Hell Week

Author: Prospero Hibiki

Disclaimer: House characters are the property of David Shore and the Fox Network. In no way are these aforementioned characters being used for my own personal profit, and this is not meant as an infringement of the copyright owned by any of the above entities.

Timeline: Set during Kids and immediately after Love Hurts (which happens slightly differently as I'm ignoring everything connected to...well you'll see) completely ignoring what comes afterward. Well at the moment anyway. (And yes, I do in fact that this statement makes no sense...I'm not stupid...today.)

Spoilers: Kids, Love Hurts, Autopsy (maybe?), Sports Medicine...probably others in Season One.

Classification: Twisted Humor/Pure Evil/Cookies/Fluffy Bunnies...with Teeth

Rating: M (Because it makes things even funnier)

Summary: "Please tell me you took him to the cleaners." What if Allison Cameron was a lot more like House than people suspected she was? What if she were more cruel, more conniving, more cunning? Will anyone in the hospital make it through the week alive? Maybe, but House probably won't.

Author's Comments: Oh maybe some of these characters are just slightly OOC...you won't have any doubts about who. Won't that bloody author ever just shut...oh wait, that's me...

Chapter Notes: Yes. You have indeed seen most of this chapter before. At least you should have. It's still important though, because not everything is as you remember.

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"The Setup"

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"Human fallibility being what it is, victory and truth do not always go together. Therefore, if you have to always win, you can't always be true." -Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

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I don't know why I'm surprised at the knocking at the door. I really shouldn't be. I guess it's that I expected it earlier. Taking off my glasses I set them and the book I've been reading down on the coffee table in front of my chair. Time to see what he wants. Or rather just what it is that I can get out of him since I already know what it is that he wants. The real trick is to see just how much he wants it.

I'm going to give in to him. It's going to happen and I can only hope I'll hold out long enough to not make myself seem pathetic. There's so many ways I've run this scenario through my mind, and none of them come out with me turning him down. Even the one where he just pushes me up against the wall and says he's going to just screw me until I say I'll come back. Personally I kind of like that one.

I open the door and sure enough it's him. Joy of joys. He'd probably never suspect I could be this sarcastic in my head. I'm not all fluffy bunnies and sunshine like he thinks I am. There's so much I could say to him that might cause him to stroke out, or maybe just stroke me...

"I don't want to interview anyone else."

"You're interviewing? I thought you'd just have them send a headshot along with their CV." After all, isn't that what lobby art is for? And just what in my apartment is he finding so interesting?

"Hah. That's good. And why I need you around," he said. "To keep me in my place." As if that was actually going to happen.

"I can't come back, I told you that." Of course he's probably conveniently forgotten that part.

"Wasn't listening." Called it! I wonder what color the sky is on his world. I'd so love to find out. Be strong Allison, stop thinking with your crotch. Even if all I want to do right now is pull him inside and have my way with him on the bed, or the table, or even my beanbag chair. I'm not picky. Well, maybe not the bookcase. Learned that lesson once before.

"Right."

"You want me to listen to you more? I can do that." I'm sorry what were you saying?

"Right. I already accepted a position somewhere else." Total lie of course. The only positions I'm interested in at the moment are... Okay, that's it, no more wine while waiting for my boss to show up at my apartment. And that doesn't mean that I can drink and then go to his place either.

"With who?"

"Yule, at Jefferson." Not as much of a lie as I'm sure he'd like. I did actually get a call from Yule. He heard about me quitting from his daughter who was with me at the Mayo Clinic. It'd be a really nice job for me too. Assistant Head of the department. Apparently surviving this long as House's fellow and leaving because of Vogler have actually bumped up my desirability in the medical community.

"Unaccept it."

"Why?" Come on, say something to let me come back with some dignity. Anything. Tell me you want to go monster trucking again, you respect me as a doctor, that you want to be my slave and do naughty things to me. Hell, I'd settle for you saying you needed more lobby art at the moment. Though I'm not saying I'd turn down sex on your desk. Or Wilson's desk. Or Cuddy's desk for that matter.

"Because Yule is boring. He's pedantic and preachy. Because he's short. Because I want you to come back." Really? That's all you've got. You want me back. Well stop the presses!

"Not good enough." But I'll probably go back anyway. Damn your blue eyes and sexy scruff.

"Want more money?" Who doesn't?

"A car allowance?" That would be awesome. Could I have your shiny corvette?

"Better parking space?" I can't have both?

"I'll let you torture Chase all you want." Tempting...I wonder how far he's willing to take this?

It's the tiniest thought and it just pops into my head. It's so very, very evil. He'll go along with it too. Not because I'll make him. No, he'll do it because he'll want to see how it all plays out. It'll mess with his head and he'll keep going just to prove that he can do it.

It's the perfect plan.

It's cruel.

It's cunning.

It's conniving.

It's House.

"I know what I want." I think he's almost scared by the smile that creeps onto my face. And that is probably the smartest thing he's done yet.

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"What are you doing here?" Now don't get me wrong Chase isn't exactly a bad guy, but I swear he sometimes makes some of those mice from the psych labs look like rocket scientists.

"I work here."

"What, here in this office?" For the moment. I was considering working on the balcony but it just got a little too breezy for everyday use. Maybe in the summer.

"House practically begged me to come back." Well for certain values of begging.

Foreman is much more practical about things. "Please tell me you took him to the cleaners?"

"Same lousy salary." I still can't help the smile that's starting to form on my face. Next week is going to be so much fun.

"Then why'd you do it?"

"Because I'm more like House than you all think I am."

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The week passed by a lot quicker than I thought it would. Our patient is going to live. Unless he continues to act like a moron and let Annette keep strangling him. We also got a golden opportunity to mock Chase for the rest of his life. And I'm definitely going to be taking advantage of it starting tomorrow.

Speaking of which I should really get out of the car and talk to House about tomorrow. If I don't he'll just use it as a chance to sabotage the whole thing before it gets off the ground. I'm actually somewhat surprised that he didn't spill the whole thing to anyone. Even Dr Wilson came up to me and asked me what House had agreed to.

Getting out of the car I walk up to House's door and knock until he opens it.

"I don't think I ordered a hooker, but if you're my complementary gift I don't think I'm going to complain." He walks back into his apartment and I follow after him. So would it be so wrong to just tackle him once he's on the couch? Focus, Focus, Focus. Well, it is the perfect opening for this discussion.

"I hope you can get all of this out of your system before I leave because you know what happens at work tomorrow morning." It feels fantastic to have him shudder a little bit when he sees the evil grin on my face. And yes I did actually watch myself grin in the mirror. It is pretty evil.

"I'm just here to make sure you're going to stick to all of the terms of our agreement." He looks at me sharply and I smile once more. "Yes, ALL of them."

"Even..." He rubs his face. Be strong Allison. Be strong.

"Yep. Everything." You pointedly look down at your watch. "You probably want to get some sleep then. Tomorrow's going to be a long day."

"Tell me about it."

"See you tomorrow House."

"Don't be late."

"I think that's my line." As I walk off I can only try to imagine the look on his face as I cackle in glee. Vengeance is sweet!

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End "The Setup"

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Notes: As I'm sure someone noticed I've officially started the editing. Not much changed in this one except some 1st/2nd person issues.