't even see that this s- world's biggest f- baddie has come back!"

"You think that You-Know-Who has actually returned?" someone asked.

"I don't f- see why he shouldn't have," Hidan said. "If there was not f- body, then he's not f- dead. But this isn't about that f- s-head Snolderworts, this about f- Lord Jashin!"

"But the Potter's house blew up," piped up another student.

"Explosions leave f- corpses," Hidan said. "But that's not the f- point. You wizards can't see f- s- when it comes Lord Jashin. That's f- right, you little s-brains believe in your f- wand-waving and all the s- that breaks the laws of f- nature, but you can't bring yourselves to f- believe in Lord Jashin! You bunch of f- hypocrites!"

"Mr.- Hidan!" Professor Umbridge's voice cut through the hall. "I should have known."

"The enlightenment of Lord Jashin is for everyone, you f- b-," Hidan shouted. "I mean, obviously you f- need it, but all these f-ers deserve to hear it too."

"Your use of language is unacceptable," she snapped as she whipped out her wand. "If you don't stop this nonsense right now, so help me…"

"Blah, blah, blah, what the f- ever," Hidan exclaimed, sounding close to maniacal. "If you want me to stop, you better f- make me!"

"Petrificus totalus!" Umbridge shouted. Hidan dodged. "Stupefy! Confundo!"

"Missed me, missed me, now you gotta f- kiss me!" Hidan taunted.

"Mimble wimble! Locomotor mortis!"

"Excuse me, excuse me, but what do I see?" called the voice of Fred Weasley.

"Lo and behold, a furious toad!" George exclaimed, pointing dramatically.

"She throws curses galore, students hide on the floor," Fred continued.

"How shall we manage the collateral damage?" George asked.

"Without circumstance and pomp, let's deposit a swamp!" Fred answered cheerfully. And with an easy toss of a small, inconspicuous-looking bag and a wave of their wands, the hallway was transformed into a smelly, muddy mess.

Amidst the chaos of students scrambling to get to dry stone floor, Umbridge struggled to find her voice. "How dare you- how dare you-!" she cried, fumbling for words.

"She's trying to cast fear, I think we're done here," Fred declared.

"I don't know about you, but I think I'm done too!" George agreed.

"For more there's room, but now Accio Broom!" the twins shouted. Somewhere in the distance, there was a loud crash, and then shouts of 'Duck!' Fred and George's broomsticks came hurtling through the air, with dangerous-looking chains hanging off them. Attached to the chains were strange slips of paper, but in the fray, no one paid them much notice.

"How-?!" Umbridge shrieked.

"I don't mean to dis, but you we won't miss," Fred said as he and George mounted their brooms.

"Though the probability's not much, don't keep in touch," George added as they kicked off.

"If anyone pleases, visit us in Diagon Alley at the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!" they chorused as they flew down the hall.

"Give her hell from us, Peeves!" Fred shouted as he passed the poltergeist, who saluted happily.

"You broke the rhymes," George said, shaking his head as they flew through the Great Hall for the door.

"CATCH THEM! STOP THEM! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO, STOP THEM THIS INSTANT!" Umbridge screamed.

A few students dared to fire a low-grade spell at the twins, but the paper tags on the chains which had once held down the brooms began to burn up, the smoke somehow deflecting and redirecting the spells. Suddenly, fireworks burst up squealing from the corners of the hall. There were little whizzing ones that spiraled delightfully in one's face, and larger, brighter ones that sprinkled glitter onto the spectators. Once the students had followed the commotion out the door, the courtyard exploded with light, obscuring the Weasley twins from view. Loud cheers erupted, both in response to the firework show and to the blatant disregard of Umbridge's authority.

And suddenly all the light and smoke flew up in a flurry, forming a great dragon. The beast of light let out a mighty roar which seemed to shake even the castle before it swept down at Umbridge. Umbridge let out a high-pitched shriek before turning tail and rushing back into the castle, and the dragon, as well as the students' boos and hisses, followed. It caught her in her hall of decrees, where it chomped down terrifyingly but harmlessly over her. Then in exploded into balls of red, blue, yellow, and even green light which pulled before slamming into the decrees, one ball for each. The sparks into which the balls of light burst then rushed back for the courtyard, followed closely by a huge crowd of spectators.

Fred and George cheerily waved their wands, and the sparks formed into a large capital W. "If you're up for misconduct, come find us and our products!" they shouted, their voices amplified. "And now, to all, friend and foe, we say tallyho!" And nearly the entire population of Hogwarts, including many teachers and much of Akatsuki, cheered loudly.

Was it worth the wait? I hope so. Let me know if you thought so! Also, if you've got suggestions, comments, questions, constructive criticism, or grammar corrections, please send them my way.

Thanks again for sticking with me, guys. Special thanks goes to everyone who sent me their encouragement by following, favoriting, and reviewing this story.

Until next time, which hopefully will not be so long this time!